


The Phoenix Quest II: A Rising Flame

by purplesky24



Series: The Phoenix Quest universe [3]
Category: PIERCE Tamora - Works, Tortall - Tamora Pierce
Genre: Action/Adventure, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-04
Updated: 2019-06-02
Packaged: 2019-06-21 15:03:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 108,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15560382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purplesky24/pseuds/purplesky24
Summary: Emmeline of Tirragen vows to be a knight to redeem her family name. Now that she'd survived page training and yet another scandal for Tirragen, she unexpectedly finds herself squire to a legend. But there is no time to be awed. A rebellion is rising, surrounded by talks that the true heir of Tortall is to return. None of the Conté children are safe, including a certain sapphire-eyed princess and fellow squire whom she loves…





	1. Knight Mistress

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone, this is part II of the Phoenix Quest series. Please read part I, 'A Kindled Heart', if you haven't, otherwise things will get very confusing. This was originally planned as one long story, so I didn't write in much in terms of explanations for what happened in part I (it will bore the readers who have read part I, and with the cast of original characters I assume most would have to read part I anyway, so). 
> 
> I'm aiming for weekly updates, and through part I I haven't missed any week, so I expect to keep up the pace! 
> 
> Now, sit back, and enjoy. Comments are very very welcome ;)

One fine morning in June, Squire Emmeline of Tirragen set out on the road north with her knight mistress, Lady Knight Alanna of Pirate’s Swoop and Olau, King’s Champion of Tortall. 

Emmy, as she was known to her friends, couldn’t quite keep a grin off her face. Alanna wasn’t very specific on where exactly they were headed, but Emmy didn’t really care. Despite her initial apprehension at the thought of leaving her friends behind, her complete recovery from a recent bout of injuries had left her feeling much better and hopeful. She was also still in mild disbelief that she was traveling beside a legend, and it left her heart bursting with excitement at the adventures ahead. 

It helped that her lover, Princess and Squire Vania of Conté, gave her a long farewell and showered her with warm reassurances six days ago, before she set out for Port Legann with her own knight mistress, Lady Knight Keladry of Mindelan, Captain of Third Company of the King’s Own. 

Still, her eyes lingered on the city streets as they rode through Corus, trying to commit the details of the city she had called home for the past four years in mind. Who knew when would be the next time she would see it again? Alanna was known to not dwell at court for long. 

“Missing the city already?” Alanna said when they left Corus behind. She had gestured for Emmy to ride beside her the moment the road became wide enough for her to do so. 

Emmy grinned at her knight mistress. “Just taking one last look, my lady. I’m ready for adventure!”

Alanna snorted. “I’m going to repeat this to you when we’re drenched in rain and mud with no inn in sight.”

“Do you mean to stay at inns, my lady?” Emmy was curious. She had traveled with the Shang Wildcat, Eda Bell, over two summers in her page training. Eda had avoided those entirely when she was on the road.

“One tip for you,” Alanna turned to shoot her a look, “I like my baths, and I can be a real bear if I go too long without it.”

Emmy smiled. “I’ll make sure a hot bath is ordered for you the moment we stop at an inn, then.”

Alanna’s lips quirked. “You’re a fast study.”

Emmy bowed from her saddle. “As your squire should be.”

It wasn’t something that she would have done even just weeks ago. But Alanna had checked in on her almost every day in the infirmary after Emmy agreed to be her squire, and Emmy had slowly gotten more comfortable around the living legend. After all, she had caught Emmy when she stumbled, and seen her embarrassing performance when she picked up her sword again after her recovery. Emmy figured that, if Alanna had seen her at her clumsiest and still did not regret her choice, then maybe Emmy did have a chance with her after all. 

As they rode on, Alanna asked Emmy more about her page years. She already knew a good deal, thanks to Vania’s letters, though she wanted some of the details, and asked Emmy to explain things from her perspective. In return, she shared some stories from her own page years, and Emmy’s eyes were wide for a long time, imagining famous folks like the King, Lord Raoul and Alanna herself as pages. 

When they stopped for a quick lunch of bread and cheese under a large tree by the road, Alanna looked at Emmy with an odd look on her face. 

“You haven’t ask me where we’re headed.”

Emmy shrugged. “I figured you’d tell me when you want to.”

“Next time, ask.” Alanna said, taking another bite, “I like my squires sharp. I think you are, but you won’t learn if you follow me like a puppy all the time.”

“Yes, my lady,” Emmy said, bowing her head a little. Alanna was right. Emmy was too careless, indulging only in her excitement for the road. She was here to learn, after all! 

“Where are we headed, then?” Emmy asked as she straightened. 

“Cresthill. It’s a town just north of Barony Olau. There’s a mage I’d like to meet, and Cresthill is the latest town where he’s said to have passed through.”

Emmy frowned. “You’re looking for a mage?”

Alanna nodded, turning to check on their horses. “Have you heard anything about magical attacks?”

Emmy’s eyes widened, suddenly connecting the dots. She nodded. “I heard about them from Buri and Eda last summer, when the Sandrunners tribe saved Rider trainees from a group of immortals.”

Alanna was surprised, and wanted to know the story. Emmy told her about how the tribe received a call for help, and how Emmy joined them. She related the story from Buri afterwards — that there had been an increasing number of attacks by groups of immortals controlled by magical collars. 

“Have you found who’s behind the attacks, my lady?” Emmy asked eagerly the moment she finished her story.

Alanna shook her head. “I wish that was the case. The mage I’m chasing goes by the name Ilyorn Silversmith, and he’s been the one helping to repel these immortal attacks.”

“Oh. He’s on our side, then?”

Alanna took a sip from her waterskin. “That’s a good question. What’s interesting though, is that he always seem to be one step _ahead_ of the Riders or the Own that’s called to aid these towns or groups of travellers. It took us more than a year to notice it — at first, he stopped a few attacks, and we were glad for the help. It’s only when we started tracing the attacks and his location that we realised he always seem to be heading where the next one is.”

“You think he’s the one starting the attacks?” Emmy asked sharply.

“That, or he’s the luckiest mage alive. Or the unluckiest.” Alanna said with a crooked smile. “Either way, the towns and people he saved all but worshipped him. Some of the local lords had even invited him to dine in their castles, and he’s been building quite a name for himself.”

“If that’s the case,” Emmy asked with a frown, “Wouldn’t he be easy to find?”

“Good question,” Alanna said, “Next question.”

Emmy blinked, her thoughts racing. “But he isn’t? He leaves a town before he needs to? He travels alone, and rides fast, or under the cover of night?”

Alanna chuckled. “Very good. You’ve earned your dinner tonight.”

“What do you plan to do when you find him, my lady?”

“I’m going to ask him if he wants to serve the Crown.” Alanna said casually, taking another bite.

Emmy stared. Alanna waited while Emmy struggled to find her words. “But… but my lady, you just said we don’t know if he’s actually behind the attacks. Why… why would you ask him if he wants to serve the Crown?”

“How do you think Numair Salmalín decided to serve the Crown?” Alanna asked with a raised eyebrow. “Because I asked. We may not know if Ilyorn is going to be the next Numair, or the next Ozorne. But how he responds to this offer will tell us more about what he wants.” 

Alanna grimaced a little. “The Whisper Man’s been trying to get more information on him, but it’s been difficult. We are quite sure that Ilyorn Silversmith is not his real name. There’s no record of this name that goes back beyond the last few years, even though by all accounts, he’s Tortallan.”

Emmy remembered that the Whisper Man was the codename for the realm’s unofficial spymaster and Alanna’s husband. He was supposed to be good, and if he couldn’t find anything, then Ilyorn must be good at hiding his tracks. 

“It’s usually not wise to confront someone as powerful as him without knowing more,” Alanna shook her head a little, “But we don’t have much choice, not with the increasing number of attacks and the dead ends from the investigations. Be careful when we meet him, Emmy.” Alanna was already standing up and stretching before Emmy recovered from her surprise. 

Emmy jumped to her feet and bent to dust her breeches in one smooth motion.

Alanna eyed her as she stretched carefully, shaking her head. “Youngsters.”

The rest of the afternoon went by quickly. Alanna favoured speed instead of looking for a town to rest the night in, saying that the news of Ilyorn being in Cresthill was already two days old, and they could not delay further if they wanted to catch up with him.

When they camped for the night, Alanna surprised Emmy by splitting up the chores with her. Eda Bell had done that, but Eda wasn’t her knight mistress.

“My lady,” Emmy asked Alanna took their pots out of their saddle bags, “You can just leave that to me. It’s my duty —”

“Your duty is to train and learn and obey my orders,” Alanna said, fishing out more cooking equipment, “You’re to serve me, but not as a servant. Besides, I’m already hungry.”

Emmy hid a smile, and continued to set up their tent. Why did folks fear the Lioness so much?

After dinner and clean-up, Alanna drew a big broadsword from her saddle bags. Emmy had seen the hilt poking out when they were riding, but she didn’t think that the sword would be that big when it was drawn. The width alone is wider than both hers and Alanna’s arms. 

She passed that sword to Emmy, hilt-first. Emmy almost dropped it — the dratted thing was heavy!

“I want to see you practice a few basic sweeps with that.” 

Emmy gulped. This was the heaviest sword she had ever lifted. She had no doubt that she would be making mistakes. If she didn’t drop it as she swing it to start with, that is. She adjusted the grip and held it up with a grunt. 

“Wait,” Alanna said. Emmy was sure that she was smirking, even if the light from their campfire wasn’t very strong. “You have it in the wrong hand.”

Emmy’s mouth fell open slightly. “My — my lady?”

“A good swordsman — or swordswoman — can fight well with both their hands,” Alanna said, more serious this time. “It’d saved my life more than once. I want you to start training your left hand.”

Emmy gulped again, and nodded. She shifted the sword to her left hand and almost let out a curse. 

Alanna watched as she struggled through the basic sweeps, and Emmy felt very self-conscious. Among her year mates, she was considered good with a sword. But with this giant thing, she knew she looked awkward. She knew the mistakes she made before Alanna corrected her, but her left hand just didn’t obey her as well. 

Alanna called a stop after half an hour, and asked her to switch to her right hand. Emmy managed this a little better, though she still struggled mightily with the weight of the sword. 

“Well done.” Alanna patted her back as she took the sword back. Emmy was panting, and didn’t reply except with a questioning look. “You did better than I expected. And goddess knows you complain at lot less than my previous squire.”

Emmy bit back a grin. “Sir Nealan of Queenscove?”

Alanna raised an eyebrow at her. “You know him?”

Emmy shook her head. “Only the stories Vania told me.”

Alanna grinned, and adjusted her grip so that she can start her own practice. “Remind me to tell you some when we’re on the road. I have much better stories than Vania.”

“I will, my lady.” Emmy replied with her own grin. 

Emmy sat on the grass and watched Alanna for a while, awed that Alanna was pushing herself harder than she had pushed Emmy. _This is how you become the best in the realm_ , Emmy thought, vowing to herself that she would do this every day without fail. 

The night was still young, and Emmy didn’t want to keep sitting down. She had been riding all day, after all. With a few quick stretches done, she started going through the punches and kicks that Eda taught her. She started with the basics, and moved on to the more complex moves, focusing more on kicks because her arms were tired.

“You need to strengthen your left kicks.” Alanna said after some time. 

Emmy paused, and turned to see that Alanna was standing a few feet away, the tip of the broadsword planted to the ground in front of her feet. Emmy nodded, and tried her left kicks again, putting more strength into them.

When Emmy finished her final set, she stretched again, breathing deeply. It felt good, to feel strong and limber and ready for anything. 

Alanna waited for her by the fire, and handed her a waterskin. Emmy muttered her thanks and drank after she sat down.

“You like training, don’t you?”

Emmy considered it a moment. “I like feeling strong.”

Alanna grinned. “I know that feeling,” She sobered a little, “But be careful not to tire yourself too much on the road. Anything can happen, and you don’t want to be tired when we get nasty surprises.”

Emmy nodded. “I’ll keep an eye on it.” She bit her lip, “I do want to keep up with the Shang practice, though, my lady. Eda spent a lot of time teaching me those, and I don’t want to lose them. I won’t let it interfere with the training you give me, I swear.”

Alanna snorted. “You are the weirdest squire I’ve ever had. And my previous one was strange enough.” Before Emmy could figure out whether that meant a good thing or a bad thing, Alanna continued, “I want you to continue with your Shang training. It’d be a waste to lose them, like you said. We’ll try this for a few days and see how well you do, and we’ll figure out a mix that works without tiring you out.”

Emmy smiled gratefully. “Thank you, my lady. I think I can take it — I used to train just as long when I rode with Eda to the desert.”

Alanna raised an eyebrow. “Did you?” But she didn’t wait for an answer. She stood up and did a stretch again, grunting a little. 

Emmy could almost hear her bones creak. She bit her lip, wondering if she should offer. She didn’t know Alanna all that well yet, but she had been reasonable and very kind to Emmy so far. The worst Alanna could do was to say no, and think Emmy a little weird. And that wasn’t so bad.

“My lady,” Emmy said tentatively, “Would you like a massage?”

Alanna stared at Emmy. 

“Eda taught me when we were on the road,” Emmy explained hurriedly, standing up as well. “And we do it to each other once a week. It’s something the Shang does all the time, to keep themselves limber and loose even with their training regimen.”

“You’re jesting.” Alanna muttered.

Emmy shook her head. “Have you _seen_ Eda being stiff at all?”

Alanna frowned a little. “She never said anything. Nor any Shang I know.”

“Have you complained about muscle or joint aches in front of a Shang?” Emmy asked, trying not to let her nerves show. She was offering something completely new, and acting as if she knew more than her knight mistress. She knew there were people who would be offended by such a thing, and she hoped that Alanna wasn’t one of them.

Alanna wasn’t. She grinned. “Who would dare? Everyone knows they push their bodies harder than any of us. What do I do?”

Emmy grinned in relief. 

After making sure that their tent was warded properly, Emmy pulled Alanna’s bedroll more towards the middle of the tent they shared, and asked her to lie on her stomach. Emmy rolled up her sleeves and got to work, her hands remembering the motions that Eda taught her. Emmy kneaded tensions out of shoulders and muscles, and soothed away aches from limbs and joints. 

Alanna resisted her some, like all first-timers do, and even yelped at a few places. But Emmy dealt with her protests the way Eda dealt with hers, by explaining what the motions do to the muscles. 

Almost an hour later, Emmy sat back her her heels with a sigh. 

“Gods, Emmy,” Alanna muttered drowsily as she turned around, “I would pay good coin for this.”

Emmy chuckled, and tucked Alanna in. 

“Shouldn’t I give you one now?” Alanna asked, trying to sit up. 

“Not tonight, my lady,” Emmy smiled as she gently pushed Alanna back down. “Eda and I never gave massages to each other on the same night. It’d be far too much like a punishment to move after such a session. Good night.”

Alanna chuckled, and was asleep within moments. Emmy lay awake on her bedroll a while longer, wearing a silly grin. Her first day on the road with her knight mistress had gone well. 

*

Alanna was quiet the next morning, and they had breakfast and did their chores in silence. Emmy was beginning to think what Alanna was not a morning person when she came to grip Emmy’s arm as she was about to mount up.

“Thank you,” Alanna said quietly, “I’m not my best in the mornings. But I haven’t woken up feeling so good in a long while.”

Emmy smiled in relief. “You’re welcome, my lady. I’m happy to give you a massage once a week. Eda says it’s not good to have it too often, and once a week is how they do it in the Shang.”

Alanna nodded. “Teach me, and I’ll give you massages in return.”

“You don’t have to,” Emmy said quickly, “I’m glad to have a way to start repaying you for everything you’ve done for me —”

Alanna put up a hand. “If they do it in the Shang, it’s necessary for peak fighting condition. The Shang hardly does anything for comfort alone.” She turned to mount Silvermoon, her mare, and that was the end of it. 

Emmy was more comfortable with the silence now, knowing that she was not the problem. It was late morning before Alanna spoke.

“Have you thought about how you can prepare for your knighthood, financially?” she asked. 

Emmy tried not to jump. She pushed her thoughts and questions about what Vania was doing out of her mind.

“What do you mean, my lady?” Emmy said, even though she knew what Alanna meant. She wasn’t ready to face that yet, having pushed all thoughts of her ten-year ban from the royal purse out of her mind.

“I respect your sacrifice for your people, Emmy,” Alanna said quietly, and Emmy looked away, not wanting to see the pity in her eyes, “But you need to start planning for it. You’ll need funds for the road. I was lucky that Myles taught me some and prepared me well for it. You have four years of lead time. There’s no need for you to starve or depend on charity of your friends when you’re a knight.”

Emmy turned to Alanna in surprise. She had never thought about it this way before. “How?” she breathed.

“Investments,” Alanna said with a small smile, “I was thinking that I would pay good coin for the massage you gave. It’s different from those offered in the city, where massages are meant for fat noblemen who want an excuse for a woman to touch them.” 

Emmy had to hide a smile. Those parlours had horrible reputations, no matter how fine the establishment. 

“You can teach others how to do those massages meant for warriors,” Alanna said, “Think of how many knights, guardsmen or soldiers there are in the city. How many of them could use something like this to help them get through another day without aching. This could give you a good income if you manage it well, Emmy.”

Emmy’s eyes widened, suddenly seeing things in a new light. 

“I can help you with the initial funding,” Alanna continued, “And teach you how to balance your books and such. Myles would be more than happy to advise you as well.”

Emmy bit her lip, remembering something. “I’d need to ask Eda. It’s something from the Shang, after all.”

Alanna nodded. “Ask. Even if she said no, I want you to think about something else. Don’t take it as a given that you need to be poor because of your sentence.”

Emmy looked down. “Thank you, my lady.”

If Alanna noticed her quickly wiping her eyes, she didn’t say anything. 

As they rode on, Alanna told her about her own investments in the city, and Emmy felt like she learned much more from this than from sitting through an afternoon of classes. She began to see more possibilities to earn an income even without lands or relying on a royal purse, and she couldn’t help but wonder why there weren’t more nobles doing it. 

She asked Alanna that much. And Alanna laughed. 

“Good question!” She laughed some more. “Next question!”

Emmy didn’t think that Alanna was listening, laughing as she was. Emmy also didn’t know the answer, so she kept silent.

Alanna took pity on her after she calmed down. “There are a fair number of nobles who are sharp investors, like Myles. But they have to keep quiet about it, or they are looked down upon. See, there’s this notion that nobles shouldn’t work or trade for a living. Those were the merchants’ jobs. They think that they should just enjoy the fruits from their lands like proper lords. Then they panic when there’s famine, or other disasters, and run to the Crown for help.”

“Or they struggle when Crown taxes are increased.” Emmy added quietly. All her life, Tirragen had the shadow of grandeur, but none of its reality. 

Alanna looked sideways at her. “What is it like in Tirragen?”

Emmy stared at the trees as she thought. “Our people hate us, mostly. Most of what they make goes to the tax, and we can’t protect them as well, because we can’t afford many men-at-arms. No lenders would extend credit to us. We don’t even have many servants, but we have a big castle to maintain still. I used to do whatever work that needs to be done, but other children didn’t want to be near me even if they see I work just like them.”

“And yet you didn’t hesitate in giving up ten years of your life for them.” Alanna said, an unreadable look on her face.

Emmy snorted. “It _is_ our fault, my lady. Not my generation, perhaps, but a Tirragen’s fault nonetheless. I feel sorry enough for them that I’d do anything. I didn’t think I could do anything before I got my shield, but it turns out I could.” She smiled a little, “I’m glad, really.”

Alanna didn’t say anything for a long moment. 

“They’ll change their mind one day,” she said finally. 

Only if Emmy succeeded in her quest, she knew. Thinking of the events in the past few weeks, Emmy forced a smile, and hoped that it would be true.

*

They reached Cresthill just before sunset. There was only one inn in town, and Emmy made sure to order a hot bath when she ran upstairs to put their bags in the room while Alanna stretched and ordered a drink. While her knight mistress bathed, Emmy gave both their horses a thorough grooming. 

When she returned to their room, she found out that Alanna had ordered another bath for Emmy. 

“Train tomorrow morning,” Alanna told her as she polished her sword on the bed, “Our work starts tonight. Folks will talk at a place like this, I want your eyes and ears open at supper.”

Emmy nodded, some excitement bubbling in her. They would be doing proper knight work at last! 

Her excitement turned almost immediately to nerves when she realised that there was no screen to hide behind for her bath. Their room was spacious, with one large bed towards one end of the room, and a small dining table and chairs in the middle, where there was a window that was closed. The privy was a common one down the corridor outside, but on the other side of the room, there was a dressing stand with a basin and mirror. A steaming bathtub was placed next to it, with a towel and clothes stand nearby.

“Well, what are you waiting for?” Alanna said curiously when Emmy had just been staring at the bath. “Don’t tell me you’re shy about undressing. I was looking forward to _not_ having this problem by taking a female squire!”

Emmy forced a smile, and made herself move to their bags to get clean clothes. “I’m just not used to it, my lady.”

Alanna snorted, and went back to her cleaning. “Get used to it. If we’re to be riding together for four years, I’m not going to stand for such shyness.”

Emmy made sure that a towel was placed within easy reach before stepping into the bath, careful to have her back to the wall and out of sight. She scrubbed quickly. 

“There’s no need to hurry,” Alanna said at the sound of her rapid splashing, not turning around, “It’s good to get a good soak when you can. We’re not having this every night.”

Emmy swallowed, and made herself slow down. Despite the wonderful hot bath, she couldn’t make herself relax. She didn’t want Alanna to see the scars on her back. 

“Tell me again what you know about what we’re here to look for.” Alanna said when Emmy was had gotten out and was drying herself. “I want to know you’re ready for supper.”

“We’re here to look for news on Ilyorn Silversmith,” Emmy said immediately. She draped her towel around her shoulders, and grabbed the breast band from the clothes stand. She put it on awkwardly, working under the towel. “He’s a mage who was here in town a few days ago, and he stopped an attack by a group of different immortals. We’re here to find out where he’d gone —”

“Don’t move.” Alanna said softly behind her. 

Emmy froze, her hand halfway towards her shirt. Why didn’t she hear her?

Gently, Alanna took her towel away from her shoulders, and Emmy lowered her hand, knowing that it was a lost cause. She stood still while Alanna examined her scarred back in silence. 

“Put your clothes on before you catch a cold.” Alanna said a few moments later, her voice quiet. She walked away and sat on a chair while Emmy finished dressing. 

“I felt it, when I first met you and healed your bruise, and again after your trial.” Alanna said when Emmy was done. She motioned for her to sit, and Emmy did. “I’d almost forgotten about it, but you were nervous, and it made me wonder why.”

Emmy lowered her head in shame. She had given herself away.

“Were you planning to hide it from me forever?” Alanna asked, “I’m your knight mistress, and we’re to ride together for four years. We have to trust each other.”

“I trust you, my lady,” Emmy muttered after a moment of silence. “I just don’t know what to say.”

Alanna poured two mugs of tea from the pot on the table. She must have made it while Emmy was grooming the horses. “Start by telling me what happened.”

Numbly, Emmy told Alanna about the night her father was told that Xander was crippled for life. She talked about her father coming back drunk and with a whip in hand, about how she couldn’t stop him, and how the only thing she could do to protect Xander was to cover him with her own body. 

“He killed himself when he realised what he did,” Emmy finished, staring at the wooden floor. “I didn’t lie to you four years ago, my lady. He was drunk, and he didn’t mean it.”

Feeling some movement from her elbow, which she rested on the table, Emmy looked up to see that Alanna’s hand was clenched tightly around her mug, so tight that it shook a little. Emmy turned back to the floor, and wished that it would swallow her.

She felt Alanna move, and when she looked up, Alanna was in front of her. She leaned down and wrapped Emmy in a tight hug.

“You didn’t deserve it.” Alanna said quietly. “No one should have gone through something like that. You did well, coming out of it still fighting.”

Emmy swallowed, and dared herself to hug Alanna back. For this wasn’t Vania, or her other friends. This was her knight mistress. This was the Lioness, a legend. 

“I wasn’t going to wallow in self-pity my whole life, my lady.” She muttered, “And I hope you won’t pity me, either.”

Alanna snorted, patting her back before letting go. “I pity you only for being a bad liar. I wouldn’t have known to look, if you weren’t so nervous.”

Emmy blushed. 

Alanna clasped her shoulder. “You need to learn how to control yourself better. Later, listen and watch. Let me do the talking.”

Emmy nodded gratefully.


	2. Hunter and prey

The ground floor of the inn Emmy and Alanna stayed in was a modest dining hall. There were three round tables near the hearth, and two long tables with benches taking up the rest of the space in the middle. The elderly innkeeper wanted to direct them to one of the round tables, but Alanna politely declined, and slid onto the bench on one of the long tables instead. Emmy followed her lead, and sat down opposite her. 

“Would your maid like an ale as well?” The innkeeper asked with a mocking smile after he had taken Alanna’s order. 

“She’s my squire,” Alanna said curtly, “And she’ll not be drinking ale on my dime. Get her some barley water.”

Emmy smiled gratefully at her knight mistress. She must have guessed that Emmy didn’t like the idea of drinking, not with her father’s history. 

The dining hall was slowly becoming more lively after their food arrived. They ate quietly, barely exchanging a few words and preferring to observe the other guests instead. 

Someone set down a tankard of ale beside Alanna. Emmy looked up, and saw a middle-aged man with brown hair slid onto the bench. Next to Emmy, another man with floppy dark hair sat down on the bench as well. 

“You don’t look like — Mithros!” The man next to Emmy exclaimed, staring at Alanna, “Your eyes! And your hair! Might you be — might you be the Lioness?”

Alanna grinned, and raised her tankard. “At your service.”

“Mithros,” the man next to Alanna said softly. The inn had quietened down some, and Emmy could see the other diners pausing their dinner and craning their necks for a better look at them. “What brings you to town, my lady?”

“Trouble, I’m afraid.” Alanna said, sobering. “I heard news of some immortals attacking the area, and I’m here to stop them.”

The men beside them exchanged a look, and smiled. 

“I’m afraid you’re too late, my lady,” The dark-haired man beside Emmy said, “A band of centaurs and spidrens attacked the farm just outside the town close to a week ago now, and a mage —”

“— He stayed right here in this inn!” The one next to Alanna added eagerly.

The first man shot him a look of annoyance. “— Now, the mage stopped them, single-handedly! More than twenty of them —”

“— Thirty!”

“More than twenty —” he shot his companion a dirty look, “And he killed them all!”

“Oh?” Alanna raised an eyebrow skeptically, “A single man against more than twenty? Are you sure you didn’t count wrongly?”

“It was late afternoon,” A third man next to the dark-haired man leaned closer as he stopped pretending he wasn’t listening, “Close to half the town saw them. The animals were near crazy with panic!”

“Aye,” The brown hair man nodded, “And this mage, Master Silversmith, he wrapped a wide net around the immortals, and hit them with lightning!”

“They screamed for mercy,” he continued, “But he killed them all. Killed them, and burned them until not a single scrap was left of them. We didn’t even have to do any cleanup!”

Alanna looked properly impressed now. “That’s quite something if it’s true! I’d like to meet the mage, Tortall could use talents like him. Is he still in town?”

The men beside them leaned back into their seats, some of them drinking from their tankard. 

“He left the day after,” the brown-hair man said, shaking his head. “The headman wanted to thank him properly, and said that he would cover his lodgings and food for a few more days, but still he left.”

“Quite a shy man, he was,” The third man two seats down from Emmy said. “You wouldn’t guess, with him being all big-sized and carrying a broadsword. Didn’t tell us much beyond his name.”

“Did he say where he was going?” Alanna asked, nursing her tankard, “I’d like to introduce him to the King, if I can. A man like him should be properly rewarded.”

The men around them shook their heads. 

“Took off at dawn, he did.” The man beside Emmy said ruefully. “He headed east, that’s all we know.”

Alanna chatted with the men for a while longer, while Emmy stayed quiet. Most men ignored Emmy, awed as they were by the sight of the Lioness herself in their town. They were particularly friendly because Cresthill was technically in Barony Olau, and Emmy realised belatedly that Alanna was the heir of the fief, and thus heir to their lord. 

It explained why they didn’t buy much into the wild stories about Tortall losing favour with the gods. 

“You’ve kept Tortall safe, my lady,” the dark-haired man mentioned when someone mentioned hearing the rumours when they traveled, “And I have a daughter who joined the Riders ‘cause she grew up listening to your adventures. I’m proud of her. Folks who say it’s wrong just can’t stand that they can’t order women around anymore.”

Alanna smiled warmly, and Emmy had a feeling that this was genuine. 

They left the dining hall late, and Emmy was yawning by the time they got back to their rooms. Alanna locked the door behind her, and waved her hand, causing a violet glow to settle across the room. 

“We can talk freely in here now.” She explained, stretching a little. “What have you learned tonight, Emmy?”

Emmy leaned back against the table in the middle of their room. “I don’t think we heard much that is new. What was news to me is that he carries a broadsword, and is said to be muscular. We should assume that he knows how to fight without his Gift as well.”

Alanna nodded in approval. She went to her bags to fish out her nightdress. “Good. But there is something else. You’re a not a mage, perhaps that’s why it’s not strange to you. They said he burned all the bodies, not leaving even a single scrap. I don’t buy it.”

Emmy leaned forward curiously. “Is that not possible with the Gift?”

Alanna shook her head, and started to change. Emmy caught a glimpse of a few scars on her body before she looked away, a little surprised and awed. Emmy had always been a little self-conscious of her own scarred body, but the glimpse told her that she wasn’t the only one with scars. It was silly, but it made her feel a little better. 

“It’s possible,” Alanna was saying, “but it’s a waste of the Gift. If he wanted to get rid of the bodies for the people here, he could have just burned them. But to burn until not even ashes remain? That’s a waste of energy, and it doesn’t make a difference.”

Emmy frowned. “Do you think that he faked it? He didn’t actually kill the immortals, but make it look like he did?”

“Maybe he is that powerful that he can waste his Gift that way. But if I’m a mage gathering immortals for an army, and I lose them in battles against Riders or the Own, would I go around killing my own soldiers, even if they are not human?”

“That would just give him more work,” Emmy continued, “trying to find more immortals to use. Better to use some illusion spells to fool others to think that those immortals are killed.”

“Good, you catch on fast.” Alanna said, and came to stand in front of her. Emmy felt strange, looking at the Lioness in her nightdress and being just as tall as her. “Now, it’s your turn for a massage. Tell me what to do.”

Emmy felt her cheeks warm. “You don’t have to.”

Alanna rolled her eyes. “I told you, if the Shang does it, it’s needed for peak fighting condition. And I want you to be in peak condition.” Seeing Emmy hesitate, she added impatiently, “What happens after you become a knight? Am I to get used to you pampering me so, and have no one that I can teach afterwards?”

Emmy hid a smile, and went to change. As she did, she tried to remember how Eda taught her, and she spent the next hour lying on her stomach, and directing her knight mistress on how to knead her muscles. It was the strangest thing she had ever done. 

Alanna sat back with a sigh when she was done, shaking out her arms. “This is actually a lot of work. You should have told me last night, and we could have waited until you get used to the pace of training on the road.”

Emmy smiled drowsily, still lying on her stomach. Her body felt wonderfully relaxed. “It’s all right, my lady. I don’t have the Gift, and I can’t heal. I like that I can still make someone feel better somehow.”

Alanna chuckled, and patted her shoulder. “Come on, sleep properly.”

Alanna tucked Emmy in when she turned around. It was only when Alanna herself laid down next to her and doused the candles with her Gift that Emmy realised what she had done. She laid awake for a few moments, staring into the darkness as she wondered if this was what having a mother felt like.

*

The blue sheen in the steel glinted in the sunlight, and Vania blinked, turning sideways carefully to avoid cutting her throat on the eighteen-inch-long blade. 

She grinned, lowering her own glaive. “I yield.”

Kel retracted her glaive from Vania’s throat, and nodded in approval. “Well fought.”

“I still lost, my lady.”

Kel smiled, one hand pushing her hair away from her eyes. “I don’t expect you to win. Imagine what that would say about me.”

“Indeed, the things that folks will say about our Protector of the Small, losing to her squire at a weapon that she’s been training with since she was six,” Neal said dryly as he approached them from his tent, his sword in hand. 

Vania saw a few of the Bazhir tribesman nodded their heads at him in greeting before they themselves continued their morning staff practice.

“If the Sandrunners tribe start calling me that, Meathead, I will drug a village and let you deal with every single runny stomach.” Kel said calmly. 

“Is that a good use of the healer of your company?” Neal retorted as Vania set her glaive aside to pick up her sword. “Besides, it’s only fair, now that every single one of my patient calls me Sir Meathead.”

Vania hid a smile. Within a week of Kel taking command of Third Company, Neal had used Kel’s nickname one time too many, and Kel had ‘accidentally’ let Neal’s own nickname slip. The men of Third Company were all too eager to abuse the knowledge, and Neal had not stop complaining since, even now that they were camping with the Sandrunners tribe. The only thing he was grateful for was the fact that his cousin, Domitan of Masbolle, had been promoted to Captain of the Second Company, and was not here to witness his torture.

“Shall we begin, Sir Nealan?” Vania said cheekily, calling him by the only name that he disliked more than being called Meathead.

Neal drew his sword up, his eyes glinting. “Do you think it’s a good idea to bait me? You know you can’t win against me.”

“That’s why I train with you.” Vania said calmly. It had become a morning routine for her, training with the glaive with her knight mistress, and moving on to the sword with Alanna’s former squire. 

Kel started her own pattern dance when Vania and Neal began their practice duel. Neal was good, and despite his tongue, he was a good teacher, and he always made sure that she understood her mistakes, and advised her on how to counter better. 

“You’re with Neal today,” Kel told Vania when the three of them had finished their training. “I’m going to visit a few households, and I think you would find learning with Neal a better use of your time.”

Vania smiled crookedly. “Not to mention that they are more likely to talk if there isn’t a princess in their midst.”

Kel’s eyes were sharp on hers, even if her face betrayed no emotions. She clasped Vania’s shoulder. “I’m trying to convince them to send their sons into service of the Own. It’s a big commitment, and it’s best if they don’t feel pressured to do it.”

“I understand, Kel. I’ve been looking forward to visiting the ladies who work with herbs, anyway,” Vania forced a smile, “Emmy told me about them, and I know I’d learn a lot.”

“I know you will.” Kel said, and waved a farewell. 

Third Company came to the desert to recruit. With the aftermath of the Scanran War and the rising combined immortals attacks, they needed more men than ever. But much to Kel and Vania’s surprise, they had not been very successful. Even if this was Lord Raoul’s tribe and a tribe that accepted Eda Bell and Emmy into their midst, the tribesmen still hesitated at the sight of a female Captain. It did not matter that, now that the war was over, the heralds had announced Kel’s role in turning the tide of the Scanran War, and her feats in rescuing the refugees from enemy territory. It was one thing to acknowledge the skill of a female warrior, and quite another to submit to their command, it seemed. 

Vania’s presence complicated matters further. The tribesman gave her more respect than they did to Kel, as Vania was not just a princess but a daughter of the Voice of the Tribe. They lapsed into respectful silence whenever Vania was present, and they refused to let Vania serve at dinners, even if it was to Kel, her knight mistress. 

It had been close to a week since they reached the tribe, and there were only two men who signed up and prepared to ride to Corus for training. Vania didn’t blame Kel for wanting to try a different tactic today. 

Vania herself refused to be discouraged when it had only been less than a month since she rode out with Kel. She reported with Neal to Mari the herbswoman’s tent.

“Feel free to explore the materials and tell me what you need, Sir Neal.” Mari said with a slight bow of her head. She did not get up from her desk, where she was rolling up some leaves. 

“You are the princess?” Mari said disinterestedly, when Neal had wandered over to the shelves and began examining them.

After a few days of being treated too formally because of her status, Vania grinned at Mari’s indifference. “Yes, Mistress Mari. But I’m here as squire to Lady Keladry, not as a princess. I’m here at your service today. Tell me what you need done.”

Mari paused, and squinted at her. “Call me Mari, for one. I’m no mistress. Did you say you’re a squire?”

“Yes, Mari.”

“Do you know Emmy?”

Vania’s grin broadened. “We’re friends. She told me about you, Mari. She said that she learned a lot from you when she was here.”

Mari snorted, and waved at the small bag of herbs next to a pestle and mortar on the desk next to hers. “Start by grinding these to fine powder. Tell me about what Emmy’s been up to.”

Vania was more than happy to oblige. She got to work, and chattered happily about some of the more carefree time in their forth year, about some of the trips they made to Corus on the Sundays when they were free.

“What is it about her family being disgraced?” Mari asked suddenly, and Vania’s face fell. “The heralds came, and we were all concerned. She’s one of ours, you know.”

Vania swallowed. “I know. She wasn’t — someone from her family tried to kill me. Emmy saved my life, but her family had to be punished, because my father had to set an example.”

Mari wanted the full story, and Vania told her. It was hard recounting the events, and it brought up a familiar sense of guilt. But Vania reminded herself of the time they had spent together afterwards, of her siblings and Kel’s advice to her. She didn’t think she would ever be completely free of guilt about the role her birth played in Emmy’s sentence, but she knew enough now to know that there was nothing else she could have done, and that Emmy didn’t blame her. She had to move forward, like how Emmy was bravely doing. 

“You must tell the headman that,” Mari said finally, when she had recovered from her shock. “Emmy did a fine thing, sacrificing her welfare for her people. We are proud of her. When you see her next, tell her that she will always have a home with us, and it doesn’t matter if she has coin or not.”

Vania nodded gratefully, glad that Emmy had someone like the Sandrunners tribe to take care of her. 

Hours later, she set off to look for Kel for lunch. Both Mari and Neal were deep in a discussion about herbs in the desert by then, and they waved her off when she asked for them to join her. It was near the headman’s tent that she saw trouble.

“ — It’s an insult to break bread with a woman who doesn’t know her place,” A tribesman that wore a different colour sash than that of the Sandrunners was saying loudly, attracting stares. The headman, Hameen, stood nearby, looking a little apologetically at Kel, who was facing the tribesman with an impassive face. Sergeant Lerant stood next to her, and he was scowling openly.

“It’s bad enough that she doesn’t wear a veil,” the tribesman continued as Vania hurried over to stand by Kel, “But to pretend to be a warrior and to lead other men!”

Vania and Lerant both took a step forward, but Kel halted them with her hands. “How do you know I’m pretending, Fahid?” Kel asked mildly. 

The visiting tribesman huffed. “You must be. Women have weaker constitutions, even one as big-sized as you.” 

Vania saw Lerant clenched his fists, and Kel gripped his arm tightly. 

“Why don’t we have a match, then?” Kel suggested casually, as if she was suggesting a different eating house to try. “Then we can stop wasting time to argue about whether or not I am pretending.”

“Indeed, Fahid,” Headman Hameen said, looking mildly amused now. “Lady Kel is my guest, and you are my guest from the Blue Eagle tribe. I would hate for both of you to argue further. Let’s settle this and get to lunch, shall we?”

Vania grinned, and quickly pulled her face blank. 

They crowded around the practice area, and more tribes people, men and women alike, stopped what they were doing to come and watch. Some brought their lunch with them. Vania ran back to Kel’s tent to take Kel’s sword, Griffin, to her. 

The match didn’t last very long. Fahid called insults and made a general racket, but when the match started he was quickly disarmed. He was shocked that he lost his blade so quickly, but he turned down a rematch offer by Kel and went away a huff. The other tribes people hid their smiles, and went back to their business. 

“I think you finished it too quickly, my lady,” Vania said cheekily as she brought a waterskin to Kel, “The tribes people would have loved more entertainment.”

“It’s too curst hot for entertainment,” Kel said, wiping sweat off her brow and squinting at the merciless sun. “Besides, our being here is enough entertainment. They need to see that we know our work, and we’re good at it.”

More youths signed up for the Own over the following few days. 

“The young men have never seen women lead,” Mari told her when Vania wondered out loud about why the sentiment changed, “Seeing Lady Keladry handle a conflict without much fuss is reassuring for them.”

It made Vania think. She herself would have traded arguments indignantly until one of them crossed a line and went to the practice courts to settle things. It might have dragged matters on. It might have damaged some reputations or feelings that would require work to fix later. 

She had never been one to stay quiet if she could speak up. But she was beginning to see that there was value in quietly changing minds by just doing good work without fuss.

*

Emmy had been traveling with Alanna for over a month when they passed a crossing that would have taken them to Tirragen. They had stopped by three more towns and a city since Cresthill before the trail led them south-east. Emmy stared at the sign at the crossing a moment too long. 

“Do you want to stop by?” Alanna asked her with a frown, slowing Silvermoon. 

Emmy smiled and shook her head. “We are getting closer to our catch, my lady. I’m as eager to meet this mage as you are.”

Alanna cursed at the mention of the mage that had led them on a wild goose chase for the past month. “If we lose him again, I’m going to Jon to ask for a warrant and have the whole of Tortall looking for him.”

Emmy smiled a little. Alanna had been getting cross at their fruitless hunt, though Emmy knew that she would see sense once she had a good soak. Whatever theories they had about Ilyorn Silversmith were just that — theories. They had no proof as to which side of him was true, and no proof to involve more people in their hunt officially.

They reached the town just before dark, and they headed for the first inn they saw. Emmy made sure that a hot bath would be waiting for Alanna. To her surprise, Alanna handed her a letter when she came back from grooming their horses. 

“I heard it’s from Third Company,” Alanna said with a grin, and left Emmy to it. 

Emmy finished her own bath quickly, not caring that this could be the last good soak she might have in a while, and read the letter before she had to head down for supper. _Dear Emmy_ , Vania wrote, her handwriting a little messier than usual, as if she was in a hurry.

_How have you been? Guess where I’m writing this from? The Sandrunners tribe!_

Emmy’s eyes widened in surprise. It was a long letter, and she read on about Vania’s days at the tribe and her musings about Kel as a knight mistress with a smile. It made her miss the Sandrunners, and she hoped that she would get to visit soon. 

_… Remember to write back, sweet. And remember what I told you! No heroics, and don’t skip your meals!_  
_I miss you,_  
_Vania_

Emmy blinked away tears, glad that Alanna had gone down for supper first. The letter was dated almost a month ago, it took that long to find her. Emmy herself had penned a letter and sent it when they were at a city two weeks ago, and she wondered when it would reach Vania. She had not ended it as plainly as Vania did, and she hoped that Vania could tell that Emmy missed her all the same. 

Where was Vania now? What had she been up to since she penned this letter? Was she well?

Her mind was still full of thoughts about Vania when she made her way down to the dining hall. She stood at the bottom of the stairs, scanning for a redhead.

A youth moved to block her view. “Well, well, well. Look what the cat dragged in.”

The youth was richly dressed in grey silk tunic, white shirt and fine boots. A sword decorated with gems hung at his hip, and there was a flash of gold in one ear. With a taller, more muscular built and shorter hair, it took Emmy a few moments to place Tibout of Runnerspring.

“You.” Emmy narrowed her eyes. “What are you doing here?”

Tibout smirked, and spread his arms wide. “I go where I please, Tirragen. I’m a free man, and I have no mage’s tracker on me like a convict, unlike you.”

Emmy fought to control herself, though her face was hot with humiliation. Some of the diners had heard, and they were turning around to stare. 

“I see you still don’t have friends, Runnerspring,” Emmy said, noting the absence of cronies at his back. “Did all of them run away when they realised what a coward you are?”

She expected Tibout to flush with anger, like he always did when he was a page. He had never had a good grip on his temper, and was easy to goad. But instead, he smiled wider, and it gave Emmy a very bad feeling. 

Emmy turned a little when movement caught her eyes, and she saw Alanna making her way over with a frown. 

Tibout followed her eyes, and took one step closer when he turned back. Emmy held her ground and put one hand on her sword hilt, even though she didn’t think he would try anything stupid in such a public place. 

“I hope you enjoyed your time in the palace dungeons.” He said quietly, and was walking past her to the backdoor before Emmy could react.

Emmy’s heart was beating fast. Was he the one who bribed the guards to give her a beating? 

Would she be surprised if he was? 

“Who was he?” Alanna said when she came. She took Emmy’s arm and steered her gently towards the table she had been waiting with a drink. 

Emmy kept her head down, feeling the stares of the other diners. “That was Tibout of Runnerspring, my lady.”

Alanna scowled, and paused to take a look at the way to the backdoor. Emmy didn’t bother telling her that it was too late anyway. “If I had known…”

Emmy shook her head as they both settled down. Emmy was glad that it was a corner table that Alanna had gotten, though it was surprising. Alanna had always gotten a table where it was easy for others to join them and to chat. It was how they had gotten information. 

“Why —” Emmy remembered last minute to lower her voice. “Why here, my lady? This is not a table you’d usually get.”

Alanna gave her a small smile. “Good, you noticed.” She jerked her head a little towards a table at the opposite corner. “Who does he look like to you?”

Emmy took a look and her eyes widened. Sitting by himself at the corner table was a large, muscular man who carried a broadsword on his back. His brown hair was cropped short, and light reflected off a red gem he wore in his right earring. He had a thin beard, and looked to be in his thirties. He fit all the description that they had heard about Ilyorn Silversmith. 

Emmy turned back to Alanna, and saw a wolfish grin on her face. “Time to get to work, Emmy.”

Alanna pushed herself up, and Emmy followed her lead. They walked openly to his table, and stopped next to it, with Emmy one step behind Alanna.

“Excuse me,” Alanna said politely, “Might you be Ilyorn Silversmith?”

The man turned and smiled, his green eyes sharp. “Perhaps. Might you be the Lioness, and Emmeline of Tirragen?”

Emmy tried to hide her surprise. His green eyes seemed to see right through her.

“I heard you’ve been looking for me.”


	3. Attacked

“I heard you’ve been looking for me.” Ilyorn Silversmith said lightly, his voice deep and soothing.

“Oh?” Alanna raised an eyebrow, “Where did you hear that from?”

“Please,” Ilyorn smiled politely, and gestured at the empty seats at his table. “Have a seat. It’s not often that a man gets the honour of being greeted by the Lioness herself.”

Alanna snorted as she took a seat, and Emmy sat down beside her, keeping one hand on her sword hilt. “I greet plenty of men.”

“Perhaps I should have been more precise,” Ilyorn’s smile widened in amusement, “It’s not often that a man gets the honour of being greeted _politely_ by the Lioness herself.”

Alanna grinned, and Emmy blinked in surprise. Alanna relaxed a little, and so did the other mage. “My reputation precedes me, I’m afraid.” 

Ilyorn waved at a passing waitress. “As mine does me, I’m sure.” He turned to the waiter, “An ale for the lady knight. As for the squire?” Ilyorn looked at Emmy questioningly. 

“Cider.” Emmy blurted. “A cider will do.”

As the waiter bowed slightly, Emmy felt Alanna’s small but firm hand on her knee under the table. Emmy tried not to gulp. She knew she sounded nervous, and if Alanna saw it, so must Ilyorn.

“Why are you looking for me, my lady?” Ilyorn asked, resting his elbow on the table and leaning slightly forward. He kept his smile on, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes. For all his acted casual, he was assessing them, just as they were assessing him. 

“I’ve heard of your reputation indeed,” Alanna said, mirroring him as she rested her elbows on the table. “You’ve stopped a number of attacks by immortals across the realm, and I heard you’re good. Why not serve the Crown and be rewarded properly for it? I can introduce you to the king.”

Ilyorn laughed. “I’m honoured, my lady, to be invited by someone as illustrious as yourself.” His green eyes slid briefly to Emmy’s before going back to Alanna. “But I’m afraid I must decline, my lady. If getting paid by the Crown is what I wanted, I would have applied to be a Crown mage before I started roaming the land.”

“Is that what you do?” Alanna asked, keeping her voice casual, “Just roaming the land and saving folks from attacks by immortals?”

Ilyorn’s smile thinned. “It sounds strange, doesn’t it?”

“Not if you’re a knight.” Alanna said. 

He chuckled. The waitress came with their drinks then, and Alanna closed one hand around her tankard. Ilyorn raised his tankard in a silent toast, and Alanna mimicked him. Emmy followed suit a beat later.

“And I’m no knight,” Ilyorn said with a small smile after he set down his tankard. “I’ll be honest with you, my lady. I started roaming the land once my teacher had passed on, and I simply wanted to see the land. He bequeathed enough to me that I don’t worry about coin.”

“Who’s your teacher?”

Ilyorn looked down at his tankard. “I’m under his orders not to share his name, my lady. He was a private man, a recluse. I’ve lived like a recluse with him for many years, and I have not stepped out of the village until his passing.”

Alanna nursed her tankard thoughtfully. “What do you mean to do, when you’re done roaming the land? You’ve been stopping the attacks for at least two years now, and I’ve heard stories about you from the north to east. You’d have covered Tortall in another year, at the rate you’re going.”

Ilyorn held her gaze evenly. “You’ve been keeping a close eye on my travels, it seems.”

“I have my sources,” Alanna said, raising her tankard before taking a sip. “Just like you.”

“Indeed.” Ilyorn said quietly. “And what else have you heard from your sources?”

Alanna shrugged. “How did you know we’re looking for you?”

They held each other’s gazes evenly, and Emmy watched with bated breath. 

Finally, Ilyorn smiled that thin smile of his. “I suppose it’s too soon to share our sources. I am curious about your squire though,” He turned to Emmy, and Emmy stiffened. “Forgive me, Squire Emmeline, but weren’t your uncle killed by the Lioness? Why do you squire for her?”

Emmy snuck at look at Alanna, and saw her watching with eyebrows slightly raised, as if she was curious herself.

“She’s the best,” Emmy said after a beat, turning to face those penetrating green eyes. “I want to be the best, and she’s the only one who can teach me.”

He didn’t blink. “Interesting.”

Emmy sat up straighter, inspired by Alanna’s performance. “Since you asked, you must know about Tirragen’s reputation. I want to be a knight to bring glory to Tirragen once more, and I can only do that if I’m good. Of course I’d jump at a chance to squire for my lady.”

To her surprise, Alanna snorted and patted Emmy’s back roughly. “You’re making me blush, squire.”

Emmy grinned tentatively. 

“I look forward to the knight you’ll become, Emmeline of Tirragen.” Ilyron said, raising his tankard. Emmy and Alanna followed suit and drank.

Ilyorn kept drinking after Emmy and Alanna set their tankards down, and it seemed like he drained his ale. He reached for something on his waist when he was done. “I apologise, my ladies, but I’m afraid I have to take my leave.” He took a few coins from his pouch and set them on the table, standing up as he did so. “I have an early morning tomorrow, and I have some chores to do, still.”

“Where are you headed?” Alanna asked quickly. “Perhaps my squire and I can ride with you for a stretch.”

He smiled thinly. “I’m used to being on my own, my lady. It was an honour meeting you.”

Alanna held his gaze for a moment before she nodded. “The honour’s ours. I’m sure you’ll know how to find me if you change your mind. Tortall could really use talents like yours.”

Ilyorn Silversmith gave them a smile that for once seemed to reach his eyes. “Let’s hope that is the case a few years down the road. Farewell, my ladies.”

They watched him make his way upstairs in silence. 

Alanna ordered dinner for them both. Emmy was dying to discuss what just happened, but she knew that there were prying ears in this room, and she put in a mighty effort to respond to Alanna’s bland questions about the training tomorrow morning as they ate their dinner. 

When they were finally back in their room and Alanna had placed a spell to ward off eavesdroppers, Emmy almost burst with her questions.

“What do you think, my lady?” She asked, standing in the middle of the room, “Do you believe his story, about his recluse teacher? How do you think he knows we’re on his tail?”

Alanna motioned for her to sit down as she herself sat at the small dining table, her face grim. “Do you believe him?”

Emmy recalled those penetrating green eyes. The smile that never reached them. “No,” Emmy said slowly. “He’s hiding something. And he sounds too educated to be from a village.”

Alanna nodded. “He’s sharp, and he’s bold enough to wait for us to meet him. I’m not surprised that he said no to the offer. I am surprised that he’s interested in _you_.”

“Because he asked me about why I want to be your squire?”

“Think about it,” Alanna said, “If you know a powerful mage and the King’s Champion is on your tail, and she is asking you questions, why would you pay attention to her Gift-less squire?”

Emmy grimaced. She did not have an answer.

Alanna clasped her shoulder. “Don’t worry too much about it. He could be playing us and trying to throw us off track for all we know. I’m just trying to think of as many angles as I can before I write up a report to the Whisper Man.”

“You’re writing a report to him?”

Alanna grinned. “Among other missives. Speaking of which,” She sobered up, “Did Tibout of Runnerspring say anything to you?”

Emmy looked away. “Just the usual insults.” She straightened up, “Wait, he did mention something — he said he hoped I enjoyed my time in the palace dungeons!”

Alanna held her gaze, and Emmy knew that she was thinking about the same thing. She nodded after a moment. “I’ll write a note to Duke Turomot.” 

Alanna leaned back and stretched her shoulders. “Don’t you think it’s quite the coincidence, to find both Runnerspring and Silversmith in the same inn?”

Emmy stared at her knight mistress. “You don’t think…?”

“You told me Runnerspring spoke about Tortall falling apart with all the changes their majesties are making.” Alanna said, staring at the closed window but seeing something far away. “It’s the same type of talk that these immortals attacks are starting. Silversmith is a powerful mage making a name for himself by dealing with these attacks, genuinely or not. And now he’s here in the same inn as Runnerspring.”

Alanna turned to Emmy, her eyes troubled. “They could be connected, or this is just a coincidence. But we can’t ignore it. It’s one of the many pieces of a puzzle that’s worrying, Emmy. And there’s the attempt on Vania’s life. It just added something new to the attacks and the talk of the past few years.”

Emmy didn’t hide her surprise. “Vania? What do you mean? Wasn’t — wasn’t it Darius’ fault?”

Alanna frowned. “Did Vania tell you what exactly Darius said to her during the attack?”

“Well, no,” Emmy hung her head, “After the attack, we were just — we were both miserable for each other. We didn’t talk about the details.”

Alanna gave her shoulder a quick squeeze. “I see. Jon and Thayet didn’t want this shared with the council before they had a better handle on it, so they asked Vania not to mention it during the trial.” 

And now Emmy was really curious.

“Darius said Tortall needs to be brought back to its formal glory by the true heir of Tortall. He called Jon a pretender to the throne, and said that the true heir is rising. Vania’s death was supposed to start something, if he had succeeded.”

A cold washed across Emmy. She clenched her fists. ‘For Tirragen’ were Darius’ last words. What did he mean?

“Did… did they find out what Darius meant?” Emmy asked, feeling strangely detached.

Alanna shook her head grimly. “But he is almost certainly not the old man losing his mind that your brother described, Emmy. That was a convenient excuse to close the books on this officially, but none of us in Jon’s circle believe that he acted alone.”

“What do you mean?” Emmy asked sharply. This had been a question that the guards who beat her up brought up. “You don’t think Xander —”

Alanna shook her head. “Xander was ruled out after an unofficial investigation.”

Emmy clamped her mouth shut, and felt her cheeks warm. She couldn’t meet Alanna’s eyes. 

So Xander was investigated, likely by the Whisper Man. It meant he had been treated like a suspect, followed on, his associates questioned indirectly. They must have made the worst assumptions about him. But of course Xander would be under suspicion. Hadn’t Tirragen prove to be untrustworthy already, twice?

“It was the logical thing to do, Emmy.” Alanna said quietly. “No one at court knew who Xander is. He’s just a young lord who has many reasons to be bitter and to resent the Crown. He hardly ventures out of his castle.”

“He also cares a lot about his people,” Emmy couldn’t help saying, feeling tears build up in her eyes, “He could have hired more servants, or ate better. But whatever additional coin we had, he put it back in a public eating house where the hungry can eat for free. He fought Darius for this. He did it even when the villagers didn’t thank him. 

“And he’d give me rides on his wheelchair when I was sad, and he’d never tell me that it made him uncomfortable, or caused him pain.” Emmy wiped her eyes quickly, looking away. “I’m sorry, my lady. But life’s been so unfair to him.”

The next thing she knew, Alanna had come over and pulled her into a hug. Emmy sniffled. 

“Life’s been unfair to you, too.” Alanna said quietly, patting Emmy’s back.

Emmy took a deep breath, her mind suddenly catching on to something else. “My lady, do you think — is Vania in danger, still?”

Alanna let go, and sat down grimly. “All of Jon’s children are. He’d increased protection around all of them, so don’t you worry.”

Emmy nodded tentatively. What kind of protection? She felt foolish now for not thinking more deeply about what Darius had done. Sure, she wanted the close the book on that matter. But how could she not realise that if Darius had not worked alone, it meant that Vania might still be in danger? That someone out there could be waiting to finish what Darius started?

Where was Vania now? What was she doing? Was she safe? She was traveling with a full company of the Own, surely that was protection enough?

Emmy had too many questions, and too few answers. She lay awake in bed for a long time that night.

*

“Why don’t we stop by Tirragen?” Alanna said at breakfast the next day, after they had completed their training. “It’s less than a day’s ride away. We can stay for a few days.”

Emmy stared at Alanna with wide eyes. “Could we really?”

Alanna gave her a small smile. “Now that we’ve done our part in assessing the mage, I don’t have pressing plans. I want to join a Rider group nearby and help them out, but we can stop by your home for a few days. I know it’s been a few years since you last visited.”

Emmy fought the urge to jump out of her chair and hug her knight mistress. “That would be splendid, my lady! Thank you!”

They set off right after breakfast. Emmy felt light-hearted, and she wore a silly grin on her face despite having little sleep the night before. Alanna asked her for stories about Xander, and they ended up exchanging stories about both their brothers, with Alanna occasionally bringing up Thom, her eldest son who had similar talents as his namesake. 

They covered good ground, and stopped by a clearing in the woods to have their lunch. Emmy brought their horses to a stream nearby. She was refilling their waterskins when she heard the shout.

“Emmy! We’ve got company!”

Emmy dropped the waterskins and drew her sword. She was about to run back when Alanna’s shield at the saddle caught her eye. She made a turn to slot her own shield first onto her left arm, and grabbed Alanna’s shield. She pulled her shield close to her torso as she ran, feeling safer as the metal clanged against her breast plate and thanking Alanna silently for making sure she had the discipline to wear at least half-armour on the road.

As soon as she handed the shield to Alanna, she dropped into a defensive stance. Above the trees surrounding them, large shadows hovered menacingly in the air, extending large, bat-like wings, silver glinting off their claws. She counted at least twenty hurroks.

Alanna wore her shield quickly, her sword already in her other hand. Both her hands glowed in the violet of her Gift. 

Twenty, against the two of them?

“There’s too many,” Emmy said, her heart beating wildly in her ears. 

“Watch my back,” Alanna said quietly, pointing her sword and sending out a wave of her Gift. “You know they don’t attack alone. I’ll be as quick as I can.”

Emmy took a deep breath, and told herself to trust her knight mistress. She turned away from the sky, even if she was dying to know what was suddenly causing the hurroks to shriek so. She kept her eyes on the trees. 

Sure enough, spidrens appeared barely moments after. Emmy gulped, counting another ten of them coming from their left. Before Emmy could react, violet glowing nets streamed out from Alanna, closing around a large group of the spidrens and making them scream. Their skins smoked where the nets touched them, and some started to fall.

Emmy snuck a look at Alanna, and almost took a step back. There was a violet glow around her. She directed a large net of hurroks in the sky with her sword, and her shield directed the other stream of net to the spidrens. Her eyes seemed to glow the same colour. 

Another group of spidrens appeared from the trees on their right. Emmy braced herself. The group was barely ten feet away from them when a third stream of violet net flew and covered them. 

Two escaped. The two males charged at them. Seeing one of them turn, Emmy brought up her shield in time to block the stream of webbing. She twisted her shield to cut the stream off before he could pull her shield away, and in the same motion slash her sword down towards her right to slice two attacking legs of the other spidren. While he screamed, her sword darted in to stab is chest. 

Something cut her left thigh, and she turned to block high and cut low, slicing off three legs before she pulled the shield aside to slash his throat as he fell forward. 

Turning back to Alanna, she saw trouble. A female spidren had snuck up from behind Alanna and has wrapped her legs in webbing. Emmy ran and cut the stream loose just before the spidren pulled. She rammed her shield into the spidren, pulling and turning her sword to stab her in her abdomen. 

Emmy turned in time to see another spidren charging at Alanna. She panted, and ran in front of his path in time to catch half his webbing on her shield. The other half wrapped around Emmy’s waist. She was pulled forward a few steps before she managed to cut it, but she was off balance. She slashed at a leg coming down at her, but cried when another stabbed into her left shoulder, just above her breast plate. Cursing, she slashed again, cutting another two legs and cutting him deeply across his abdomen. He fell, his leg almost pulling Emmy down by her shoulder before she cut it, leaving a foot-long leg in her shoulder. 

She staggered around. Alanna seemed oblivious to the webbing around her legs. She was pulling at her net, every motion burning more of the immortals, her hands and eyes glowing violet. 

Emmy trotted over, panting as she dropped to one knee and cut through webbing around Alanna’s legs so that she could move if she had to.

When Emmy tried to push herself up, she couldn’t. She fell forward, catching herself with her sword. Her shoulder was sending her shots of agony, and she prayed hard that there was no more coming. Her surroundings started to sway, and she caught a strong whiff of burning flesh. She turned and saw the hairy leg embedded to her shoulder still. 

She threw up. 

The hand on her sword wobbled, and she would have fell into her own vomit had Alanna not grabbed her shoulders and turned Emmy into her lap. 

“Goddess!” 

Emmy’s sword slid from her hand. She stared at Alanna’s ashen face and the blue sky behind her. They wouldn’t stay still. 

She cried in pain when the partial leg was plucked out of her shoulder. A purple glow settled on her shoulder and the rest of her body, and she felt her pain starting to ease. But something felt wrong.

“My lady,” she croaked as soon as she could manage, her hand groping for Alanna’s, “There could be more. Don’t mind me.”

Alanna grimaced. But she looked up and around them quickly. 

“There was too many,” Emmy said, her mind racing. She coughed. “They want to kill you. Be careful.”

Gently, Alanna laid Emmy on the ground. She darted away towards their horses. A moment later, Emmy saw a flare ignite and race across the sky. Alanna was back at her side the next moment, their medical kit in one hand. 

“I’ve stopped your bleeding for now,” She said as she quickly unrolled bandages, “You’re right, as much as I hate it. I’m close to dry with my Gift, and there might be more coming.” She had to raise Emmy slightly to wrap her shoulder, and Emmy squeezed her eyes shut at the flashes of pain. 

“Emmy!” 

Emmy opened her eyes, and struggled to focus on Alanna. 

“Stay with me!” Alanna was pressing something on Emmy’s thigh, and she slipped the roll of bandage under Emmy’s thigh expertly, and pulled it out from the other side. “I’ve sent a signal, I know Third Company’s close. Help is coming. Stay with me!”

“Third Company?” Emmy said weakly. 

Alanna shot her a quick look. “Yes, Vania is coming. You want to see her, don’t you?”

Emmy managed to smile. “She will… have a fit.”

“ _I_ will have a fit once I know we’re safe,” Alanna snapped, tying the bandage tightly. Emmy flinched. 

Alanna disappeared for a few moments. Emmy tried hard to keep her eyes open, but she was getting tired. And cold. She started shivering. 

Before she knew it, a blanket of warmth settled on her softly, and she squinted to see that Alanna had come back to drape a blanket over her. And then she was beside Emmy, holding a cup to her lips. 

“Drink.”

Emmy obeyed. It was bitter and familiar, from a herb that she had known from the desert. But she couldn’t for the life of her recall its name through the fog in her mind. It tasted awful enough that she felt like she was startled awake. “Was that… meant to wake me… or make me better?”

Alanna snorted, her eyes still scanning their surroundings warily. “What makes you think it must be one or the other?”

“That is… more than I can… think about right now.”

Alanna rested a hand on Emmy’s forehead gently, and smoothed her hair away from her face. “When I asked you to watch my back, I didn’t mean this.”

Emmy stared at her knight mistress. Her dizziness had abated a little with the tea, and Alanna’s face had settled somewhat in her vision. She could see the worry and guilt on her face. “When I asked… you to sponsor… me, I didn’t mean… to make friends… or find teachers who… care about me —” She coughed, and winced at the pain it triggered. “You changed my life… I’d gladly give… my life for yours.”

Alanna’s hand slipped to Emmy’s good shoulder, and she squeezed it firmly. “That’s not the deal. I’m supposed to teach you and make sure you know enough to survive your Ordeal and knighthood. There’s nowhere in the deal where you die for me, so you’re not allowed to. Understood?”

Emmy nodded blearily. 

“Hang on just a little longer,” Alanna was saying as she scanned the trees around them, “Once they are here, I’ll clean your wounds proper. Spidren claws usually lead to nasty infections, and your wound is deep. I don’t want you to go to sleep before I clear them out.”

“Help me…” Emmy grimaced as she pushed herself up a little, “Help me up.”

The agony in her shoulder made her eyes water, and she yelped in pain as Alanna helped her sit up. 

“Sword.” She croaked. 

Alanna picked up her sword for her, and Emmy planted it tip down in the dirt next to her, closing her right hand firmly around the hilt as she leaned on it. Her hand shook. Belatedly, she saw the splatters of dark fluid that was the spidrens’ blood all over her sword arm. They had begun to sting.

“It’s easier…” Emmy said, seeing Alanna’s frown, “if I feel pain.”

Alanna grimaced as she took the fallen blanket and wrapped it around Emmy’s shoulders instead. “I like that you’re sharp,” she said as she moved behind Emmy and propped her up by the shoulder, “But sometimes I wish you have a more normal sense of self-preservation.”

Her shoulder was giving her a steady, throbbing pain, and Emmy felt wide awake. “You asked me to,” She panted, her free hand pressing on the bandage on her thigh, “stay awake.”

Alanna snorted, but didn’t say anything for a few moments. Emmy panted. She was starting to feel colder, despite the blanket around her shoulders.

“Talk to me.” Alanna said suddenly from somewhere behind her. 

“About… what?”

“Anything.” Alanna snapped. “Recite poetry, or something.”

Emmy would have laughed if not for her pain. “I didn’t think… that my lady would like poetry.”

“It’s to help you stay awake. Surely you know some. Neal knew an unhealthy number of them.”

Emmy chuckled, and regretted it immediately. She gritted her teeth. “I don’t… don’t know any, my lady. There isn’t … isn’t many books in Tirragen. Whatever we had… must have been sold.” 

A breeze swept by, and Emmy shivered. 

Alanna rested a hand on her shoulder. “Are you cold?”

Emmy shivered again, gritting her teeth at the pain it triggered. “Getting… colder.”

Alanna moved, and in a moment she was crouching in front of Emmy. “We can’t wait any longer.”

Seeing the violet glow starting in Alanna’s hands, Emmy reached out to grip one with her left hand, ignoring the shots of pain on her shoulder wound. “Don’t! I can wait, my lady!”

“Who’s the healer here?” Alanna snapped, “And you’re my squire! You’re to listen!”

“You’re the King’s Champion!” Emmy grunted, her left hand gripping Alanna’s as hard as she could, “This attack was targeted at you! There were too many for the two of us! Maybe they’re just waiting —” She coughed, “— just waiting for your Gift to run dry! And we’ll both die!” She coughed again, her eyes tearing, “Wait, I beg you, please!”

Alanna let out a string of curses, lowering her hand and the glow of her Gift fading. Emmy lowered her hand, shuddering in relief. Alanna rested a cool hand to Emmy’s forehead, and cursed some more. 

“Wait here.” Alanna said, and disappeared. She came back with both their horses with her. She took extra blankets from the saddle bags and quickly made another cup of that awful tea. 

Emmy still shivered under the extra blankets. 

“Talk to me,” Alanna said quickly. “You said Tirragen doesn’t have many books. But Vania told me you love reading, and she’d buy books for you from all over the realm over your summer breaks. Tell me about those.”

Despite her pain, her cold, and her weariness, Emmy smiled at the thought of Vania, and the way she always remembered to get something for Emmy over their summer breaks. Had she been thinking about Emmy, even then? 

Slowly, haltingly, she started describing the books that Vania brought back for her over the years.


	4. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Much thanks to @The_Big_Wee_Hag for beta-reading this chapter! Any remaining mistakes are mine.

Kel raised a hand, and Vania slowed Thunder to a halt as the four squads of men behind them did likewise. Three sparrows shot out from the trees, landing quickly on the ground in front of the horses. Vania had learned enough from Kel to recognise that the sparrows were showing the signals for ‘injured’ and ‘friend’. She frowned, worried.

Kel had led them from their camp as soon as they had seen the flare that was a call for help, and they had been riding at a full gallop for the past quarter of an hour. Vania had never seen such a signal flare being used before, and Kel was similarly unsure as to whom it might be. The only thing they know was that these could only come from people who served the Crown - Riders, knights, or other men of the Own. None of the other companies were nearby, so it had to be either Riders or knights.

Moments later, their human scout returned. 

“It’s the Lioness, my lady!” He reported, and Vania straightened in alarm. “She’s been attacked. There are large piles of ashes and a few dead spidrens on the ground, with no enemies in sight. But she’s sitting with her squire out in the open, my lady. The squire’s wrapped in blankets, I think she’s injured.”

Vania’s breath caught. Her hands tightened around her reins, her heart jumping wildly.

“Vania, what do you think?” Kel asked, as she usually did. She liked to see how Vania assessed a situation, and would add to it or correct her as needed.

This time, though, Vania wished that they were already galloping towards Alanna and Emmy. Vania took a deep breath. “Aunt Alanna sent the flare. She must have felt it’s not safe, and her Gift’s likely nearly dry. Emmy is likely heavily injured, and Aunt Alanna can’t risk moving her to find shelter and leaving them both open while she does it.”

She swallowed, hating the picture that her logical mind painted for her. “We need to get to them quickly!”

Kel nodded. Her face was calm, but Vania noted that Kel’s eyes lingered on Vania longer than usual. “I agree. But you’re forgetting the piles of ashes and spidrens on the ground. There must be many of them, enough to exhaust Alanna’s Gift, and we shouldn’t rush into it.” 

Kel called the sergeants, and she sent two squads to go around the clearing and to enter on the other side, in case there were more enemies lying in wait. 

When Kel finally signalled for them to set out once more, Vania nudged Thunder forward impatiently, barely remembering not to charge ahead of her knight mistress. 

Vania smelled the burnt flesh before they reached the clearing. Thunder and many of the horses flicked their heads or fidgeted uneasily. Vania leaned forward to sooth her gelding, and nudged it forward impatiently.

The piles of ashes were huge. If they had been immortals, then it looked like there were tens of them in one pile. Alanna knelt on one knee on the ground, her sword in one hand, and her other hand resting on Emmy’s shoulder. Emmy was leaning back against Alanna’s raised knee, one hand poking out of the blankets around her and holding on to a bloody sword. 

At the sight of Kel and the squads of the Own riding behind her, Alanna laid her sword on the ground, and moved to lower Emmy to the ground as well.

“What took you so long?” Alanna snapped when they came within earshot. 

Kel and Vania dismounted and ran over to them. 

“At least forty hurroks and spidrens attacked us,” Alanna said, and Vania noted her ashen face, “My Gift’s nearly dry, and I couldn’t be sure that there wasn’t more. I need you to help secure the area while I work on Emmy. Vania, come here.”

Vania already took a step before she remembered to check with her knight mistress. She glanced at her guiltily, but Kel gave a nod. She heard Kel started issuing orders behind her. 

She didn’t listen. She knelt down next to Emmy, taking in her pale and shivering form beneath the blankets in shock. 

This cannot be happening. This was not how Vania imagined meeting Emmy again after months apart. 

“Vania?” Emmy said weakly.

“Emmy, I’m here.” Vania said, leaning over Emmy, her fingers barely touching her cheek. Her worry grew when Emmy’s eyes wouldn’t focus on hers. “I’m here.”

“She lost some blood,” Alanna explained, and flipped the blankets open. 

Vania gasped at the blood-soaked bandages around Emmy’s shoulder and thigh. Her breast plate and the rest of her clothes were a mess, with blood, spidren webbing and the splatter of black blood all over them.

“Her shoulder was stabbed deeply with a spidren’s claw,” Alanna continued hurriedly, “The infection spread fast, and it’s gone deep. I need to tap your Gift, I don’t have enough left of mine to burn it. Will you let me?”

Vania would have given her life then if she was asked to. “Tell me what to do.”

She followed Alanna’s guidance and went deep into Emmy. Vania felt her Gift burn through the main source of infection on Emmy’s shoulder. That done, they chased down the smaller streams of infection around Emmy’s thigh wound, which Vania closed. She would have worked more on Emmy’s shoulder, but Alanna guided her back out.

“That’s enough.” Alanna said firmly.

Vania fell backwards when she opened her eyes. Someone caught her, and she turned to see Kel propping her up. Kel looked concerned for her, and Vania nodded at her reassuringly.

“I can still go on,” Vania said as she turned back. Emmy’s eyes were closed. Alanna was staggering to her feet, taking the hand that Sergeant Lerant was offering. “I can heal her.”

“You did well,” Alanna said with a grim smile. “But we can’t put too much healing on a person at one go, it’ll exhaust their bodies. She’ll sleep for a while. We’ll finish the healing when her body’s had a chance to rest.”

Kel helped Vania to her feet. Vania rushed over to Alanna when she saw her stumbling. She held her hand, and sent a large jolt of energy to Alanna. This, she did not need instructions for.

Alanna sighed. “Thank you.”

She heard someone call for a stretcher, and she knelt down next to Emmy again. Seeing Emmy’s pale face and the blood-soaked bandages around her body once more, Vania blinked away tears. She brushed Emmy’s hair away from her face gently, grimacing at how warm her skin was. 

How she wished that she could still protect Emmy like she had when they were pages. How she wished that the only injuries Emmy had were bruises that she could heal in minutes, and not messy stab wounds from silver claws.

“You’ll be all right, sweet.” She whispered. Her hands were shaking. “You’ll be all right.”

*

When Emmy opened her eyes, she found herself in a dark tent with a flickering light. She turned a little, and saw a lone candle on a desk beside her, giving shape to what looked like a row of three cots to her right. The tent felt wider as well, likely with another row of cots opposite where she was lying. She must be in a healer’s tent, though none of the other cots looked occupied.

Slumped across the edge of her cot on her right was a figure with a very familiar braid. Vania’s head was turned towards the foot of her cot as she slept, but Emmy would recognise her anywhere. 

Emmy tried to get up, but had to grit her teeth to stop herself from crying out. Her shoulder wound sent shots of agony and she fell back on her back. She touched her shoulder with a grimace, feeling the bandages over it. 

“Emmy?” Vania’s voice asked tentatively. Emmy must have made some noise without realising. Or was it the cot that moved?

Emmy turned her head and forced a smile. “Hey.”

Vania stood immediately and leaned close, surprise and relief in her eyes. Emmy studied the face she had missed in the flickering candle light. Vania was as beautiful as she remembered, though a little thinner, her cheekbones a little more defined. It had been just over two months. Emmy’s right hand reached up to touch Vania’s face hungrily, just like Vania was touching hers. 

Vania leaned down and kissed Emmy softly, once, and then again, longer. Emmy was tired and in pain, but the kiss left her feeling light and giddy. 

“I’ve missed this.” Emmy muttered, relieved that Vania’s feelings did not seem to have changed. 

“I’ve missed you,” Vania whispered, her eyes shining. “What did I tell you about heroics?”

Emmy’s hand slid down Vania’s shoulders to her arms, and felt them leaner than she remembered. She smiled sadly. “What did I tell you about pushing yourself too hard? You’ve lost weight.”

Vania smiled, and wiped her eyes quickly. “We’ve been helping a village ruined by attacks from hurroks and centaurs. It was over when we reached them, but half the village was destroyed by fire. We helped them with rebuilding and shared our food for two weeks before supplies came.”

Vania should never have to do this. She was a Conté, a princess of the realm. Yet Emmy was not at all surprised that she would be out there building houses and giving her own food to hungry villagers. She wished that Vania wouldn’t, though. 

“How are you feeling?” Vania asked in her silence. 

Emmy stared at Vania some more, trying to ignore the pain on her shoulder. “Tired.” She muttered, “But glad to see you.”

Vania smiled tightly. “I’m glad too. I just didn’t think that this is how we’d meet again. Do you know how scared I was?”

Emmy grinned weakly. “I told Lady Alanna… that you’d have a fit.”

Vania cupped Emmy’s cheek firmly, “I will,” She said softly, her eyes sad, “Once you’re better and not distracted by pain, I’ll make sure you hear from me.”

Emmy was still trying to think of a retort when Vania leaned down and kissed her again. Emmy felt Vania’s tears on her cheek when she squeezed her eyes shut. 

When Vania pulled back, Emmy reached up with her right hand and gently wiped those tears away. Vania let her. She took Emmy’s hand when she was done, giving it a quick kiss before holding it to her cheek. 

“You’ve been asleep for more than a day,” Vania told her, reaching backwards with her free hand to pull her chair closer to the cot and sitting down. “We were waiting for you to wake up before we can finish your healing. Are you hungry?”

Emmy frowned, suddenly recognising the gnawing feeling in her gut. “Not until you mentioned it.”

Vania chuckled, and went to the small desk beside her cot. It was only then that Emmy noticed a covered basket. Vania retrieved a bowl from the basket and held it for a moment, her hands glowing a soft blue.

Vania retrieved a spoon and started to feed her. The porridge was just hot enough, and it was wonderful. 

Emmy smiled. “Nice trick.” 

Vania smirked a little. “Riding with Neal is more educational than I expected.”

It took Emmy a moment to remember that Nealan of Queenscove had been assigned as one of the official healers of Third Company. “Have you been learning more about healing?”

Vania nodded, her face sobering. “He lets me help when I’m done with my other duties. But I’ve never had to heal someone with injuries like yours, Emmy. Your shoulder wound was a mess, and your infection was so deep…”

Emmy gripped Vania’s arm with her right hand. “I’m fine now, aren’t I?”

Vania snorted, and thrust her another spoonful. “You’ll need more than a week to recover fully from this. And don’t lie, I know that you’re in pain.”

“I didn’t say anything,” Emmy muttered.

“Of course you didn’t,” Vania all but snapped, “You’ll just never bring it up, and let others think that you’re fine. You’d rather suffer than think that you might deserve better.”

Emmy watched as Vania looked away. “I’m sorry,” Emmy tried. 

“For what?” Vania said bitterly, “For saving Aunt Alanna’s life? For begging her not to heal you until we’ve arrived?”

Emmy stared at Vania, not knowing what to say. 

“She told us what happened, Emmy.” Vania said softly. “You saved her life. One of our squads saw spidrens escaping to the west of the woods. If Aunt Alanna had healed you and used up her Gift, the spidrens would have attacked, and both of you could have died.”

Relief washed over Emmy. “I’m glad.”

“I’m not,” Vania said flatly. “I love Aunt Alanna. But I hate that you have to suffer so. If your infection was cleared earlier, you wouldn’t need more than a week to recover. It weakened your body, and you were that close to — to not making it.”

Emmy reached out to pat Vania’s arm. “It doesn’t matter, as long as Lady Alanna’s safe. She changed my life. I wouldn’t have met you if not for her.”

Vania sighed, and nodded. “I’m glad she’s safe too. In any case, she talked to my father yesterday through a spell, and father doesn’t want her to travel without a guard for a while, until we figure out who was behind it.” Vania smiled a little. “It means you’re stuck with me.”

Emmy felt her heart leap, and grinned. 

Her excitement made her cough. Her throat ached, and with each cough her body shook, sending shots of agony through her wound. She squeezed her eyes shut. When she finally calmed down, she felt tears at the corners of her eyes, and she felt exhausted. 

“Drink.” 

Emmy obeyed, sipping from the cup at her lips. She felt Vania dabbed at her tears with her sleeve. She didn’t open her eyes until she was done, and she saw Vania turning away with the empty cup. 

Vania kissed her cheek when she came back. “I wish I could heal you immediately, but both Neal and Aunt Alanna said we need to give your body a rest before we continue.”

“I’m fine,” Emmy’s hand found hers, breathing hard, “I just need some rest. You should rest, too. You must be working so hard, squiring for a commander, and learning healing on the side.” She reached up to touch Vania’s cheek, “Don’t spend your nights here with me.”

“But I want to.”

“Would you let me exhaust myself so that I could see you?” Emmy asked. Vania’s silence was her answer. “Go back to bed. I’m just going to sleep now.”

Vania smiled a little. She leaned down to give Emmy a kiss on the lips. “Fine. Rest well.”

Emmy smiled, and watched Vania leave before closing her eyes.

*

Alanna was watching her when Emmy woke up next. The healer’s tent was bright, and sunlight streamed through the open tent flap. Emmy could hear sounds of the Own going about their drills outside. 

“My lady,” Emmy muttered. Her body felt like lead, but at least the pain at her shoulder and side was dull compared to last night. They must have given her another round of healing.

Alanna rested a hand on Emmy’s forehead. Her hand wasn’t as cool as before. She checked Emmy’s pulse next. Silently, she poured a cup of water and helped Emmy drink it. Emmy was tired enough not to ask anything, content to wait for her knight mistress make the first move.

“You must be hungry,” Alanna said as she put down the cup on the desk beside the bed. She walked to the tent flap and said something to the guards at the entrance. One of them bowed and went away. 

Alanna sat down on the chair beside her bed when she came back. She sighed. “You were right. They found spidrens in the woods the night before last. If I had used up my Gift, they would have attacked.”

“Vania told me.” Emmy said. Her throat itched, and she coughed. She braced herself for sharp, shooting pains, but it wasn’t as bad as she was expecting. 

“Does it still hurt?” Alanna asked quietly. 

Emmy shook her head, taking a deep breath. “Not as much as before. Don’t worry, my lady.”

“Of course I worry,” Alanna said, reaching out to take Emmy’s hand, “You almost died. The infection was spread too deep by the time Kel and her company arrived. If Vania or no one Gifted was with her, what I had left of my Gift wasn’t going to cut it.”

Emmy forced a smile. “Well, things worked out, didn’t they?”

“You saved my life,” Alanna gave her hand a squeeze, her violet eyes intense on hers. “I won’t forget.”

Emmy was about to argue that Alanna saved her life, too, when someone in the Own’s uniform came into the tent, carrying a tray with a bowl and a cup on it. Alanna took it from him and set the tray on the desk beside Emmy’s cot. Emmy grimaced, and tried mightily to push herself up. Her shoulder complained painfully, and she groaned.

Alanna cursed, but she was helping Emmy up in the next moment. “I thought I taught you to have more sense,” she snapped as she held Emmy up with one hand, and arranged pillows behind her with another before she set Emmy down gently. “Don’t move.”

Emmy panted a little, shocked that such a simple movement was costing her so. When she saw Alanna coming to her with a bowl, she tried to reach for it, but her left arm wouldn’t lift past her elbow. 

“Don’t be silly. Let me.” Alanna said, and thrust a spoonful of thick soup at Emmy. One look at her stern expression made Emmy open her mouth and take it. 

Emmy felt her cheeks warm as she took another bite. This wasn’t Vania, this was her knight mistress. “I’m sorry. You’re not supposed to do this. I’m supposed to serve you.”

Without warning, Alanna reached out and twisted Emmy’s ear, just painful enough that she yelped a little.

“I’m going to start doing that every time you’re being silly,” Alanna said, her hand already preparing the next spoonful. 

Emmy meekly took her bites, confused. 

Alanna’s face softened. “You’re my squire. I’m supposed to protect you. But you got hurt protecting _me_ instead. At least let me take care of you.”

Emmy swallowed quickly, and shook her head. “You were dealing with close to forty immortals. I fought only four. You certainly protected me.”

Alanna hid a smile. “Eat.”

Emmy ate. But she avoided Alanna’s eyes. It was still too strange, being fed by her. 

“Did Vania tell you that we’re to ride with Third Company for a while?” Alanna said after a few moments. 

Emmy nodded. “She said the king wants you to travel with a guard.”

Alanna scowled. “Of course he does. But he wouldn’t listen when I tell him it would make it that much harder to catch Ilyorn Silversmith.”

Emmy would have sat up straight if she had the strength. “What do you mean? Is he the one behind this?”

“Don’t you think it’s too much of a coincidence, that we’re attacked the day after we met him?” Alanna said, a dark look on her face. “We’ve been on the road for almost two months with no incident. But one day after we met him, we were attacked by over forty immortals? An attack of this size happened only twice before this, and both times it was on groups much larger than two.”

Emmy stared. “But…we don’t have proof. How do we know it’s really him?”

“We won’t find proof by letting him out of our sight.” Alanna said, nudging Emmy to take another bite, “He’s too sharp to leave a trace. But I have a feeling it’s him, and I want to keep a close eye on him. Numair would have done it, but Rikash is too young. Rikash is his son,” she explained at Emmy’s puzzled frown, “He was born just two months ago, and Numair wants to stay close to the palace for another few months. I don’t blame him.”

Emmy nodded in understanding.

“So now we’ll just have to sit back and wait for the Whisper Man’s people to do their work.” Alanna scowled. “It’s not that I don’t trust them, it’s just that they’re not set up to deal with powerful mages like Ilyorn. It doesn’t help that —” she paused, shooting a look at Emmy. “You should know this. I’m to join an official delegation to the Copper Isles at the end of October, Emmy. I will be away for a few months.”

Emmy’s eyes widened a little when she realised that Alanna had not meant to take her.

“I would have brought you, but —”

“— But I’m not allowed to leave Tortall.” Emmy said, swallowing her disappointment. She glanced at the spot near her right elbow, hating her sentence and the magical tracker there. It was not visible to the eyes, but it was there and very much real. 

“I’m sorry, Emmy.” Alanna said quietly. “But this trip is important to me.”

Emmy looked up, thinking. She recalled the conversation with Vania, from what felt like a lifetime ago. “It’s your daughter, isn’t it?”

“How did — Vania told you?”

Emmy nodded. “She made sure it was just us, my lady. Don’t worry, your daughter is more important. I understand.”

Alanna took Emmy’s hand, smiling a little sadly. “It will be the last time I see her for a while. I’m going to stay there for a few months, and I’ll come back in spring.”

Emmy tried to hide her surprise and disappointment. That was close to half a year! She would have been squire to Alanna for just over three months, and Alanna would be gone for close to half a year! 

“I know I’m a bad knight mistress, to leave you for so long —”

Emmy shook her head quickly, and forced a smile. “You’re a great knight mistress, my lady. I’ve already learned so much from you. Please don’t worry. Focus on spending time with you daughter, my lady. I don’t —” Emmy swallowed, looking away. “I don’t know what it feels like to have a mother. But if I had one, I’d want to spend as much time with her as I could.”

Alanna snorted softly. “If only Aly felt the same way as you. We don’t often see eye to eye,” she explained at Emmy’s questioning look. “I’d wager we’ll be arguing within the first week I’m there. It’s all as well that I’m part of the official delegation, and there’s work to be done.”

Emmy stared in disbelief. How could anyone not be happy at being the daughter of the Lioness? 

“Anyway,” Alanna said with a sigh, straightening up, “You’re not spending those months idling about, mind you. I’ll place you in Myles’ care, and I want you to start working on the investments we talked about. He’ll be happy to help you. You may never get so much time in Corus again to do it. You know I’m hardly there these days, what with more female pages that I’m not allowed to see.”

Alanna nudged her to take another bite. “Feel free to look up Eda as well, of course. I want you to keep your skills sharp.”

*

Third Company didn’t set out until two days later, when Alanna had deemed Emmy well enough to travel. Even so, Emmy had to ride with the supply wagon and let Whisper be tied with the Own’s spare mounts. She dozed most of the way through the first two days. Vania was always riding near the front, though she would find her way to Emmy during meal times. 

It was both exhausting and frustrating for Emmy. The rattling wagon kept her shoulder sore, and she longed to hold and kiss Vania. She could see the same longing reflected in Vania’s eyes. But there were always too many people about. It didn’t help that Vania’s duties kept her busy in the evenings, and Emmy would usually be too tired to stay up for her. 

On the third night on the road, just a day before they were due to reach the village where there were reports of bandits, Emmy looked up from her supper when her tent flap opened. 

Vania strode in purposefully. She walked around the small desk that held Emmy’s dinner, crouched down, cupped her cheek, and leaned in for long, hungry kiss. 

“Don’t you have work to do tonight?” Emmy muttered when they pulled apart, smiling in pleasure. 

Vania sat down next to Emmy properly. She snaked an arm around Emmy’s waist and leaned her head on Emmy’s shoulder. “Kel gave me the night off. She was asking me how you were doing, and I told her I hadn’t spoken with you properly. I think she felt bad. She didn’t know.”

Emmy leaned into Vania, enjoying the feel of her body pressed against hers. “I’m glad.”

Vania nudged her. “Finish your food. We have the whole night to talk.”

Emmy turned a little to kiss her on the forehead. “I get food every day. I don’t get you as often.”

Vania chuckled. She turned her head up, and they shared another lingering kiss. 

Finally, Vania pulled away to sit up straight. She tucked a few strands of hair behind Emmy’s ear tenderly, smiling. “You really should eat. Your body needs it to recover properly.”

Emmy sighed exaggeratedly as she turned back to her supper, “I’ve almost forgotten what a bear you are about eating.”

Vania’s hand was toying with the ends of Emmy’s braid, and she slapped her back softly at that. “Only because you’re so careless about it! And _then_ you rush into trouble to save other people, always forgetting yourself.” She paused before continuing softly, “How am I going to stop worrying about you?”

Emmy turned to her sharply, and saw that the smile had disappeared from Vania’s face. She looked almost lost. Emmy set down her knife and fork quickly, turning to take both of Vania’s hands in her own. 

She lifted Vania’s hands to her lips for a quick kiss. “Don’t worry too much. I can take care of myself. I’m learning so much from Lady Alanna, and you know I have my Shang training.”

Vania looked away grimly. “Riding with Aunt Alanna makes you a bigger target, too. I think we’ve all seen that.”

Emmy touched Vania’s chin with a finger, and gently steered her back to face her. “We all face some risks when we’re out there, Vania. It’s part of what we do. You know that. You shouldn’t worry too much about me and get distracted.” Emmy stroke Vania’s cheek gently, “I worry about you too, you know. Why didn’t you tell me what Darius said to you?”

Vania frowned. “What do you mean?”

“The part where he said the true heir of Tortall is rising, and that your —” Emmy swallowed, “— your death was supposed to start something.”

Recognition lit in Vania’s eyes. “Well, I… I didn’t think it was important.”

Emmy smiled crookedly. “Even when your parents asked you not to tell the council? I’m not as smart as you, Vania, but even I could tell that there’s more to it.”

Vania sighed. “I didn’t want you to worry.”

Emmy still held one of Vania’s hands, and she gave it a small squeeze. “Because you knew it might distract me, and distraction on the road is not good. I want the same for you, Vania. You shouldn’t worry about me. Focus on your training, and I’ll focus on mine. We’ll have to trust each other to do our best at this.”

Slowly, Vania smiled, almost shyly. She leaned forward and gave Emmy another kiss, her hand lingering on Emmy’s cheek and her face staying close enough that Emmy could feel her breath on her.

“Sometimes I feel like you’re older than me, Emmy.”

Emmy grinned, and kissed her on the cheek. “Three years isn’t that much of a difference, you know.”

Vania pulled away with a smile. “It is, when it comes to knowing how to take care of yourself, _by eating properly_.” She said, nodding pointedly at Emmy’s much neglected supper. 

Emmy put her hands up in surrender, and went back to her food, shaking her head with a smile. Vania’s hand lingered on Emmy’s back, toying absently with the ends of Emmy’s braid as she launched into a story about the latest prank the men of the Own had played on Neal.


	5. Protector

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to The_Big_Wee_Hag for beta reading! Any remaining mistakes are my own.

In late October, Third Company split up before they reached Port Legann, where Alanna was supposed to set sail with the Tortallan delegation to the Copper Isles. A day before they were due to reach the port city, Kel received an urgent message that a town near the coastal hills had been attacked by a large band of spidrens and centaurs. 

Alanna had wanted the whole company to leave her, and said that she could make the last leg of the journey alone, but Kel was adamant that her orders were to ensure Alanna’s safety. She dispatched seven squads of the Own and Neal to the town instead. Vania could see that Kel wanted to go herself, but she must have thought that the remaining squads with Alanna would not be able to stand up to the Lioness, should she order them to turn back and aid the town.

And stand up to the Lioness Kel did. 

“I don’t need three squads of men to protect _me_!” Alanna yelled after a long string of curses at Kel’s orders, “I was a knight long before you were born, Kel! And I have the Gift! Send these men where they are needed!”

“Our enemies have shown that they know all that, Alanna,” Kel said calmly, her face Yamani-blank, “They sent more than forty immortals to kill you when you were traveling with just Emmy. I’m sure you don’t want a repeat of that.”

Alanna grimaced, and glanced at Emmy quickly. “I’m only a day’s ride away. I’ll ride fast.”

Kel shook her head. “I’m sorry, Alanna. But the king ordered me to protect his Champion, and that is what I’ll do.”

Vania’s respect for her knight mistress grew a lot that day. Even her own father might have flinched when Alanna was at the height of her temper. 

Alanna was in a foul mood the rest of the way, and Vania was glad to see George and the rest of the delegation waiting at Port Legann. His presence helped somewhat, and Third Company hurriedly left them alone. 

They rode hard for the town even though they knew that the battle would have long since ended by the time they get there. Vania kept a close eye on Emmy the whole time, noting her forced smiles when others tried to talk to her. She rode close to Vania and Kel these days, now that she was well enough to do so. 

But they were wrong about the battle being over. 

At least, they didn’t expect to be attacked on the way there. 

The hurroks and centaurs emerged from nowhere, and Kel’s sparrows gave them only a few moments’ warning. Kel shouted orders quickly, and the men got into a more defensible formation before the centaurs reached them.

Vania shot at hurroks with her crossbow, guarding Kel’s back and keeping an eye on Emmy. Kel charged at the centaurs with her glaive in hand, and Emmy gave Vania the fright of her life when she did the same with her sword.

But Emmy was good. She took down two centaurs quickly, her sword almost too fast to follow. Vania stopped counting when she realised that the hurroks were diving for Emmy. Vania kicked Thunder into a trot and shot at the hurroks as fast as she could.

Someone shoved Vania from the side before she reached Emmy. She gasped and grabbed her saddle and Thunder desperately, her crossbow slipping from her hands. 

When she steadied herself and turned to look, blood drained from her face. 

Kel swayed a little on her horse, an arrow sticking out of the back of her shoulder.

“Kel!” 

Vania brought Thunder around quickly, drawing her sword and putting herself between a centaur and her knight mistress. “Guard the captain!” She shouted, parrying the centaur’s blade and pushing aside her fear and guilt. 

Vania held the centaur off but couldn’t find an opening. Suddenly, a third sword cut its flank deeply, and Vania cut his throat when he screamed in pain. 

“To your right!” Emmy shouted.

Vania turned and blocked just in time. 

The two of them fought side by side, joined by more men of the Own who came to surround Kel in a protective circle. It was a hard struggle, but they managed to drive the immortals away.

When it was over, a few men of the Own helped Kel get off her horse and carried her to a spot by the side of the road that was not littered with the immortals’ bodies. Kel’s face was pale and grimaced in pain as they sat her down. Emmy held her up by the front of her shoulder.

Vania knelt on one knee next to her knight mistress, tears of guilt in her eyes. 

The arrow had been meant for her. She knew without a doubt as her mind started finding answers to the questions she had set aside when they first saw the immortals. Why attack a party of over thirty armed warriors? Why risk a high casualty count, unless there was an equally high reward in the form of a dead princess? 

“I’m sorry, Kel.” She said softly, removing armour plates near Kel’s shoulder. All these turned out to have been useless against a crossbow.

Kel rested a hand on Vania’s knee. “Not your fault.” she said, her voice strained.

Vania swallowed, one hand on the arrow, still embedded in the armour plate that Vania had loosened. “I’m pulling it out, Kel. Hold on.”

Vania waited until Kel gave a nod before she pulled it. Kel’s body jerked, but the only sound she made was a short grunt. Grimly, Vania sent her Gift to the wound, stopping its bleeding and burning any seeds of infection. 

Kel stopped her when she was starting to heal her wound. “The others…” she rasped, “Save your Gift for them.”

Vania paused, biting her lip. She turned around to survey the scene quickly. They had more than a few casualties, with five or so that she could see who were lying on the ground, their wounds bloody. 

Vania wanted to correct her mistake. She wanted to finish healing Kel. But she knew that they might lose some of the others if she used up her Gift now.

She took a deep breath. “I’ll send two men ahead to see how close the others are, Neal is with them. Then I’ll deal with the most serious injuries.”

“Good.” Kel whispered, giving her a small smile.

“I’ll bandage her wound,” Emmy said quickly, “Go.”

Vania blinked and wiped her eyes quickly. She had work to do. 

She recalled what Neal had taught her about triage, and walked around to check on each of the heavily wounded quickly. That helped her decide which person to attend to first, and how much she could afford to heal them. 

She moved from one man to the next, her mind focused on cleaning the bloody wounds and on coaxing veins to close. When she reached the second last person, she felt herself hitting the limits of her Gift. 

“No!” She said softly as she staggered to her feet, cursing herself. The next person had a deep cut on his thigh and a few shallow cuts on his arms and torso. He had already lost a large amount of blood. 

She dropped down ungracefully to her knees next to the man, recalling his name as Durwin. “Durwin,” Vania gasped, gripping an unbloodied spot on his arm, “Stay with me!”

Vania closed her eyes, and reached deep within herself. The well of her Gift was almost dry, and she pulled all of it, sending it to the man’s thigh. She stopped the bleeding and tried to coax the deep muscles to mend. He would have a limp for life if she didn’t get this right. But the muscles wouldn’t budge. Vania frowned, and doubled down on her Gift. She had to have more. She had to save Durwin’s leg. She had made enough mistakes today. 

She felt something started to flow through her when someone pulled her back roughly. 

Vania gasped, falling back towards something soft, a roaring in her ears.

“…you’re going to kill yourself!” Neal’s voice was shouting at her when the world settled somewhat around her. “I told you not to push too far!”

Vania panted, belatedly recognising Neal’s green Gift glowing over Durwin’s wound as he crouched beside him. 

“Vania, can you hear me?” Emmy asked urgently, holding Vania’s upper body up by the shoulders.

Vania coughed, turning around a little to see Emmy’s worried face. She closed her eyes. 

The next thing she knew, someone was pushing a cup to her lips. Vania drank automatically, and felt her mind clear with each sip of the herbal tea. 

She opened her eyes again. She was still sitting on the ground in front of Durwin. Emmy was still holding her up. 

Neal held the cup one on hand, and her hand on the other. He sent a jolt of energy to her. 

Vania gasped, sitting up on her own and feeling more alive again. “Thank you.”

Neal smiled crookedly. “If you were _my_ squire, I’d make you write ‘I will not use my life force for healing and kill myself’ a thousand times.”

Vania gripped his hand. “Have you seen Kel? Is she all right?”

Neal nodded. “I finished her healing before I saw you. She’ll need to take things easy for the next few days, but she’ll be fine.”

Vania sighed in relief, falling back into Emmy’s arms. 

“ _You_ should take it easy for the next few days too,” Neal said, standing up. “We’ll have a long talk about what not to do in situations like this when you’re feeling human again.”

“I feel human.” Vania protested softly, though he was already walking away. 

Emmy hugged Vania tightly from behind. “I didn’t think you could scare me _after_ a battle was done.”

Vania put a trembling hand on Emmy’s arms, tears welling in her eyes again. “Kel took the arrow for me.” She said softly, “It was meant for me!”

Emmy let go, and shifted to pull her up. “Come on, they’re setting up camp up ahead. Let’s get you in your tent and we’ll talk.”

Vania was in no condition to talk. She had drained her Gift before, but never had she felt so exhausted. Had she really started using her own life force? She didn’t know. She couldn’t think straight, and was leaning heavily on Emmy as they walked towards their new campsite down the road. Emmy sat her down by a tree and went to set up her tent for her. 

Vania closed her eyes. 

When she opened them again, she was lying on a bedroll in a tent. It was already dark outside, and the tent was lit by a fire from just outside the tent. Emmy was sitting cross-legged next to her bedroll, dozing as she rested a chin on one hand. 

Vania slowly pushed herself up, noting the weakness in her body. She felt light headed. Her dry throat itched, and she coughed. 

Emmy straightened up in a jerk. She was taking a waterskin and offering it to Vania before Vania had a chance to say anything. 

“Thank you,” Vania said gratefully when she was done, wiping her mouth and capping the waterskin again. 

Emmy nodded, tucking Vania’s hair behind her ear. “How are you feeling? I’ve never seen you use so much of your Gift before.”

Vania pushed the bottom of her palm to her forehead, closing her eyes briefly. “That’s because I don’t have that much Gift to use. I must have — must have started using my life force accidentally.”

“Accidentally?” Emmy repeated, her voice a mix of disbelief and worry.

Vania pulled her hand away from her forehead and tried to smile. “I don’t do this often.”

“I hope you don’t!” Emmy said, leaning forward to hug Vania tightly. “How will I — I didn’t even know this was possible!”

Vania turned slightly so she could hug Emmy back properly. “I’m sorry. It’s just — Kel took an arrow for me, but she wanted me to heal the others. Durwin was going to have a limp for life if his leg wasn’t fixed in time, and I just —” She let out a sob, shaking. 

“Hush,” Emmy said softly, rubbing small circles on Vania’s back. “We all do what we have to. You did your best,” Emmy said, and paused. “Except the part where you almost killed yourself. Can you not do that next time?”

Vania tried to control herself, nodding against Emmy’s shoulder. She let herself relax in Emmy’s arms for a few more moments. 

“Where’s Kel?” Vania asked when she finally pulled away, wiping her eyes. 

“Sleeping in her tent, the last I saw her.” 

Vania pulled aside the cover of her bedroll and scrambled to her feet. “I need to —”

Emmy caught her when she stumbled. “You need to eat, and take things slowly.” 

“But Kel —”

Emmy’s hands were firm. “She’s likely still sleeping. Aren’t you the one who keeps telling me to eat properly so that I can heal faster? You need to take your own advice.”

Vania let herself sag against Emmy. Emmy felt sturdy and strong, for all she was shorter than Vania, and Vania leaned on her tiredly. “I hate having my own words thrown back at me.”

“Then don’t talk so much,” Emmy teased, gently. 

Vania tried to glare at Emmy as she helped her sit back down, but she couldn’t quite hold her glare when she saw the tenderness and care in Emmy’s eyes. After Vania sat down, she glanced quickly at the open tent flap to make sure no one was passing by, and leaned forward, intending to kiss Emmy on her lips. 

She pulled back the last moment, shocked.

It was exactly this feeling. It was this longing to be close to Emmy that made her ride for Emmy and abandon her duty to Kel. It was this feeling that led to Kel having to take an arrow for her. 

She scooted back, pulling away from Emmy’s hands. 

“What’s wrong?” Emmy asked, startled. 

Vania stared at Emmy’s concerned face in shock. She turned and buried her face in her hands, trying hard not to cry.

“Vania…” Emmy’s hand rested on her back gently, and Vania stiffened. Emmy must have felt it, and she pulled away. 

“What’s wrong?” Emmy asked worriedly.

Vania’s hands were shaking. “It was my fault.” she said softly, “I was — I was riding for you, Emmy! I saw you in danger and I went for you. If I didn’t, Kel wouldn’t need to take an arrow for me! I was — I was supposed to be covering for her…”

Emmy didn’t reply. Vania took a shuddering breath, feeling wretched. How could she have abandoned her post like that? What kind of a knight would she made, if she had eyes only for her lover? 

Finally, Vania felt a tentative touch at her shoulder. “Vania…”

Vania shook Emmy’s hand off, shaking her head. “Please, Emmy, just — just leave me alone. I need to — I need to think.”

Vania bit her lip as she fought back tears, not wanting to open her eyes and face the world. She had prided herself at being good at what she did. But did any of it matter, if she was so undisciplined in the field? Was she fit for command at all, when she couldn’t even manage her own feelings? More than once, the people she loved and respected were hurt while protecting her. Even if she didn’t sit around and wait to be married off, was she any better than those princesses who needed to be rescued? 

When she finally opened her eyes, she was alone in her dark tent.

*

Vania woke up ravenous the next morning. She greeted the men absently as she went and wolfed down a large breakfast. It quelled the hunger in her belly, but it did nothing to fill the emptiness gnawing in her heart. 

She went straight to Kel’s tent afterwards. 

Kel was sitting up, her breakfast on a small portable desk placed over her bedroll. Neal sat next to her. They both stopped talking when she came in. 

Vania tried to smile. “Good morning.”

Kel smiled warmly at her, and beckoned for her to come closer. “Good morning. How are you feeling today? Neal told me what happened.”

Vania avoided Neal’s eyes as she sat down carefully on the other side of the bedroll. “I’m much better. And you?”

“Much better too.” Kel said, looking at Neal meaningfully. 

“I’ll leave you to do the scolding.” Neal said, getting to his feet. 

“There’s nothing for me to scold her for,” Kel protested, but Neal didn’t reply as he left. 

Vania looked down in shame all the same. 

“Vania,” Kel said firmly, “he’s just being Neal. You did well yesterday. You saved a few men’s lives.”

Vania shook her head, not meeting her knight mistress’ eyes. “I was supposed to provide cover for you. But I went away when I saw Emmy in danger. And you had to take an arrow for me instead.” 

She felt tears in her eyes. This was Kel, a hero, and the kindest, most patient knight mistress that she could have asked for. And she got her hurt. 

“I’m so, so sorry, Kel.”

Kel patted her head gently. “Don’t be. You’re my squire. I’m supposed to protect you.”

“And I was supposed to give you cover.” Vania said stubbornly. She blinked, and felt her tears fall. She wiped them impatiently. 

Kel sighed. “You’re right. You did leave your post.”

Vania closed her eyes and hung her head. But the scolding she was expecting did not come. 

She looked up tentatively after a few moments. “Aren’t you… aren’t you going to scold me?”

Kel smiled a little. “Why should I? You have clearly realised your mistake. And I trust you not to repeat it next time.”

Vania looked away. “I’ll feel better if you scold me, my lady.” 

“You can go to Neal for scolding. He’ll gladly do it, at length, whether you deserve it or not.”

Vania tried and failed to hide a grin. She shook her head. “I’m still sorry that you had to take an arrow for me, Kel.”

“And my answer is still the same. You are my squire, I’m supposed to protect you.”

It reminded Vania of something that had been on her mind for days. She took a deep breath. “Kel, did you — did my father ask you to take me on, so that I’ll always have the Own around to protect me?”

Kel stared at her, her eyes unreadable. “Why do you ask?”

Vania’s heart fell, feeling like her suspicions had been confirmed. “Emmy found out what Darius of Tirragen said to me when he attacked me. We talked. Aunt Alanna told her that my father had increased protection around all his children. I wondered what kind of protection he placed around me, and realised that the whole of Third Company is around me.” She dared to meet Kel’s eyes again, her heart beating fast, “Is that the reason I’m your squire?”

“It is not the _only_ reason,” Kel said quietly, “but it is one of them.”

Vania felt her breath catch, pressure building up in her eyes as tears threatened to fall. 

“Do you know how rare it is for a knight with only four years of experience to command a whole company of elite soldiers?” Kel turned a little to stare straight ahead, “Do you know what kind of objections there were from court about having a woman command a company of the King’s Own?Even if I do have experience in command, and I had my Lord Raoul vouching for me, there were very strong and vocal objections about my appointment. But his majesty wants to support lady knights, and he wants you to have protection. This arrangement serves more than one purpose for him, and it was something he could push for.”

She turned back to Vania with a small smile, “Those were his reasons. But I told you my reasons when I asked you to be my squire. You have a talent for command, and I can help you develop your talents further.”

Vania swallowed, looking down as she blinked back tears.

After a moment of silence, Kel gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze. “What are you thinking about?”

Vania smiled, a little bitterly. “I just… have I told you, I used to want to be a Rider? But I realised how impractical it would be for the Rider group I end up at, being a princess and all. They’d never get to see real battle, and they’d always have to protect me.” She wiped her tears roughly, looking at everywhere but Kel’s patient eyes, “I thought that knights could work alone, and I wouldn’t have to drag anyone down. But now I —” she snorted wetly, “— I have a whole company of soldiers protecting me. And here I was, thinking that I was doing good work.” 

Kel placed a finger under Vania’s chin, nudging her head up and did not speak until Vania met her eyes. “I don’t lie, Vania. I told you you have a talent for command, and I’ve seen it for myself. But command is more than tactics and logistics, you have to learn to see the bigger picture. I could have lied and reassured you that you’ve earned this all on your own merits, but I wanted you to see this from a commander’s view point. Even if you had earn this. I’d have gladly taken you as a squire even if his majesty hadn’t brought it up.”

“Did he —” Vania blurted before she could stop herself, her heart pounding because she had to know. “Did he order you to take me on?”

Kel shook her head. “He didn’t. Taking a squire is a big commitment, and his majesty didn’t force me into it. He explained his concerns and his plans, and convinced me that it would be beneficial for many parties. I _was_ looking to take one of you girls for a squire when I came back for reassignment. This arrangement worked out for all of us.”

Vania nodded, still sullen. How was she supposed to feel about this?

“It’s all well and good to have one clear reason for what you do, Vania,” Kel said, “But many a times, as commander, you have too many things to do. You _should_ look for ways that solve many problems with one solution. Your father is a good commander too, you know. This was a masterstroke.”

Vania looked up, startled. “My father?”

“A king is like a commander for a country, is he not?” Kel said, smiling a little, “He oversees many more things than a commander in the Own or in the army, but he needs to think like one nevertheless. He needs to get the respect of his court, much like how we need the respect of the men or women we command. He needs to assess a situation and sees how it fits into the big picture. There are many more similarities. 

“If you want to be a good commander, you need to start thinking like one beyond the battlefields.”

Vania nodded slowly. Kel had given her much food for thought. 

*

At supper, Emmy took her bowl of thick soup from the mess tent and grabbed a roll. She ran into Vania just as she was walking into the tent. 

Emmy opened her mouth, and closed it when Vania ducked her head and hurried past her. 

Emmy swallowed her disappointment, and started walking back to her tent. Vania had been avoiding her the whole day. It was just as well that many men of the Own were mostly recuperating at camp, and she could help out with some of the chores as they were short of hands. It had been a long day. 

Emmy was shocked at Vania’s outburst that morning. Still, she could not think of anything that she could have done. Emmy herself had been focused on taking down the immortals — was she more cold-hearted, that she could leave Vania alone in battle? Was she too used to Vania watching out for her, and not the other way round? Did she care less about Vania than Vania did about her? 

How could she? 

She hated not having answers. 

Her small tent felt suffocating when she went back. But she didn’t want to join some of the men eating around the campfires outside. She kept the tent flap open. 

She missed Alanna. She missed Vania.

Numbly, she tucked into her supper, counting the number of days until they reach Corus. At least she knew the work she had to do there. She didn’t know what she was supposed to do here anymore.

Mid-way through her supper, Vania walked into her tent and sat down across from her without a word. She placed her own bowl and bread roll on the small desk. Emmy pulled hers closer to give Vania more space. 

They avoided eye contact. 

None of them said anything for a few moments.

“Emmy,” Vania finally said, “I’m sorry. About this morning. It was my mistake, but I was rude to you.”

Emmy smiled a little, looking up tentatively. “You did say please.”

Vania chuckled softly, her hand reaching out to take Emmy’s. Emmy sighed in relief, feeling the tension deflating between them. “I’m still sorry,” Vania said, her sapphire eyes apologetic.

Emmy shook her head, smiling in relief. “Don’t worry about it. You had a difficult day.”

Vania’s smile faltered. She pulled her hand back, and silently tucked into her dinner. Emmy followed suit, knowing that Vania would talk when she was ready.

It took Vania a while.

She finally put down her half-eaten supper, still staring at the bowl. “I shouldn’t have made a run for you when I saw you in danger. I abandoned my post, and I can’t do that. I should know better than that.” She clenched her fists on the desk. “I won’t — I won’t do that next time.”

Emmy stared at Vania’s clenched fists warily, hating that she was part of the reason Vania was struggling. Still, she wanted to be encouraging, and she mustered a smile. “I know you can do it.”

Vania chuckled bitterly. “You know so much more than I do. You fight centaurs like a full knight. You know how to focus on the battle and not be distracted by personal feelings. Why do I keep thinking that I have to look out for you because I’m older, I don’t know.”

Emmy frowned. “Vania —”

Vania shook her head. “It’s the truth.”

“We’re just different, Vania,” Emmy said impatiently, “I fight well on my own, but I can’t command a group of warriors like you can. I can’t read a battle field and think of the best tactics while under attack, but you can. No one will follow my lead, but I know I’d gladly put my life in your hands, and I’m sure many others will do the same.”

Vania’s lips trembled. Emmy glanced ruefully at the open tent flap and the lack of privacy, and reached out only to take Vania’s hand to give it a squeeze.

“This isn’t like you, Vania. You hardly do self-pity.” Emmy said softly, “What else is troubling you?”

Vania squeezed Emmy’s hand back tightly. She took a shuddering breath. “My father… he did convince Kel to take me as a squire, Emmy. Third Company _is_ my protection. Kel told me herself. She said she wasn’t ordered to do it — but I know my father. He hardly needs orders to get what he wants.” She paused. “Kel said it didn’t matter because it’s beneficial to all parties involved. But I just — I just —”

Emmy’s mind raced. Vania must be hurt by the discovery, proud as she was. But the king wasn’t the only person in the decision. “Kel wanted you for a squire, Vania. She asked me about you, over Midwinter in our third year.”

Vania looked up. “What?”

Emmy smiled a little. “Remember the night you bumped into a sleazy old lord in the corridors? I ran into Kel and Prince Roald after I left the kitchen, and they asked me how you and Fianola were doing. She had been thinking of you as a squire for more than a year, Vania. I’m sure you father didn’t talk to her that early.”

Vania’s eyes widened hopefully. “Is that true? Why didn’t you say anything?”

“What if she didn’t decide to take a squire after that?” Emmy said, “What if I got your hopes up, and she ended up taking someone else, or even no one?”

Slowly, tentatively, Vania broke into a small smile.

Emmy’s heart went out to her. Open tent flap be damned, she reached out to touch Vania’s cheek tenderly. “You’re amazing, Vania. You face so much pressure as a princess, and there are people — people who want your life through no fault of your own. But still, you work harder than you ever need to, and your heart is big enough for the weak and the disgraced. You win people over even before they know how good a leader you are.” 

Emmy used her thumb to brush away the tears that had fallen down Vania’s face. “I can’t even begin to understand how complicated things are for you. But you’re strong, Vania. You’re strong, you’re smart, and you’re the bravest girl I know. I know you can do this.”

Vania scrambled to her feet, and went to bring the tent flap down, throwing them into semi darkness. 

But Vania found Emmy still. She knelt down and held Emmy’s face in her hands, bringing their lips together. They kissed hungrily, desperately giving each other what they could not put into words. At some point, Emmy scrambled to her knees so that she could kiss Vania less awkwardly. 

It was a while before they stopped, both breathing heavily and their hands warm on chests and waists. Emmy was about to sit back on her heels, but Vania pulled her upright and wrapped her arms around Emmy’s shoulder tightly. They clung to each other in the darkness.

They were both too warm, and the tent felt too small. But Emmy had never felt more at home than in Vania’s arms. 

“I love you, Emmy.” Vania whispered in her ears. 

Emmy blinked, unexpected tears welling in her eyes. “I love you, too.”


	6. First day back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to the wonderful The_Big_Wee_Hag for beta-reading! Any remaining mistakes are mine alone.

Third Company and Emmy arrived in Corus in late November. It had snowed the afternoon they reached the city, and the warm lights from the palace was a welcome sight. Emmy felt her breath catch when she first saw their glow. Reluctant as she was to say it out loud, Corus had become more of a home for her than Tirragen. And now she was coming home for the first time in five months.

She exchanged a grin with Vania from atop their horses.

“Lady Kel!” Emmy called, when Kel, Vania and the rest of the Own started to turn for the stables meant for the Own. Emmy nudged Whisper closer as Kel waved her men ahead. Emmy made sure that she caught Kel’s eyes before she bowed from the saddle, “Thank you for letting me tag along, my lady.”

Kel smiled. “We did mean to come back for Midwinter, not least because Yuki’s expected to go into labour any day now. Neal would never forgive me if I made him miss his child’s birth.”

“Not to mention my mother probably dropped hints about wanting me back,” Vania muttered so that only the three of them could hear, smiling crookedly. 

“Good guess,” Kel said evenly, her face betraying nothing, “But we need to restock our supplies and integrate the new recruits from the latest batch. The north is quiet, and Second Company’s in the south. Even Lord Raoul is coming back for Midwinter. So hurry up and go meet your niece. I’ll head over myself, and tell Shinko you’re sulking if I see her before you do.”

Vania’s eyes darted downwards, and she bowed her head a little at the subtle reprimand.

Kel turned to Emmy. “And don’t be a stranger, Emmy. You know we’ll welcome you at glaive practice if you want to join us.”

Emmy swallowed, thinking that it was strange to think of Vania’s knight mistress as a friend. “I can join you tomorrow, at least. I’ll be seeing Myles in the afternoon, and I’ll work out some arrangements about schedules with him then.”

Kel nodded and rode away. Vania was still looking down, patting Thunder’s mane absently. Emmy reached across the short distance between them and gave her shoulder a squeeze. 

After finding out about the truth of the king’s influence in the matter of her knight mistress a few weeks ago, Vania had stopped trying to fit in and pretend to be a normal squire. She still gladly took on the same work, but she had started to think differently, seeing more clearly now the impact of her presence as a princess among the Own.

Emmy became her confidant for the things she learned through this new lens. Vania had thought that her being surrounded by soldiers all the time was because they were a tight knit group, but now she wondered if the Own never left her alone because they were ordered not to. She described past skirmishes in detail to Emmy, trying to get her sense of whether the battle formations were arranged for her protection. Emmy tried to help as much as she could, but she didn’t know as much about tactics, and Vania always had an explanation for everything. 

Even if Emmy’s patience was tested, she couldn’t bring herself to stay annoyed. Vania had good and bad days. Some days she accepted the necessity and admired Kel’s tactical brilliance, but some days she was dejected and questioned herself. There were more and more good days recently, but today didn’t seem like one of them.

“I’m fine,” Vania forced a smile, “Kel is right. We do have work to do here.”

“Go talk to your brothers.” Emmy reminded gently. They had talked about this before, and Emmy didn’t know enough to help. But she knew that Roald or Liam would have more similar experiences, and had urged Vania to talk to them. 

Vania nodded, her smile more genuine this time. She looked around them at the stable hands and other palace inhabitants ruefully, and Emmy knew that she wanted a kiss. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow morning.” Emmy said with a smile, closing her hands around her reins so that she wouldn’t reach out and hold Vania’s hands. 

“Come with me to see Lianny!” Vania suddenly said, sitting up straighter. 

Lianokami of Conté had been born in September, and was already famous across the realm. Shinko and Roald’s letters to Kel and Vania had revealed the nickname that was as adorable as her full name was regal. 

Emmy hesitated, and tried to find the right words. “It’s your family, Vania. I don’t want to intrude.”

Vania bit her lip, and Emmy knew that there were things she wanted to say the she couldn’t in this public a setting. It suited Emmy just well, she was too tired to try and navigate around Vania’s royal family, and it was too cold to stay out here and talk.

“I’ll see you soon,” Emmy said before Vania found her words, and turned Whisper around. 

“See you.” Vania called softly when Emmy had already turned her back, and Emmy raised a hand in a silent wave.

Emmy didn’t doubt Vania’s feelings for her. She had enjoyed the last few weeks of working and training beside Vania again, a treat she did not expect when they both set out for the road early in the summer. They had good times if not much privacy, and only a few stolen kisses in the dark. Being near Vania made Emmy happy enough. 

But back here, Emmy was reminded that Vania would be staying in a room next to a Captain of the King’s Own, and she was on her way to greet and hug the crown prince and princess’ newborn before joining the king and queen for dinner. It was an experience that would be nerve-wrecking for Emmy, no matter how kind the royals had been in her brief meetings with them. It was perhaps to Vania’s credit that she was so down to earth that Emmy forgot she was a princess most of the time. Vania’s struggles in the past few weeks had reminded Emmy of that, though it was easy to let it slide when one was on the road, and Vania got her hands dirty as much as anyone did. Now that they were back at the royal palace and the two of them were going on separate ways, it was much harder to forget. 

It wasn’t as if Emmy didn’t have a good deal, she reminded herself as she approached her room in the squire’s wing. She was squire to the King’s Champion, after all. 

But Alanna wasn’t here, and the reason that Emmy couldn’t follow was a sobering reminder of her own status and the work that needed to be done for Tirragen. It made her glance resentfully at the spot where the invisible tracker on her arm was. She wished briefly that it was indeed visible, and that the reminder of its presence, when it came, was not as painful.

“Emmy!” A familiar voice rang out.

Emmy turned, a grin growing on her face even before her eyes settled on Fianola running towards her.

Emmy dropped her bags and covered the few steps between them. They hugged tightly. “Fianola! It’s so good to see you again!”

Fianola patted her back heartily. “It’s good to see you well! Vania’s last letter was quite worrying,” Fianola said, pulling away to look Emmy up and down, “She was frantic, and said that you were hurt badly.”

Emmy looked down, her cheeks warm in embarrassment. It was probably her fault that she had not written to Fianola after the incident. “I’m fine now, don’t worry.”

Fianola gave her shoulder a squeeze. “I’m glad. Tell me more later. Did you just arrive? Have you eaten?”

She let Fianola follow her into her room as she dropped off her bags, and they went to the dining hall together, chattering the whole time. 

It turned out that Fianola had stayed close to the palace all these months, as Roald didn’t want to venture far when Shinko was close to delivering, and he certainly didn’t mean to travel for the next few months. But he kept his word about giving Fianola more field experience — she had joined the guard patrols around the palace and its outskirts, and followed Roald to his meetings with various lords and city guilds.

“It’s more interesting that I thought,” Fianola admitted, “and his highness often asks me about those meetings afterwards and explains what he’s trying to do.”

“That’s —”

“Emmy!”

Emmy turned back as they both halted just before the entrance to the hall. She barely registered a familiar mop of messy dark hair before Patrine lunged and closed her arms excitedly around Emmy. Emmy laughed. “Hello to you too, Patrine!”

Patrine pulled back to grin at her. “It’s so good to have you back! Fianola said you fought a huge battle with immortals and saved the Lioness’ life! You have to tell us the full story!”

Emmy narrowed her eyes at Fianola, who looked back with large, innocent eyes. “That’s not how I would tell the story. My lady saved my life many times over.”

“Well, that’s not surprising,” Patrine said impatiently, “But you did save her life that once?” 

Emmy rolled her eyes, and doing so made her think of Vania, because Emmy had picked this up from her. She shook her head, trying not to think about Vania having dinner with her parents, the king and queen. “I’ll tell you the story after supper. We’re going to be late, and I’m not sure if Sir haMinch can give squires punishment duties.”

Patrine let it go reluctantly, and they finally entered the hall. Emmy breathed a sigh of relief, resolved to confront Fianola later. But as she turned to look for a seat, Fianola steered her towards two squires who were waving at them. Emmy grinned at Briar and Ahmad and waved with her cutleries in hand.

“Emmy!” Briar grinned back before they reached them, looking tanned and taller even though he was sitting down, “What’s this about you saving the Lioness’ life?”

Emmy turned and glared at Fianola.

“Well, they arrived a week ago,” Fianola said quietly with a shrug, completely unrepentant, “And we finished exchanging our stories. We haven’t heard from you in a while, you know. And we were more worried than anything.”

Emmy’s eyes softened, and mentally prepared herself for the scrutiny that followed. Vania had described the number of enemies well in her letter, if not the actual battle, and her worry was palpable enough that everything seemed that much more dramatic. Emmy spent some time insisting that no, she hadn’t really been dying, and her actions weren’t really heroic, but were just her trying hard to stay alive by keeping Alanna alive. 

“But it is remarkable, Emmy,” Ahmad said with an awe in his eyes that made Emmy uncomfortable, “You’ve fought multiple immortals and lived to tell the tale. I don’t think any of us has that kind of combat experience yet.”

Emmy thought back to the bone-shaking fear of the battle, the embarrassment in knowing that her injuries had kept a whole company of men in the same place for a few days, and the frustrating recovery period where she felt slow and clumsy and useless. 

“It’s not something to wish for,” Emmy said quietly, going back to her dinner. 

“I know what you mean, Emmy,” Briar said solemnly, and Emmy looked up in surprise, “I’ve fought bandits and had battle wounds myself. But the experience is not something to scoff at. It makes you that much sharper and gives you a better chance each time. With your head start, you’re going to be quite a formidable knight later, Emmy.” He grinned, his seriousness slipping away, “Not that that was ever in question, of course. You are the Lioness’ squire, after all.”

It sounded so absurd that Emmy looked around the table to find someone to share the feeling of incredulity with. But she found none. The others nodded as if it made sense, and Ahmad even looked a little envious. Emmy felt a sudden weariness weighing on her shoulders. Why were they looking at her like she had done something great and out of their reach? Weren’t they year mates and friends? Couldn’t they tell that no one else would have taken her on as a squire? 

“I’m just me, guys,” Emmy said, shaking her head, “And I probably needed whatever head start you think I have. Because of my dratted sentence, I’m not going to have a knight mistress for the next few months.”

Fianola looked at her sharply, though she didn’t say anything as Briar asked about where Alanna was going. That steered the conversation to developments in the Copper Isles, in which both Fianola and Ahmad were better informed in than Emmy herself, and she was glad to listen. She found out that some of the news came from Roland as well, who had been stationed near the coast with his knight master, Esmond of Nicoline. He had been given permission to spend Midwinter in his home fief in Nond however, which explained his absence. 

Patrine caught her briefly at the hall when they were leaving to say that she had punishment duty to get to — Emmy hid a smile — and that they could catch up another day. Emmy was relieved to not have to repeat her story anymore for the night.

When they were in the squire’s wing, though, Fianola caught her arm and asked for a word. Emmy followed her into her room, since they reached it first before Emmy’s room.

Fianola closed the door behind her and took Emmy’s hands in her own, her eyes searching. “Are you all right? With being here?”

Emmy smiled uncertainly. “I have to be here.”

“You talked about your ‘sentence’ keeping you in Tortall.” Fianola reminded gently, “Is that how you’re thinking about it?”

Emmy blinked. It was getting harder to think, and she really wanted to get back to bed, even if it wasn’t that late yet. “It is what it is. I’m not supposed to leave Tortall until ten years after my knighthood. I bargained for it. I have to live with it.”

Fianola shook her head. “What I meant was, you said ’sentence’ like you’re ashamed of it. But all of us heard your story, Emmy. Many of us have a deep respect for what you’ve done for your people. You shouldn’t be ashamed of it.”

Fianola gave Emmy’s hands a reassuring squeeze, but Emmy barely felt it. Emmy had wanted respect, but seeing the awe in her friends’ faces when they learned of what she’d done, and the distance she felt between them made her unsure if she liked what Fianola was saying. 

“I can’t be proud of what happened, Fianola,” Emmy said at last, not meeting her eyes, “My uncle did a terrible, terrible thing, and my people in Tirragen are paying for it — Crown tax did increase, even if I managed to lower the increase with my sentence. And whatever people say, I’m not —” Emmy snorted, “I’m not even as free as Tibout is.”

“What does Tibout have to do with this?” Fianola asked with a frown.

And so Emmy had to tell her about their short meeting at the inn, and the taunts that Tibout made about being a free man while Emmy wasn’t.

Fianola grimaced in distaste. “He’s just being mean, Emmy. His words are cheap, and they mean nothing. Hardly anyone respect him the way they respect you.”

Emmy squirmed. “I’m not sure how I feel about that.” She muttered. Fianola looked at her questioningly, and she had to scramble to find the words, “I mean, I’ve always wanted respect. But I don’t… the way you and the others looked at me at dinner… it… it made me feel lonely, Fianola.” She blinked quickly, feeling both the weight of weariness and the heat of embarrassment rising, “It’s like I’m someone else, but I’m still me.”

Fianola’s eyes widened a little in realisation. Her hands reached up to clasp both Emmy’s shoulders firmly. “Of course you are still you. But you’ve been growing and improving much faster than any of us, Emmy. Maybe only Vania has changed as much, because she must have seen a lot too. We just haven’t gotten used to the new you yet. But we’ll be throwing snowballs at you soon enough.” 

Fianola wrapped Emmy in a fierce hug, and Emmy smiled at the memory of their snowball fight in their first year. Fianola had been the first to attack her with one. 

“We’ll always be your friends, Emmy.” Fianola said.

Emmy blinked away tears, a warmth building in her heart as she hugged Fianola back tighter. “Good,” she swallowed, “Remember that when I win all the snowball fights.”

Fianola chuckled. “Even the Lioness hates the cold. I doubt you’ve improved on _that_ front.”

“Watch me.”

“Oh, I will.”

*

When Emmy made her way to the practice courts used by the Queen’s Ladies the next morning, she was not surprised to see many new faces, making the group around twenty strong. What she was surprised to see, however, was Fianola grinning and waving at her from next to Vania. 

“Fianola!” Emmy said as she reached them, shooting Vania a quick grin. “I didn’t know you join the glaive practice.”

“She’s been attending ever since she started squiring for Roald.” Vania winked at Emmy, “I think she’s going to be much better than the both of us with the glaive.”

Emmy sighed and shook her head. “The last time I picked up a glaive was during the summer after our second year, before I joined Eda on the road. I think everyone here is going to be much better than me.”

“There’s no shame in that.” Queen Thayet said as she came over. Both Fianola and Emmy bowed quickly, while Vania waved cheerfully. The queen had a glaive in one hand, and with her other, she pulled Emmy into a quick hug. “You’re good enough with a sword to save Alanna’s life, my dear. Jon and I are both very grateful that you did.”

Emmy’s eyes were wide as Thayet pulled back. Vania was beaming at her, and Emmy was acutely aware of the rest of the ladies staring. 

“I hope you get over _that_ quickly,” Thayet said with a teasing smile, “we don’t go easy on any of the girls, even beginners.”

“I’ll pair up with her, mother.” Vania said, stepping closer and taking Emmy’s hand, pulling her slowly towards where the practice glaives were held. “I’ve been practising with Kel on the road. I’ll get her caught up on the basics.”

Emmy saw Thayet look at their joined hands with a speculative look in her eyes, and she almost pulled away from Vania in panic. But doing that now would only make things look more suspicious, and she caught Thayet’s eyes for a moment before she looked away. 

“As long as you don’t stick together for the whole practice, Vania.” Thayet said as she turned back towards the others. “You know we get better when we practise against different opponents.”

“I know!” Vania grinned, passing a wooden glaive to Emmy.

They walked over towards the edge of the group, and Vania proceeded to refresh Emmy’s memories of the basic sweeps and blocks. Emmy was forced to concentrate on her movements, and didn’t have time to worry about whether Thayet knew about the two of them being together. 

About halfway through the practice, Kel and Shinko came over and asked to switch partners. Emmy was thankful that Vania went with Shinko. She was much more comfortable with Kel after the ride back to Corus with the Own.

Kel passed her a waterskin for a quick sip before they got started with an easy drill, with Kel pausing and correcting Emmy’s stances. It went quickly, and Emmy had worked up a good sweat by the time the queen called a halt of the practice. 

“The queen is serious about getting over her status during practice.” Kel told Emmy as she waited with Emmy for her turn to return the practice glaive. Kel had brought her own. “The first time I practised with her, I kept thinking of her as the queen, and she had to dump me on my behind.” Kel grinned at Emmy. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

Emmy grinned back weakly. “That’s easy to say.” She turned to gaze at Vania talking animatedly with Shinko, at Thayet and the other ladies clustered around her. “How do you do it, Kel? They are royalty. We’re supposed to serve them and lay down our lives for them. They can change the lives of thousands in the kingdom on a whim. How are we supposed to act around them like we do with other people?”

“You don’t have any trouble with Vania.” Kel said quietly.

Emmy shook her head. “We went through training together. She’s never had any airs, and she told me not to use ‘your highness’ the first time we met. Sometimes I even forget that she’s a princess.”

“She’s your friend,” Kel said, putting an arm around Emmy’s shoulder, “You see her as a person. The queen, Shinko — they are all just people underneath all their titles. They deserve your respect for them as humans, not just empty titles. We still owe them duty out in the world, but within these courts, within private rooms or among the circle of our friends, some of us owe them friendship too. I think you have some ideas about how hard things are on Vania — royalty don’t always have easy lives. Don’t just serve them, support them too.”

Emmy nodded slowly, turning over Kel’s words in her mind. Fianola called her name, and she gave Kel a grateful smile before going over. She didn’t think she had fully gotten it yet, but she resolved to try harder.

*

A few bells later, Emmy’s back slammed into the ground. Her wind was knocked out of her for a moment. She blinked, and coughed. 

A graceful, callused hand came into view, and Eda’s head poked into in her vision. She was frowning when Emmy took her hand and got up, sucking in air greedily. 

“Your left side is weak,” Eda commented, even though they had just one practice bout, “But I know you’re diligent about training on both sides. What happened?”

Emmy smiled tightly as she let go of Eda’s hand to rotate her left shoulder. Emmy had not realised that her left side had weakened, and it was embarrassing for Eda to be the one to find out. “I was injured. My shoulder was stabbed by a spidren’s claw, almost two months back.”

And then she had to tell Eda the full story. They walked over to sit on a bench at the edge of the practice courts as she did so, and Emmy was glad that the pages had gone on to the stables for their training. She had sought out Eda at the first chance she got, and Eda, seeing her in practice clothes, wanted to spar before they talked about anything else. 

“I should have paid more attention to my left side after my recovery,” Emmy said as she finished the story, ducking her head, “I’m sorry.”

“How long did you wait before the infection was cleared from your wound?” Eda asked grimly. 

Emmy shrugged. “Lady Alanna thinks it’s too long, but I don’t know.”

Eda sighed. Much to Emmy’s surprise, Eda slung an arm around Emmy’s shoulder and gave her a quick half-hug before letting go. “Don’t be sorry. Knowing how to get back to peak condition after an injury is something you have to learn from experience. It’s a pity Alanna had to leave, I’m sure she would have watched your recovery more closely if she was here.”

“It’s not her fault.” Emmy said quietly. 

“It’s not yours, either.” 

Emmy looked to Eda in surprise. Her eyes were kind, even if her face was stern as usual. “We haven’t spoken since what happened early in the summer. Know that I’m proud of you, Emmy. You defeated a bigger opponent to save Vania’s life, and you protected your people at a great cost to yourself. I haven’t seen many nobles who’d do that.”

Emmy looked away. “Not many nobles saddle their people with decades of high taxes too, Eda.”

“That’s not your fault, either.”

Emmy shrugged, not wanting to get into the argument. Instead, she cleared her throat. “Speaking of this, Eda, I have something to ask you. My lady told me to start thinking about investments I can make so that I can support myself once I achieve my knighthood. We thought…” She snuck at glance at Eda’s questioning look, and felt her cheeks warm as her eyes darted to the ground again, “We thought about… well, massages.”

Eda’s eyebrow quirked. 

Emmy made herself describe the idea about building massage parlours meant for warriors, making sure that she mention how astonished Alanna was at the common Shang practice, and how she thought many warriors would appreciate such a service. 

Eda laughed. Emmy watched in amazement as Eda laughed and laughed, leaning back onto thin air as her laugher rang across the practice courts. Emmy had never seen Eda laugh like this. 

“I would have taught her if she asked!” Eda said as she calmed down, wiping the corners of her eyes. 

Emmy had to grin. “She said no one dared to complain about muscle or joint aches in front of the Shang. No one push their bodies harder than Shang warriors.”

Eda snorted. “No one as proud as her, you mean. I know a few who asked, though none of them think quite like her.”

“Can I do it, then?” Emmy asked, her heart beating faster. “I mean, this is from Shang, after all. I don’t want to share anything without your permission.”

Eda turned amused eyes on her. “You don’t need it, but you can have it if you want. The Shang aren’t afraid to share our knowledge, Emmy, or Hakuin and I wouldn’t be here. And Liam wouldn’t have taught Alanna when they met.”

Emmy breathed a sigh of relief, smiling. “Thank you. I do want your permission. I treasure everything you’ve taught me, Eda. I don’t ever want to misuse it, even accidentally.”

Eda patted her on the head, and Emmy held very still. “I don’t think you will, Emmy. Keep working hard, uphold your honour, and I can ask for nothing more.” 

She stood up, and Emmy followed suit. “Come meet me here every day after I’m done with the pages. I’ll show you how to build up strength on your left side again.”

Emmy nodded. As Eda turned to leave, Emmy hastily stepped in front of her, and hugged her quickly. 

“Thank you, Eda.” She muttered before turning around and trotting away.

*

Emmy slowed Whisper to a walk as the front gates of House Olau came into view. It was no palace, but as far as town houses went, it was certainly grand, and dwarfed the scattered buildings around it. The front gate was wide open, and a hostler came forward and bowed before her. 

“Squire Emmeline of Tirragen?” he asked, and continued after Emmy’s nod, “I’m to take care of your mount for you, my lady. The Baroness is expecting you.”

Baroness? Emmy looked ahead and saw a woman standing at the front door. The woman had grey hair tied in a bun, and was dressed simply, more plainly than she would expect for a baroness. She could be a servant, but there was something familiar about her kind face. Emmy had met the Baroness of Olau once during Prince Roald’s wedding more than three years ago, but she had seen many new faces that night, and she couldn’t be sure. 

Still, it was rude to keep others waiting. She dismounted and handed the reins to the hostler and thanked him. She was almost at the front door when the older woman closed the gap between them, and reached out to take both of Emmy’s hands warmly. 

“You have certainly grown, my dear. Do you remember me?” the older woman smiled. There was a certain wisdom in her eyes, and in that instant Emmy knew for sure that she was looking at Eleni of Olau. 

She attempted a small bow, her hands still held by Eleni. “Yes, my lady. I’m surprised you remember me.”

“Oh none of that ‘my lady’ thing,” Eleni said, freeing one hand to wave a little, “Call me Eleni. And of course I remember you. Alanna had been talking about you since you dared to stop her at Tirragen when you were nine. And,” Eleni patted Emmy’s head, her hazel eyes intense on hers, “you saved her life. Please allow a mother to give her thanks.”

Eleni pulled Emmy into a fierce hug, and Emmy tried to ignore her surprise and hug her back properly. 

“She saved mine, Eleni.” Emmy said when they pulled apart, ducking her head to hide her blush. “Not just in that battle, but by sponsoring my training, taking me on as a squire… I can never repay everything I owe her.”

“Well, you’ve made a good start.” Eleni turned and placed an arm around Emmy’s shoulder, steering her into the house. “Come, let’s get you settled. Myles is still at the palace, but he should be home soon. When he told me that you were coming back, I made him promise to bring you here for dinner.”

Now it made sense. Emmy had been surprised when a palace runner came and asked her to meet Myles in his town house instead of his office at the palace. It was a few bells before dinner, and Emmy had been sure that Myles was still teaching in the palace. 

“Speaking of dinner, is there anything you like in particular?” Eleni asked as they entered the living room and settled down on armchairs in front of the fire. “We still have time to make it for tonight.”

“I — no,” Emmy stuttered, closing her palms on her knees as she sat up straight. “I eat everything.”

Eleni had a teasing glint in her eye. “We all have favourites, dear. But don’t worry, I’m sure I’ll find out over the next few months.”

Emmy’s eyes widened a little, and Eleni caught it.

Eleni reached out and closed one hand over Emmy’s, “I do hope you plan to visit often, Emmy. It’s a shame that you can’t follow Alanna to the Isles, but it doesn’t mean that you have to be alone here. You saved Alanna’s life, and you mean a lot to her. You’re as good as family to me, and I hope you’ll visit often.”

Emmy felt a lump in her throat, and nodded wordlessly. She didn’t quite know what to make of this, that a woman she barely knew was offering to be family. But her heart was filled with warmth, and the thought of coming to this lovely house for dinners with Myles and Eleni made the winter look less bleak than before.

“Are you making another young girl blush again, Eleni?” A teasing voice came from the entrance, and Emmy turned to see a young woman, probably Vania’s age, carrying a tray with pots and cups entering the room. She was pretty, her light brown hair in a loose braid. She was not wearing a servant’s uniform but a pale blue dress.

Eleni chuckled. “You make me sound like one of those lads I’d warn young girls away from. How many times do I need to tell you that you’re not a servant, Amicia? You’re my guest, you don’t have to do this.”

Amicia gave Emmy a quick grin before she set the tray on the low table in front of them, crouching gracefully as she laid out the cups and started pouring steaming tea into them. “I’m feeling much better now, Eleni. I’ve got to be doing something.”

“Emmy, this is Amicia, a house guest. Amicia, this is Squire Emmeline of Tirragen, Alanna’s squire.”

Amicia got to her feet and curtsied. Surprised, Emmy shot to her feet and bowed back. 

Amicia winked at Emmy’s slightly panicked look. “It’s an honour, Squire Emmeline. Eleni wouldn’t stop talking about you since she heard you’re coming.”

“Call me Emmy.” She muttered, feeling her cheeks warm. Just how many people had been talking about her?

“Join us, Amicia.” Eleni took her cup of tea and took a sip. “I’m just getting to know Emmy better until Myles is back for dinner. Alanna said in her letter that you have some investments to make in the city, Emmy? Amicia came from a merchant’s family, maybe she could be of help to you.”

Amicia seemed to grimace at the mention of her family, but just as quickly the look was gone, and she wore a bland smile on her face. There was more to the story here, Emmy could tell. 

“I’ve helped my family run the shops since I was fifteen, and I know bookkeeping and other things.” Amicia said carefully, not quite meeting Emmy’s eyes. “It’s not much.”

“It’s a lot more than I know.” Emmy said with a smile. Amicia caught her eyes, and relaxed a little.

“You’ll have time to learn, Emmy.” Eleni said. “Now, what kind of investments have you been thinking about?”

*

Emmy covered a yawn with her free hand as her other hand kept brushing Whisper down. It had been a long day. The three of them got into an excited discussion about what Emmy could do to start her massage parlour business, and they had already made plans to visit some of Eleni’s contacts in the city in the coming few days. Myles was amused at both the idea and the plans that had been made in just one afternoon when he got back, and they continued talking in the library long after dinner was done. Myles had also made sure to dig a few volumes on bookkeeping and trade from his personal library and lend them to Emmy. Eleni had offered for her to spend the night at the town house, but Emmy had promised to join the queen’s ladies for practice the next morning, and declined.

She didn’t know how late it was until the pages’ pre-curfew bell made her jump. For a moment she panicked and wondered if she would make it back to her room on time. Finally remembering that the curfews didn’t apply to her anymore, she relaxed, shaking her head with a smile. 

“Do you need a hand?” 

She spun around, holding one hand up defensively. 

Gerald of Disart stared at the brush in her fist in amusement. “Did the Lioness teach you how to use a brush as a weapon too?”

Emmy lowered her brush sheepishly. “Sorry. I didn’t hear you.”

“My knight master always said that sneakiness is an important skill for a knight.” Gerald said, walking towards the wall and picking up another brush. He went around the other side and started brushing Whisper down. 

Emmy grinned as she resumed her own work. “That’s… surprising.”

“I thought that at the beginning, too.” He said, his eyes focused on Whisper even as Emmy stole a few glances at him. He was taller than Emmy by a full head these days, and his head was clearly visible over Whisper. “But the more I think about it, the less surprised I am. I mean, Vania gets the strangest ideas sometimes. The weirdness must run in the family.”

Surprised, Emmy laughed a little. Gerald would not have made a joke like that about the royal family five months ago. Prince Liam must be an interesting knight master. 

“You should tell that to her face.” Emmy said, grinning.

“Oh I will, when I find her.” He nodded, “Liam and I just arrived this afternoon. Imagine my surprise when Briar told me that the biggest news around here was _you_.”

Emmy froze. 

Gerald held her gaze, his brown eyes intense with longing and concern and something else that Emmy was scared to name. “He said you almost died saving the Lioness. After I heard, I… I tried looking for you. I had to… had to see for myself that you were fine.”

Emmy ducked her head, wishing that Whisper could hide her completely. The conversation had started out so well. She had thought they could go back to just being friends again. 

“I’m fine.” She muttered.

He swallowed. “I see now. That’s good.”

They didn’t say anything else for a while. 

Finally, Emmy couldn’t stand the silence anymore. “How were your travels?”

Gerald took a deep breath. “Well, Liam wasn’t happy when his majesty forced him to travel with a Rider group. He had been roaming the land on his own before he took me on, and he was planning for just the two of us on the road. But his majesty said it was either travel with a Rider group, or come back to the palace and help Prince Roald. He was scowling at everyone for days.”

Emmy nodded. So it wasn’t just Liam who had helped Gerald loosen up. The Queen’s Riders were known to be a rowdy bunch outside of work, and perhaps it was more of their influence than Liam’s. 

“We headed to Naxen first…” he said, and Emmy was content to listen to him describe his journey. They had encountered the magical immortals attacks, too, though they had fared well. 

They kept talking as they finished up and walked back to the squires’ wing, bidding each other a polite farewell before they turned in. Emmy let out a sigh as she leaned back against her close door. Aside from that awkward moment in the beginning, they had a pretty good chat. Maybe they could be friends again, after all.


	7. Honeylove

Emmy couldn’t suppress a small shiver as she stepped out of the carriage into the snow. It was not snowing today, but everything was covered in a layer of snow from the previous night. As she waited for Eleni to step out of the carriage, she took a moment to admire Lalasa the dressmaker’s shop. It took up two double-storey shops next to each other, with a bakery on one side, and a jeweller on the other. While the shopfront was plain and mismatched, suggesting that one shop was acquired after the other without much painting work, the bustling activity surrounding the shop gave evidence to the thriving business. Despite the weather, ladies and servants alike hustled in and out of the entrance, while women gathered in groups of twos and threes in front of the shop, chatting or admiring one another’s dresses while they waited for their carriages to arrive. 

Emmy might have been puzzled at the odd scene if not for the fact that she had heard about Lalasa’s story from Vania before. It was one that was hard to forget, about how a formerly abused maid rose to become a capable businesswoman with only the barest help from Kel. Emmy had been impressed then, but after going through a few volumes about trade and bookkeeping from Myles, she had a deeper, new-found respect for someone who had learned to manage a business like this. 

“Impressive, isn’t it?” Eleni said beside her. Emmy nodded eagerly, smiling as she followed Eleni and Amicia into the shop.

While the customers seemed to part ways for Eleni, Emmy found that she had to turn and twist a little to get through the cluster of people waiting at the main counter at the front to the back of the room, where a young woman dressed in what seemed like a uniform for the shop’s assistants was already greeting Eleni. 

“How can we help you today, Lady Eleni?” 

Eleni took the young woman’s hands warmly. “It’s Eleni, Rosie. I told you that many times.”

The young woman shook her head shyly. “Please, come with me to the private room. Lalasa would be happy to see you.”

They were led up a flight of stairs, and into a room at the end of the corridor. The door opened into a moderately-sized room that would have been spacious if not for the rows of wooden chests lining the wall, some of them draped with fabric and dresses. On one end of the room, a tall mirror stood proudly, facing the opposite corner where a round table and four chairs sat. Rosie left as they settled themselves. 

“I’ve never been in the private room here before.” Amicia muttered, looking around with a look of awe that Emmy felt was reflected on her own face.

“Count yourself lucky, Lalasa only brings a select few here for private chats.” Eleni said with a twinkle in her eye. “It’s only for Thayet, Alanna and Kel, as far as I know. I’m here by entirely by association, just like you.”

A warm, lovely laugh came from the open door. “This room will always be open for you, Eleni!”

Emmy turned to see a brown-skinned woman in her mid-twenties walking into the room with a tray of tea and snacks in her hands. She had large, expressive eyes and a set of full lips. Her black hair was tied in a neat bun, though odd pieces of threads and fabric stuck out from her apron pockets. 

“Lalasa! You didn’t have to bring food. We just had our noon meal before we came!”

Lalasa smiled as she set the tray on the table. “Tian baked these herself, and they’re much better than what you’ll find next door. You’ll thank me once you try them.”

Eleni chuckled. “Well, I’ll hold your word to it then. I brought a few friends today. This is Emmeline of Tirragen, squire to Alanna. And this is Amicia, a guest of mine.”

Lalasa didn’t flinch at Emmy’s name, and Emmy smiled through the rest of the greetings with a lighter heart. She listened politely as Lalasa and Eleni exchanged more pleasantries. Eleni seemed to be a regular customer, and she enquired about quite a few girls who worked for Lalasa. 

“You seem to know the girls here well, Eleni.” Amicia said, her eyes sharp. 

“Eleni introduced many of them to me, back when I was opening the second shop and needed more hands.” Lalasa explained, smiling gratefully at Eleni. “I used to turn down more work, but Eleni showed me how I can train more girls and give them a decent wage by growing my business.”

“I only told you the idea, Lalasa. You did all the work.” Eleni said with pride in her eyes. She turned and gave Emmy a pointed look. “I’m here to share another idea.”

Emmy took it as her cue. She explained the idea of massage parlours for warriors again, licking her lips nervously. Lalasa’s evident success in business made Emmy crave for her respect and approval, and she was worried that Lalasa would find the idea strange. But Lalasa did not dismiss her idea, and instead asked her good questions; questions about rent and shopfront, employee training and shift rotation, prices — many practical things that Emmy was just starting to think about.

Lalasa was just telling them about a shop down the street whose lease was expiring when someone knocked on the door and opened it without waiting for an answer. 

A blond-hair woman in the shop’s uniform came in with a fresh plate of baked goods, smiling as she entered. “These are fresh out of the oven!”

“These are lovely, Tian!” Eleni said as Tian came to their table. “I seem to have chosen a good day to come!”

“You always have good timing, Eleni.”

As Tian took the now empty plate and replaced it with a full one, Lalasa, siting next to Emmy, reached out and casually touched Tian’s elbow. Tian looked down at her, and they exchanged a tender look that made Emmy pause in surprise. Just as casually, Tian reached over and gave Lalasa’s arm a quick squeeze, beaming with a smile that seemed to be meant for Lalasa alone.

“I’ll leave you to it, ladies.” Tian turned back with a wide smile. “There are quite a few ladies up front picking up their Midwinter dresses today!”

Emmy only half-listened to Eleni’s reply as her mind replayed the scene over and over again. Lalasa and Tian were not just friends, she was almost sure. The look they shared was something that Emmy sometimes see on Vania’s face, something meant for Emmy alone. 

Were they lovers? Did Eleni know that they were lovers? 

Did anyone else know?

As the door clicked shut, Emmy shook her head a little to bring herself back. She caught Amicia’s eyes across the table, and saw that her eyes were wide. Emmy was not the only one who noticed it, then. 

Conversation resumed around Emmy’s shop, and Emmy forced the questions to the back of her mind as she concentrated on the matter at hand. Lalasa offered to keep an eye on the shop down the street, and even invited Emmy to come back and observe should she wished to learn more about running a business. Emmy accepted eagerly, knowing that there were only so much that she could learn from reading and discussing ideas. 

They left a while later, not wanting to keep Lalasa from her work much longer. Throughout the ride back, Emmy was quiet. 

When Emmy first kissed Vania, feeling emotional and confused, Vania had told her that it was not uncommon in the Yamani Islands for people to take lovers of the same sex. She had only marvelled at the fact that Vania shared her feelings and liked her back in the same way. That seemed to be the only thing that mattered then. And with her uncle’s treason happening almost right after that, and then becoming Alanna’s squire, and almost getting killed — Emmy had never wondered about others like them in Tortall.

She did now. 

How many people in Tortall were like her? What about men who liked men? How did they live, if not out in the open like those in the Yamani Islands?

Emmy had just seen one example. Lalasa and Tian seemed happy. They worked side by side in a thriving business, seeing each other every day. Did they share a bedroom? Did their family and friends know?

As the sights of Corus passed by in the carriage window, Emmy dreamed about a similar life for her and Vania. They could open a little shop. Vania would be great as a hostess. Emmy would be content to support Vania from behind the scenes. They would go about their day to day, sharing casual, intimate touches. And at night, they could share a bed. They could…

Emmy exhaled slowly, eyeing a brief fog forming from her warm breath. 

She should not be thinking about this. It would never happen. Emmy owed too many people, and she had to redeem her family name so that Xander could live with pride one day as the Lord of Tirragen. Vania would never shirk her duties or abandon her family. There was a rebellion rising in Tortall. She didn’t have a clue what they would be in a few years, but she knew that they would never have something like what Lalasa and Tian had.

But no matter how much she tell herself that, the sight of Lalasa and Tian, hands casually touching and eyes exchanging a tender love, was seared in her mind. Sometimes at night, her dreams would show the two women leaning close and kissing before going back to work, exchanging a smirk that spoke promises about what the night might hold. Sometimes the couple in her dreams was Emmy and Vania, wearing those aprons, and sometimes the two of them were in bed and woke up next to each other in a gentle sunlight. 

No matter who the couple was in those dreams, Emmy always woke up with tears in her eyes. 

*

With Myles’ consent, Emmy started helping out with page training. _I’m too old to be dragging my ass to the practice courts to put you through your paces anyway_ , he had told her, snorting into his wine goblet over dinner. It worked out well for Emmy, for she had to wait for Eda to be done with her class anyway before starting her own training.

There were three female pages among the eight first-years, and it made her heart swell even before she saw the looks of quiet awe on their faces when Emmy was correcting their stances. Jessamine of Jesslaw had been less reserved, she cheered when she saw Emmy joining the instructors. Patrine and Darren of Wellam joined in the cheering a beat later, all of them grinning. Emmy ducked her head, both heartened and embarrassed.

Afternoons were spent on learning and laying the groundwork for her business. Sometimes she would meet up with Myles at his office in the palace, sometimes she would go into the city and meet up with Eleni and Amicia, both of whom had been generous of their time in helping her and equally dismissive of her profuse thanks. 

Evenings were split between Myles’ town house and the palace. She didn’t always see Vania at the palace, either. Vania joined her family for dinner often, and it felt like they had been spending less time together than when they used to on the road. Emmy was secretly relieved, because every time she caught the longing in Vania’s eyes, she would see Lalasa and Tian in her mind, and she would not know what to say to Vania. 

About four days after her first visit to Lalasa’s shop, she found a reason to visit again. As she stood outside the shop, by herself this time, she could not recall what she told Eleni about the reason she came. She could only feel the hard pounding of her heart and the burning question she did not have words for. 

Someone bumped her from behind. 

“Excuse me!” 

Emmy scrambled to the side and out of the way of a richly dressed woman in a large fur coat, who shot her an annoyed look as she walked into the shop. Emmy took a deep breath, feeling annoyed with herself. What was she doing here anyway? What did she hope to achieve? 

With a huff, she turned and walked away. 

“Emmy?” 

Emmy halted in surprise. She turned to find Kel walking towards her, a friendly smile on her face. 

Emmy bowed. “Lady Kel.” 

Kel shook her head. “Just Kel. You’re neither my squire nor a man from the Own. No titles from you.”

Emmy chuckled. “I couldn’t help myself. I have to see Master Oakbridge in a few days’ time to prepare for Midwinter service. I need to get back into the habit.”

Kel actually snorted. “Get back to it tomorrow. It’s my off day today, I was hoping to spend it in the company of friends. Were you visiting Lalasa for a dress too?”

Emmy didn’t react in time, and she knew Kel saw the brief panic on her face. “I — well, I was. Not for a dress but — but I think she’s busy. I’ll come back.”

Kel searched her gaze. “Well, she knows I’m coming, and she’d have made time. I can bring you if you want?”

Emmy took a small step back, shaking her head and smiling nervously. “No, no it’s fine. I shouldn’t take time away from you, I know you’re old friends.”

Kel looked away and considered the shop for a moment. “She’s going to close the shop in another week, and she won’t open it until Midwinter is over. Business won’t get slower until then. You’d have to wait a while.”

“I can wait —”

“My lady!” Lalasa appeared at the door, wearing a big grin. She scrambled over and had wrapped her arms around Kel before Kel could reply. “It’s been almost a year, my lady!”

Kel patted Lalasa’s back, chuckling softly. “I know, I know. Your clothes still found me on the road, you know. You must tell me how you hired your couriers, I think they might be better than the court messengers!”

Lalasa pulled back with a laugh. “Some of my customers treat their dresses as they might treat their jewellery, they are picky about who they hire. Now, come on in, why are you standing out here in the cold?”

Kel nodded at Emmy, and Emmy forced a smile. “Hi Lalasa.”

“Emmy! You look frozen, come in!”

Emmy’s weak protests fell on deaf ears, and she was ushered into the warm private room before she knew it. With the shop closing in another week, the shop was busier than ever, and Lalasa excused herself to bring some tea, saying that she couldn’t spare anyone else.

“I’m glad that you’re here, Emmy,” Lalasa said before she left, “I’d feel bad leaving my lady on her own for so long!”

Kel only shook her head fondly at Lalasa’s retreating figure before turning to Emmy. “So, what brings you here, if not getting a dress?”

“I’m starting a business.” Emmy found herself saying, looking away. “Lady Eleni introduced me, and there’s so much I can learn from Lalasa and —” She trailed off, losing her original train of thought as another struck her. She turned back to Kel with wide eyes. “You — you’ve spent time in the Yamani Islands, right?”

Kel nodded, her eyes curious but patient.

“Vania said —” she swallowed, feeling her cheeks warm. She couldn’t turn back now, so she pushed on. “Vania said that it’s not uncommon there for — for people to take lovers of the same sex. Is that true?” 

Kel nodded slowly, her face betraying nothing about what she thought of the question. “Yes, it’s common. They are just like other people. They work, have families. Why do you ask?”

Emmy bit her lips and looked away. “The last time I was here, I saw — I saw Lalasa and Tian.” She turned back to Kel, hoping that she would understand. “Are they…? I mean, do you know if they…?”

“… Are lovers?” Kel finished for Emmy, and Emmy nodded quickly. Kel held her gaze for a moment. “It’s not my place to say, Emmy. You have to ask Lalasa yourself.”

Emmy hung her head. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I wasn’t — I don’t think it’s my place to ask, either. I don’t know why I’m here.” She stood up. “I should go.”

Kel caught her forearm. “Emmy, it’s fine. It’s fine to — to have questions. Sit down and have some hot tea first, will you? You do look like you could use some warming up.”

Emmy sat, but she couldn’t bring herself to look at Kel’s knowing eyes. 

“Are you asking because…” Kel asked softly, “… you like girls?”

There was nothing else Emmy could do. She nodded, hating herself as she blinked back tears. Why did she feel like crying? She was in front of Kel! Vania’s knight mistress! 

The door was pushed open, and Lalasa backed into the room, using her back to push the door open as her hands were kept full with a laden tray. “Some tea should warm you right up —” 

Emmy looked way and blinked hard, knowing that Lalasa had seen her eyes. 

“Is everything all right?” Lalasa asked tentatively as she laid the tray down on the table and sat next to Kel.

“Yes. Emmy just has some questions.” Kel replied. She reached out and gave Emmy’s hand a reassuring squeeze. “You can ask, Emmy. We’re not here to judge you.”

Emmy took a deep breath. Lalasa started pouring tea from a tea pot, and Kel helped take the plates of pastry off the tray and arranged them in the middle. Emmy felt a rush of gratitude for their patience and that they gave her the time to pull herself together. 

“Lalasa,” Emmy finally said, her eyes darting up briefly to catch Lalasa’s. “I saw you the other day — with Tian.” 

Lalasa froze. 

“I just wanted to know, are you —” Emmy swallowed. “Are you — I mean, I don’t — I don’t like boys. I like girls. And I don’t — I don’t know anyone else. Like me, I mean.”

“Oh honey.” Lalasa got out of her chair and wrapped her arms tightly around Emmy. To Emmy’s embarrassment, she let out a sob in relief before she could control herself. Lalasa rubbed circles on Emmy’s back as she spoke, “Yes, Tian is my lover. I’ve loved her for years.”

“Are you —” Emmy croaked into Lalasa’s hair, “Are you happy?”

Lalasa patted her back one more time before pulling back and settling back into her chair with a kind smile. “Yes, we are. But it wasn’t always the case. It was very confusing for a time.” She shook her head with a smile. “We had always been best friends. And then we wanted… more. I thought — I was scared, in the beginning. I felt like something was wrong with me, or something.”

She smiled and gave Kel’s shoulder a squeeze. “And then Kel told me about how this was common in the Yamani Islands. When Eleni found out —”

“She knows?” Emmy blurted.

Lalasa nodded. “When she found out, she told me that folks used to be open about this, hundreds of years ago. They used to call women who liked women ‘honeylove’, and men who liked men ‘bardash’.” 

“It’s like how lady knights used to be common hundreds of years ago, Emmy.” Kel said gently, “It may not be commonly accepted today, but it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with it.”

“Yes, folks seem to have gotten more stupid over the years.” Lalasa quipped, startling a laugh out of Emmy. 

“I hope you are not including us in those ‘folks’.” Kel said with a straight face.

Lalasa pretended to frown. “You do get beaten willingly and still go out and fight, my lady. I’m not so sure about that.”

Kel chuckled and playfully shoved Lalasa.

“But you are the first lady knight to train openly, Kel.” Emmy added, her heart full of gratitude for both of these women for making her feel better. “You did something when it was not commonly acceptable to do so, even if it was legal. I knew I could be a knight because of you.”

“You have to do what is right for you.” Kel said.

Emmy nodded gratefully. Sure, she didn’t have answers to many of her questions yet, but somehow telling people other than Vania made her heart feel lighter. Things felt a little more real. And knowing that at least two people she respected did not shun her for this made her feel surer of herself. 

“So, do you have a girl you fancy?” Lalasa winked.

Emmy felt her cheeks warm again as she nodded. 

“Does she know you like her?”

Emmy nodded again. 

“And does she like you back?”

Emmy smiled, and Lalasa squealed. 

The older girl leapt off her chair and hugged Emmy again. “That’s wonderful, Emmy! You must bring her here next time!”

“I’ll ask her.” Emmy muttered. She caught Kel’s startled eyes over Lalasa’s shoulder and knew that Kel had figured it out. Chagrinned that she had accidentally revealed themselves to Vania’s knight mistress, she turned pleading eyes on her. “Please give her some time. It’s not my place.”

“Well, of course, Emmy.” Lalasa pulled back, smiling reassuringly at her. “Only bring her here if she’s comfortable with this. Tian and I only know another couple who are honeylove, I think we might all like more company. We won’t tell a soul, of course.”

Kel gave a quick nod, and Emmy relaxed. 

“Thank you, Lalasa, Kel. I don’t know… how to explain it, but this means a lot to me.”

Emmy bade them farewell soon after that, knowing that the two of them had meant to catch up. But as she strode back to the palace, she resolved to tell Eleni about it and ask Myles more about the history of honeylove and bardash in Tortall. She had loved books about the broad arcs of history or cultures foreign to her own. It was time she learned more about how Tortallan society had changed over the years. Perhaps she would learn more about how to change it again, and how she could build a life with Vania.

 _Honeylove_ , she turned the word over in her mind again and again, smiling as she did so. She could live with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who didn't recognise the terms, honeylove and bardash were mentioned in the Beka Cooper series. (I didn't make them up!) There were folks who were out and proud in that era, it seemed, even if they were not universally accepted then as well.
> 
> Also, due to last-minute rewrites, this chapter was not beta-read. Apologies for any typos I missed (let me know).


	8. Plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the delay, guys! I had an unfortunate combination of last minute plot bunnies making about half of my pre-written stuff useless, and fire-fighting at work that led to very long workdays. It didn't help that I got a series of ideas about book 3 that I had to note them down and sort out before I lose them (I quite like them though, and I can't wait to get there with you). 
> 
> I haven't finish the rewriting yet, so please expect updates once every two weeks for the next few chapters - I'll bring it back to weekly as soon as I get about 3-4 chapters in the pipeline again. 
> 
> This chapter is fresh off the press and unbeta-ed.
> 
> (Btw, 'neesan' is Japanese for big sister.)

After Emmy got back to the palace that evening, she scanned the dining hall for Vania. There was so much she wanted to tell her — about Lalasa and Tian’s life together, about Eleni and Kel’s acceptance of honeylove, about how honeylove and bardash used to live in the open in Tortall centuries ago. But Vania did not join the squires that night, likely taking her meal with her family. Emmy hid her disappointment, and only let her shoulders drop when she was reaching her room. 

Someone knocked on her door almost moments after she closed it behind her. Was someone following her? She frowned, and opened the door cautiously.

Vania stood in front of her door, smiling coyly. 

“Vania! What —”

Vania all but pushed her way in, and she locked the door behind her. The moment Vania turned around, her lips were on Emmy’s. Emmy responded in reflex, the longing she had been suppressing rushing to the fore.

“You’ve been avoiding me.” Vania accused, her voice slightly ragged as they paused for breath. But she was on her again before Emmy could respond, and Emmy surrendered to the fire coursing through them, her body trembling at the feeling of Vania’s hands on her body. 

When they pulled apart again, Emmy tugged Vania by her elbow and pulled her towards the bed. They sat down heavily, their hands still on each other and hearts beating fast.

Emmy studied Vania’s face as she stroke Emmy’s cheek with the back of her fingers. Had it really been more than a week since they reached the palace? Had they waited so long to do this?

“I’ve missed you.” Emmy muttered.

Vania stared at her with a mix of amusement and exasperation. “But you hardly talk to me when I’m with you. I asked you to visit Lianny with me but you refused. And you didn’t ask me to do anything else with you.”

“We were with other people,” Emmy said without thinking, recalling the past few times the two of them were at the same room, “and our friends didn’t have you to themselves for the past month.”

Vania smoothed a few strands of hair from Emmy’s face. “Funny, I didn’t think I had you to myself for months.”

Emmy sighed, already regretting her words. She knew she had been avoiding Vania. But half her mind was still occupied with Vania being so physically close again. She took Vania’s hand and brought it close for a kiss on her knuckles. “I’m sorry. I had something on my mind.”

“You know you can tell me anything.” 

Emmy saw the tenderness in Vania’s eyes, and leaned forward to kiss her gently on the lips. Deep down, she knew that the two of them would never have the simple life that Lalasa and Tian had. But she knew that no matter how hard things got, having Vania look at her like that was worth it. 

“I met someone who’s like us. You know, two girls who love each other.” Emmy said with a hopeful grin. “Do you know that people used to call us ‘honeylove’? And they call men who liked men ‘bardash’?”

Vania’s eyes were wide. “Who?”

“Lalasa and Tian.” Emmy said, watching understanding dawn in Vania’s eyes, “Lady Eleni introduced me to her because I could learn about running a business from her. I saw her and Tian a few days ago, and I thought they acted like lovers. I was…” Emmy looked down, absently running her thumb across Vania’s knuckles. “I was surprised, and — and a little envious, I suppose. They look happy together, Vania. I’m not sure how we can be like them. I didn’t know… how to tell you.”

Vania’s eyes were mixed pools of sadness and hope. She pulled Emmy closer wordlessly, and wrapped her arms around her shoulders. Emmy leaned her head against Vania’s chest, feeling herself relaxing into the familiar warmth.

“I went back today. Lalasa confirmed it. Kel helped her, Vania.” Emmy felt Vania stiffened at the mention of her knight mistress. “Lady Eleni too. I was a bit of a mess, but I told them when they asked about me.”

“You told them?” 

Hearing the hint of fear in Vania’s voice, Emmy pulled back, resting her hands on Vania’s shoulders as she studied her eyes. “About me. I didn’t tell them who my lover is. But… I think Kel figured it out. She didn’t say it but… I think she knows it’s you.”

“Kel knows?” Vania repeated, her voice slightly higher pitched than usual.

Emmy nodded slowly.

Vania shrugged Emmy’s hands off and jumped to her feet. She started pacing. “How could you tell her, Emmy?”

Emmy got to her feet too. “I didn’t —”

“She’s my knight mistress! My teacher! She’s Shinko’s best friend!”

“Vania —”

“She’s going to tell her, and Shinko will tell my mother, and —”

“Vania.” Emmy gripped Vania’s shoulders firmly. “Breathe. Kel doesn’t mind it. She helped Lalasa get together with Tian, and she spent years in the Yamani Islands. She doesn’t mind it.”

“It’s not about that.” Vania said with a weariness that made Emmy’s heart ache. “It’s — it’s about duty, Emmy. You know my marriage is not my own. I’m supposed to marry someone who can strengthen the Crown. It’s my _duty_ , Emmy. Kel is all about duty. Shinko moved to a different country, one without her favourite food or flowers or poetry, for _duty_.”

Emmy dropped her hands to her sides, feeling like a child. She had it all wrong.

“Kel won’t tell anyone before talking to you.” Emmy offered after a moment of silence. She didn’t know what else she could offer. How could she be so naive? 

Vania nodded tiredly. She rubbed her temples. “I need to… I need to think about what to tell her.”

“I’m so sorry, Vania.”

Vania took a shaky breath, and stepped forward. She cupped Emmy’s cheeks gently, and kissed her. “This doesn’t change anything between us. I still love you, and I want to be with you.”

“I love you too.” Emmy whispered. Her words felt flimsy and useless. Could these words stand against a princess’ duties? Could her love mean anything in the face of political alliances that strengthen kingdoms? 

“Good night, Emmy.” Vania tried to smile, but Emmy saw the distress she couldn’t hide. 

She watched Vania leave because she didn’t know what she could do to make Vania feel better. The word ‘honeylove’ suddenly felt a lot more bitter.

*

Vania avoided her knight mistress at glaive practice the next morning. Instead, she stuck close to Shinko, and pretended to listen when she talked about how many times Lianny woke her up in the middle of the night. Vania felt almost as tired as Shinko looked. She had spent the night tossing and turning in her bed, worrying about how to deal with Kel knowing about her relationship with Emmy.

It slipped her mind that she would be seeing Kel at glaive practice first thing in the morning. She could not meet her eyes yet, and stood as far away from her that there was not much chance that they would pair up. 

“You look tired, Vania.” Shinko said after Thayet called a halt to the morning’s session. “Are you feeling well?”

Vania blinked stupidly for a moment. “I — I’m fine, Shinko- _neesan_.”

Shinko regarded her for a moment, her brown eyes seeming to look right through Vania. “You have called me _neesan_ since the second time we met in person. You made me feel like I could have a family here, even before I learned to love your brother.” She took Vania’s free hand with her own, gently, “I know we do not see each other often, but you are my little sister. If you need anything at all, just ask.”

Vania swallowed, and nodded. She had always been closer to Lianne. Shinko, kind and sweet as she was, was still painfully polite and a little distant. Vania didn’t know if she could be as open with her as she had been with Lianne or Kally. But Shinko was family, and Vania owed it to her to try.

But not right now. She needed to buy herself a moment. Silently, she gestured at Shinko’s practice glaive, and offered to take it back to the storage shed along with her own.

When she came back, she was dismayed to see Kel and Shinko talking. She avoided both their eyes as she reached them. She bowed. “I’ll see you later —”

“Actually,” Kel suddenly said, and Vania her stomach twisting in dread, “Shinko said she needs your help with something. You can resume your other duties after you help her.”

When Vania looked up in surprise, Kel gave her a nod and walked away. Shinko put a hand on Vania’s shoulder, and gently steered her forward. 

“Would you like some rice for breakfast?” Shinko was saying with a smile, “Roald procured a large shipment for me over my pregnancy, and we are just about to run out. You should enjoy it now, the next shipment is still a few months away.”

Vania smiled weakly.

*

A very filling breakfast and a quick check in with Lianny later, Vania found herself seated on the armchair in front of the fire in her brother and Shinko’s chamber, sipping green tea. Shinko sat on the chair next to hers, where she had a clear line of sight to the door that led to the nursery where Lianny was sleeping. 

“I usually keep that door open,” Shinko said when Vania caught her staring at the closed door. “It is a little odd to not hear even the nursemaid. But at least we know that we have privacy.”

Vania nodded, her heart beating fast. “What did you need my help with, Shinko- _neesan_?”

Shinko gave her little polite smile, but her eyes glinted in mischief. “I need someone to keep me company, and I have not talked to my little sister properly in months. Your attention was all on Lianny when you were here the past week.”

Instead of relief, Vania felt her nerves growing. Shinko must have seen something, or heard something. Vania couldn’t hide anymore. 

Vania shot out of her chair, almost spilling her tea before she set the cup roughly on the table. She started pacing. “What did Kel tell you?”

Shinko seemed to consider her words carefully. “Only that you have something troubling you, and you could use a listening ear from your family.”

Family. Kel had not gone to Vania’s mother, at least. Vania halted, sneaking a nervous glance at Shinko. “Is that all?”

Shinko nodded. She reached over and patted the arm rest of the chair Vania vacated. “Sit down, please. I am your _neesan_ , I will do my best to help you.”

Shinko was wearing a green dress in a casual cut, a navy blue shawl wrapped around her shoulders. Right here, sitting in that chair in front of the fire, Shinko looked like Vania’s sister-in-law. 

But Vania had also seen Shinko dressed in rich kimonos befitting a princess from the Yamani Islands, and also the formal gowns and dresses she had worn since becoming the Crown Princess in Tortall. Shinko was born to be royal, and she had left behind everything she knew to fulfil her duty, like Kally had. 

Yet here Vania was, wanting something that would go against everything that Shinko and Kally had done. 

Vania sank into her chair, fisting her hands on her knees and looking away. 

Shinko leaned closer so that she could close her hands around Vania’s. “I am here for you, Vania. In this room, I am your _neesan_ , nothing else.”

Vania sucked in a ragged breath. Shinko gave Vania’s fists a squeeze. Vania looked up and straight into Shinko’s warm brown eyes. “I like women, _neesan_. I don’t like men.”

Shinko nodded slowly. Vania couldn’t tell if Shinko just had her Yamani mask on, or if she had known all along. “I see.”

Vania blinked quickly, trying to hold back her tears. “What am I going to do? I want to be with —” Vania hesitated, but knew there was no point in hiding now, “— I want to be with Emmy. I love her, _neesan_. I want to build a life with her. I want to make her happy. But I can’t — father will want me to marry someone respectable. A _man_ from a family that can strengthen the Crown. I don’t know — I don’t know what I’m going to _do_.” Her voice cracked, and a few tears escaped. 

Shinko had produced a handkerchief from somewhere, and she was dabbing at Vania’s cheeks. “It is very brave of you to tell me this. And I am glad for you have Emmy.” She tilted her head a little to her side. “She likes you back, right?”

Vania nodded with a small smile. But a moment later she straightened in alarm. “Wait, could you tell?”

Shinko patted Vania’s hands once more and leaned back, smiling sagely. It was almost like a smirk. 

Dread built on top of Vania’s nerves, and she felt almost nauseous. “Was it something we did? Are we very obvious?”

Shinko chuckled. “Don’t worry. People often do not see what they do not want to. Everyone knows the two of you are best friends. To those of whom two girls could be nothing more than friends to each other, they would not see it even if it is right in front of them.”

“But you know.” Vania said softly.

“I had my suspicions.” Shinko said, reaching to the table to pick up her cup again. She gestured at Vania’s neglected cup. “Have some tea. We should be calm and cool-headed when we talk about this. Even as I am happy for you to have found love, Vania, what distresses you is the conflict between your love and your duties. And for that, we need to be guided by strategy, not emotions.”

Strategy. Vania clung to that word and reached out for her cup. She took a deep breath before taking a long sip. 

Shinko’s eyes were closed as she brought her cup to her lips, drinking almost reverently. Vania mimicked her, and tried to focus on her breath, on the subtle flavours of the warm liquid in her mouth. Slowly, she felt her nerves settle, and a sense of calm slowly taking over. 

“I wish I had brought out the whole set and make this a proper tea ceremony.” Shinko said after a few moments of silence.

“I remember seeing that on Progress,” Vania said, relieved that she was sounding like her normal self and not a tight bundle of nerves. “It was a very elaborate ritual, almost like a performance on its own.”

“It can be seen as such. But the ritual itself is calming. I still do it occasionally, on days when calm seems out of grasp.”

“I’ve never seen you anything other than calm.”

“Well, ask your brother about the day Lianny was born.” Shinko winked at her. “He was in the next room when it happened, but I was a bad Yamani long before and after Lianny was born. Oh, you should visit Yuki! Kel said Neal had already earned himself a few death threats for all the fuss he’s thrown over Yuki.”

Vania chuckled. “I will.”

“Good.” Shinko said, and paused, her eyes searching. “Are you ready to set aside your fears, and assess the situation as you would a battlefield?”

Vania took another deep breath, and nodded. 

“You are distressed because you see no way out of this.” Shinko began, staring into the fire, “A woman cannot marry a woman in Tortall. And as a princess, you are expected to not just honour the family but to dedicate your life to serving the realm and her people. Political marriages are a common way this is done.” She turned her gaze to Vania, “Has father said anything to you about your marriage?”

Vania shook her head. “He knows I want my shield, and I don’t think he will arrange anything before I get it. That gives me four more years.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure.” 

Vania turned to her, startled. 

“Political alliances take time to forge.” Shinko explained patiently, “With something as big as a royal marriage, talks would have started at least a year in advance. Father might have to make a decision as soon as three years from now, and you may not be here when he does it.”

Vania felt her breath hitch, and she fought down a moment of panic. Shinko was right. Vania did not have as much time as she thought. 

As if sensing Vania’s distress, Shinko reached out and patted her knee. “I said political marriages are a common way this is done, but it is not the only way. Are there other types of service that are deemed acceptable?”

“Well,” Vania said, trying not to be bitter, “if I were a boy, as a younger prince I could just serve as an active knight. An old, unmarried prince can just be an oddity, and folks won’t bat an eyelid in thinking that he’d slept around. But an old, unmarried princess would be a scandal, even more so if she had a lover.”

Shinko patted her knees again, her eyes conveying her understanding. Yes, life was not fair, but there was no use dwelling on it. “You are right. And you are far too good to be a scandal.”

Vania covered Shinko’s hand with her own, trying to convey gratitude that she did not have the words for.

Shinko gave her a smile before leaning back. “What about religious service?”

Vania blinked. “Oh. Well, yes, I could choose to dedicate my life to the Goddess, and — and I wouldn’t be able to marry.” Shinko’s eyes glinted with possibility, and Vania hurried to explain, “But I don’t want to! I mean, it’s a noble calling, but I want to be a knight. I’m spending eight years of my life training to be a knight, not a priestess. I want to fight bandits and protect the weak, I want to do knights' work! And Emmy, she’ll be a knight too. I can’t stay in a temple and worry about her all the time!”

Shinko reached out to rest her hands firmly on both of Vania’s shoulders. “I didn’t say you should, Vania. Calm down, and listen to me.” Shinko paused and waited for Vania’s nod before she continued. 

“There is no good way for you and Emmy to stay together, and for you to fulfil your duties. So you need to carve your own path, find a way that does not exist yet. You could try to change the law about women marrying women or men marrying men. Or you could find a way to serve Tortall in a country that allows you to do so. Or you could do a great deed for the realm, like Alanna getting the Dominion Jewel, something big enough that allows you to ask the king for whatever your heart desires, and to leave him and the court with no grounds to refuse you.”

Vania felt her mind whirring. She had not thought about all these.

“I know none of them sounds easy,” Shinko said gently, echoing some of Vania’s thoughts, “but the things that are worthwhile usually aren’t. We can think about these later, what is more important now is to buy yourself some time. Three years is likely not enough to do any of the ideas I mentioned, so you need to buy yourself a few more years after your knighthood.”

And now Vania realised what Shinko had been thinking about. “You think I should serve the Goddess to buy myself time? But I can’t do a great deed or serve Tortall in another land as a priestess, or —”

Shinko was shaking her head. “The point is not to _do_ certain things, but to _achieve_ certain things. You need to buy yourself time so that father does not marry you off to someone else. And even if he can be convinced — and he does want you to be happy, Vania — the court needs to be convinced as well. You need to find a way to convince the court that you should not be married off yet, and you are not shirking your duties by doing so. 

“What if you say that you want to serve the realm as a knight for a few years before dedicating your life to the Goddess?”

Vania froze. 

Shinko kept going, “Both are acceptable options, and you —”

But Vania had leapt out of her chair and was hugging her fiercely, tears in her eyes and possibility singing in her veins. “Thank you,” Vania croaked. 

Shinko laughed softly as she hugged Vania back just as tightly. “Good. I take it you like the idea. There are some details we need to work out. Timing is important, how you announce it and to whom also matter. Come, pour us both more tea and we can keep talking.”

*

Kel was sitting behind her desk when Vania came back. She looked up briefly, and went back to her paperwork like nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

“I take it you have finished whatever duties Shinko assigned you?” 

“Yes,” Vania said, sitting down opposite Kel. 

“Good,” Kel grinned, and gestured at a stack of papers, already turned such that it was facing Vania. “Now you can help me with the supply lists.”

Vania nodded, and pulled the stack of papers closer. She was taking the first page when she stopped herself. Was there any use in pretending? 

“Thanks for telling Shinko, Kel.” Vania said, staring determinedly at the desk in front of her. “She had been a great help.”

“Are you feeling better now?”

Vania nodded. “Relieved, mostly. I know what I can do now and — and I know you know, Kel.” Vania mustered the last of her courage for the day, and looked up into Kel’s kind eyes. “I love Emmy.”

Kel nodded, a small smile on her face. “You two are good for each other.”

Vania chuckled, another wave of relief washing over her heart and leaving it lighter. “I hope we are. I was… troubled, because I know things won’t be easy for us. But Shinko helped me work out a plan to buy some time, and we’ll figure out the rest as we go along.”

“That’s all the best of us can do.” Kel said softly, “Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”

Vania nodded again, wiping the corner of her eyes quickly. “I just … thank you, Kel. This means so much to me. I’m glad you know.”

“You can trust me. I won’t tell.”

“I know you won’t.” Vania said, feeling calm enough to look up again. “I didn’t tell you sooner because… because I respect you. I know you care a lot about duty, and with Emmy, I thought… I thought I was shirking mine. And I didn’t know how to tell you. I didn’t want you to think less of me for wanting to be with Emmy.”

Kel regarded Vania for a moment, before she set down her quill. She leaned back against her chair. “You have always taken your duties seriously, and you have given me no reason to think otherwise. I don’t think less of you at all for wanting a love you think you can’t have. Goddess knows I’ve done it myself.”

Vania straightened in surprise. “You have…?”

Kel sighed. “When I was a squire, I once had a lover — and no, I won’t tell you his name — and he made me feel things I had not felt before. We both knew that circumstances made it hard for us to stay together — he already had a marriage arranged with someone else to help his fief. But it didn’t stop us from enjoying each other’s company while we could. I did it even though I knew he had duties to his fief, and so did he. He married someone else in the end.”

“I’m sorry.” Vania whispered, her heart aching for her knight mistress.

Kel waved a hand dismissively. “Don’t worry, my feelings for him faded eventually. And I’m happy where I am now, and I think so is he.”

“Oh.” It was a scary thought. Would Vania’s feelings for Emmy fade? Would Emmy’s? 

Kel must have seen the uncertainty in Vania’s eyes. She leaned forward, resting her elbows on her desk. “I’m not saying that your feelings will fade. These things happen differently to all of us, and we’ll only drive ourselves mad trying to compare with someone else. I told you this because I want you to understand that being human and having feelings are messy. Throw our station and our duties to the mix, and things get messier. We can only do our best, and figure things out as we go along.”

Vania nodded at the echo of her own words, considering Kel’s _‘don’t let anyone tell you otherwise’_ with greater appreciation.

She looked up at her knight mistress, and smiled gratefully. Her words felt wholly inadequate, but she had to say them. “Thank you, Kel.”

Kel grinned, and nodded at the stack of papers. “Now, Squire Vania, those supply lists aren’t going to write themselves.”


	9. Sabotage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the delay. I know I said once every two weeks, and it's been three. Real life has been hectic recently, and I'm in the middle of interviewing for a job I really want and I'm a little distracted. I have the next chapter written though, so the next one should come on time in two weeks. 
> 
> I'm going to use NaNoWriMo to give myself a kick in the butt too. Hopefully I can get back to weekly updates soon.

Emmy scanned the busy street, puffing out a breath of warm air into her cupped hands. Her gloves didn’t seem to help much at all in this cold, even with the sun shining cheerfully this afternoon. It was a terrible time to shop for Midwinter gifts, and she made a note to herself to start looking when the weather was warmer next year.

A jewellery shop to her left caught her eye. Vania had brought her here before, and it was probably a good place to start. 

Emmy had never gotten anything fancy for Vania before. Her past Midwinter gifts had always been small trinkets, or the occasional book. But this was the first time she was buying something for Vania as a lover, and she felt the need to do something differently. And Vania actually liked these things. Alanna had left her a comfortable allowance for her time in Corus, and between the palace and dinners at Myles’ townhouse, she had hardly spent any coin. She might be able to get Vania something nice, and she really wanted to.

Vania had filled her in about her conversation with Shinko and Kel. Her excitement was infectious, and both of them were more hopeful now that they knew they had allies on their side, and whatever they had was not doomed from the start.

The moment Emmy stepped into the jewellery shop, however, she felt lost. Vania and Fianola had always been the more knowledgable ones about things like these, and Emmy had no clue on where to start. 

The shop buzzed with activity, with customers standing in front of all three counters lining the walls and examining the wares carefully. 

A middle-aged man in the shop assistant’s uniform came up to her and bowed politely. “Good afternoon, my lady. May I help you?”

“It’s squire.” Emmy said, smiling tightly and resting her hand on the sword hilt peeking out from underneath her cloak. ‘Squire’ was the title she felt she had earned, and she was dressed like one today anyway underneath her layers. 

The man eyed the sword and nodded. “Very well, squire.” 

“I’m looking for a gift for a friend. Something small… and discreet. And practical.” Emmy said, feeling her face warm as she realised how silly she must have sounded. Sure, something practical made sense, but surely she wasn’t expecting Vania to wear whatever it was every day?

But the man only nodded and gestured for her to follow. They stopped in front of the counter to her right, next to a well-dressed lady and her servant. The shop assistant slipped behind the counter, and gestured at a bed of earrings on the counter. 

“Have a look at these, squire. Some of them are fancier than others, but the smaller designs would be… practical.” He said with a kind smile. Emmy had a feeling that she was not the first female warrior who shopped here.

Before she could thank him, the lady next to her turned around with a scorn on her face. “Squire?” She looked Emmy up and down, “You must be Tirragen. I didn’t know you serve traitors here, Master Rolf.”

Both Emmy and the man stiffened. The other man behind the counter, Master Rolf, looked panicked. “My — my lady, Squire Tirragen was not at fault for recent… events. The heralds were quite clear —”

“Wasn’t it a Tirragen who tried to kill Princess Vania?” the lady said haughtily. Emmy tensed further when a hush fell over the rest of the shop. She could almost feel all the eyes on her. “What difference does it make? Tirragen had decades of bad blood, and I shall not be known to patronise the same establishment that serves a house as rotten as Tirragen!”

The lady pushed away from the counter and turned around to leave. Master Rolf hurried around the counter and tried to stop her. “My lady, please, she is squire to the Lioness —”

“It’s fine.” Emmy said at last, feeling heat on her cheeks and anger buzzing in her chest. Her voice was strangely calm. “I’ll leave.”

She heard someone calling her, but she was already out of the door and stomping down snow as she made her way down the street. She walked blindly, wanting only to put as much distance between herself and the shop as possible.

She should not have been surprised. She knew how rotten her family name was, didn’t she? She had been called worse back home at Tirragen, hadn’t she? This should not have bothered her at all. She was foolish for letting the people she saw every day lull her into complacency. There were only that many people she knew and who respected her, but the rest of the world was a much different story. These were the people she needed to prove herself to. She had so much work to do.

By the time she calmed down enough, she realised that she had made it halfway back to the palace. Her feet knew where she was going, apparently. She sighed and slowed down. There were only two more days to go before Midwinter festivities start and she would be required to stay in the palace for formal squire duties, but she didn’t fancy another trip out into the cold again to hunt for gifts. She would have to find something today.

Seeing a few street stalls selling trinkets along the road, she absently made her way over, glancing casually over the items on sale. A sparkling blue caught her eye, and she stopped in front of a stall that displayed a variety of colourful pendants casually on a table. The blue was from a teardrop shaped pendant that was probably coloured glass. It reminded her of Vania’s eyes. 

She reached out to take it for a closer look.

“Might you be buying for yourself or a friend, my lady?” The shopkeeper, an elderly woman sitting on a stool behind the stall asked. She was wrapped in thick layers, but from the way she hugged herself and rubbed her arms, she must be cold. “This colour doesn’t suit you. I can help you pick a better one.”

Emmy smiled, not bothering to correct the title. She felt a little sorry for the woman who had to keep watch over a stall like this in this weather. Had she no family to take care of her? “It’s for a friend. How much is this?”

“One copper noble, my lady.” 

It wasn’t expensive at all. She was nowhere near rich, but she could afford this.

She was about to take it when she paused, turning the pendant around in her hand as her heart sank. Vania probably had tons of gems far more precious than this. Why would she want something so cheap from Emmy? 

“Emmy!”

Emmy turned in surprise, the pendant still in hand. Lianne was unmistakable through the crowd, despite her plain dress and the black cloak she wore. People moved aside for her and the two palace guards trailing her. 

“I didn’t expect to see you here!” Lianne said warmly, taking Emmy’s hands. “Would you like to have tea together?”

Emmy smiled back. She had been back in Corus for two weeks now, but this was the first time her path had crossed with Lianne’s. And Lianne had always been kind to her. “I would love to. Give me a moment.” 

Emmy pulled her hand back and opened her palm to return the pendant, a polite thanks on her lips when she saw the wide-eyed and hopeful look on the old woman’s face. Even if she didn’t recognise Emmy, she must have recognised Lianne. 

Emmy swallowed. She didn’t want to give something like this to Vania, nor did she have that much coin to spend on things she didn’t need. But she could afford to make someone’s day, couldn’t she?

“I’ll take it.” She said finally, handing the pendant to the old woman to be wrapped, and taking her coin pouch from her belt. 

“Gods all bless, my lady,” The old woman beamed as she handed the pendant back, wrapped neatly in a small square of cloth. 

“Do you have a place in mind?” Emmy asked as she thrust the small bundle into her pocket, conscious of the knowing smile on Lianne’s face. 

Lianne linked her arm through hers as she nodded, steering her down the street. “I know a place just down the street.” She turned to Emmy with a teasing smile, “Was that a gift for Vania? It’s not really your colour.”

Emmy blushed, ducking her head as she followed Lianne’s lead. “I — no. She doesn’t need something so cheap.”

“Emmy,” Lianne said slowly. Emmy saw concern in her eyes when she turned to look. “Vania wouldn’t care how much it cost, as long as it came from you. You know that, right?”

Emmy took a deep breath. Vania didn’t have any airs, that was true, and she didn’t bat an eye at doing the dirty work required as long as it was needed. Emmy knew that, but she also knew how much Vania enjoyed dressing up. And Vania had the best that coin could buy. What was she thinking, really, trying to buy jewellery for a princess?

She tried to smile. “She has much better taste at these things. I shouldn’t have tried.”

Lianne looked about to argue, but they had stopped in front of a door, and it opened now to reveal a plump woman smiling warmly in welcome. 

“Your highness! It’s been so long since you graced our shop!” She beamed, taking Lianne’s hand warmly, “My husband and I were wondering if you’ve gone to the City of the Gods again!”

Lianne smiled back, giving the woman’s hand a squeeze. “I won’t be going back there in a while. I’ve been busy in the palace. Can we have a private room?”

“Of course!” The lady said. 

They were ushered quickly to a small private room with its own hearth and a window view. Servants came to help them remove their cloaks for hanging, and the guards eyed their every move. Thankfully, the guards stayed outside once the door was closed. The tea and snacks followed quickly. 

“So, Emmy.” Lianne said after the first sip of tea, “How are you doing? Vania told me the two of you got together. I’m so glad for the both of you.”

Emmy mirrored Lianne’s warm smile, feeling a surge of gratitude. Yes, Lianne was on their side too, how could she forget? 

“Thank you.” Emmy paused, holding Lianne’s gaze and hoping she could convey how much this meant to her. “I’m — I’m doing well. It’s good to see everyone again after months apart. Myles and Eleni have been very kind to me too.”

“I’m not surprised. You did save Aunt Alanna’s life.” Lianne winked.

Emmy studied her tea cup, barely surprising a groan. “Not you too. I just did what needed to be done. I didn’t have much of a choice.”

Lianne raised an eyebrow. “Vania would disagree. She was still rattled when she told us about it.” She paused, and shook her head a little. “But I see you don’t like talking about that. Tell me more about what you’ve been up to. What’s this massage parlour for warriors that I keep hearing about?”

Emmy almost sighed in relief. This was familiar territory to her by now, and she started describing her plans. 

“That’s fascinating!” Lianne’s eyes were alight with excitement as she cut in when Emmy barely finished describing the concept, “We’re taught physical exercises and massages for recovery from injuries, of course. But to use massages as a way to reach peak condition for warriors — I don’t think I’ve heard it before!”

Emmy grinned, relieved that Lianne didn’t laugh. “My lady mentioned before that the Shang didn’t like relying on the Gift, and even for injuries they prefer to recover naturally when they can. I guess they don’t deal much with healers.”

“Hmm,” Lianne looked out the window thoughtfully. “You’re right. And once a healer goes into service with Shang, they hardly venture out anymore.”

Emmy didn’t know that, but it made sense now that she did. She shared more of her plans, and about how she visited Lalasa’s shop to get her advice. 

“I really respect her,” Emmy admitted, looking through the window at the bustle on the street, “She doesn’t just run a successful business, she provides decent wage for the folks who work for her, and three times a week she closes her shop early so she could teach girls self defence. I wonder if my shop can do something more than just bringing in coin so that I won’t starve during my knighthood.”

Lianne watched her closely. “I trust that you’ll provide decent wage to whoever works for you. And the massages you provide will help people.”

“Those who can afford it, yes.” Emmy said quietly. “But who could use it more? A well-fed knight who needs to stay in peak fighting condition, or an older palace guard who has aches all over, but has three mouths to feed at home? I know I’m supposed to do this to build an income for myself, but I wish I can do more.”

Emmy took another sip of tea, and saw Lianne do the same.

“Maybe you can.” Lianne said after a moment, a thoughtful look on her face. “I don’t know what will work for you, but there isn’t just one way to run a business or do good.” She grinned. “I’m actually here to run an errand today. I’m meeting a friend — we were classmates in the City of the Gods, actually. She runs a clinic not far from here. Once a week, she offers her services for free for a day. I provide her with the supplies for her free days, and I am going to drop by later with the latest batch. It gets quieter around dinner. Do you want to come with me?”

Emmy nodded quickly, her mind already buzzing with questions and ideas. Could something like that work for her shop? A free day a week?

She peppered Lianne with questions about how it worked for her friend, until Lianne laughed and held up her hands in surrender. “I don’t know the specifics, Emmy. You’ll have to ask her these yourself.”

Emmy sat back sheepishly. “Sorry. I’m very curious.”

“I can tell.” Lianne chuckled. “Anyway, before we go I wanted to finish what we were talking about before we came in. The gift you bought for Vania.”

Emmy looked away. “It’s not for her. It just reminded me of her, that’s all. The old woman at the stall could probably use the coin.”

Emmy could feel Lianne’s gaze on her. “I’m sure she could.” Lianne said quietly, “But I mean it, Emmy. Vania wouldn’t care how much it cost. She’ll be glad that you’re thinking of her.”

Emmy exhaled slowly. “I don’t know how to explain it, Lianne. I… I love Vania. But I don’t know what I can give her. She’s given me so much — friendship, protection, goodwill from her family and others who respect her. In return, I just — my uncle tried to kill her, and my family name’s so rotten that even if we aren’t both girls this would have been a scandal.”

“You’re forgetting that you saved her life. Twice, I might add.”

“Once from my own uncle.” Emmy muttered.

“Yes, but you saved her all the same.” Lianne leaned forward with a frown. “But that’s beside the point. You make her happy, Emmy. Her face lights up when she talks about you. And even when you’re fine now she still gets scared when she talks about the attack on you and Aunt Alanna. This isn’t… this isn’t about what you can give each other, Emmy. You make each other happy, that’s all that matters.”

Emmy took a deep breath, nodding a little. She knew Vania would be mad if she heard about this, that Emmy was worried about the difference in their status again. Emmy wanted to believe it didn’t matter, she truly did. But the incident at the jewellery shop earlier reminded her of how naive she had been. Problems like that did not go away just because she thought it shouldn’t matter. 

But Vania had known all this even back when they were friends. And Vania still loved her, and was willing to spend years to find a way for them to build a future together. Emmy had to trust Vania, she had to believe that this was worth it.

“Why don’t we make a move?” Lianne said gently, getting up from her chair. “The clinic should be quieter now.”

Emmy nodded gratefully and followed suit. 

It turned out that Lianne didn’t have just two guards, but four of them. The other two guards had followed more discreetly from a distance earlier, and one of them was pushing a cart laden with sacks of medical supplies. 

Lianne winked at Emmy when she noticed her surprise. “Father insists on placing four guards around me when I go into the city, and I figured I should make better use of their time than just following me around.”

The clinic was indeed only a short walk away. It was located at a nondescript little shop at the end of the street. It was plain-looking, with only the healer’s sign — a wooden cup circled once in red and once in brown — on the door as its sole decoration. Lianne led the way in, with two of her guards carrying the sacks.

The little shop was cut into two narrow rooms by a thin wooden wall in the middle, which had a gap that served as a doorway connecting the two rooms close to the front wall. A maroon curtain covering the gap served as a makeshift door. 

The room they entered must have been the waiting room, though the long benches were empty when they walked in. There was a desk facing the room at the back, next to a back door that should lead to a small storeroom or sorts, judging by the size of the shop. A young woman at the desk hurried over to Lianne when she noticed their arrival. The guards started carrying the sacks of supplies through the back door, no doubt familiar with the process. 

The young woman exchanged quick words with Lianne and hurried through the maroon curtain before Emmy had a good look at her. Barely a moment later, she emerged with another young woman in tow. This must be the healer. She seemed to be in her mid-twenties, and her long brown hair was tied in a bun. She wore a plain apron over a green dress, and her smile was friendly. 

“Deanne!” Lianne greeted warmly, and they shared a quick hug. 

“Just on time, Lianne, as always.” Deanne replied, though her curious gaze shifted to Emmy.

“I brought a friend today. She has interesting news to share.” Lianne gestured for Emmy to come forward. 

Deanne ushered both of them into the second room before Lianne continued the introductions. It must be a room where Deanne actually tended to the patients, though there was clutter everywhere. There was a hearth towards the opposite end of the room, and a bed towards the left side of the wall. Just inside the doorway was a large desk, and Deanne sat behind it, her back facing the wall to the right. A chair was placed to the side of the table, facing the desk and making it easier for Deanne to examine the patient. Lianne pulled it back to the front of the desk and sat down, while Emmy went to sit on the other chair in front of the desk. Her desk was a mess of papers and measuring scales and other tools Emmy did not recognise, and the wall which separated the waiting room and this room was filled with shelves of supplies. 

Deanne raised an eyebrow when Emmy was introduced, but said nothing more. Emmy kept her expression neutral, and explained her ideas again. 

Deanne sat up straight as Emmy started describing the concept, and she listened with rapt attention to the rest of the explanation. 

“That’s fascinating!” She said when Emmy finally finished. 

Emmy grinned. “This seems to be the general reaction I get from healers. The others I mentioned this to tend to laugh until they can’t see straight.”

Lianne grinned. “They don’t know what they’re missing.”

Deanne nodded, still smiling. “I bet. I’d be happy to help, Emmy. I have all sorts of folks coming through the clinic on most days, and I get a steady stream of guards and some knights and other folks who could use this. I’d be happy to spread the word when your shop’s ready.”

“Thank you, Deanne.”

Deanne shook her head a little. “Don’t worry about it. I heard about what you did to protect your people from high taxes. If this will help you in return, I’m happy to do it.” Her smile softened at Emmy’s startled look, “I’ll consider this helping the Tirragen people indirectly.”

“Thank you.” Emmy repeated, more quietly this time. 

“We were also talking about something else,” Lianne said, leaning forward with her elbows on the desk, “Emmy wants to do more than just business with her shop, she heard about the free day you have here, and wanted to see how it works.”

Deanne straightened in her chair, an excited glint in her eye.

Emmy eagerly asked her questions, trying to find out how the free day affected the cash flows, how she handled the other customers and all the questions she could think of. Deanne was forthcoming with her replies, and both she and Lianne had good ideas about how to tweak things for Emmy’s shop. It was only when Deanne’s assistant came to say that she would be leaving for her dinner that they realised how much time has passed. 

“Did you know that Hersh is doing something similar in his clinic in Naxen?” Deanne said as they stretched a little in their seats. 

“Is he now?”

The two of them started talking more about their other friends, and Emmy took the opportunity to excuse herself to visit the latrine. Lianne’s four guards were waiting on the benches in the waiting room, two of them playing cards. They nodded at her politely as she passed, and she ventured through the back door, guessing that the latrine should be through that way. 

The narrow corridor had two doors, one to each side, and a back door that must open to the back lane. The door to her right was open, and there were shelves and sacks of supplies and —

“Who are you?” Emmy stiffened, her hand going to her sword hilt.

The hooded figure tensed. His back was to Emmy as he crouched on the floor facing the sacks of supplies that Lianne brought. Emmy’s eyes widened as she saw a faint yellow glow pulse over the sacks.

“Get up and turn around.” Emmy said and drew her sword, raising her voice to get the guards’ attention. 

The man stood and whipped around. Emmy lifted her sword. The next thing she knew, she was sent flying back through the front room, her back slamming into the wall and knocking the wind out of her. 

She grunted as she hit the floor. The guards were rushing to the mage now. The room swayed a little as Emmy sucked in lungful of breaths. Vaguely, she registered the curtain to her right flipping open, and Deanne and Lianne rushed into the waiting room. 

Emmy pushed herself up as something crashed. The mage had slammed the bench against the four guards, squeezing them to the wall. He turned to Lianne. 

_No_. Emmy started running over.

He sent several pots flying towards them. Emmy pulled Lianne by the arm and shielded her as she pushed her down. 

Most of the pots crashed against the wall behind them, but one of them crashed against the back of Emmy’s head. Through the ringing in her skull she could feel dried herbs spilling across her back. 

Things were fuzzy for a while. Emmy could hear sounds around her, but she couldn’t make sense of them. The world swayed and faltered. She felt like she was on her feet, and then she was not. Her vision had darkened alarmingly when a warm blue glow invaded her sight, and abruptly things became clearer. 

“Ow.” Emmy muttered, flinging her hands desperately to find something to ground her.

“Easy, easy.” Lianne was saying, one of her hands holding Emmy still by her shoulder, and the other cupping the back of her skull gently. “The pot hit your head and almost cracked your skull. I closed the cut, but you had a concussion. That will need a few more days to heal.”

Emmy’s hands settled on the bench — she was sitting on one, wasn’t she? She blinked. Lianne was standing in front of the bench, staring at her intensely. She made Emmy follow the movement of her fingers, and she was ready with a bucket when the movement made Emmy sick. 

“Where…” Emmy croaked after she finished retching, “Where did the mage go?”

“We don’t know.” Lianne said grimly, handing Emmy a cup of water. Emmy took it gratefully and rinsed her mouth. “He took off after throwing the pots at us. I don’t think he was trying to kill me, he just wanted to make sure no one could follow him.”

“He was…” Emmy panted, resting her head in her hands. Her dizziness had lessened, but the pounding in her head had only grown. “He was doing something to the supplies with his Gift. I don’t know what.”

“I think I do.” Deanne’s voice announced from somewhere behind Emmy. Emmy started to turn, but stopped when the movement caused a wave of dizziness. “He tempered with the supplies, making sure that they won’t work for the patients, even making them sick.”

“How…?” 

Thankfully, Deanne came into Emmy’s line of sight, and she rested a hand on Lianne’s shoulder. “I was planning to tell you after I could be sure, but I had patients who didn’t get better after taking the medicine I prescribed. Some of them had gotten worse. At first I thought they were isolated cases, but after seeing a few more I realised all of them came on my free days, and that there might be something wrong with your supplies.”

Lianne’s mouth was set in a thin line, her eyes narrowed in fury. Emmy had never seen her so upset. “How long has this been going on?”

“Just a few weeks.” Deanne said quietly. “Don’t worry, I don’t think it has caused too much damage.”

“How can you be sure?” Lianne said, her fists clenched tight. “Some of those affected could still come back to you, what about those who couldn’t make the trip? What about those who suffered longer than they should?”

Deanne bit her lip. “Lianne…”

Emmy reached out to grip Lianne’s forearm. “Not your fault.”

Lianne’s face softened, and she patted Emmy’s hand. “Let’s get you back to the palace. You need to rest.” She turned to Deanne again, “I’ll send fresh supplies tomorrow, and I’ll have the guards stationed here until they are dispensed.”

“You don’t have to —”

“I do.” Lianne said firmly. “Whatever they’re playing at, I’m not going to let your efforts to help the poor go wasted. Let me do this until we figure this out.”

It took a moment, but Deanne finally nodded.

“Come on,” Lianne slid one arm over Emmy’s shoulder. “Let’s get you home.”


	10. Midwinter gifts

“Where’s Emmy now? Is she all right?” Vania sat up in alarm when Lianne mentioned that Emmy shielded her from a pot sent flying towards her. 

Lianne, sitting next to her in the couch, took her hand and squeezed it reassuringly. “She’s resting in the infirmary. Don’t worry. The pot struck her head, and she had a concussion. I’ve healed what I can. She’ll need to take it easy for the next few days, but she’ll be fine.”

Vania bit her lip, looking around the family room. Her father sat with Liam on the couch next to the fire. Opposite them both, Shinko held a sleeping Lianny in her arms, Roald next to her. Her mother sat on Lianne’s other side, one arm around her shoulders while Jasson sat on the rug in front of Shinko, having played with Lianny before she slept. All their faces were grim at the news.

Vania wanted to rush off to the infirmary now, but that might require all sorts of explanation that she wasn’t ready to give. 

“She’s probably sleeping now.” Lianne added gently. 

Vania nodded reluctantly, and made herself lean back onto the couch. In her head, she called Emmy all kinds of idiot. It was almost Midwinter, and still she managed to get hurt saving someone else. Granted, it was her sister that Emmy saved. But still.

“And the mage escaped?” Liam nudged. 

Lianne nodded, and started picking up the story where she left off. “The guards ran after him when they recovered, and Deanne and I were busy tending to Emmy. He was long gone by the time the guards reached the back alley.”

There was a moment of silence.

Her mother gave Lianne’s shoulder another squeeze. “I’m glad you’re all right, dear.”

Lianne laid her head on her mother’s shoulder. “Thank Emmy, mother. On hindsight, I probably could have blocked the attack with my Gift, but I honestly didn’t think of it at that time.”

“You were trained to heal,” Jasson said quietly, “Battle magic requires a different set of instincts.”

“From now on I want all of you to practise defensive spells.” Her father said gravely. “I’ll talk to Numair, ask him to give you pointers. Make sure you practise until you can throw up a shield at a moment’s notice. No amount of guards I place around you will help if the enemy’s a powerful mage.”

“And we have to assume they have powerful mages.” Her mother added, “You’ve heard about the immortal attacks, and the attack on Alanna.” 

“It’s not just that they have mages,” Roald spoke, fingering his beard thoughtfully. “Lianne, do people know that you’re the one supplying the free clinic?”

Lianne nodded. “I don’t think Deanne said anything, but surely they’ve seen me come and go with the supplies. Especially in the past few months, when I had four palace guards with me all the time.”

“Whoever is behind this, they want to undermine you.” Shinko said quietly, and Roald nodded at her. 

“They want to damage the reputation of the Crown,” Roald said, and turned to Vania, “Remember what Darius of Tirragen said, Vania? He didn’t just want to kill you, he wanted to make it look like you’re incompetent and that you ‘pretend to fight among men’.”

“And now they want to make it seem like you’re making the poor sick with bad supplies.” Liam finished the thought, looking at Lianne. 

Vania cursed, drawing startled attention from her family. “That’s such a dishonourable way to attack us!”

Her father’s lips twitched. “I almost forgot, you spent time with Alanna the past few months.” He sobered again before Vania could reply, “You’re right, Roald, Liam. This is most likely done by the same mages who’ve been coordinating the immortal attacks. They may seem very different — blunt attacks by large groups of immortals compared to stealth attacks with specific outcomes — but the goal is the same. It’s to undermine the Crown.” 

He looked around the room, catching each of their eyes in turn. “The attacks are becoming more frequent. Be careful, all of you. Not just about attacks, but be careful with your words and actions. They’ll use whatever they can to undermine us.”

They nodded. Vania felt her heart beat faster. What if they found out that she was honeylove? That she was in a relationship with Emmy, a Tirragen? She had promised Emmy that she would fight for their future together, but if this was linked to the immortals attacks, this wasn’t just about a scandal for her family anymore. This was about a rebellion, and people wanting her father’s throne.

She knew she loved Emmy enough to risk a scandal, but could she risk her family?

Vania didn’t say another word for the rest of the evening. She was lucky that the attention was on Lianne, and no one seemed to notice her sullen mood. Still, when talk died down later, Vania made sure that she was the last to remain in the room, and snuck out to the infirmary the first chance she got. 

She forced a smile and waved a greeting at the healer on duty in the waiting room, and strode straight to the only occupied bed in the main room, which was the first one next to the hearth at the far end.

Emmy was tucked snugly into thick blankets, and her eyes were closed. Vania sat down carefully on the side of her bed and leaned forward to stare at her. Emmy’s face looked a little pale, and Vania could see splatters of blood on the back of her collar. 

Vania grimaced. She took a quick look to make sure the room was empty, and leaned down to kiss Emmy on the forehead and lips. 

“You dolt.” She whispered, her hand caressing Emmy’s cheek. “You will drive me mad one day. But I still love you. So get well soon.”

*

Emmy was dozing on her armchair in front of the hearth when a knock woke her up. She started, opening her eyes to a room that wouldn’t hold still. She spread her palm and rubbed her temples with her fingers, closing her eyes and wishing for the weight on her head to go away.

“Come in,” She said when the knock came again, having a good idea of who it might be. 

Emmy heard the door open and close with a click of the lock. Muffled footsteps came closer and closer until they stopped right beside her, and a hand rested gently on Emmy’s arm. Emmy moved her hand away from her face to smile at Vania. “Hey.”

“You left the door unlocked for me.” Vania said fondly. She leaned forward to kiss Emmy on her lips. Emmy closed her eyes. Vania’s touch was more steady that Emmy’s vision of her. Her hand stayed on Emmy’s cheek when she pulled away, and Emmy leaned into it. “How are you feeling?”

Emmy opened her eyes, squinting a little at Vania’s beautiful face. “Content.”

Vania tried to hide a smile, even though she didn’t quite succeed. She gave Emmy another quick kiss, her hand steady. “I’m not. You managed to get yourself hurt again. Don’t you know it’s Midwinter? You’re going to spend the holidays all dazed and silly!”

Emmy grinned. “I think most folks are dazed and silly over Midwinter, if not quite in this fashion.”

“You,” Vania declared, her other hand gently brushing Emmy’s hair from her face, “are a dolt.”

“Only for you.” 

“Oh, move over.” 

Vania tugged Emmy’s hand, and Emmy obediently scooted to one side of her not-that-big arm chair. She felt Vania slid into the chair behind to her before she started wondering if this wasn’t a good idea. 

“Maybe we should…” Emmy’s words died on her lips when Vania gently pulled her back, and she turned to see Vania’s face inches away from hers. Vania’s body was warm against Emmy’s back, and she didn’t realise how cold she was until Vania’s warmth made her relax. Vania’s arm slid under Emmy’s waist, and her other arm reached across Emmy’s shoulder and held her protectively. 

“I hope you’ve had your supper.” Vania said, tenderness in her eyes, “I don’t feel like moving.”

Emmy smiled and snuggled closer. “Supper, and the vile medicine Lianne insists I should have for the next few days. I’m not in a hurry to have more of either.”

Vania kissed her temple. “Good. I can do something else instead of scolding you.” She leaned down, and Emmy tilted her head up to meet her, their kiss soft and lingering. 

Emmy’s head spun again when she pulled back, and she knew it wasn’t entirely because of the knock on her head. She closed her eyes to make it stop, and to give herself a few moments to savour the feel and taste of Vania. 

“All right there?” Vania’s voice was casual, though Emmy could sense the undercurrent of worry. 

Emmy nodded, keeping her eyes closed. “Just a little dizzy, still. Sorry.”

Vania snorted softly. “You don’t have to apologise. I hate that you got into trouble again, but you saved Lianne, so I won’t complain.” 

Emmy felt Vania’s hand drop to rest on Emmy’s stomach, sending a strange tingle through the rest of her. She sighed inwardly at the fact that she was tired and dizzy and had a pounding head, knowing that she would have enjoyed this far more if she was feeling like her usual self. 

“But still,” Vania whispered to her ear, “You have a bad habit of putting yourself between people and danger. Can you stop doing that?”

Emmy opened her eyes, turning her head and focusing slowly on Vania’s eyes. Despite Vania’s joking tone, Emmy could tell that Vania also meant it. Yet how could Emmy make a promise that she knew she would not be able to keep?

Emmy reached up and closed one hand over Vania’s. “We’ll both be knights one day, Vania. You know as well as I do that I can’t keep a promise like that.” 

Vania’s brows furrowed ever so slightly, and Emmy reached up to touch her cheek. “I’ve never been able to fight back and protect other people until recently, you know. I want to be like you. I want to keep other people safe.”

Vania’s eyes widened a little, and her smile was rueful. “Are you saying it’s my fault?”

“I’m saying you inspired me.” Emmy felt a smile of her own growing slowly. “If I can be half the knight that I know you’ll be, I’d be proud of myself.”

Vania did frown then. “You’ll be a great knight, sweet. And you already have plenty to be proud of.”

Emmy closed her eyes and snuggled closer, though they were already so close that she wasn’t really doing much. She knew that the conversation would likely lead back to Tirragen and her quest, but she did not want to go down there tonight. 

“Don’t go there, Vania.” She muttered. “It’s Midwinter, and we’re warm and not alone. Let’s forget about other things for one night, shall we?”

Vania didn’t reply immediately, and Emmy knew that Vania would be reminding herself to bring this up again at the next opportunity. 

Emmy wasn’t surprised at the soft kiss on her temple, moments later. 

“You’re right, sweet.” Vania whispered. “Tonight, we’ll just be two girls who love each other. Get some rest, I won’t be going anywhere.”

Emmy covered Vania’s hand with her own, and gave it a soft squeeze. “I know.”

*

Vania balanced the tray of breakfast on one hand, and reached down with her free hand to pat the small pouch by her belt once more. She had done that multiple times during the walk to the kitchen and subsequently to Emmy’s room. It was ridiculous, but what if it had fallen along the way? What if today was the day she lost something when she needed it? 

She took a deep breath and knocked. She heard muffled shuffling behind the door before it creaked open.

Emmy blinked at her in surprise, still in her night gown. “Vania. You’re —” She looked down at the tray in Vania’s hand and smiled. “Come in.”

Emmy held the door open as Vania slipped into the room and set the breakfast tray on the small round table in front of the hearth. 

“No training today?” Emmy asked as she closed the door. 

“I think even Eda Bell takes time off over Midwinter, sweet, let alone the Queen’s Ladies. You’re not missing any training.” Vania turned around. Emmy’s dark brown hair fell just below her shoulders, and she looked particularly small and vulnerable in her night gown. Vania’s face softened as she strode forward and placed her hands gently on Emmy’s shoulders, leaning down for a kiss. 

Emmy’s hands cupped Vania’s cheeks as she returned the favour, more assertively than Vania expected. Vania almost moaned in pleasure. 

“I need to…” Vania swallowed as she pulled away a little, “… catch you more often when you’re still waking up.”

Emmy smiled. “I am awake. I was about to change into practice clothes.”

Vania pulled away a little more to frown properly at her. “Lianne said you shouldn’t train for another two days.”

Emmy looked away. “I feel fine.”

Vania bit her lips. She didn’t come here to argue, so instead she made a mental note to herself to show up at the same time for the next two days so Emmy wouldn’t push herself. 

“Well,” Vania took the pouch from her belt, her heart beating a little faster, “I’m glad I caught you, so I can give you this.” She held it forward. “Happy Midwinter, Emmy.”

Emmy looked up at her, startled. “Vania…”

“Open it.”

Wordlessly, Emmy took the pouch and opened it, dropping a pair of pearl ear bobs and a pair of plain silver studs onto her palm.

“I know you haven’t gotten your ears pierced, but that’s easy enough to fix.” Vania explained as Emmy studied her gift, careful not to mention that she had caught Emmy looking wistfully at hers and Fianola’s collection a few times, “I figured now that Aunt Alanna supply you with the best gear, maybe I can give you something more fun. It’s all right if you don’t like it, it took me some tries to figure out what I like. But I… I thought you might look good in these.”

She leaned close for a stage whisper. “The silver ones go better with armour.”

That startled a chuckle out of Emmy. Carefully, she dropped the ear bobs and studs back into the pouch, tying it snugly. With the pouch still in hand, she threw her arms around Vania, hugging her tightly. 

“Thank you.” She muttered against Vania’s shoulder. 

Vania let out a slow breath, her body relaxing in relief. Part of her had been worried that Emmy wouldn’t like it. Emmy had shown scant interest in jewellery or dressing up. But Vania had seen the way she looked at Fianola and herself, and wondered how much of it was due to her lack of spending money or lack of anyone to teach her. In more playful moods and before she found out for sure, she had toyed with the idea that maybe Emmy was just attracted to females. The latter turned out to be true, but how would she ever know if the former were true unless she tried?

“I —” Emmy licked her lips when she pulled back, not meeting Vania’s eyes. “I didn’t get you anything. I — I was planning to, but with the mage at —”

“Shh.” Vania pulled her close again, and held firm when Emmy resisted a little. “It’s all right. I don’t want you to spend any coin on me.” She chuckled. “Goddess knows I have enough things and jewellery. I want just you.”

Emmy stiffened in Vania’s arms, and Vania absently started rubbing circles on her back as she wondered why.

“Remember last Midwinter?” Vania said finally, “We were talking about marriage prospects. You said you didn’t know who would want you. I wanted so, so badly to tell you that I do.” She swallowed the lump in her throat and pulled away as little as possible while being able to look at Emmy in the eyes. 

She smiled a little. “I’m so glad I can say it this year. I want you, Emmy. Don’t ever doubt that. I want you.”

Vania leaned forward to kiss her on the lips. Her lips barely touched Emmy’s before Emmy pulled away. 

Emmy’s eyes were shining. “Is that enough?”

Vania blinked. “What…?”

Emmy’s shoulders jerked a little in a nervous shrug, eyes darting downwards. “For us. We’re so… we’re so different, Vania.” She muttered, her voice very small, “I— I love you. That’s enough for now, but will it be enough for the next five years? Ten?”

Vania felt herself tense involuntarily. Emmy felt it, pulling a little further away though her hands lingered on Vania’s arms. Vania’s hands closed gently on Emmy’s biceps. 

The silence dragged on a moment too long. 

“What’s wrong, Emmy?” Vania finally asked, gently nudging Emmy’s chin upwards to look at her properly. “We talked about this. Things might be hard, but we can make it work. We have people on our side, and they’ll help us. They’ll —”

“It’s not that.” Emmy said, still reluctant to meet her eyes. “That’s about making sure you can marry a woman one day. I would want that for you even if you marry someone else.”

Vania felt her breath hitch. It took her a few moments to find the words. “What are you talking about? Why would I want anyone else —”

“Because I can’t give you anything!” Emmy blurted, “You’ve given me your friendship and protection from the first day we met, and you’ve helped me get into the good books of your family and other influential people in court —”

“— Is that what you think it was?”

But Emmy ignored her, “You’ve bought me gear and weapons and books that I can never afford. And now you’re prepared to spend years fighting for the small chance that we might live together. I don’t know —” A few tears slid down her cheeks, “I don’t know what is it that I can give you in return.”

Vania shrugged off Emmy’s hands and pulled away, ignoring the hurt that flashed across her face. She stomped a few steps away towards the wall, and stomped back again, trying to get her breathing in control. 

Emmy hugged herself, her head lowered. 

Vania halted a few steps in front of her. “Look at me.”

Emmy’s head snapped up at her tone.

“I’m not agreeing with what you said. I’m mad at you.” Vania snapped, not holding her anger back even as Emmy flinched. “There was so many things wrong with what you said that I don’t know where to start! Do I look like the type who use my status to help someone else build influence? You’ve earned every bit of respect from my family yourself. Oh, and you saved my life, remember? _Twice_ , if I remember correctly.” 

She took a deep breath, and tried tone down her sarcasm. “I bought you quality gear because they could mean life or death in the work we chose. I bought you books from across the realm because you like reading them, and because I love listening to you talk about them. In fact, I love listening to you talk. And I love talking to you, and you put up with me, for some weird reason.”

Vania chuckled, quickly wiping the corners of her eyes as she felt her anger slip away. “That’s the thing. For some reason, you make me happy. Whatever shortcomings you think you have because you’re a Tirragen, I love you all the more for it. You’re so brave, Emmy. You’re brave, and tough, and beautiful.” 

She closed the distance between them. She cupped Emmy’s wet cheeks in her hands and leaned close enough that their foreheads touched. “You give me a reason to fight. That means more to me than anything else you can give.”

Emmy shuddered against her, and nodded. 

Vania closed her eyes, exhaling in relief. She wasn’t sure what brought upon Emmy’s uneasiness about the disparity in their status again, and she wasn’t sure if it would ever go away. But she knew she would always fight to bring Emmy back from the edge, and that would be all right. 

The kiss startled her, and her eyes flew open. 

Vania responded in reflex, sensing need and desperation from Emmy. She let herself get lost in the kiss, and was barely surprised when she felt Emmy’s hands on her chest. 

When she felt Emmy reaching to pull her tunic over, she gently caught Emmy’s wrists and pulled away. 

She searched Emmy’s eyes, seeing something she had not seen there before. A desire so intense that Vania wanted to surrender to it. They had never talked about this out loud, though their kissing had gone far enough a few times that Vania had been thinking about it for a while.

“Are you sure?” Vania whispered, a little breathless.

Emmy held her gaze. “More than ever.”

Vania nodded, and let Emmy undress her before she returned the favour. 

*

Afterwards, they stayed curled up together under the blankets, pulling away only far enough for them to gaze into each other’s eyes in awe. Vania was stroking Emmy’s hair lazily, while Emmy kneaded her hands gently on Vania’s bare back. 

“How did you know how to do that?” Emmy said softly, as if anything louder might disturb the bliss they had found themselves in.

Vania grinned, “I am a healer-in-training, sweet. I need to know a thing or two about human anatomy.”

She watched as understanding dawned in Emmy’s eyes, before her eyes widened a little more in shock. “Did _Neal_ teach you all that?”

Vania gaped, and smacked the back of Emmy’s head lightly. “No, you dolt! There are books about this.” She grinned. “Lianne, though, might have lent me a few copies of… advanced materials.”

Emmy’s eyes were so wide that it was almost comical. “There are _books_ about this?”

“Only a few.” Vania smirked. She placed a finger on Emmy’s mouth before she could ask. “I’m not giving them to you. Not until you stop being silly about the whole status thing.” She sobered up, “And I mean it, Emmy. Even if you doubt yourself, don’t doubt me. I love you, and I don’t care that you’re a Tirragen.”

Emmy gazed into her eyes for a moment, and nodded. She leaned forward to kiss Vania lightly, but her lips lingered a little, conveying both gratitude and apology. 

“What if I told you I got you a Midwinter gift too?” Emmy said after she pulled back. Vania frowned in confusion. “It’s nothing much. Just a glass pendant I saw that reminded me of your eyes. It’s not worth much, I just thought —”

Vania silenced her with a kiss. “I will wear it every day.”

Emmy deepened the kiss, her hand sliding downwards before she halted abruptly. “Wait, don’t you have squire duties today? I’ve been told to rest, but you —”

“I like how you only thought about this after you’ve delayed me for almost a bell.”

Emmy actually blushed, and Vania grinned, leaning forward to kiss her on the nose. “Relax, sweet. I told you even Eda Bell is taking Midwinter off. Kel gave me the rest of Midwinter off, though I do have squire duties at the balls for half the nights, and princess duties for the other half.” 

She traced a finger down Emmy’s throat and beyond. “I have free time during the day though, for the first time in ages. I wonder how I can fill it.”

“I think…” Emmy swallowed, “I think we could use a different kind of practice.”

Vania felt a little thrill vibrating across her body. “I’m inclined to agree.”

They didn’t get out of bed until much later.


	11. Spring

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Much thanks to @The_Big_Wee_Hag for beta-reading this chapter and getting it into a much better shape!

"Are you all right, Emmy?" Myles asked as Emmy set up the chessboard. "You've been awfully quiet today."

Emmy froze, and tried to continue setting up the chessboard as if nothing had happened. Sure, it had been embarrassing when, at the ball she served at last night, a guest had refused her services by loudly stating that he didn't want to be served by a Tirragen, and even more embarrassing when Lianne — Princess Lianne — passed by deliberately asking for her help. Vania, dressed in her role as a princess and not serving that night, tried to hover politely out of reach so that Emmy did not have to serve her, but it had been easy to guess that she'd put her sister up to the ‘rescue'. Emmy fled at the end of the ball, and eagerly left the palace in the morning for Myles' townhouse to take up on his invitation to have tea and play chess.

She pulled her mind back to the present. She definitely hadn't spent the night dwelling on the events of the previous evening, nope, not at all. 

"I'm fine, Myles," she muttered, and scrambled for a safer topic. "Do you have any news about who staged the sabotage on Lianne's free clinic?"

Myles held her gaze long enough to let Emmy know he was not fooled, but he took the hint anyway. "None, unsurprisingly. A mage like that can disappear well enough. If he had any sense at all he would have left the city when he realised he was seen."

"Oh."

"But it's easy enough to guess who he might be working for." Myles said as he absently made the first move with a pawn. "The sabotage would have damaged the Crown's reputation. It ties back well to the story that the Crown is losing favour with the gods, as it shows that even when they tried to help the sick their plan backfires."

Emmy stiffened with a chill down her spine. Why had she not make the connection before?

Myles watched her silently, and belatedly Emmy made her move. "If that is true, the... rebels are getting more creative."

Myles snorted. "They've always been cunning. Even the attempt on Vania's life was staged so that it looked like she brought it upon herself. Have you heard that Thom foiled a plan that would have make it look like Jasson messed up a dangerous experiment and killed many students?" Emmy's eyes widened in surprise, but Myles kept going, "They will do whatever they can think of to undermine the Contés."

Emmy squirmed a little in her seat, thinking about her relationship with Vania. Would they take that and twist it into something ugly, too? Would Vania's family be harmed because Emmy loved Vania?

Emmy turned the black knight chess piece with her fingers absently, her mind seized by a growing horror that her relationship with Vania was no longer just about embarrassing scandals anymore. It could potentially be used as a means to destabilise the kingdom, something that everyone she respected worked hard to protect. 

"Hesitant about your next move?" Myles asked, gently.

Emmy opened her mouth and closed it. Her heart was beating faster, and she could not seem to find the right words. 

"I don't know, Myles." She said, gripping the chess piece hard, "This means the Contés have to be careful, right? Not just having guards and protection, but making sure that they toe the line, keep things proper?"

To her surprise, Myles laughed. "I've never known a Conté who is good at toeing the line! Even Roald is learning to bend the rules to make his wife happy these days, bless him, and he was the most rigid of the lot." He chuckled, fingering his shaggy beard. He had a knowing look in his eyes when he asked, "You're thinking about Vania, aren't you?"

Emmy could only nod. She had told Eleni about her relationship with Vania after the second visit to Lalasa's shop, and it felt only natural to tell Myles as well. Both of them had taken it in their stride and did not treat her any differently. 

"We know it would be a scandal, and we are prepared for that." Emmy said quietly, "But if the rebels could use this to undermine the Crown further, isn't it very selfish of me to stay with Vania? This isn't just about us anymore. I mean, a scandal would be embarrassing at worst, but if the rebels use this and they win—”

"They will try, but they have a small chance of winning." Myles said firmly. "We've been watching this lot for years, Emmy. There is a reason why they have stayed in the shadows. By our estimates, they have a few good mages on their side and at least one sharp strategist planning things. They might have ruffled a few feathers and gotten a few extremist conservatives on their side, but they are far from having a sufficient force to stage a successful rebellion."

He paused to take a sip of tea. "I'm not making light of things, Emmy. Their attacks have added a strain to our coffers, and there have been many casualties among our forces and our people. We cannot sit back and allow them to grow stronger. But make no mistake, they do not have a serious chance at a staging a successful coup. Probably not ever, now that Numair and Daine are ready to get back into field and do some damage."

Emmy set down the chess piece, knowing that it was no use pretending that she was thinking about the game at the moment. She took her cup of tea with both hands, soaking in the warmth radiating from the cup. 

"Still, is it not my duty to do everything I can to protect the realm?" Emmy asked after a few moments. "My choices may not mean much in the grand scheme of things, but if everyone thinks like that, and no one makes a serious effort, isn't that kicking ourselves in the foot?"

Myles chuckled, shaking his head a little. "You have a point there. But by that logic, Vania should give up on her knighthood and marry into a prominent family to strengthen the Crown in these dangerous times, don't you think?"

Emmy could barely keep her hands from shaking at the chilling thought.

"But she won't, and Thayet wouldn't let her." Myles continued, his eyes sharp on Emmy, "One might argue that Vania becoming a successful knight would swing the tide of opinion and convert the last of the fence-sitters to accepting lady knights. One might argue a lot of things. There are no easy answers here, Emmy. But I prefer to think that letting yourself suffer on a dubious hope that it might help the grand scheme of things as borderline foolish, and certainly harmful to those who love you. There's nothing noble about the latter."

Emmy took a few moments to think about his words, and finally nodded. She wasn't sure if she was convinced yet, but she knew she would be thinking about his words in the days to come. 

They finished the rest of the tea in silence, their chess game forgotten.

*

Third Company was called out in mid-January to assist a village damaged by a snow storm. Emmy had woken up to a note slipped through her door, the messy scrawl written in a hurry:

_Duty calls. May not be back for a while. Sorry I couldn't say a proper farewell. Please write._

_Also, I will be very mad if I have to heal you again the next time we meet. So you know what to do._

_Love,_  
_V_

The note will become crumpled quickly, despite the care Emmy took in handling it. It was silly, but she read it often in the nights when she lay awake in bed, and more frequently still when her other friends left the palace with their knight masters over the next few months. Fianola kept her company, though her evenings were frequently taken up by official or unofficial meetings Prince Roald had with his guests.

Third Company came back to Corus briefly for a few days after that, and both Emmy and Vania were busy enough that they caught but one dinner together before Vania had to head out again. 

Between training and setting up her massage parlour business, April came quickly. 

By then, her massage parlour had begun to find its feet. Business was slow at first as people treated the idea with skepticism. For a month, Emmy had sleepless nights wondering what she would do if she had to let the employees go should the business fail, and what she would say to Alanna in light of the disappointment. But as word spread and customers — knights, guards, and Riders alike — came back for return visits, business slowly picked up, and Emmy switched to worrying about hiring more people and training new employees. 

By February, Emmy had decided to hand the day to day operations officially to Amicia, who had been instrumental in setting up the whole thing in the first place. At Eleni's pleased look when Emmy announced this over dinner one night, Emmy realised that this must had been Eleni's plan all along. 

Eleni had told Emmy enough for her to know that Amicia was not the young woman's real name. All Eleni would say was that Amicia loved the wrong person, and her family threw her out to the streets at the height of winter. Myles' — or perhaps the Whisper Man's — people found her, and Eleni nursed her back to health. 

Emmy didn't quite care why Amicia was thrown out, only that she was mad that Amicia's family would do such a thing. Amicia was friendly, kind and capable, and Emmy was glad that handing her business to Amicia helped her as much as it helped Emmy. 

Besides, Emmy was already counting down the days to when Alanna would be back. 

One morning in late April saw Emmy being thrown down onto the training grounds. She looked up at the sky for a moment, noting what a beautiful day it was to be lying on the ground. This was so much better than going over the numbers for her massage parlour, and she thanked Eleni every day for finding Amicia to take over the fledging business so Emmy could go back to being a squire full time.

"I guess I did that right?" Patrine's head popped into view, her smirk quite clear even if it was upside down.

Emmy hid a smile and pretended to groan as she sat up. "Yes. If you can't tell, no amount of additional training would help."

"Is it my turn to throw Emmy now?" Jessamine of Jesslaw, or Jessie to her friends, bounced a little in excitement. Jessie always seemed to bounce. Sometimes it hurt to look at her when Emmy was back from town after a long day of running endless errands for her shop. 

"Your partner is Darren." Emmy reminded her.

"Thank you," Darren said dryly, dusting his elbows. "Although I'm happy to see someone else being thrown once in a while."

"Patrine was partnering Wilina!" Jessie protested.

"Emmy wanted me to see what I was doing wrong." Wilina raised an eyebrow, her hands behind her back. 

Emmy nodded, keeping her eyes on the redhead. Wilina was the smallest among them, and Emmy knew how it felt like to be small. "Did you see?"

Wilina nodded, a determined look in her eyes. It was not the simple throw that was taught to pages in their first year, but a more complex combination of blocks and counter moves that were more tricky to master. Emmy asked Wilina to try again with Patrine, and nodded with satisfaction when Wilina got the sequence right this time. 

In January, Patrine had surprised Emmy by requesting additional hand-to-hand combat training, and other pages followed her like ducklings. For the past few months, Emmy had taken a few hours every Sunday to coach them, and Eda had sometimes dropped in to help. But with pages' examinations so close, only the few of them remained. 

Emmy didn't mind at all. She spent her mornings training with the Queen's Ladies and Eda Bell, squeezing in a couple of hours helping out with page training. Her afternoons were more often than not spent in the city, running errands from buying furniture for her shop to interviewing and training her employees — it still felt weird to think that she had people working for her — with the occasional visits to Lalasa and Lianne's healer friends thrown in. 

It was thrilling at times, to know that she was doing work that would enable her to stand on her own feet financially, and that her customers walk out of her shop feeling better than before. But she didn't feel like a squire, spending so much time on and for herself. Giving the pages additional hand-to-hand training made her feel a little better, a little more worthy of the kindness she had received.

"I don't think I got it," Jessie said, an exaggerated frown on her face. 

Emmy rolled her eyes. "Fine, try it on me."

Jessie almost squealed. She threw Emmy on her back effortlessly, just like Emmy had known she would. Jessie learned quick. 

"Can I throw Emmy now?" Darren asked, his eyes wide and innocent.

"You act like you've never had combat training before." Emmy grumbled, though she dropped into a stance and beckoned Darren to start. 

"We didn't get to throw _you_ ," Jessie said as Darren threw Emmy on her back, as if that explained everything.

Darren extended a hand to help Emmy up. "Now we can claim that we've thrown the Lioness' squire on her back."

"Which she allowed you to." Wilina said quietly, shaking her head.

Emmy fought to maintain her smile. She still didn't know how she felt about it. The pages, especially the younger female ones, looked at Emmy with what felt suspiciously like awe. It didn't make sense, not when Emmy was reminded of her sentence every day as she woke up to another day without a knight mistress. She was proud of being Alanna's squire, she was. But with Alanna out of the country, and her not able to follow, she just felt like a pretender sometimes. 

"Emmeline?" A voice called, and Emmy turned to see a woman in Rider uniform striding towards her. She was a little taller than Emmy, and she had short dark hair, a face with a light dusting of freckles and a friendly grin. The badge on her uniform is enclosed with a crimson ring, marking her as a commander of a Rider group. "Emmeline of Tirragen?"

Emmy bowed. "Yes, commander. How may I help you?"

The woman snorted and waved a little. "I'm sure Buri told you we don't like the whole title thing. I'm Miri. Call me commander again and I'll tell Buri on you." She said, extending her hand with a grin.

Emmy grinned back and shook Miri's hand. "Noted, Miri. Call me Emmy."

Miri nodded. "Emmy it is. I'm here to pick you up. Alanna's going to arrive in Port Legann in two days, and we're to head to Pirates' Swoop to meet her there."

Emmy did a quick math in her mind, and raised her eyebrows. "Are we going to reach there in time?"

Miri grinned, a mischievous glint in her eyes. "I assure you, Alanna and the Baron would appreciate the time to themselves more than you think. There may have been hints for us to take a leisurely pace."

It took a moment, but Emmy blushed when she realised what Miri meant. "Oh."

Miri's grin widened. "Well, we're riding out the day after tomorrow, at dawn. Meet me at the Riders' barracks."

"Yes, ma'am."

Miri shook her head a little, and waved a farewell before walking away. 

"Well, I guess you're off to great adventures again." Patrine said with a small smile. 

Seeing the various looks of envy and awe in their eyes, Emmy looked down and pretended to dust off her tunic. "I need not remind you my last adventure landed me in the healer's tent, and I needed more than a month to recover."

"But you saved the Lioness' life!" Darren said, and the others nodded quickly in agreement.

"After she saved me from more than thirty immortals," Emmy said firmly. She took a look at the sun, and sighed. "Anyway, I think that's it for today. Remember to practice while I'm gone — I'd like to know you can still throw me the next time I'm back!"

"We will!"

Jessie and Darren exchanged a look, and Emmy wondered if she would come to regret her words when she sees them again. Wilina nodded, a quiet determination in her eyes. Emmy didn't worry about her. 

Patrine lingered after the others left, walking side by side with Emmy. 

"Thank you for giving us these lessons, Emmy." Patrine said quietly, "I know you had a lot to do."

Emmy smiled and slung an arm around Patrine's shoulder, noting with only mild chagrin that Patrine was already a little taller than her. "What's with the formality? And you've thanked me already, and a few times at that."

"Just... take care of yourself out there, will you?" Patrine paused, fixing Emmy's eyes with her own. The concern in her eyes surprised Emmy. "I know you're good, and the Lioness is very good, but both of you attract more enemies than others." 

Patrine looked down with a shyness that Emmy had never seen in her, "I don't have...you're like a sister to me, Emmy. You're the first person other than my father who believed in me, and you saved my life. I don't know what I'll do if... just be careful, all right?"

Touched, Emmy pulled Patrine into a hug. "I will." She muttered. "And thank you. That's one of the sweetest things anyone has ever said to me. You're like my sister too. I'll write. Write to me too, I want to know how you're doing."

Patrine nodded against her shoulder, hugging her back tightly. 

*

"So you're the squire we've been asked to babysit?" A male voice came from behind her, just as a Rider's pony caught up with Whisper on her right. 

They had barely left Corus behind. Emmy kept her face neutral, looking at the tall youth with floppy brown hair and green eyes. Despite his words, he had a friendly grin on his face. 

"Be nice, Mick." A second voice said, and another Rider rode up on Whisper's left. "She saved my life." The girl said with a tentative smile, and with a start Emmy recognised the short wavy chestnut hair and emerald eyes. 

"Clarissa!" Emmy said, looking Clarissa of Eldorne up and down. The last time they met, Clarissa was disheveled after being caught by a centaur, and she had looked pale and shaken. The Clarissa in front of her now held herself tall and proud. 

"Hello Emmy." Clarissa gave her a quick nod, "Congratulations on becoming the Lioness' squire."

Emmy smiled a little. "Thank you. It's...it's good to see you."

"That's Mick over there," Clarissa nodded, and Emmy turned to see Mick gave a slight bow from his pony. "Don't mind him. He was dropped on his head when he was a baby —”

"It wasn't a very far drop, mind you." Mick winked.

"Don't believe anything he says," Clarissa said dryly. 

Mick let out an exaggerated gasp, hand over his heart. "Clarissa! You can't say things like that to pretty ladies that I just met!"

Emmy ducked her head a little, wishing that there was something she could do to show that she was not interested in men at all. But that would lead to a whole other slew of problems. She bet that Vania would have something smarter to say. She held back a sigh, feeling a pang of longing for Vania. 

"Emmy?"

Emmy started, looking from Clarissa to Mick and seeing expectant looks on their faces. She must had missed something, and she felt her cheeks warm. 

"Sorry, I didn't catch that. Did you ask me something?"

Mick's mouth slowly widened into a grin, a wicked glint in his eyes. "You were thinking about your lover, weren't you?"

Emmy blushed, and hated herself immediately for it. Alanna was right, she couldn't hide anything to save her life.

"Who's the lucky man?" Mick continued, "Is he also a squire?"

Emmy tightened her hands on her reins, wondering if it was too rude to just speed up and ignore him. But it was only the first day of their journey, how was she going to face the rest of the Riders if she did that now?

To her surprise, Clarissa brought her pony a little forward so that she could glare at Mick. "If you can't remember your manners, go annoy someone else. We don't want her to think that Sea Gale is a group of barbarians."

"Aw." Mick said, and when Emmy caught his eyes, he did look a little apologetic. But he pulled his reins, and turned back towards the end of the line. 

"Sorry about that." Clarissa muttered, "Sea Gale isn't a group of barbarians, for the record."

Emmy smiled, feeling a rush of relief and gratitude for Clarissa. "Sea Gale sounds like fun. I'm sorry, I just wasn't — wasn't prepared for that question, that's all."

Clarissa shot her a quick grin. "We are fun, once you get over dolts like Mick. Miri is probably one of the most fun commanders to be around, even if it is her first command."

"It is?"

Clarissa nodded. "Sea Gale was only set up last year, it's officially group twenty-two. Groups twenty-three and -four were only set up early this year. All these newer groups are assigned fresh commanders, though they mix up the Riders within each one. Half our group are transfers from others, but the other half like myself and Mick, we came here straight after training." She grinned at Emmy. "I hope I didn't scare you by explaining how we likely don't know what we're doing."

Emmy grinned back. "Well, I don't know what I'm doing either, so I won't judge."

Clarissa raised an eyebrow. "I beg to differ. You killed a centaur and saved my life when you were just a page. And now you are squire to the Lioness. I think you know a thing or two."

Emmy smiled uncertainly and looked away, not sure how to respond to that.

Clarissa spoke again a moment later. "You know, I'm glad you're doing well. I hated being an Eldorne. Folks assume all sorts of things when they hear you're an Eldorne. I'm guessing it's the same for a Tirragen. But seeing you, knowing that you're doing well, it — it gives me hope."

Emmy stared. "But... the treason last year. Have you heard about that?"

Clarissa nodded, her face grim. "Everyone did. It sucks to have murderous relatives, doesn't it?"

Hearing the matter-of-fact manner Clarissa said it, and knowing that she did have murderous relatives, Emmy laughed.

"It really does," Emmy said, still chuckling. Somehow her heart felt lighter than before, despite the grimmer topic. For the first time in her life, she was talking to someone other than her brother who really understood what it felt like to grow up in a disgraced house. What it felt like to try and build a life around a rotten legacy. 

She caught the understanding in Clarissa's eyes and her ironic smile, and wondered if Clarissa was thinking the same thing. 

"It's really good seeing you again, Clarissa. I wish I'd talked to you more, when we were in the desert."

Clarissa smiled. "Well, we have a week-long ride ahead of us, don't we?"

*

Clarissa and Mick became Emmy's regular riding companions, though sometimes she rode with Miri too. The two Riders bickered like siblings, though Clarissa was quick to jump to Emmy's defence whenever she thought Emmy needed it. The other Riders in Sea Gale were initially more hesitant around her, though by the time they pulled into Pirates' Swoop, they had warmed up to her. Seeing Alanna's impatient pacing at the castle gate when they were approaching, Clarissa offered to take care of Whisper for her while some of the others offered to take her bags in. Emmy rejected them hastily, but they would have none of it.

"Listen, it's not the first time I've seen the Lioness," Hans, and older Rider who transferred from another group, eyed the red-haired lady knight warily, "She looks like her patience is already running thin. She must be anxious to see you. Don't make her wait any longer."

Emmy swallowed, and reluctantly let it go. 

Alanna gave her a warm smile and hug when Emmy dismounted. 

"My lady." Emmy grinned, feeling a lightness in her heart at having her knight mistress back.

Alanna's brows furrowed a little as she placed her flat palm on Emmy's head. "You don't seem like you've grown any in the past few months. I think you're gonna be a runt like me."

Emmy's smile widened, a strange warmth feeling her heart. "That's not too bad."

"Not too bad?" Alanna raised an eyebrow. 

Emmy's eyes widened, her mind fumbling for the right words. Had she crossed a line? "I — I mean —”

Alanna smirked as she slung an arm around her shoulder and steered her in. "And there I was, thinking that the Riders have taught you something. I hope your fencing skills have improved more."

It was only mid-morning, and after a quick drink of water, Alanna dragged her to the practice courts. Emmy had to take a few deep breaths to settle her nerves. She had done her best with her training, but she didn't know if it would measure up to Alanna's expectations.

They had one bout with their right hand, and then switched hands. Emmy lost the second bout quicker than the first. She didn't know how it happened. One moment, she was going through a complex pass to seize an opening she saw, and the next, her sword was flicked out of her hand, and Alanna's sword tip rested on her neck. 

"I yield." Emmy said half-heartedly, trying to recall the move Alanna used. Her heart sunk a little, wondering if she had missed expectations.

"Not bad," Alanna said, pulling her sword back and sheathing it. "Your left hand is almost as fast as your right hand now. I'm glad you didn't slack off, or you'd have lost me a bet with my husband, and I would be a grumpy woman."

Emmy blinked, though a moment later she sighed in relief. If Alanna said it was not bad, then she would take her knight mistress' assessment. She grinned. "I wouldn't dare, my lady."

Alanna grinned a little. "So I told him. His loss. Come," Alanna slung an arm around Emmy's shoulder and steered her forward, "let's get some food. You could use more meat on your bones. We'll get back to full training tomorrow. What have you been doing other than training with the sword and with Eda?"

Emmy chattered happily, describing her days in the palace. There had been only a few letters in the past six months, with the long journey to the Copper Isles making things difficult. The delegation had official mage links that allowed the King and his council to talk to the delegates directly, but those were only for official matters.

Alanna asked sharp questions about Emmy's new business, and nodded approvingly when Emmy mentioned helping the other pages. She wasn't surprised at the mention of the sabotage at the free clinic Lianne sponsored, likely having heard it through the official mage links.

"How was…" Emmy started asking without thinking, and forced herself to finish, "How was your daughter, my lady?"

Alanna froze for a moment before looking down at the table. Emmy was starting to regret her question when Alanna looked up, a slightly wistful smile on her face. "She's found what I've always wanted for her, a path of her own in life. It's taken her further away than I would've liked, but she's doing good work, and helping people. I can't ask for more."

Emmy relaxed. "I'm glad to hear that. You must be so proud of her."

"I am." Alanna said quietly, raising her mug and taking a long sip of her tea.

Emmy followed suit, cupping her mug with both hands as she sipped. 

"Enough about me." Alanna set her mug down. "We're heading out tomorrow, Emmy. Sea Gale will ride with us — Jon still doesn't want us to travel alone. We're going to Tirragen."

Emmy froze, her mug halfway towards the table. The last time Alanna suggested they head to Tirragen, it was a friendly offer. This time, there was a serious note in Alanna's eyes that made her wary. 

"Oh?" Emmy said, slowly setting her mug down. "Is there... something we need to do there?"

Alanna held her gaze. "There is. We're going to tell the others, including Sea Gale, that it's a private visit, for you to visit your brother. But I don't want to keep things from you, Emmy. We do have business there."

"George got a tip. Ilyorn Silversmith visited your brother a month ago. We need to know why."


	12. Back to Tirragen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Much thanks to The_Big_Wee_Hag for beta-reading!

Emmy chewed her lunch of bread and cheese absently, staring at the road ahead from her seat under a tree where Sea Gale had stopped for a break. It was midday, and at this rate, they would reach Tirragen by nightfall. The weather was sunny and beautiful, as pleasant as it could be for traveling on the road in spring. But none of that could quell a growing dread in Emmy’s gut at the thought of what she might find at Tirragen. 

Why had Ilyorn Silversmith visited her brother? What had he said? How had Xander reacted? 

_Why did it feel like Alanna and her husband were on their way to conduct an investigation?_

“Tell me, lass,” A towering shadow came into view, morphing into the friendly face of Baron George Cooper, Alanna’s husband, as he sat down next to her. “Why are we going to Tirragen?”

“My lady’s been kind enough to allow me to visit my brother.” Emmy said without pause, meeting his hazel eyes. “There was an attack by a group of immortals a month ago, and I asked her to see if we could help.”

Baron Cooper made a non-committal noise as he bit into his own chunk of bread. “You’re getting better at the eye contact. But don’t sound too eager. You’re not a student answering a question in class.”

Emmy thought back over her reply, and nodded. “Thank you, Baron Cooper.”

Baron Cooper turned and made a face at her for ignoring his request to use his first name. But really, calling her knight mistress’ husband, Tortall’s unofficial spymaster, by his first name was a daunting idea. Even more so when he had been teaching her — teaching how to be a better liar, of all things. 

Alanna had apparently let slip that Emmy got easily flustered when she had to lie, and Baron Cooper had taken it upon himself to teach her. He had pulled her aside after dinner on Emmy’s first night in Pirates’ Swoop to share some tips, like how it helped to keep things as close to the truth as possible. And then he started turning up next to her randomly in the past few days to test her on the cover story they were telling the Riders. Emmy didn’t see why it would still help after the first day or two, when there were still people asking her, but she supposed having Baron Cooper catch her off guard would be good practice.

If Alanna had known about this, she had been turning a blind eye. It reminded her of something Gerald said, that Prince Liam had taught him that sneakiness is an important skill for a knight. Maybe there really was something to it.

Either way, Emmy had been all for their cover story. She still didn’t know what to make of the actual reason for their visit herself. This was not how she had envisioned her first trip home in almost four years. 

Later that day, as Tirragen castle loomed ahead amid the sunset, Emmy felt a strange feeling in her gut, just like the last time she visited Tirragen after her first year of page training. The castle was at once familiar and strange. She felt like she knew every brick and stone, and also nothing at all. 

It might have been the sunset, but for some reason the castle felt even older and gloomier than it had the last time she had been here. Moss and strange vines spread upwards to cover almost half the castle walls, and Emmy briefly wondered if she would have to clean them this time. The thought went away as quickly as it came, as Emmy looked around the party that she was part of. There was Miri with the rest of Sea Gale riding behind her, and Alanna on Emmy’s other side. Baron Baron Cooper lingered somewhere among the Riders, whose cheerful banter was a stark contrast to the dark and silent castle ahead.

“How does it feel to be home again?” Miri asked from beside her, surveying their destination. Emmy noticed Alanna turning to look at her.

It took Emmy a few moments to admit it. “Strange.”

She didn’t say anything else, and Miri seemed to have picked up on her mood and did not probe further. 

Xander’s personal manservant, Tom, met them at the gates, offering to take Miri, Alanna and Emmy’s horses and to lead the Riders to the stables. “My lord was hoping you can lead the commanders to the dining room, my lady. Dinner will be served shortly.”

Emmy nodded, knowing that they were short on staff. There were two hostlers around, none of whom Emmy recognised, and she had to wonder how much things had changed in the four years since she had been here. Darius had built up a strong influence over the household over the years, had Xander replaced all his people? 

Emmy waited for Baron Cooper to catch up with them, and led the three of them to the dining room. The hallways were silent and dimly lit, and they did not pass a single servant on their walk there. It was the opposite of the lively and warm castle that they had left behind at Pirates’ Swoop.

The large dining room was furnished grandly, hearkening back to when Tirragen was a proud noble house. A large fireplace and numerous torches made it welcoming. Xander was right through the door when they opened it, wheeling his wheelchair forward with a warm grin on his face. 

He opened his arms as soon as he saw Emmy, and Emmy felt the tension in her ease as she rushed forward and leaned down for a hug. 

“Xander!” She croaked against his strong shoulders, breathing in his familiar scent. She blinked, surprised to find tears building in her eyes.

“It’s good to have you home at last.” Xander replied, his voice as strained with emotions as hers was. “Even if it’s only for a few days.”

Emmy nodded, hugging him tighter. Xander’s shoulders were broad and strong, and not for the first time Emmy wondered how hard he trained to make up for the weakness in his legs.

Xander gave her two more pats on the back, and Emmy took it as a hint and let go, quickly wiping her eyes before turning back to the others who were pretending to study the furnishings in the room.

“Apologies for my lack of manners,” Xander said confidently before Emmy could start with the introductions. “I have not seen my sister in almost a year.”

“No apologies needed, Xander.” Alanna said with a smile. She nodded at Baron Cooper. “Have you met my husband?”

While Alanna introduced both Baron Cooper and Miri, Emmy took the time to study her brother. At first glance, he looked the same as he had when she last saw him in Corus almost a year ago, except for the sparse beard that he had started growing. But upon closer inspection, Emmy could see slight circles under his eyes, and his face seemed drawn with stress, making him look older than his eighteen years. He had seemed fine over the few letters she had received from him, though he mentioned very little about how the estate was doing. Emmy had known that their finances were under stress because of the increase in Crown tax, but right now she felt guilty for not asking more.

They proceeded to dinner without much fanfare. Alanna told Xander that Emmy was doing well in her training, making her beam at her brother in pride. With anyone else, she would feel a little embarrassed. But this was Xander, and he was looking back at her with the same proud grin. Emmy was glad that she could make her brother feel a little better, however insignificant it was.

Alanna asked casually about the immortals attack.

Xander grimaced at the memory. “It was a mix of hurroks and spidrens, about ten in all. They struck a village near the northern border. Eight villagers died while the rest fled. The immortals retreated for the night, but came back the day after. My men-at-arms had barely reached the place when they attacked again. Thankfully, a traveling mage was nearby, and he helped drive the immortals away.”

“We’ve heard of a few traveling mages helping folks around the realm.” Baron Cooper said, slicing his meat as if this was not a big deal at all, “Did you catch his name?”

Xander smiled. “Of course. I invited Master Silversmith to dinner to thank him. He stayed for a few days, and helped with some much needed repairs around the castle.”

Xander looked both grateful and relieved, and Emmy wondered if he had any idea that Ilyorn Silversmith was likely involved in the rising rebellion across the realm. 

“That’s very kind of him.” Miri remarked, taking a sip of wine. 

“Indeed. We would have lost more people if not for his help.” Xander added, a little more grimly now that he recalled his own helplessness. “The repairs too, would have cost coin that we do not have. I told him that he would always be welcome in Tirragen.”

Emmy choked on her meat, coughing. 

Alanna patted her back, looking as if she was torn between exasperation and amusement. 

“Sorry.” Emmy muttered, her face flushed and not meeting anyone’s eyes.

She listened as the conversation resumed around her. Silversmith had fed Xander the same cover story he gave her and Alanna — that he was traveling across the land after the demise of his recluse teacher, and that he sought neither glory nor riches, but merely wanted to see the land and help where he could. 

After making plans to visit the village the next day, they finished their dinners and went their separate ways. Emmy trailed Xander to his study, feeling nervous in a way that she had not in a long time. She knew that the purpose of their trip was to find out what happened during Silversmith’s visit, and she knew there was likely more to what Xander had told them over dinner. But how open could she be about the fact that Silversmith could be dangerous? Could Xander tell that Emmy would be duty-bound to relay information to Alanna and her husband?

While neither Alanna nor Baron Cooper had asked her to pry information out of Xander, Emmy felt that it was only right to find out what she could. Silversmith had likely tried to kill both herself and Alanna, and he posed a danger to Vania and her family. Emmy needed to know this.

They settled down in front of the fireplace, Emmy in an armchair, and Xander in the empty space reserved for his wheelchair. Emmy poured some tea from the still steaming pot that Tom must had left behind. 

“How’s your shoulder now?” Xander asked as he watched Emmy work, his eyes sharp.

Surprised, Emmy chuckled after a moment. “All good. That was in September, Xander. It was a long time ago.”

Xander sighed. “Well, I haven’t seen you since then, have I? How will I know if you’re playing it down in your letters? It sounded like a serious injury.”

Emmy swallowed as she pushed the cup of tea towards Xander. “I’m fine now. Lady Alanna is a great healer, you know that.”

Xander didn’t say anything else as he took his tea. Emmy started telling him about her massage parlour in Corus, about Amicia and the ten girls she trained, about the small stream of income that she was starting to get. 

“Who knows,” Emmy continued excitedly, “Maybe in a few months I can start sending some of the income to you.”

“No.” Xander said, setting his cup down abruptly.

Emmy studied Xander’s suddenly rigid posture, and asked tentatively, “Why not?”

“It’s yours, Emmy.” Xander wouldn’t meet her eyes, staring instead into the fire, “You never should have given up your claim to the royal purse in the first place. I know how expensive knighthood is. This is your way to fend for yourself after you get your shield. I don’t want you to give any of it away.”

“I’m not giving it away to just anyone. I want to help out around here —”

“You’ve helped enough.” Xander said stiffly.

Emmy clenched her fists, not knowing what to do. The strangeness she had felt since setting foot in Tirragen grew in the pit of her stomach. 

“Xander,” She said carefully but firmly, “I’ve counted the number of staff I’ve seen. You had to cut down on staff already. There are parts of the castle that are pitch black. I don’t need to know the numbers to know that we’re struggling. And with the immortals attack in the village —”

“Don’t tell me things I already know.” Xander snapped.

Emmy flinched. Xander kept his angry gaze on her for a moment, and looked away, squeezing his eyes shut.

Emmy watched as he let out a shuddering breath, his broad shoulders slouching in defeat. Before Emmy realised it herself, she was standing up and walking over, crouching next to his wheelchair as she pulled him into a tight hug. 

His breathing was ragged against Emmy’s shoulders, and Emmy rubbed his back soothingly, her free hand holding the back of his head close. Her heart ached fiercely, and she could not remember a time when she was in this position. It had always been Xander’s strong shoulders that she had cried on when she was young. Her own small shoulders felt wholly inadequate. 

She blinked away her own tears, and thought about the long months that Xander had spent in this old, large and empty castle while she herself traveled the realm by the side of a legend. She thought about Midwinter, when she was basking in Vania’s love and having dinners with Myles and Eleni. They had exchanged letters, but how had Xander spend his Midwinter? Was there anyone else here for him other than the faithful Tom? 

“I’m sorry I wasn’t here.” Emmy muttered. “I can’t imagine how hard things are for you.”

To her surprise, Xander chuckled wetly into her shoulder. He pulled away, rubbing his eyes roughly as he smiled a little crookedly at Emmy.

“Hard? I didn’t fight dozens of immortals and almost got killed saving the King’s Champion, Emmy.”

Emmy grimaced. She placed her forearm on the back of his wheelchair, and rested her head there with a groan. “Not you too, Xander. I was only doing my duty. It’s not —” She lifted her head to look him in the eyes. “It’s not easy, but neither is what you have to do, Xander.” She took his hand, squeezing it a little, “You’re the only one left to deal with our family’s rotten legacy here. We’re short on funds, our people hate us, and now there are immortals attacks to worry about. I know things are hard. But we can share the burden, you know. That’s what siblings are for.”

Xander placed his hand on top of Emmy’s head, his eyes shining. “I know. I know I’m not alone, Emmy. But you’ve taken on more than your fair share. You’ve already done a great deal to help at court.” He cocked his head a little towards the door. “Do you know how unlikely it is for the Lioness to visit Tirragen even a year ago?” 

He patted her head and sighed. “When I sent you off for page training, part of me just wanted you to see the world outside of Tirragen, maybe make some friends. But you’ve gone so much further than I'd imagined. You’ve already helped improve the Tirragen name, and you paid for it with your blood and sweat. I can’t ask for any more, sister.”

Emmy swallowed. “You’re not asking. I’m offering.”

He shook his head, pulling his hand back. “Then I’m declining your offer. You have to build up those funds for your knighthood, Emmy. Ten years is a long time. Maybe in another few years, when you have enough saved up, we can talk about this again. But if you’re sending over any coin before then, I won’t touch it.”

Seeing the determination in her brother’s eyes, Emmy sighed and leaned her forehead against the back of his wheelchair again. She knew Xander wouldn’t budge when he got that look in his eyes. 

“I just want to help.”

“And I’m telling you you’re already helping.” He patted her head again. “I wish you didn’t have to,” He said softly, “I wish I wasn’t so useless.”

Emmy’s head shot up, her gaze fierce. “You’re not. Don’t say that.”

Xander’s smile was hollow. “But what am I? I am a lord who can’t represent his house at court. I can’t lead men in battle to protect my people. I can’t protect my sister, and I have to watch her court danger every day to help improve our house’s reputation. What am I but useless?”

“You’re my _brother_.” Emmy said firmly, “You take care of me. You make me happy when I’m sad. You taught me to be kind even when things are hard. You taught me the meaning of duty. You’re part of me, Xander. Every time I fight, part of you is fighting with me too. I wouldn’t have gotten here without you. You’re not useless.” She swallowed, and roughly wiped tears from her cheek before squeezing his hands again. “Please don’t say that again.”

Xander took a long, ragged breath, and nodded. 

Emmy sighed in relief, and leaned forward to rest her head on Xander’s shoulders. She stayed like that for a few moments as Xander rubbed her back soothingly. 

“Come on.” He finally said, giving her back one last pat, “This can’t be comfortable for you. Sit properly. I still have a lot to talk to you about.”

Emmy chuckled. She straightened up and sat back down on her chair again. If they both took a moment longer to settle down because they were wiping their eyes once more, neither of them mentioned it. 

“You know,” Xander finally said, “sometimes I feel like I’m cursed. But most of the time I can’t believe how lucky I am.” He smiled a little, “I have not a brother but a sister, but somehow she wants to fight the battles I can’t, and she’s good at it. And when I was at wits’ end trying to figure out how to defend the village against immortals, Master Silversmith happened to pass by.”

He paused, not noticing how Emmy had tensed at the mention of the mage’s name. He lowered his head. “I’m not… proud of just now, Emmy. It’s no use wallowing in self-pity. I promise you I’m not always like that. It’s just… seeing you again… I…”

“It’s all right.” Emmy said, smiling a little in relief. She had not seen her brother break down like that before, and it was unlike him. But she knew things had only gotten harder since Darius’ treason. If he was still fighting against self-pity like he said, Emmy could only be glad. “I know you don’t wallow in self-pity. You taught me not to.”

Xander smiled back at her. 

She mentally braced herself, reluctant to talk about it but knowing it was an opening that she didn’t want to give up. “Speaking of Master Silversmith, what is he like? You talked about what he did, but you didn’t say much else.”

“Neither did you.” Xander said, curiosity in his eyes.

Emmy blinked stupidly. “What do you mean?”

“He told me he met you and Lady Alanna on the road, and you shared a drink together.” He explained. “I was surprised you didn’t bring that up over dinner.”

Emmy considered her options. Was there any point in lying to the person who watched her grow up? She sighed. “It was a brief meeting. I didn’t want to say this over dinner because you were singing his praises, but I don’t like him, Xander. He seems to be hiding something.”

Xander’s face was carefully neutral. “Like what?”

“He might not be who he says he is. There’s a chance that he’s involved in the immortals attacks himself.”

Xander’s hand tightened on his armrest, his face grim. “Do you have any proof?”

Emmy shook her head. “But the day after we met him, Lady Alanna and I were attacked on the road. Close to forty immortals against the two of us. We had been fine up ‘till then, but the day after Alanna caught him on the road, we were attacked? I know it’s not proof, but…” she shook her head again, “something’s not right. You have to be careful around him, Xander.”

“Are you saying… he could have killed you?” Xander asked, his face a little pale.

Emmy nodded.

Xander turned to the fire, looking lost in his thoughts. His grip on his armrests were so tight that his knuckles were white. Emmy watched him sadly, not knowing what to say without making things worse. She resented the fact that she was taking away one of the things Xander was glad about. 

“These immortals attacks… they are linked to talks that the Crown is losing favour with the gods, are they not?” Xander finally said, turning to Emmy again.

Emmy nodded again. “How did you hear?”

He smiled a little bitterly. “There aren’t many merchants who would pass through Tirragen these days, as you well know. Those who do, I make sure to treat right, invite them to dinner and get some news beyond what the heralds tell.”

“I see.” Emmy muttered. “Then you know Silversmith could be dangerous.”

He nodded, turning to the fire again. “He’s been making his rounds. He talked about visiting Genlith, Runnerspring and some of the other older houses. He tried to politely hint that the Crown isn’t treating us well, that we deserve better after more than two decades of punishment.”

Emmy felt a little breathless as she hung on to Xander’s every word.

“He talked about how unwise it was for their majesties to sever ties with Galla over accusations that they are stirring up rumours. How foolish it was not to harness stronger trade ties with Tyra. He didn’t say it out loud, but he was clearly suggesting that Tortall, and Tirragen, would do better under wiser rulers.” 

Xander snorted softly. “We were a few drinks in, it was easy to just listen and follow along. But if your suspicions about him are true, I guess he wasn’t just on a drunken rant. He was probably trying to turn me against the Crown.” His smile was without humour.

Emmy met his weary gaze, not knowing what to say. “Xander…”

“Not that it would be that easy.” Xander continued bitterly, “I’m not a fool. Genlith, Runnerspring, and even Eldorne, all these houses that our house was supposedly close with, all of them dropped us like hot stones two decades ago. Even if I buy everything he said, I would be wary of aligning with these houses.”

“And their majesties are good rulers.” Emmy added hastily. “They helped us get away with a lighter sentence after what Darius did, didn’t they? And they do good things for the kingdom. They allow girls to fight, make sure commoners can read… they are good rulers, right?”

“The lighter sentence is because you saved Princess Vania’s life.” Xander corrected with a small smile. “But I know. Their majesties are kind to most people, even if they still hold a grudge after more than two decades.”

Emmy leaned back on her chair, stunned. “Xander…”

“You’re close to the Contés, Emmy. Some things might be harder for you to see. I’m sure their majesties are aware of how our people struggle because of the Crown tax.” He said grimly, flexing his knuckles, “But even as recent as six years ago, they made sure to stop by and drain our coffers for the Grand Progress. They still want to make examples of us even if the treason happened more than two decades ago, even if those involved are dead and the innocents have been paying the price for more than two decades.”

Emmy frowned, thinking through his words. She shook her head. “They could have had our heads, and strip our lands and titles two decades ago. But King Jonathan didn’t want to start his reign with bloodshed, and he spared us.”

“Maybe he _should_ have stripped our lands and titles and have someone else start anew.”

“Xander!” Emmy stared at her brother in shock. 

He took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. Sometimes I just wonder how this will end for us, whether your hard work will be worth it.” He smiled sadly. “The two of us are the last Tirragens, Emmy. And you can’t inherit the title after I’m gone.”

Emmy frowned in confusion. “I don’t expect to. Your heir should inherit.”

He snorted. “Who would marry me, Emmy? Which self-respecting young woman wants a man as crippled as I am?”

“Xander…”

“I know I can find someone if I really want to, but I don’t want to force someone to marry me because of my title.” He snorted again. “Then again, there are probably women out there who want me for my title alone. I don’t know which is worse, not siring an heir for Tirragen, or handing the land over to someone fishing for a title.”

Emmy couldn’t stand this anymore. She stood up and walked over, kneeling down next to his chair again and gripping his forearm. “What happened to not wallowing in self-pity?”

He tried to smile. “I’m just trying to think ahead, Emmy. You keep risking your life to improve the Tirragen name. I need you to know that it may not be one that will last very long.”

Emmy took a deep breath, wishing that she could somehow find the words for the deep well of emotions churning in her chest. There was pain and sympathy and anger and hope, all of them bound by the love she had for her brother, her first best friend and protector. 

“I’m not doing it for Tirragen.” She finally said. “I’m doing it for _you_ , Xander. And you’re worth it.”

Xander’s eyes were shining. 

Emmy stood up, and pulled Xander into a tight hug, holding his head against her shoulder. 

A moment later, Xander hugged her back. “I just get so tired sometimes, Emmy.”

Emmy shut her eyes and nodded. She rubbed circles on his back. “I know. I get tired too. But I have — friends.” She almost said Vania. “They help. You have me, Xander. You’ll always have me.”

Xander didn’t reply, but Emmy didn’t need him to.


	13. Strays

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is a week late, I'm so sorry guys. I had to attend an out-of-town wedding, and things got a little out of hand. The next chapter will be up next Sunday though!

The next morning, Emmy rode between Alanna and Baron Cooper, leading the way towards the attacked village based on Xander’s instructions. Xander had wanted to come, but his visit would have required at least two servants’ help, and Emmy knew that it was better not to take his limited staff away from work that needed doing and offered to lead the way. The rest of Sea Gale rode some distance behind them, carrying building and other supplies in preparation for the rebuilding work ahead.

This arrangement gave the small group in front some privacy, and Alanna wasted no time in using it.

“How is Xander doing, Emmy?” She asked almost as soon as they were on the road. 

Emmy could feel Baron Cooper’s eyes on her as well, and she chose her words carefully. “He’s trying his best. The increase in Crown tax had put a further strain on our coffers, and he’s worried. He can barely keep the estate going. We can’t afford something like the immortals attack or any natural disasters. I offered to send some coin from my shop’s earnings, but he refused to take them.”

Alanna nodded approvingly. “I expect nothing less. Your investment in Corus is for you, Emmy. Ten years of knighthood without an income is serious business.”

Emmy tightened her grip on the reins. “But I have to do something. I can’t just leave him to deal with this alone.”

“You are doing something, lass.” Baron Cooper drawled, his casualness a contrast to Emmy’s tension. “Have you thought about what you’ve achieved? You’re squire to the King’s Champion. You saved Vania’s life multiple times, and Thayet knows you by name. That’s a Tirragen name, lass. You have your part to play, and you’re doing it well.”

Emmy swallowed, knowing that he meant well. “I know. But if I can help more, shouldn’t I be doing it too?”

“Not at the expense of your own wellbeing.” Alanna said sharply. “I’m not saying you should never help him financially, but right now you’re on shaky ground. Your shop is still new, you don’t have any savings. It won’t help him if you get killed because you’re starved or can’t afford good equipment.”

Emmy hung her head, feeling sullen despite seeing the sense in Alanna’s words.

“What did he say about Silversmith?” Alanna said a moment later, her tone a little softer. 

“He gave Xander the same story he gave us.” Emmy said, straightening in her saddle. “He did… he did try to turn Xander against the Crown.”

Feeling Alanna and Baron Cooper’s sharp eyes on her, Emmy told them almost word-for-word what Xander told her. When she was done, the two of them were quiet for a while. 

“This is important news you gave us, lass. We had our suspicions about him. But now we know for sure that his loyalty is not to the Crown.”

Alanna scowled. “I knew it.”

Baron Cooper continued, his eyes distant. “We knew about Galla — their majesties made no secret that Galla had been behind the malicious flyers stirring up similar rumours a few years ago. But the Tyra trade ties angle is new. Looks like I’ll be doing more digging on Tyra.”

“Do it fast. The Tyra princess is coming to Tortall in a few months. Once she marries Liam, if things happen it will be a big mess.” Alanna shook her head.

“How about Genlith and Runnerspring?” Emmy asked, Tibout’s smirking face at the inn swimming into her mind. Tibout had been willing to kill her and Patrine just because he didn’t think girls should train for knighthood. Could he — or his family — be willing to revolt against the Crown over such beliefs?

“Not surprising at all.” Alanna said darkly.

Baron Cooper nodded. “They are the most vocal and extreme conservative houses in the realm, along with Stone Mountain. It doesn’t help that they are wealthy — Genlith produces the best wine in the Eastern Realms, and Stone Mountain’s close to the Tyra border and controls the trade there.” He hummed a little as if thinking about something, “It does make the Tyra angle more interesting.”

Alanna hummed in agreement. “Good work, Emmy.”

Despite the praise, Emmy didn’t feel good at all about what she had learned. 

*

The village was in shambles, half of it burned clean to the ground. A hint of smoke lingered in the air, even if it had been more than a month since the attack happened. Emmy looked around the scene slowly after introducing herself and the commanders to the headman, an unexpected ache tugging at her heart. She had never been in this village before, with her errands having been confined to the main town. She knew no one here. 

And yet this was still part of Tirragen, and the village folks part of the people that her family was supposed to protect. Seeing charred remains of the houses and the shabby temporary shelters the villagers made at the end of the street was heartbreaking in a way that seeing similar scenes in her previous travels was not. 

She couldn’t quite focus on what Miri was discussing with the headman and Alanna, so she quietly excused herself and slipped away. 

She walked down the road, counting at least fourteen houses that had been burned to the ground. The track marks were long gone, but she could almost imagine where the hurroks and spidrens had come from — the end of the road led to a small clearing bordered by trees, and some of the trees had signs of being trampled on. The immortals must had come from there, descending upon unsuspecting village folks and starting the fires from this end of the road. 

Emmy paused when she was between the last and second last houses at the end of the road. The houses had at least ten paces between them. How had the fires spread so thoroughly? 

She walked into the empty space where the last house had stood, looking around. Almost everything had been burned down to the ground. In an area where the kitchen must be, clumps of metals were the only remains of what must had been pots and pans. 

She crouched down near one of the black clumps, and gently brushed it with her finger. There was a thin layer of black dust, but the metal was solid. 

“What do you think?” 

Emmy looked up into Alanna’s frown. She stood up and dusted her hands. “The fire was strange. It burned everything too cleanly. Could it be magical?”

Alanna nodded. “The fire isn’t natural. We’ve seen this in some of the other attacks, though only when spidrens are involved. Spidrens have some magic, but mostly used for shielding. This should be the work of a human mage, though we don’t know why it only happens when the attacks involve spidrens.”

Emmy grimaced as she surveyed the burned house again. Whose lives were torn apart? How many?

“Come on,” Alanna nudged quietly, “let’s take a look at the shelter they built.”

Emmy nodded and followed her knight mistress.

As they passed the first house that was not burned down, Emmy heard a quiet whine to her right. She halted and tried to locate the sound. 

There it was again. 

Emmy shared a quick look with Alanna, and saw that Alanna had heard it as well. They trotted over, going around the house to the back. 

Three young men — not much older than boys — surrounded a girl crouching on the ground. The girl was thin and haggard, her long brown hair wild and her long dress dirty and tattered. She was hugging something close to her chest as the boys jeered around her. Whatever she was holding onto whined pitifully. 

“What’s going on here?” Alanna asked as they stepped forward.

The boys jumped a little in surprise, and exchanged looks. Emmy saw them look her and Alanna over, and knew that they were a strange sight. Women in men’s clothes and half armour was not a common sight anywhere, let alone a small village in Tirragen. 

“Who are you?” The boy in the middle crossed his arms with a sneer, his floppy dark hair almost touching his eyes. 

“Watch your tone,” Emmy snapped, “you’re talking to Lady Knight Alanna of Pirates’ Swoop and Olau, the King’s Champion.”

The boys took a few steps back in surprise. The girl shot to her feet and ran over to stand behind Emmy. Emmy caught a glimpse of a mass of wiggling black fur held close to the girl’s chest.

The boy in the middle stuttered. “We’re — we’re sorry, my ladies. We’re — we’re gonna to be on our way.”

They fled.

Another whine came from behind Emmy. 

“Shh… you’re all right now, Bear.” The girl cooed, loosening her arms a little and gently stroking the fur ball with one hand. Emmy could finally see the wiggling thing she was hugging — it was a pitifully small pup, all skin and bones and barely larger than the girl’s thin hands. 

“You named the pup Bear?” Alanna asked with a kind smile.

“He’s gonna grow up to be strong and fierce like a Bear.” The girl said defensively. 

“I don’t doubt that.” Alanna said, though she was eyeing the girl’s face sharply. Emmy followed her gaze and saw the bruises and cuts for the first time. “Did those boys hurt you?”

The girl straightened up defiantly, seemingly not bothered by her bruises. “They just caught me off guard. It wouldn’t happen again.”

Emmy tried to hide her amusement. The boys who towered over her earlier were much more afraid when they found out who they were dealing with. This girl was brave, if nothing else.

“My lady’s a healer,” Emmy offered with a friendly smile, “she can take a look a those bruises for you.”

“What’s your name, girl?” 

The girl swallowed, patting the pup more, as if trying to calm herself. “My name’s Trish, my lady.”

Alanna gestured at a bench a few paces away. “Trish, I’d like to take care of those bruises for you, and wherever else you’re hurt. Will you let me?”

Trish hesitated for a second, and went to sit on the bench. 

Alanna sat down next to her. “Let Emmy take Bear while I tend to you.”

Trish’s head snapped up to Emmy, her eyes wide. “You’re Lady Emmeline?”

Emmy nodded with a smile, and extended her hands for the pup. 

Trish handed Bear over, respect in her eyes. “I heard you’re squire to the Lioness. I just didn’t realise…”

Bear was wiggling in Emmy’s hands, and Emmy focused on making sure she didn’t drop him instead of answering Trish. What was she supposed to say, anyway?

“Don’t tell me,” Alanna said, her violet Gift glowing from her palms, “you expected both of us to be taller.”

Trish actually snorted before she ducked her head, and that was answer enough. Emmy watched Alanna heal Trish’s bruises distractedly, with Bear trying to lick her and paw her face. She grinned, crouching down and setting Bear down to play with him more. She felt a pang of sadness for Ollie, remembering how she used to play with Ollie when she was a pup.

She looked up when Alanna made a disapproving noise. “How old are you, Trish?”

“Sixteen.”

Emmy turned to Trish in surprise. She thought the other girl was younger than her. Trish was a little shorter than Emmy, and certainly much thinner. 

“Do you have family?”

Emmy caught a flash of pain in Trish’s eyes, though it was gone as quickly as it came. The familiar defiance was back on her face again when she answered. “Not since the immortals came. I lived with my Da before this. Now I have Bear.”

At the mention of his name, Bear trotted obediently over to Trish, sitting down near her feet. Trish bent down to pick him up again. 

“You live in the shelter?”

Trish nodded, “They have cots for everyone who lost their homes. They’re rebuilding the houses. But with my Da gone…” She shrugged, keeping her eyes on Bear as she patted him. 

“Will you have a place to stay after they rebuild the houses?” Alanna asked sharply.

Trish shrugged. “They say the shelter will be taken down. I suppose I can get some wood and build a hut for myself and Bear. I don’t need a big one.”

Emmy exchanged worried glances with Alanna. It was clear that Trish was not going to have a place to stay. With her thin frame and the bullies going after her, and only a small pup to defend her, it would be very difficult for her to build a hut by herself and still find work to make a living. 

“You can come back with us to the castle.” Emmy found herself offering. “I’m sure there’d be work for you. I can’t promise high wages, but at least there’d be hot meals and a roof over your head.”

Trish grimaced in distaste. “To the castle where Lord Tirragen is living? Can’t I come with you and be your servant instead?”

Emmy frowned. “What’s wrong with working for my brother?”

Trish at least had the decency to blush. “I mean, I heard he’s prone to sickness and hardly ventures out of the castle. But I’d like to serve you, my lady, you’ve been doing so much for Tirragen. It would be my honour.”

Emmy clenched her fists, feeling a little sick. Was that what the people in Tirragen think these days? That her brother was a useless lord and that Emmy herself, traveling alongside a legend, was the only one doing good work for Tirragen? 

Alanna had a knowing look in her eyes, and shook her head just a tad. “She’s traveling with me as a squire, Trish. Our work is dangerous, and not suitable for a girl like you.”

Trish swallowed. “All right, my lady. I shouldn’t have been so picky. I’d go back with you.” She hugged her pup closer. “But Bear has to come with me.”

Emmy forced a smile. “My brother loves dogs. And he’s kind. It will be good, I promise.”

Trish smiled back, relieved. Emmy could still sense apprehension in her eyes, though Emmy knew that working at the castle would be much better than whatever was waiting for her here in the village. She just hoped that Xander wouldn’t be mad that she invited Trish without asking him.

*

They returned to the castle at dusk. The Riders had helped out with the rebuilding, while Alanna, Baron Cooper, and Emmy taught basic self-defence to the villagers in case the immortals attacked again. It would not be enough against a group of magical beings, but anything they learned would give them a slightly better chance before, and that was better than nothing. 

There was still some time before dinner was ready, so Emmy dragged Trish to Xander’s study. 

“Emmy, how was your —” Xander paused as looked up and saw that Emmy was not alone.

“Xander, this is Trish, from the village.” 

“My lord.” Trish curtsied, keeping her curious eyes on Xander. She held out Bear a little. “This is Bear.”

The corner of Xander’s mouth twitched. 

Emmy hid her grin. “She lost her home and family in the attack, and she has no one else. A few of the local boys were bullying her when my lady and I found her. I told her we could take her in — there’s work around the castle, and she only needs food and shelter.”

Xander was wheeling himself around his desk and forward to them. Trish didn’t bother to hide her staring. He stopped in front of Trish, and held out his hand for Bear. 

Bear sniffed curiously, and started licking his fingers. 

Xander smiled. “We could use an extra pair of hands around here. I assume you’ll want Bear to stay with you?” Trish nodded quickly. “He’ll need to be trained. Tom — he’s in charge of servants around here — he’ll talk to you about details.”

Xander wheeled back to his desk and rang a bell. “Bear is a handsome boy. How did you come by him?”

Trish shrugged, patting Bear’s head absent-mindedly. “He was around after the fire died down. He must have lost his family in the fire, like I did.”

Xander’s gaze was intense. “But you lost everything too. Pardon me for saying this, but you look like you haven’t had a good meal in a while.”

Trish bristled, hugging Bear closer. “I couldn’t just leave him alone! Would you?”

Xander considered her for a moment. “No, I wouldn’t have.”

Tom came to the room then, and he led Trish away after a quick introduction and instructions from Xander to give her an extra large meal for the night. When the door closed behind them, Xander was looking at Emmy with a mix of fondness and exasperation. 

“I suppose I should be glad you didn’t invite the whole village back.” 

Emmy smiled sheepishly. “Sorry. I know I should have asked. But she’s all alone, and —”

Xander held up a hand, staring at the closed door wistfully. “I’m not mad. I would have done the same.”

Emmy studied the thoughtful look on Xander’s face, suspicions forming in her mind. She tried not to grin, though her heart was hopeful that Trish would bring more than just an extra pair of hands and a new dog to the gloomy castle. 

*

Two days later, Emmy sauntered into Xander’s study after dinner with a grin. 

“Someone’s in a good mood today.” Xander said as he wheeled himself over to the round table where they had their usual chats. “Can’t wait to leave with your knight mistress tomorrow?”

“No. I just saw that someone had a lot of fun training Bear today.” Emmy countered as she flopped down onto her chair. 

After her morning training with Alanna, Emmy had caught a glimpse of Xander and Trish training the pup at a clearing near the practice court. The black pup was enthusiastic as he ran around the clearing or in circles around his new owners, and the grins on both Xander and Trish’s faces were infectious. Trish had cleaned up as well, her brown hair hanging neatly with soft curls and looking like a different person in a cleaner dress.

Xander cleared his throat, looking more nervous around Emmy than he ever did. “You know I like dogs.”

Emmy kept grinning. “Of course. And Bear is adorable.” 

Xander scowled. “Trish is a lovely girl. But she is my charge in this castle. I can’t take advantage of her.”

Emmy sobered up. “I didn’t mean you should. Or that it will be taking advantage of her if you…” She shook her head. “I just want you to have more friends while I’m gone, Xander. I know you’ll treat her right.”

She waited with bated breath until finally, Xander sighed. “I know. I shouldn’t have been so hasty.”

“No, it’s fine.” Emmy said quickly, feeling a little guilty because she had been the hasty one, jumping to conclusions after so short a time.

Xander smiled a little forlornly. “I don’t have any delusions about love, Emmy.” He frowned a little, his eyes suddenly curious. “How about you, Emmy? Have you… found someone?” He grinned, “You know I’m not your father, Emmy. I’m not going to fuss like one.”

Emmy blushed, and she picked up her mug of tea and hid her face in it.

It only made Xander lean forward in anticipation. “You have! Who is it?”

Emmy felt her heart thudding in her ears and her words caught in her throat. She had told a few people by now. Lianne knew about her relationship with Vania. Emmy’s own brother shouldn’t be the last one to find out. But how would Xander react? Emmy had never heard of honeylove or bardash while growing up, and Xander likely wouldn’t have, either. What would she do if Xander did not approve? 

“Come on, take pity on your lonely brother,” Xander said, his eyes glinting with too much excitement to make his pleading convincing. “Is he a fellow squire? Or maybe a Rider? You’ve been traveling with Riders, haven’t you?”

“It’s a she.” Emmy said quickly, “A… a girl.” She looked up tentatively. “I like girls, Xander, not boys.”

Xander froze, shock in his eyes.

Emmy shifted in her chair. “It’s not really that uncommon. In the Yamani Islands, people like me walk around freely. Even in Tortall, hundreds of years ago, there are those who openly take lovers of the same sex. You know they call people like me honeylove, and men who like men bardash —”

“Emmy.” 

Emmy swallowed. Xander leaned back a little such that he was sitting upright, his back rigid. His jaw and fists were clenched tightly. 

“You don’t… whatever you’re fooling around with, it won’t last.” 

Emmy bit her lip, the flash of physical pain better than the hurt she felt in her chest. It took her a few moments before she could speak. “You don’t know that. You don’t even know what I feel, or who I love.”

Xander flinched at the her last word. He lowered his gaze to the ground. “I don’t have to. Have you thought about what this means? Honeylove, or whatever you call it, it’s been gone from the realm for centuries. You won’t be able to marry, and have a family. People — people look down on us enough, Emmy. Have you thought about how they would look at you —”

“Have I thought about that?” Emmy repeated in disbelief and shot out of her chair, taking a few steps to grip the mantelpiece of the fireplace tightly. She couldn’t look at Xander right now. “You have _no idea_ how long I’ve spent thinking about it. Do you think I don’t know? I’ve spent the past few years trying to improve our family name —”

“Then you know how this will look —”

“Of course I do!” Emmy snapped, turning to the right to look at the wall, fighting back tears. She didn’t know what she expected from Xander. She only felt that he ought to know. But it hurt, to have Eleni and Myles and Kel and others who were not her family to be so accepting of her, and yet have Xander be the one who questioned her. 

“Emmy, I only want things to be better for you —”

Emmy whipped around to face a flustered Xander, angry tears rolling down her cheeks. “Do you think it will be better for me if I go against my nature and marry a man?”

Xander flinched, and avoided her eyes again. “Maybe not for a while. But you’ll get used to it, and at least you won’t be shunned. You will be respected —”

“ _I’ll get used to it?_ ” Emmy wiped her cheeks roughly. “I didn’t _choose_ this, Xander. I didn’t wake up one day and decide to take another hard road in life. Don’t you think we have enough problems? This is just the way I’m built. It’s my nature. I can’t… I can’t fight this.” She said finally, her shoulders slouching as the fight went out of her. 

Xander wheeled his chair forward tentatively, though he stopped when he was still a few feet away. He looked lost. “I just… I just want the best for you, Emmy.”

Emmy sniffled, and wiped her eyes again. “I will _fight_ for the best for me. So will my lover.” 

Her eyes landed on the door, and she obeyed her instinct to flee. 

*

“Pay attention!” Alanna snapped as she twisted Emmy’s sword arm around her back, the tip of her sword inches from Emmy’s throat. 

Emmy took a deep breath as Alanna released her, rotating her shoulder a little before she bent down to pick up her sword. Her movements were sluggish with exhaustion. 

Alanna eyed her sharply as Emmy got into the ‘guard’ stance again. “Are you feeling well?”

Emmy nodded absently, aghast at being caught. She slept little last night, Xander’s words weighing heavily in her mind as she questioned herself again. She wished so much that Vania was here. 

Alanna scoffed and came closer, sheathing her sword. They were practicing using live weapons since they were on the road, and already Alanna had had to heal a shallow cut on Emmy’s arm in their first bout of the morning. Alanna might have attributed that to a mistake, but she must have noticed something else in their second bout.

She placed a calloused hand on Emmy’s forehead, and a violet glow flashed briefly before she pulled her hand away with a frown. “You are exhausted and sluggish, but you’re not sick. Did you sleep well last night?”

Emmy shook her head. 

“Speak up, squire.” Alanna said impatiently. “We’re going back on the road later and I need you to be sharp.”

To Emmy’s shame she felt pressure build behind her eyes, and she had to look ahead and blink hard to prevent the tears from falling. 

A moment later, she felt a gentle tug in her elbow. She turned a little and saw Alanna nudging her towards the bench by the practice courts. As they went over and sat down, Emmy was immensely relieved that the Riders did their morning practice in the bigger clearing on the other side of the castle, and that they were alone for the moment. She was embarrassed enough already to be like this in front of her knight mistress. She didn’t need an audience. 

Alanna produced a handkerchief and offered it to her. Her words were softer this time. “What’s wrong?”

Emmy grabbed the handkerchief and turned the other way as she quickly wiped her eyes. She couldn’t bring herself to turn back as she started speaking. “Xander and I had a… disagreement last night. I couldn’t sleep.”

Alanna waited for a moment. “What is it about? Siblings bicker all the time. It’s not like you to be so affected if it’s not something big.”

Emmy debated whether she should tell Alanna, but only for a moment. She had already told Eleni and Myles after all, she knew she had to come clean to Alanna sooner or later. Slowly, she turned back to face her knight mistress, her hands shaking a little as she scrunched the handkerchief into a ball. 

“I… I like girls, my lady. I don’t like boys.” She said softly, her heart beating fast. “Vania and I have been together for a year.”

Alanna’s eyes widened a little, and much to Emmy’s surprise, she chuckled. “I was right. George owes me ten nobles.”

Emmy blinked at her in confusion. Of all the reactions she had been dreading or hoping for, this was not one of them. 

Alanna slapped Emmy’s back, still chuckling. “We’ve wondered, George and Thayet and Buri and I. We wondered why Vania has yet to take a lover, or shown interest in any boys. She’s eighteen, as you know. Most girls her age, and with her beauty, would have had a fling or two. Goddess knows my Aly had kissed too many boys by then, even if we let her pretend that we didn’t know.”

“George, bless him, thought that Vania wanted to focus on her training. Thayet, Buri, and I think that we’ve been looking at the wrong places. That Vania liked girls. We thought it would be either Fianola or you, with the time she’s spent with each of you.”

Emmy watched her knight mistress with her mouth open slightly. She had never wondered what the adults were up to when they had dinners behind closed doors. Now she wondered how much time they spent on gossip, or more specifically, gossip about their children and their friends. 

Alanna smirked at Emmy’s shock. “We might be old, but we’re not clueless, mind you.”

“You’re not old.” Emmy said absently, her mind still elsewhere. The queen? Did Vania know that her mother was suspicious?

Alanna snorted, though she sobered up a moment later. “You told Xander last night?”

Emmy stiffened, and nodded slowly. “He thinks this will make things hard for me, that people will shun me, talk behind my back.” She scoffed. “As if that’s not already the case today. It’s not like I chose to be honeylove.”

Alanna patted her back comfortingly. “You’re right. Who you love is a gift from the Goddess.”

Emmy turned to her hopefully. “You don’t mind?”

Alanna smiled a little. “Do I look like a close-minded fool?”

“Of course you don’t!” Emmy said quickly, though she felt a bitterness surfacing. “But I’d thought… I’d thought Xander would understand. He’s not usually close-minded.”

Alanna leaned back on her hands on the bench, surveying the practice courts thoughtfully. “You said he thinks this will make things hard for you.”

Emmy nodded.

Alanna sighed. “It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t accept this. He’s trying to look out for you, even if it’s not the right way. The people we love will love us in their own ways, even if it’s not in a way that makes sense to us, or a way that we want.”

“I can sense that.” Emmy admitted quietly, looking down at her knees. “But I want him to be proud of me. I don’t care what the court or other people think, but I need Xander to be proud of me. Yet I can’t do that. I can’t do that if I want to stay with Vania, and if I don’t stay with Vania it will hurt her.” She blinked, and wiped her eyes with the handkerchief again. “And that’s the last thing I want.”

“You speak too soon.” Alanna said quietly. “You just told Xander. Give him some time to get used to the idea. I’ve seen the bond you share. He’ll come around.”

Emmy sniffled as she recalled their argument last night. The memory was still raw, and it was gnawing a hole in her heart. It was hard to imagine a time when Xander would embrace the idea of a relationship between Emmy and Vania.

“Do you really think so?”

“I know so. I had a brother too, remember? We had our arguments, but we’d always backed each other, and we’d always forgiven each other, no matter what we did.” Alanna’s voice was a little wistful, her violet eyes glinting in the morning sun. “You and Xander have a long life ahead of you. I know you’ll always have each other’s backs.”

Emmy clung to the hope that Alanna offered, and prayed that she was right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. When I was proof-reading this it struck me that Emmy's coming out conversation with Xander was pretty much how my own coming out conversation with my parents went. The lines of arguments, at least (mine was unfortunately a lot more drawn out and awkward). 
> 
> I think Emmy and Vania hang out with generally progressive people, but Xander does not really live in that sort of circle, and this is very new and strange to him. He loves her, and he just needs some time. It's what I tell myself about my parents, anyway, that one day they will come around. Love is love, but love can be complicated as hell.


	14. Allies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not exactly Sunday but... close enough, I hope? 
> 
> Happy New Year!

Vania looked up at the cheery early summer sun, and tried not to sigh. She never thought she would be wishing for rain while traveling on the road, but she had been wishing for some rain for days now. At least with the rain, the obnoxious Tyran ambassador would be hiding in the carriage along with his wife and children, and she would not have to be polite and pretend to listen to his rants. 

Third Company was currently charged with escorting the outgoing Tyran ambassador back to the border, and from where they would welcome the new ambassador and Princess Cateline of Tyra, Liam’s betrothed, a few months later. That was why Liam and Gerald was also traveling with the Company this time round. The ambassador, Lord Otto, would not shut up around Liam despite his cool reception. Vania had to wonder how he became a diplomat. But then again, she had heard that Lord Otto had powerful ties to the royalty in Tyra. Perhaps that was why.

Somehow, Gerald managed to sneak up on her, and she hurriedly adjusted Thunder’s reins to give him and his black gelding some space. 

“Shouldn’t you be with your knight master?” She muttered, eyeing Liam and Lord Otto at the front of the party. 

Kel was further up front, leading the contingent with Neal today. Under normal circumstances, Vania would ride next to her. But because Vania was a princess, she had been tasked with partial diplomatic duties as well. There was a reason, after all, why Third Company of the King’s Own was chosen for this task. Having two royals escort the ambassadors and the Tyran princess, even if one of the royals was just a squire, showed that Tortall was taking the sealing of the two countries’ ties seriously. 

Gerald pretended to shudder. “I might be coming down with a cold. I sneezed a little near the ambassador, and he went off about how rude I was to threaten his highness with ill health. How can I stay near his highness in good conscience after that?”

Vania snickered under her breath. This Gerald, one that had traveled with her brother for almost a year and spent much time with Riders, was rather different from the stiff and proper Gerald that she had known as a page. His sense of justice and his belief in the Code of Chivalry was still firmly in place, but Vania liked this more casual, looser Gerald much better. 

“Think I should sneeze near him too?” she asked discreetly.

“Please don’t.” Gerald said quickly. “He’s going to say that I passed it to you, and might just demand punishment for me.”

“What kind of punishment would be worse than having to entertain him?”

“Well, I suppose you’ve got a point…”

Vania was glad that she had Gerald to keep her company. Traveling with a wealthy, arrogant ambassador on a partial diplomatic mission meant that the whole company was on high alert. Fortunately, there had not been any of those immortal attacks so far. But everyone was stiff and proper, and Vania missed the relaxed and easy banter that Third Company had when they were on the road by themselves. 

Emmy would be even better company, of course. Vania couldn’t help but wonder where she was right now. It was the middle of May, and Vania’s last letter from her was back in April, written from Corus right before Emmy took off with Sea Gale for Pirates’ Swoop. Emmy would like Pirate’s Swoop, she thought. She wondered how many of the castle’s hidden passages Emmy would find. Vania would have to show her one day. Maybe they could visit after they are knighted…

“Vania.” Gerald whispered urgently.

Vania snapped to him. He pointed at the front, where Liam and Lord Otto was looking at her expectantly. 

“They’re calling you.”

Vania cursed under her breath and plastered a smile on her face as she led Thunder out of the group to overtake the few horses between them.

“Your highness,” Lord Otto said, bowing his head and Vania pulled up to his right, leaving Liam on his other side. “I was just telling his highness that Her Royal Highness Princess Cateline had learned the sword when she was young too, much like yourself. She is very much looking forward to making your acquaintance.”

“Oh, is that so?” Vania snuck a glance at Liam. He was looking straight ahead without any expression on his face. She tried to smile. “That is a pleasant surprise.”

Lord Otto stroke his beard. “The exploits of the Lioness are famous throughout the Eastern Realms, and we can see for ourselves what a formidable addition the Queen’s Riders have been to Tortall’s forces. Princess Cateline, like many other young girls in Tyra, was inspired. Our council intends to pass a new ruling to allow women to fight and train for knighthood in a year.”

Liam turned around in interest, for once. “Are you? This is the first I’ve heard of it.”

Lord Otto looked very pleased with himself. “Indeed. As much as I’ve enjoyed my time here, your highness, I am rather looking forward to being back home for such a historic moment myself. We’ll need all seven houses in the council to agree to it. And notorious as we are for our debates, I suspect that there won’t be too much opposition to this, not when the results have been so clearly positive in Tortall.”

Liam smiled, and it was one that reached his eyes. “That is great to hear. If you need any help in Tortall, you know we will be happy to assist.”

Vania nodded emphatically, even if she would not be much help personally. But it was wonderful to hear of such developments in other lands. And knowing that it was a result of the efforts of both her mother and godmother made her swell with pride. 

Lord Otto nodded once. “Thank you, your highness. We do hope that the ties between Tyra and Tortall will continue to grow. We’ve seen how a royal marriage had benefited ties with the Yamanis, and we certainly look forward to much stronger relations between our two countries.”

The warmth left Liam’s eyes, and Vania ached for her brother, who was still clearly missing Fianola. 

“Of course,” Liam said coolly, “that is my wish as well.”

Vania looked away as Lord Otto started talking about the Yamanis, feeling selfish for her plans to stay with Emmy when Roald, Kally and Liam had to sacrifice their happiness for duty — well, Roald’s marriage had worked out, and Kally had written to say that she was content, but still — did Vania really deserve to marry for love? Should she risk her family’s reputation just so she could be with her lover?

“… admirable discipline, but really, they have strange practices that just boggle the mind. Taking lovers of the same sex, for example —”

Vania stiffened, turning a little to listen to Lord Otto once more. 

He bore a look of disgust on his face, gesturing wildly with his meaty fingers. “— Can you imagine? Men loving men, and women loving women? That is just unnatural! Human bodies were not made for such appalling acts —”

Vania tightened her grip on the reins, so tight that her fists were shaking.

“— It’s a travesty of love, of marriage. Corrupting something so fundamental would surely lead to ruin for the Yamanis sooner or later.” Lord Otto droned on, oblivious to the rising colour in Vania’s cheeks, “In Tyra, we used to flog these sinners in public. But now that we’ve done away with public flogging, we send them to the mines. Some can be cured, you know, with some discipline and hard work, but there are some that are just —”

Vania coughed loudly. She bent over on her saddle, one hand on her chest and made herself cough. 

“Vania!”

“Your highness —”

“I’m fine.” Vania squeaked, keeping one hand on her chest, mindful of the curious stares of others nearby, “Just a little —” she coughed again, “— I’ll go see Neal.”

She nudged Thunder with her knee and was already slipping away when Liam was reminding Lord Otto that Neal was the company healer. She forced little coughs as she passed the other horses, seeing Kel and Neal turning around in concern. 

Kel eyed her flushed cheeks sharply as she pulled up next to Neal. “What’s wrong?”

Vania shook her head and coughed again. “Neal,” she croaked and gestured to herself, “can you?”

Neal brought his palm to hover in front of her chest. His light green Gift glowed, and he frowned as the glow faded. “You’re fine.”

Vania took deep breaths and tried to look like she was trying to catch her breath. But it helped her calm down too. “I know.”

Kel and Neal exchanged worried looks. 

Vania leaned forward a little and made sure her voice would not carry. “Lord Otto was going on with one of his insufferable rants. I needed an escape.”

Neal chuckled quietly, though Kel’s eyes held disapproval. Kel would not reprimand Vania in front of other people, she knew. No doubt she would hear about it after dinner tonight, but for now, Vania was glad to be not listening to Lord Otto anymore. 

It wasn’t until she was reaching out for the waterskin that Neal was handing her that she realised her hands were still shaking. 

*

That evening, Vania stuck around the stables after dinner, talking softly to Thunder as she fed him apples. Now that the nobles had their meals, it was the servants’ turn, and there was no one else in sight. 

She leaned her head tiredly against Thunder’s, knowing that she would have to pretend that nothing had happen the next day with Lord Otto. That man had been obnoxious before, but now that she knew he would have her and Emmy flogged or sent to the mines for loving each other, she felt an anger bubbling within her. It would be so much harder to smile and be polite around him, and they had almost another week still before they reached the border. 

Weariness tugged at her, and she sighed.

Thunder nudged her gently and she hugged him closer, blinking unexpected tears. “I miss her.” She confessed to her gelding, “I miss her so much.”

Someone cleared their throat pointedly behind her.

Vania jerked back in surprise, and quickly wiped her tears.

“You’re not referring to mother, are you?” Liam asked lightly.

When Vania turned back, he was smiling with his hands behind his back. There was something hesitant about his smile, and it was such an odd look on him that Vania blinked at him for a few moments before she found her voice again.

“What are you doing here, Liam?”

“Looking for you.” He nodded towards the clearing just outside the stables. The sky was clear tonight, and the moonlight was enough to see by. “Walk with me?”

Vania nodded. They fell into step in a comfortable silence. Even though Vania had a sense of why Liam was here and part of her dreaded the conversation to come, Liam had always made her feel safe. She took a deep breath and clung to that sense of safety, praying silently that she could still have that by the time the night was done. 

“You left dinner in a hurry today.” Liam said when they were safely out of earshot of whoever might be listening in the stables. 

“I couldn’t stand Otto for much longer.” Vania muttered. Honesty worked best with Liam.

“You did a good job in the past week.”

“Everyone has their limits.” Vania said petulantly. “I guess mine is not as high as yours.”

Liam hummed, and came to a stop. Vania halted a step later, not daring to look at him.

“And I’m supposed to believe that this has nothing to do with your sudden coughing fit earlier today?” Liam waited, but Vania turned away from him, hugging herself. “Otto had obviously touched a nerve. It’s what he said about same-sex lovers, isn’t it?”

Vania took a deep breath, and nodded. 

“Do you know someone like that?” Liam asked gently.

Vania snorted, and turned around. 

“Yes.” She lifted her chin. “Me.”

Liam’s eyes widened, his shock obvious even under the moonlight. 

“Oh.”

Vania held his gaze defiantly, her heart beating in her ears. 

“Well,” Liam said finally, and Vania wondered if his cheeks were flushed, “to each his own, I guess. Or her own.”

Vania looked up at her normally confident brother shifting from foot to foot and unsure of what to do with himself. 

“And Otto is an idiot, I think we’d both agree on that.”

Chuckling, Vania threw her arms around Liam. She hugged him tightly, feeling his arms closing around her shoulders. She laughed or sobbed into his chest, not quite caring as relief overwhelmed her. 

Safe. She was still safe with Liam.

“Thank you.”

“I’ll always have your back.” Liam said. “And after I —” Vania felt him swallow, “— after I marry the princess, I’ll start looking into changing that law in Tyra. It shouldn’t be a crime anywhere.”

Vania hugged Liam even tighter. She knew that marrying the Tyran princess was nothing but a duty to Liam, whose feelings for Fianola had obviously lingered. To have him promise looking into the laws in Tyra for same-sex marriage meant a lot to Vania. She knew Liam kept his promises.

“You don’t have to.” She said, still clinging to him and feeling very young. “I don’t even plan to go there.”

“The Code of Chivalry teaches us to uphold justice, does it not?” Liam said quietly. “I find that law unjust, and I’m duty-bound to change it where I can.”

Vania chuckled before she pulled away and wiped her eyes quickly. “Look at you, being a knight and all.”

“I’ve been a knight for over a year.” Liam said firmly, a mock scowl on his face. 

“I know.” Vania grinned. “I heard you’re a great knight master to Gerald.”

“You don’t have to sound so surprised.” Liam grumbled good-naturedly, slinging an arm around Vania’s shoulder and steering her forward again. 

“So, tell me about your lover. Is she treating you right?”

“Well,” Vania started with a grin as she fell into step beside her brother, “She saved my life twice already, so I think you can do away with your plans to threaten her…”

Liam scowled again. “I have two younger sisters. And _both_ of you stop me from carrying out my big brother duties. What am I supposed to do?”

Vania leaned a little into him, her heart much lighter than it had been in days. “I think you’re doing just fine.”

*

Emmy was glad that Miri and Alanna halted the group when the Dunlath valley came into view below. From their vantage point on top of a hill, they could see the clearing at the bottom being prepared for the next day’s historic meeting. Tiny figures in army uniform were setting up odd-looking fences and perches, digging ditches and bringing long wooden troughs and setting them around the clearing in a pattern that made no sense at all to Emmy. But a basilisk was directing the men, so the set up must have been planned. 

Emmy squinted, but from this far Emmy couldn’t tell if the basilisk was Tkaa, her teacher from her days in the palace, or not. 

Mick whistled as he pulled his pony to a stop next to Whisper. “This is going to be a tale for our grandchildren one day! Imagine, a historic meeting of all immortals across the realm!”

“Not all immortals, you dolt. They would hardly fit.” Clarissa corrected absently from Emmy’s other side, sweeping her gaze across the preparations at the clearing in quiet awe. “Representatives from all species of immortals.”

“Not exactly right, either,” Miri said, having overheard. She turned around a little on her pony, knowing that she had the group’s attention. “Tomorrow’s meeting will be with immortals who have signed treaties with us, with the exception of spidrens. The spidrens claim they want to work with us even if they haven’t signed any treaties. Still, it’s not that all the others are friendly. We need to stay sharp.”

“I’d keep an extra eye on the spidrens,” Alanna grumbled, sneaking a quick look at Emmy. Emmy knew that she must be thinking back on the vicious attack by spidrens on the two of them. It had been almost nine months, but Emmy still couldn’t suppress a shudder when she recalled the day she almost died.

As the Sea Gale group filed down to the valley, Emmy found herself riding beside her knight mistress.

“Why are the spidrens here, my lady?” She had been surprised when she first heard Miri and Alanna talking about it when they set out for Dunlath after leaving Tirragen. She wished that Baron Cooper had not gone back to Corus on business. He always had interesting perspectives to share about these things, and Emmy had grown to like him.

“They are the hardest hit by the mages behind the coordinated attacks.” Alanna said, her eyes narrowed in distaste. “Spidrens value their young, and I’ve heard that those mages have been raiding and holding their nestlings in ransom so that they could submit to their spells.”

Emmy grimaced, feeling a pang of pity for the immortals. It had been so much easier to think of them as pawns of the enemy, to be defended against and cut down if necessary. To know that they had their young held at ransom and that they had good reasons to fight them made Emmy uneasy. Could she still attack the spidrens without remorse the next time she faced them in the battlefield? 

She had to, she knew she had to. But the knowledge was more bitter than not.

“Chin up, squire.” Alanna said when she saw the look on Emmy’s face. “This is why we’re here. Both the immortals and us are tired of the enemy mages’ manipulations. If we can find a way to work together we might finally be able to hunt down those mages and put a stop to all these.”

Emmy bowed her head, taking a deep breath. “Yes, my lady.”

Emmy’s mood lifted when she saw the two squires waiting on their horses at the end of the trail, grinning and waving excitedly at the incoming party. 

Alanna sighed, though she couldn’t quite hide her smile. “I suppose it’s too much to hope for Alan to be more dignified now that he’s a squire.”

“Around Raoul?” Miri quipped, “Have you _seen_ how the Own acts around their Knight Commander?”

Alanna shook her head in mock resignation. “Good point.”

Fianola, at least, remembered to bow from her saddle when they came within earshot. Though she was grinning widely too and winked at Emmy.

“Welcome to Dunlath, Lady Alanna, Commander Miri. Alan will be showing you to the Commander’s tent, and I will direct the rest of the group to set up camp.”

“I’ll see you later, Emmy!” Alan called with a wave as Emmy followed Fianola, before turning back to grin at his mother. “Have you brought those snacks from the Swoop that I wrote about?”

“Oh, my journey was completely fine, thanks for asking, son.” Alanna’s sarcastic reply could still be heard as Emmy and Fianola turned their horses down the other way. 

Emmy exchanged a look with Fianola, and giggled. They could hear snickers and giggles from the Riders behind them, too, and Emmy shook her head at Alan’s audacity. 

“Is it just me, or has he gotten worse since he became a squire?” Emmy asked.

“Definitely worse.” Fianola said with a chuckle. “It’s amazing how casual Lord Raoul is around his men. And yet First Company has become an efficient fighting machine under his command in just one year. Prince Roald said First Company used to be known for looking pretty than actual combat prowess, but that has changed now. You should see their morning drills.”

Emmy nodded. “So I’ve heard. Vania mentioned that before.” She finished more quietly, feeling a sudden pang of longing for Vania. 

Fianola gave her a pointed sidelong look. Nothing escaped her eyes, as always. “I heard she’s near the Tyra border now, escorting the outgoing ambassador.”

Emmy turned to her quickly. “Is that so? I haven’t had a letter from her since we left Tirragen.”

“It’s an advantage of being squire to the Crown Prince. He has a Crown mage traveling with him at all times, and the mage links to the King’s council come in handy.”

“Of course.” Emmy looked away a little, absently noting the makeshift stables they were nearing, “I’ve been meaning to write to her since Tirragen, but…”

Fianola caught her gaze, though she lifted her hand to halt the party. She turned around. “Riders, please tie your ponies to the stables here. This —” she gestured at the clearing next to the makeshift stables, “— is where you can set up camp. All meals will be served in Dunlath castle up ahead, and dinner will be ready in another bell.”

Emmy was tugging her reins around when Fianola stopped her. “You’ll have a room at the castle next to Lady Alanna, silly.” 

“Oh.” Emmy said, feeling a little silly indeed. “I heard there’s a Commander’s tent, so I thought…”

Fianola was shaking her head. “That’s for meetings and preparations for tomorrow. All commanders and knights are lodging in the castle.”

“Right.”

Fianola turned around to make sure that the Riders were settling down. The castle gate was still a few hundred yards away, and they had a little privacy. 

“Did something happen at Tirragen?”

The memory of Xander’s reaction still stung, and Emmy was reluctant to talk about it. But this was Fianola, one of the few people who knew about her relationship with Vania and also a dear friend. She found herself telling Fianola about the incident. 

When they dismounted at the castle stables, the first thing Fianola did was to give her a hug.

“I’m sorry it didn’t go well, Emmy.”

Emmy hugged her back, grateful to have a friend to lean on. 

“I’m sure he’ll come around one day.” Fianola said as she patted Emmy’s back. “He just needs time to get used to the idea.”

“I hope so.”

“Is that why you haven’t written to Vania yet?” Fianola asked after she made sure no hostler was nearby. They started rubbing down their horses, working side by side.

Emmy tried to smile, though it felt like a grimace. “I don’t know what to say. And besides, it’s — we need to be careful about what we write in letters.”

“I know.” Fianola was quiet for a moment. “I’ll likely see her in a few months, actually. Is there anything you’d like me to tell her?”

Emmy turned to look at her in surprise. 

“His highness is joining the welcome party for the Tyran princess.” Fianola explained when she saw the question on Emmy’s face. “Liam has to be there, of course, but since this is the most important… political marriage since Prince Roald’s, a big royal welcome party is necessary.” She looked away, concentrating on her brush strokes, “It will most likely be Third Company escorting them again. It conveniently allows for another royal princess to join the welcome party, you see, and it looks good for everyone.”

Emmy studied the suddenly closed look on Fianola’s face, and knew that she still had feelings for Prince Liam. Emmy didn’t know what to say, or if there is anything she could do. 

“I’m sorry about that, Fianola.” Emmy muttered finally.

Fianola paused, and forced a smile. “It’s all right. Princess Cateline will be a regular face at court soon enough. I have to face her sooner or later. But I mean it, Emmy, if you have a message you want to pass to Vania, let me know.”

Emmy nodded gratefully. 

*

No one had mentioned that historic meetings among a large number of parties would be incredibly _long_. Sure, when Emmy first took her station standing behind Alanna, she had spent a few moments looking around in awe, breathing in the history taking place amongst the unlikely view before her eyes. 

The whole meeting was spread out across the whole clearing, with appropriate seats or perches or other resting places for the likes of humans, centaurs, spidrens, ogres, basilisks, stormwings, and griffins alike. Some of the immortals came in big groups, like the ogres, while some are represented by as small as a party of two, like the griffins. Unsurprisingly, humans outnumbered the immortals by a large stretch. Beyond the official representatives like Prince Roald, Lord Raoul, Daine, Numair, Alanna and Lady Maura of Dunlath and their squires or servants, the whole First Company and Sea Gale spread out behind them, standing guard. Dunlath men-at-arms walked around, fetching items or carrying refreshments. Royal scribes and mages were scattered around the clearing, taking notes or providing assistance with the mage spell that allowed all speakers’ voices to carry across the large expanse.

It was the largest, strangest gathering that Emmy had ever been to. 

Introductions and pleasantries took close to a bell, and by the spidrens’ turn to introduce themselves Daine had to break out a potential fight between the spidrens and stormwings, both of whom had a fondness for casual insults but little tolerance for receiving them. 

When they finally got to the main agenda for the meeting, it started out with long recollections of when the rebel mages started interfering. The spidrens recounted how they were suddenly losing touch with whole groups of spidrens at a time, though they did not realise something was seriously wrong until their nests and younglings were being targeted a year ago. 

Emmy did a quick calculation and realised that it took the rebel mages three years — since the first attack during summer camp of her first year as a page — to start targeting the spidrens’ young to force more numbers under their control. What changed? Had the Crown’s forces finally made enough of a dent in the rebel forces? Were the rebels planning something big soon?

Unfortunately, the spidrens’ story turned out to be the most interesting one. The other immortals took turns to express their concerns for these developments at length, though some of which had little to do with the rebel mages at all (the centaurs spent a long time airing their grievances about how their inability to keep slaves was hindering their livelihoods). Nevertheless, Prince Roald patiently gave each party their time. They had only gone through the spidrens’ and centaurs’ turns before a quick lunch break, and then off it went again with the other immortals.

It was close to dusk by the time all immortals had their turn, and the meeting had to be adjourned for dinner and to be continued the next morning. 

Emmy watched the immortals leave in a slight daze. An impressive portion of the attendees simply took off to the orange sky, while the others walked, rode, or scattered across the clearings, some to visible tents, some disappearing entirely into the trees. 

“Goddess, if the centaurs complain about not having slaves _one_ more time…” Alanna muttered darkly as she stretched thoroughly next to her seat.

“They were quite brazen.” Emmy agreed, stretching a little herself, “Why weren’t they concerned about being so open when they know the Crown Prince is here? The Crown has always been very firm on that issue.”

Alanna scowled. “They know we need them in this. Since the attacks started, our people have been urging the immortals to work with us. But it’s like herding cats. It’s only with the rebels’ recent change in tactics and Daine’s return to the field that we managed to cobble this meeting together. They know we need this alliance.”

“They need us too.” Emmy reminded, thinking about how the rebels were now targeting the immortals’ young.

“That’s why we can have this meeting in the first place, and why the immortals like ogres and griffins who are not affected yet agreed to come. To get to an official alliance, we need to give them a little more.” Alanna explained as they started walking back to the castle. “A stage where they can air their grievances freely is an easy one.”

Emmy chewed on that thought, feeling as if her mind was being stretched in new directions with these concerns about diplomacy and building allies. After serving the knights and commanders at dinner, Emmy had a long conversation with Fianola and Alan about the topic over their own dinner. Fianola had the most experience in this, as Prince Roald’s duties revolve around it, but Alan also had practical experience with Lord Raoul’s dealings and negotiations with the immortals on the field. 

It gave Emmy a better appreciation when, the next evening, representatives of all parties signed a treaty to form an official immortals-human alliance against the rebel mages. The main terms were simple: the immortals agreed to pass on all relevant information to the Crown and resist joining the rebel forces when not under coercion. In turn, the Crown would provide assistance to the immortals should they or their young come under threat from the rebel mages. 

They had spent many bells working out smaller clauses like sweeteners such as more favourable terms when trading goods with local villages, but those paled in comparison with what had been achieved — an important alliance in this unspoken war where the enemy had been hiding in shadows within the realm. Emmy could only hope that this would tip the scales in their favour, and that the rebellion would die down soon.


	15. New faces

Vania sighed as she leaned back against the tree trunk, letting her legs swing freely from the branch she was sitting on. She reached out and plucked the nearest leaf in front of her, and turned the yellowing leaf around. September had caught her by surprise, and the trees had started changing colours again. By the time they reach Corus with the Tyra princess in tow it would likely be snowing again. 

Where was Emmy now?

That dolt had not written a single letter since May, when she was staying the night in Pirates’ Swoop. She had mentioned that she was heading towards Tirragen next, and Vania had been expecting some sort of musings about her going home again for the first time in years. Yet, months had passed, and there had been nothing. She herself made sure she sent a letter every month. She would be worried sick if Emmy hadn’t been traveling with Alanna, and that Kel would surely have known if something bad had happened to either of them. She had known at least that Emmy and Alanna were at Dunlath three months ago, because Kel had mentioned the immortals alliance treaty in passing, but she had no idea where they had gone after that. 

And so she was left with nothing, no news at all from the lover she had not seen in person since Third Company’s last stop at Corus in February. 

Vania wished that she could walk right up to Emmy and knock some sense into her head and demand answers.

But irritation aside, part of her was worried. It wasn’t like Emmy to be this silent. Did something happen, and Emmy did not know how to tell her over letters? Or had Emmy’s feelings changed? Had she met someone new? 

Vania thought back about their blissful few days in bed over Midwinter often. Those few days had been amazing, and Vania felt closer to Emmy than ever before. It made being apart harder, and it was frustrating that neither of them could express their feelings properly over letters that could fall into the wrong hands. They had stuck to bland facts and more neutral musings, which did not help Vania discern whether Emmy’s feelings had changed or not at all. In her frustration, Vania had thrown herself into her work and training, making sure she was exhausted enough that by the time she turn in for the night, she would not lay awake thinking about Emmy for long.

On days that were slow, her mind would wander back to those memories and questions, and a fierce longing would twist in her gut. Sleep would elude her, making her snappish and irritable in the day. She could barely manage to control herself around Kel, though her knight mistress would likely guess what was causing her to act so if she had known. 

There had been too many of those days in the past week. 

Third Company had been camped near the border for a week, waiting for the new Tyran ambassador and the princess to arrive. The contingent was not due to arrive for another few days, and it irked Vania that they had to arrive early to scout around the area and set things up properly to wait for them. Even Liam and Roald were not here yet, and Vania was bored out of her mind. There were only that many drills she could participate in, and she had polished all of Kel and her own gear until they shone. She had pestered Neal for additional healing lessons until he threw her out of his tent in irritation. She had had two afternoons off in a row now. 

The only consolation was that she had found this spot on the tree that gave her a great view of the area. She could even see River Drell from here, even though it was about a day’s hike away.

She watched the setting sun for a while, and was making up her mind to volunteer for more patrol shifts when she heard footfalls below her. 

“That’s an odd place to have a lookout.” 

Vania poked her head down at the familiar voice, and grinned when she saw Fianola standing at the bottom of the tree, hands on her hips. 

“Fianola! You’re here!”

She scrambled down the tree in a controlled mix of slipping and falling, jumping down the last few feet to land expertly on the ground before she dusted off her hands. 

“I’m not going anywhere soon, you didn’t have to hurry.” Fianola teased.

Vania laughed a little, throwing her arms around the best friend she had not seen in almost a year. Fianola’s letters had been more regular than Emmy’s, at least, and Vania was ecstatic to learn that she was joining the welcome party. 

“You’re looking good!” Vania said as she pulled away to look at Fianola properly. Fianola’s olive skin and brown curly hair was not a natural fit for Conté blue and silvers, but somehow she pulled it off, and she looked sharp in her squire uniform. Vania knew her own clothes were a little more scruffy after more than a year on the road. But these days, she found that she did not care as much about clothes as she used to. At least, not when she was on the road. 

“You don’t look too bad yourself.” Fianola quipped, but her grin faltered a little as she squinted at Vania, “Though you do look a little tired. Have you been sleeping and eating well? Emmy is going to worry when she sees you.”

Vania grimaced and looked away. “Is she now? I’m beginning to think that she’s forgotten me.”

“Oh Vania, it’s because she hasn’t written to you, isn’t it?” Fianola slung an arm around Vania’s shoulder and steered her towards a fallen branch where they could sit.

“The last letter I had from her was from May.” Vania admitted, “It’s been four months! Has she been that busy?”

“No,” Fianola said quietly. Vania could see in her eyes that something was up, and she wisely kept her mouth shut and listened. 

“Her trip to Tirragen did not… go as well as expected.”

“What happened?” Vania asked, a spike of worry tugging at her heart.

“Well, there’s the fact that Tirragen is struggling with the higher Crown tax, and her brother refused her help with funding.” Fianola started, “But what broke her heart was that she told Xander about her being honeylove, and he didn’t take it well.”

Vania grimaced, clenching her fists. “How so?”

“She didn’t go into details. But it sounded like Xander said people will shun her further, and that whatever she had… whatever relationship she had wouldn’t last. She had to leave before they could resolve the disagreement.”

Vania cursed, her heart aching for Emmy and wishing that she was close enough for Vania to hold her. “I thought Xander would be more open minded than that.”

“Emmy thought so too, I think that’s why it hurt.” Fianola added quietly. “She probably didn’t know what to write to you about, because this was the main thing on her mind, and she couldn’t write about it.”

“That dolt should have at least let me know she’s still alive.” Vania muttered, though there was no force behind her words. She understood why Emmy had not written, and her irritation at her had been replaced by a sense of helplessness at not being able to provide her any comfort. 

Fianola took her hands into her own, and patted them reassuringly. “She’s doing well otherwise. We met when Roald was chairing the immortals alliance meeting.”

“Oh.” Vania felt a pang of irrational jealousy, wishing that she had been the one at the treaty signing instead. She shoved that feeling down quickly — she had enjoyed her training with Kel and Third Company. It was silly and childish to wish for a different assignment. 

“And she asked me to tell you she’s sorry she didn’t write.” Fianola continued, “She missed you, and she said she thinks about you every day.”

Vania looked away, blinking quickly to counter the pressure building up behind her eyes. “I miss her too.”

Fianola gave her a sideway hug. “You’ll probably see each other again at Midwinter. Lady Alanna and a Rider group are chasing leads given by some of the immortals at the treaty signing. They’re hunting the rebel mages, but they’ll likely be back in Corus at Midwinter. Roald said the king’s council wants to regroup and discuss developments of the rebellion.”

Vania frowned a little. “I’m not sure if Kel is going back for Midwinter.”

Fianola grinned. “Roald specifically said that Kel’s inputs into their strategy would be invaluable, and he wants her there.”

Vania grinned back, feeling both a burst of pride for her knight mistress, and excitement for herself. Three more months. Three more months and she would see Emmy again!

*

Striking. That was a good word to describe Princess Cateline of Tyra. Vania waited atop Thunder at the front of the welcome party next to Kel, and she had a good view when the Tyra contingent arrived that morning. 

Instead of riding in the elaborate carriage that followed the contingent, Princess Cateline rode proudly atop a beautiful chestnut horse. She wore a forest green dress that was cut simply but elegantly, with a lush brown cloak that matched the colour of her riding boots. Her loose braid of brown hair had blonde streaks in them, and they framed a beautiful face with high cheekbones. 

What caught Vania’s eyes, however, was the bejewelled sword hilt that poked out of the cloak she wore. She had forgotten that Lord Otto mentioned that Princess Cateline had trained with a sword. But still, she had not expected the princess to wear a sword so proudly and openly, traveling as she was to marry into another kingdom. 

Vania watched as Liam and Roald dismounted, and the two parties made their introductions on in the middle of the clearing. Liam’s smile was polite as he took Princess Cateline’s hand and kissed it lightly. The princess mirrored his politeness, her smile not quire touching her grey eyes. 

As Liam and the new ambassador, Sir Francis of Eudes, brought the princess around to introduce the rest of the Tortallan representatives, Vania wondered how the princess felt about the whole thing.

“… And this is Princess Vania, my youngest sister. She is squire to Lady Knight Keladry.” Liam said as he and the princess stopped in front of Vania. 

As Vania was in her squire uniform today — and she was wearing her best one — she bowed. “Pleased to make your acquaintance, your highness.”

“Please call me Cateline.” she said as she returned the greeting with a curtsy. And was it just Vania, or did the smile finally seem to reach Cateline’s eyes? “I hope you don’t mind me calling you Vania.”

Vania grinned. “Not at all. I’m not one for titles, myself.”

“I would love to train with you some time.” Cateline said, much to Vania’s surprise. Sir Francis coughed pointedly behind her.

Vania smiled, and ignored the new ambassador. “It would be a pleasure. I’m sure we can find some time to train while on our way to Corus.”

“I’ll hold you to it.” Cateline grinned back. 

“Please do.”

Vania watched as Cateline was led away. When Kel moved to greet the head of the Tyra guards, Vania joined her and watched as men of the Own rode in two lines beside the Tyra contingent, both as escorts and reminders that they were now on Tortallan soil. 

From the looks of it, Cateline brought only a handful of servants with her, though there was a long train of wagons that were loaded down with chests and bags. 

For a brief moment, Vania allowed herself to wonder what would have happened had she not sign up for knight training. Could this have been her, traveling to a foreign land with little more than some belongings and a few guards? Marrying a stranger in the name of duty? 

Kally had done exactly that, Vania reminded herself. And Vania had vowed to herself that she would not shirk her duties when Kally had given up everything to fulfil hers. 

Taking a deep breath, she pushed thoughts of Emmy out of her mind, tugging Thunder’s reins as she and Kel brought up the rear of the group. 

*

“Everyone in position?” Miri’s voice was tiny, coming from the mage stone around Alanna’s neck. 

Emmy nodded at Alanna, pulling up her bow and aiming at the herd of twenty or so hurroks by the stream. 

Other muffled voices called back via the mage stone, and at last Miri gave Alanna the all clear. Alanna’s eyes glowed violet once, and the magical wards around them were lifted. 

All at once, arrows shot out from the trees next to and opposite Emmy, raining down on the unsuspecting hurroks. A few cries erupted before an orange glow flashed in an orb around the herd, causing the rest of the arrows to bounce off. 

“Hold!” Miri’s command rang across the clearing. No use for stealth now. 

The hurroks reared and tried to fly in panic, ramming into their own ward and falling back to the ground from the inside. Alanna walked out of the tree line, Emmy in tow. Her eyes glowed violet still as she swept her eyes around the area. Suddenly, she pointed to a spot upstream, at the edge of the herd. A bolt of lighting flashed and struck the protective orb.

Orange streaks cracked across the orb, causing the orb to shake before it shattered. 

“Arrows!” 

Arrows shot out again, the Riders walking out of the tree lines and closing in from both sides of the clearing. The hurroks screamed and thrashed, a handful lunging for the skies clumsily. Some of the others charged towards the Riders with crazed eyes.

But Emmy paid them only half her attention, knowing that a few more Riders would be keeping the hurroks away from them. She guarded Alanna’s back as the mage they had been chasing stumbled into view from behind the herd.

Rowan Nightingale would have been a beauty, with elegant features and bright eyes. But a jagged scar ran angrily down the side of her pale face, crossing her eyebrow as it stretched from her forehead fo her right cheek. Her wild dirty blond hair was barely constrained by a loose braid, and a maniacal grin gave her an air of madness.

“Lioness.” She snarled, her hands raised and glowing in orange. “I’ve been wondering when I would finally have the pleasure to meet you.”

“I would say I feel the same,” Alanna said, her light voice a contrast to the tension and intensity in her eyes, “but I don’t think ‘pleasure’ is the right word.”

The battle among the hurroks and Riders went on beyond them, and Emmy struggled as she kept an eye on the surroundings and on the rebel mage, her bow at the ready. She couldn’t let anyone else attack Alanna while she dealt with the mage. 

Nightingale grinned, flicking her fingers. 

Explosions came from behind them, and Emmy jumped as Riders shouted, some jumping and falling into the dirt. Alanna snapped around in surprise, purple glow flowing from her fingers to shield the Riders as more explosions came from behind them. 

Nightingale thrust her hands forward, an orange stream flying straight for Alanna. 

Emmy held her breath, and watched as the attack slammed into a purple shield. She took a quick look — Alanna frowned in concentration, her eyes making sure that the Riders were covered even as another stream of attack hit the shield in front of her. 

“I suppose I should expect nothing less from the Lioness.” Nightingale shook her head with a grin. She turned to the hurroks, raising her hands and — jumped to the side as the earth next to her feet exploded with a purple burst.

Seeing the mage’s distraction, Emmy loosed an arrow. 

Nightingale yelped as the arrow dug into her thigh. Emmy smiled grimly. She had been aiming for her chest, but at least she had wounded the mage. 

The rebel mage shot three small attacks at Emmy, but Alanna’s shield caught them, even throwing them back to explode at Nightingale’s feet. 

“Your opponent is me, mage.” Alanna scowled. But beads of sweat had formed on her temple, and Emmy realised with a sinking feeling that her knight mistress was strained by the multiple protective and offensive spells. 

A strangled cry cut through the din of battle, and Emmy turned to see a hurrok speared by Riders from three sides. 

“We will meet again, Lioness.” Nightingale yelled, grabbing the nearest hurrok and jumping onto its back. With a flick of her fingers, the rest of the hurroks turned around and followed her into the skies. The scattered and faltering herd was battered, some barely managing to stay in the air as they retreated. 

A smattering of arrows chased uselessly after them, and Miri called a halt to the attacks. 

A small grunt turned Emmy’s attention back to Alanna, who staggered as she let go of all the spells around her. Emmy dropped her bow and caught her knight mistress, holding her up as Alanna blinked and shook her head a little. 

“Are you all right, my lady?”

Alanna took a few deep breaths. A grimace lingered on her face as she shifted her feet, leaning a little less on Emmy. “I’m fine.” 

Emmy leaned down to snatch her bow, before slinging Alanna’s arm across her shoulder. “Let’s get you settled down, I’ll bring you water and food.”

Alanna scowled, but before she could say another word, Miri strode towards them, wiping sweat off her forehead. 

“We’re clear, Alanna. Some scapes here and there, but no serious injuries thanks to you. Moira —” the Rider groups’ resident healer, “— can take care of them. Get some rest. I’ll have someone set up camp for you and Emmy. We’ll debrief over dinner.”

“And what will Emmy be doing?”

Emmy gave her knight mistress her cheekiest grin. “Taking care of you of course, my lady.”

Miri winked at Emmy before she turned and walked away. 

“I don’t need taking care of.” Alanna grumbled, though she finally allowed Emmy to steer her towards the nearest tree. 

“I know your Gift reserve is much higher than what you’ve used, my lady. But you had to spread your protective spells over two groups of Riders, and counter the mage’s attacks.” Emmy said more quietly as she helped Alanna sit down under the tree. “That must have been tiring for you even if it didn’t drain your Gift. You’ve done your part, now please let me do mine.”

Alanna leaned back against the tree trunk with a sigh, and Emmy took it as permission. She trotted over to where their horses were kept, and brought back a waterskin and two apples. 

Alanna gestured for Emmy to sit down next to her, and took a few long swigs from the waterskin. 

“I know you meant well, but you shouldn’t have drawn attention to yourself. Your orders were to guard, not attack.”

Emmy frowned. “She was distracted. I saw an opening.”

Alanna scowled. “And do you know how many ways a mage can retaliate? You could be dead before you know it!”

Emmy bit her lips, trying not to look away. It wasn’t fair. Alanna could barely spare any attention on the offensive, and she had blocked the attacks afterwards, hadn’t she? 

Seeing the defiance on Emmy’s face, Alanna sighed. “You’ve been learning about the Gifted, I grant you that. You noticed how I’ve been using my Gift and deduced the effects it might have on me. But for someone like you, going up against a mage is dangerous. Especially someone like Nightingale. Numair thinks she could have been a scarlet robe. That’s one rank below a black robe, the highest.”

Emmy looked down into her lap. “Am I supposed to run and hide every time I see an enemy mage?”

“Yes.” Alanna said firmly. “It’s not running away, but finding a position you can defend. There’s nothing honourable about staying in a position where you’re sitting ducks. You need to learn how to deal with mages, Emmy. This rebellion’s supported by powerful mages, and I won’t always be here to protect you.”

Emmy raised her head again, meeting Alanna’s eyes. “Then teach me. Tell me how mages work. How would you retaliate? What should I expect? I can duck, I can jump, I can do any number of things before I hit back. I won’t always be in a position to run.”

Alanna held her gaze, the mildest surprise flashing in her eyes. Her lips quirked a little. “Very well. You won’t be able to prepare against everything, but there are some common counter attacks that you can prepare for. I…” she shook her head a little, her voice becoming quieter, “I was used to having a squire with the Gift, and Jon was also Gifted.” It took Emmy a moment to remember that the King was Alanna’s knight master. “I should have thought of this earlier.”

Emmy blinked at the implicit apology. Why would Alanna apologise? Emmy fumbled for words. “My lady, I mean… I was only trying to —”

Alanna shook her head with a fond smile. “It’s all right, Emmy. I told you I like my squires sharp. I want you to keep questioning me, got it?”

Emmy could only nod as she gulped. Alanna gripped her shoulder and gave it a squeeze before letting go. She leaned back against the tree, closing her eyes as she sighed tiredly. Emmy watched her knight mistress, thanking the Goddess, Mithros, and all the gods she could name for being able to squire for Alanna. How many knights would have responded the way Alanna did? 

By the the time a Rider came to inform them that their tent was ready, Alanna seemed to have recovered fully. Though after Emmy helped Alanna out of her armour, Alanna waved her off, asking her to get some snacks or make herself useful elsewhere. Emmy knew by now that this was a sign that her knight mistress meant to take a nap. She was not particularly hungry and dinner was barely a bell away, so she wandered off to the healers’ tent to see if there was anything she could help with.

She smiled politely at Moira, the group healer, at the tent entrance, letting the healer pass with her basin of bloody water. She poked her head in —

— and froze.

There were only two Riders in the tent. Clarissa was sitting up on a cot with bandages across her upper arm, and she was kissing another Rider. 

The other Rider was a girl. 

The other girl’s dark hair fell messily out of her ponytail, and Emmy could only see half her face. But she looked like Iris, a Rider that Emmy had spoken to only a handful of times. Though from the way Iris had her hands around Clarissa’s face and the desperation with which they kissed each other, Emmy would wager that they knew each other quite well indeed.

After another moment of gaping at the couple, Emmy cleared her throat.

Clarissa and Iris jumped apart, turning to look at Emmy with panic in their eyes.

“Emmy!” Clarissa squealed, her good hand holding her injured arm as if her sudden movement hurt, “I can — I can explain.”

Emmy stepped into the tent proper, and let the flap fall so they had some degree of privacy. Her cheeks were warm, and she wondered if she was blushing as hard as the other two girls were. Even so, there was a flutter of excitement in her gut.

“You don’t have to.” Emmy scratched the back of her head, trying to smile. “It’s quite obvious.”

“It’s not what it looks like.” Iris said quickly, looking at Clarissa desperately. 

Emmy shook her head. “I mean, you don’t have to worry. I… I like girls too.” She smiled when both of them turned to look at her in shock. “I know how it feels. I won’t tell.”

They stared at her for another moment before Clarissa let out a laugh. “Gods, Emmy!”

Iris laughed too, and Emmy had to chuckle as the tension in the tent dissipated. She walked over and sat down on the cot next to Clarissa’s. 

She nodded at Clarissa’s bandaged arm. “How’s your arm?”

Clarissa shrugged, bending at the elbow and moving her wrist up and down casually. “Just a scratch.”

Iris sat down on the side of Clarissa’s cot, her face grim. “It looked like a lot more than just a scratch when you were bleeding all over the place.”

Clarissa snuck at quick look at Emmy and the tent entrance, before reaching out to cup Iris’ chin with her good hand, and planting a quick kiss on her lips. “I’m fine, Iris.”

Emmy smiled at them. Their feelings for each other were obvious. Were Vania and Emmy so obvious? When was the last time she felt Vania on her lips?

Clarissa was grinning at her when Emmy’s mind refocused on the present. “This was why Mick caught you off guard all those months ago, isn’t it?”

Emmy blushed and looked away.

Clarissa chuckled. “He knows about Iris and I, just so you know. That dolt knows when to keep his mouth shut.”

Emmy looked at Clarissa’s smirking face in surprise. 

Iris was grinning at her too. “We have your back, Tirragen.” 

Something loosened in her heart, making it lighter than it had been in months.

Clarissa leaned forward, mischief clear in her eyes. “Now, you can be straight with us. Who’s your girl?”

Emmy wanted to tell them. She wanted it so, so badly. Other than Fianola and Lianne, she didn’t have anyone else her age to talk to about Vania.

But something held her back. Her relationship with Vania would not affect Emmy or Vania alone, but also the reputation of both their families and even the Crown, at a time when there was a rebellion rising. 

Feeling Clarissa’s eager eyes and the curiosity in Iris’, she bit her lips and looked down. “I can’t. I’m sorry. Not without… not without asking her first.”

Clarissa looked about to protest, but Iris gripped her good arm gently. Iris smiled kindly at Emmy. “It’s all right. I’ve been there before. She’s from a good family, isn’t she? You’re protecting her.”

Emmy nodded gratefully, relieved for Iris’ understanding. Clarissa’s eyes widened a little as if she realised something. But she, too, smiled a second later, and did not press Emmy further. 

Before they could talk further, Moira returned to the tent, and they had to scramble to talk about something else. When Emmy had to leave, Clarissa winked at her while Iris waved cheerfully. Emmy left with a grin on her face.

*

Vania jumped back to avoid the sword thrust towards her neck. Her sword darted up quickly to block the next attack, and with a twist and another lunge, she had her sword up against Cateline’s neck. Their faces were inches from each other, and Vania could see the surprise in Cateline’s eyes. 

“I yield.” The other princess gasped. 

Vania grinned, stepping back. “Well fought, Cateline.”

Cateline absently rubbed her neck where the sword would have been had this not been a training bout. “You flatter me. That was a neat trick, you have to teach me how to do that.”

Vania was about to agree when a throat cleared pointedly behind Cateline. The other princess’ personal servant, Adith, was walking towards the princess with a waterskin. The tall brunette was almost scowling at her mistress, and Vania had to control herself so that she didn’t snicker.

“We need to get going to prepare for the breakfast with Prince Liam, your highness.”

Cateline nodded coolly at Adith before turning back to Vania. “Same time tomorrow?”

“Of course.” 

The Tyra princess had been training almost every morning since they set out on the road for Corus five days ago. She trained next to where Kel and Vania trained, and almost every day she asked for a practice bout with someone from the Tortallan side. Vania was sure that Kel allowed for a slightly later start to the day to allow the other princess to have her wish. Cateline didn’t seem to mind when others watch, either.

“She’s good.” Fianola said, coming up next to Vania as Cateline walked back to her tent with Adith in tow.

Vania nodded, even though she had not yet lost one bout to Cateline yet. “She is. She takes defeat well, too.”

“And she’s polite and kind and smart and beautiful.” Fianola said with a hint of wistfulness.

It made Vania turn to look at her best friend properly. To a stranger, Fianola looked neutral. But to someone who knew her, Vania could tell that Fianola was troubled. Her eyes did not hold their usual twinkle.

“Are you all right?” Vania asked, even though she knew the answer. 

It would be so much easier for Fianola to resent the Tyra princess, knowing that she was the reason why Fianola herself would not have a future with Liam. But the Tyra princess turned out to be easy to like, and her interest in fencing and riding opened up many common topics with both Vania and Fianola herself. Cateline respected Kel a lot as well, and once mentioned that if Tyra had allowed girls to train for knighthood she would have signed up. Vania surprised herself when she realised that she really wanted to be Cateline’s friend.

“Maybe it’s for the better.” Fianola said finally, careful to keep her voice low so that the others practicing around the clearing would not overhear. “Better her than someone I cannot respect. I would have felt sad for Liam if that’s the case.”

Vania slung her arm around Fianola and gave her shoulders a quick squeeze. She did not know what else to say.

When they parted ways to get back to their own tents, Fianola gave her a smile that had just a tad too much sadness in it that Vania walked away with her head bowed. She hated feeling so helpless when someone she cared about was sad. First, it was Emmy with her brother not accepting her, and now it was Fianola, helpless against the force of a political marriage. It felt like the older Vania got, the more constraints she faced and the more helpless she became. It didn’t feel right. She was supposed to have learned more, known more, be able to do more. 

As she reached her tent, she grabbed a towel and wiped the sweat off her face and neck. She closed her eyes for a moment, and tried to centre herself again. They would reach Corus in less than two weeks. She should focus on the journey, and focus on her duties. At the very least, she would see Emmy again in Corus. And knowing that was enough for now.


	16. Ambush

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. *hides in shame* 
> 
> I'm so, so sorry about the unexpected hiatus! In January, I moved halfway across the world, and there were a thousand different things to take care of. I had thought that I could snatch pockets of time to write, but with all the errands I had to run I was not in the right mental space to do it. But now I've settled down in my new apartment and my new job, and I'm starting to feel ready to write again. I'll spend more time on this, and start getting back to the one-update-every-two-weeks schedule.
> 
> Sorry again! Hope you like this chapter.

When Kel signalled for Vania to go to her, Vania knew something was wrong. For one, her normally unflappable knight mistress spotted a rare frown. Also, the men who were near Kel looked grim and tense. 

Vania made a quick excuse to Cateline, whom she had been talking to, and steered Thunder over. Roald and Liam did the same.

“All our scouts have disappeared, save for the sparrows.” Kel said without preamble when Vania came close enough, though she kept her voice low enough not to carry. Roald, Liam, their squires, and the two Rider captains who came with the princes were the only other ones within earshot. “Mages have detected a magical disturbance all around us. We are likely surrounded, and our enemies have more than one mage among them.”

Liam cursed softly. “Are they out of their minds? If they had wanted to attack us, they should have done it before we get so close to Corus.”

“We’re not close enough for any help to arrive within the next few bells.” Roald said grimly, mirroring Vania’s thoughts. “They’re brazen to target a high profile group with one full company and two Rider groups. They wouldn’t have done it if they didn’t think they have a chance of winning.”

Evin Larse, Commander of the Queen’s Riders, tapped a magical pouch by his belt. “I can send out a signal to summon all Rider groups nearby. There should be two that could reach us within half a bell if they rode hard.”

Kel nodded. “Do it. We don’t know who the target is — it could be any of you, or it could be Princess Cateline. As much as I’d like to keep you together for easier defence, with mages on their side I fear this will just create a larger target for them.”

Roald and Liam exchanged grim, knowing glances.

“I agree.” Roald said, “Liam should guard the princess. I’ll go to the other side of the group to split their forces. Both of us will help with the magical defence.”

“But —” 

Roald cut Kel off with a hard look, “We can do that within the circle of protection. We only have a handful of mages among us, and I want to keep the healers fresh for after the battle.”

Kel’s face was neutral, though Vania could tell from the tense grip Kel had on her reins that her knight mistress was not happy with the arrangement. “My orders are to ensure all of your safety, not just Princess Cateline’s. You better not do anything stupid.”

Vania and Fianola exchange a quick look, startled at the frankness. But of course, Roald and Kel were pages together. They were probably even less formal with each other in private.

Roald smiled without humour. “You know me.”

“That’s precisely why I worry.” Kel grumbled under her breath, though everyone in the circle could hear it. But in a blink she went back to being all business again, “Then it’s settled. We’ll have two main points of defence. I’ll lead a third group, once the target becomes clear I’ll move to help. Vania, you’re with Roald.”

Vania straightened in surprise. “But Kel, I want to —”

“You’re a Conté, Vania.” Kel almost snapped, her eyes hard, “You can’t be my squire in this battle.”

Vania was still staring at her knight mistress in shock as Kel turned to relay her orders to the other group leaders. The sparrows’ advance warning bought them only precious little time. Yes, they had this discussion about her status and the company being her protection, but Kel had never explicitly forbade her from battle before. 

“Vania.” Roald said as he led his gelding around, his eyes kind. 

Vania followed numbly, barely noticing as Evin Larse brought his group around them in a protective circle. Fianola gave her a squeeze on the shoulder in sympathy, and Vania took a deep breath to snap herself out of it. She would take her orders and fight like she was supposed to. She couldn’t be a proper squire this time, but she could at least do this. 

“How good are you with your Gift, your highness?” Evin asked Vania after relaying orders to his team.

Vania shook her head. “Not very good. My reserve is not as big as Roald’s. I can do basic shields in battle, but only for myself and perhaps two other people.”

Evin nodded, looking down the train of people stretching down the road, at the other rallying point towards the end of the train surrounding Liam and Cateline. He turned back to Vania. “Keep that for last. Use your bow first.”

Vania nodded, turning in her saddle to get her bow and quiver. 

“I hate to say this,” Evin continued, smiling grimly, “we should be expecting either magical attacks or overwhelming force. They wouldn’t have dared attack a group this size otherwise.”

“They must have heard you were with us, Evin.” Roald said with a light grin, though making sure that his voice could be heard. “They need to make sure it’s dramatic enough for you.”

Men of the Own and Evin’s Riders either snickered or laughed, and Vania belatedly remembered that the Commander of the Queen’s Riders was known to be a colourful character who came from a family of Players. Despite her own worry, she cracked a smile. It was always good to fight alongside warriors who knew how to laugh in the face of danger. 

“Then we should give them a fight to remember, should we not?” Evin said with a shameless grin. 

“Aye!” 

Vania strung her bow, and waited. 

*

Emmy shifted her grip on Whisper’s reins, wishing that she could go at a full gallop. Something was very wrong. Sea Gale had received two simultaneous calls for help — one from the Commander of the Queen’s Riders, and the other from a spidren group nearby. Under the immortals alliance treaty, they were obligated to help the immortals when they send out such calls for help, but the call from the Riders was worrying. Evin Larse’s group was supposed to be with Third Company and the Tyra princess. If they had been sent for help despite the size of the protection, the whole group must be up against something big.

In the end, Alanna made the call to help the Riders. From the grim set to her features, Emmy knew that there would be consequences for ignoring the spidrens’ call for help later. But the Crown had to take precedence. 

Deep down, Emmy was glad. All she could think about was Vania, who had always insisted on doing the work despite being a princess. She prayed that Vania would have the sense to realise she might be a target and stay back. 

So deep in her worry was Emmy that she almost missed Alanna’s hand signal for them to slow down. Emmy did so grudgingly, gritting her teeth. 

Alanna closed her eyes for a moment, likely sending out her Gift to scan for magical wards or battles. 

She opened her eyes, her brows set in a grimace. “We have several mage battles up ahead. One of the enemy mages is Nightingale. They’ve got Third Company split up into two. I sense groups of spidrens, hurroks and centaurs all around the company. I want to get closer before we decide who to help. Do not attack without orders, and stay behind me!”

Alanna led the group forward at a trot, and Emmy followed eagerly, her heart beating in her ears. 

_Goddess, please keep Vania safe._

*

Vania grunted in pain and twisted her sword around, pushing her whole weight into the thrust. The hurrok cried in pain and fell sideways, its claws slipping out of her twisted shoulder plate and scoring lines on the metal. 

The shadow was her only warning, and she ducked in time to dodge the centaur’s blade. She brought her sword up as she jerked back up, meeting the return swipe and twisting to score a gash across the centaur’s human arm. 

“You bit—” the centaur croaked, the ends of a blade protruding from behind him.

Vania didn’t have time to spare. She turned and faced the next centaur, blocking and attacking as fast as she could while her left shoulder throbbed painfully.

The enemies had gone for Roald. As the immortals and men — human combatants who wore no uniform save for the masks around their faces — swamped forward and the target of their attacks became clear, Vania had unconsciously joined the circle of protection around Roald, keeping herself on the outside. She was a Conté, yes, but she was not the future king. She had a duty to protect Roald, just like everyone else.

A sharp pain flared up her thigh, and Vania yelled as Thunder reared and let out a ear piercing cry. They hurt Thunder! 

Vania turned to see not one but three masked men next to her, and one threw a hoop of rope around her neck and pulled. 

The world tilted crazily as Vania was dragged from Thunder. Pain exploded across her left side as she hit the ground, and her world spun. 

The rope on her neck pulled, and she almost dropped her sword as she fumbled for it. The sky and trees flew forward as she was dragged across the ground. She swung her sword backwards wildly. 

She couldn’t cut the rope. 

She couldn’t breathe. 

The corners of her vision was turning dark. 

She had to stay awake. She had to…

*

Emmy felt her heart stop when she saw Vania being pulled from the top of her horse. She turned to Alanna, whose eyes were glowing violet as she threw magical nets around the hurroks disrupting their battle lines.

“My lady, Vania!” She shouted at Alanna, hoping she would understand.

She did. Alanna turned unseeing eyes to her. “Go!”

Emmy pulled Whisper around and barrelled through the battle between her and Vania, not caring that she might have knocked some of her own people aside. Two masked men were keeping help away from Vania, and the third was pulling a way through the melee, one hand dragging Vania forward by the rope on her neck. 

They were wearing half armour. Emmy twisted her left arm, feeling a hidden knife drop into her grip. She took a breath and centered herself like Baron Cooper taught her. She raised her hand and threw it. 

It hit one of the two men fighting the Riders in his thigh, and his shocked pause was enough for the Rider in front of him to cut him through. 

Emmy jumped off Whisper quickly, giving her a pat for her to run for the safety of the trees. Emmy ran towards the man in the lead, cutting the rope the moment her sword was within reach.

The man stumbled at the sudden lack of weight. Before he could recover, Emmy had driven her sword through the slit in his side. She kicked him and pull her sword out as he fell.

A Rider was helping a coughing Vania sit up, and Emmy quickly cut the third masked man behind his knees, knowing that the Riders in front of him would take care of the rest. Taking a quick look around her to make sure no more were coming, she knelt down in front of Vania, trying desperately to catch her blue eyes from behind the helm. 

“Vania, are you all right?”

Shocked sapphire eyes caught her gaze, though Vania was still coughing and gasping for air. Vania fumbled with the catch of the helm, and snatched it off her head. She sucked in air greedily, still coughing a little as her free hand covered her neck. 

Emmy exhaled in relief, and her senses tuned back to the battle around her again. Just in time to catch a movement behind her. 

As she turned around she felt familiar webbing wrap her legs tight. With a gasp, she fell on her back, dragged forward by her legs towards a spidren with crazed eyes. 

Gritting her teeth, she cut the stream of webbing with her sword, pulling her sword up in time to block a spidren leg. But another one followed too quickly, slamming into her wrist guard. Emmy held on to her sword for dear life, but her sword arm throbbed so much that she couldn’t move it. 

Another leg came into view, and Emmy rolled to her left, grunting when agony erupted from her wrist. 

When her eyes adjusted again, a figure was thrusting her sword right into the spidren’s base, causing it to scream and fall back. Emmy watched dazedly for a moment before she recognised the bouncing black braid, and she pushed herself up. 

She stumbled, and remembered the webbing on her legs. Her left hand snatched her own sword from her painful right hand, and cut the webbing roughly down the middle. 

She got up just in time to attack the other spidren that got past Vania’s guards, but its last attack slammed into her chest, denting her breast plate and knocking her into Vania. 

Vania steadied her, and for a moment, her face was right next to hers. The sun reflected off the sheen of sweat on Vania’s forehead, and her sapphire eyes were fierce with battle and protectiveness. It was as if there were just the two of them in the fight. “All right there?”

Emmy nodded, letting out a small smile despite the battle, despite her pain. She would protect Vania, and Vania would protect her. A strange calm had settled in her heart, and she turned around and faced the battle once more. 

*

It took Vania a few moments to notice that no more enemies were coming, that the only ones left were fleeing into the trees. It took her a few more moments to realise that they had won. 

All around her, Riders and men of the Own slowed and regrouped. Out of the corner of her eyes, she could see Roald and Fianola standing side by side, looking worse for wear but otherwise seemed fine. Emmy was standing right behind her. 

Relief flowed through her, and she was falling before she realised it. 

And then she wasn’t falling. Strong arms were holding her up by the shoulders, familiar despite the armour between them.

“Vania?” Emmy panted, worry in her eyes.

Vania grinned, feeling giddy in a way that should be worrying. She tried to catch the brown eyes beneath the helm. “I finally get to save your life. I’m going to get even with you one day.”

Emmy snorted. She made sure Vania was standing on her own properly before she pulled away, tugging her helm off. She brushed some stray hair off her forehead as she stared at Vania openly. Vania could see her own longing reflected in Emmy’s eyes, and she wanted nothing more than to pull her in for a kiss. 

She lunged forward and grabbed Emmy into a hug before she could do such a thing, holding on tightly despite the pain from her left shoulder and side. She felt Emmy’s arms just as tight around her, and she buried her face in Emmy’s shoulder, ignoring the hard armour plates on her shoulder as she breathed in Emmy’s scent. It felt like home. 

“You’re here.” She croaked, her heart almost aching with the desire to kiss the lover she had not seen in months. 

“I’m here.” Emmy muttered back. “I’m glad you’re all right. Wait —” Reluctantly, she pulled back and examined Vania carefully. 

Vania smiled as she felt the edges of her vision blur a little. Despite the residue webbing on Emmy’s legs, the dirt on her armour, and the braid that was threatening to come apart, she looked beautiful. 

“You need to see a healer.” Emmy declared with a frown, one gloved hand reaching up to touch Vania’s sore neck softly. 

Vania flinched and stumbled, the soft sting reminding her of spinning blue sky and being dragged off her horse. Emmy moved fast to steady her, but her grip on Vania’s left arm triggered a sharp throbbing in her shoulder, and she yelped in pain. 

“Sorry!” Emmy twitched as if trying to pull back, but her hands merely stilled, keeping Vania steady. 

Vania shook her head, trying to smile at Emmy’s worried face. “I’m fine,” She croaked, but her throat itched and she coughed. Emmy was putting Vania’s good arm around her own shoulder when Vania finally caught her breath. “Just bruises.”

Emmy raised an eyebrow at her as she nudged her forward. “I’m sure. I’m bringing you to my lady, and you can tell her all about the bruises.”

Vania wanted to laugh, but it only made her cough again. “I…” she panted, and continued when she caught Emmy’s concerned eyes once more, “I missed you.”

Emmy slowed just a little, her warm brown eyes showing the same struggle Vania felt to restrain herself. Instead, she gave Vania’s good arm a squeeze, pulling Vania a little closer to her but mindful of her injuries. “I missed you too.”

Vania turned reluctantly away, fearing that the longer she looked into Emmy’s eyes the harder it was to hide their feelings for each other. Instead, she turned her eyes back to the soldiers regrouping around them. Many were helping injured comrades to an temporary shelter down by the road, though the two of them were headed to where Alanna and the other commanders were regrouping about thirty paces away in the other direction. All the key people Vania cared about were accounted for and standing, and Vania felt her heart lightened in relief.

Vania must have relaxed, because Emmy turned to her, and followed her gaze. 

“They’re fine.” Emmy said to her, but her brows started furrowing a little. “How did _you_ get into so much trouble?”

Vania stopped in her tracks, staring at Emmy in surprise until she caught the twinkle of mischief in her eyes, and the slight quirk of her lips.

“You!” Vania exclaimed, though she had to fight a smile from taking over. “How did you not know how to write?”

Guilt flashed through Emmy’s eyes, and Vania immediately felt bad. 

“Emmy, I didn’t mean —”

Emmy shook her head. “You’re right. I’m — I’m sorry. I didn’t — I didn’t know how to…”

Vania gave Emmy’s shoulders a gentle squeeze. “Fianola told me. I’m sorry about Xander. But I worry, sweet. I know we can’t say much in our letters, but at least let me know you’re alive and well.” She coughed a little. “At least… at least tell me what you see on the road. What sights to you wake up to, what’s the last thing you see before you sleep. It will make me feel like I’m closer to you.”

Emmy’s grip on Vania’s good arm was tight, and her breathing just a little ragged. “You have to tell me what you see too,” she finally said.

Vania could see that the group had caught sight of her, and Liam was walking towards them with worry in his eyes. She blinked quickly, trying to control her feelings and aching for the day when she and Emmy wouldn’t need to hide who they were to each other. 

“Vania!” Liam said when he was a few paces away, “What happened?”

Vania pulled back before Liam could take her injured arm. “Not this side! Bruises. I fell off my horse on my left side.” She straightened, and turned around quickly, ignoring the flare of pain on her left side as she remembered something important. “Where’s Thunder? He’s hurt!”

“Do not worry,” Cateline said as she came over with Kel and Alanna by her side. “I found your horse, and I’ve asked one of the Riders to take care of the cut on his flank.”

Vania sagged a little in relief, and Emmy tightened her hold on her. Alanna looked a little tired, but she sent her purple Gift through Vania without a word. Vania closed her eyes, breathing deeply as she felt the pain in her shoulder begin to dull.

“That should do for now.” Alanna declared a moment later, and Vania opened her eyes blearily, feeling a wave of exhaustion settling in. “You should rest, and let the bruises heal on their own. I don’t like to heal bruises, because it —”

“— Builds up resistance to the Gift quickly.” Vania finished with a tired smile, “You sound just like Neal.”

Alanna’s eyes widened in indignation. “He was _my_ squire, mind you.”

“I think Vania is a little tired.” Emmy said quickly as Liam and Kel hid their smiles, “I’ll find a place for her to rest. Are we setting up tents here?”

Kel was the one who nodded, her face grim. “Just down the road. We have too many injured to move quickly. We’ve sent for help from Corus. We’ll have more guards by nightfall.”

Alanna stepped to the side, frowning at Emmy. “Let me see your wrist.”

Vania blinked at Emmy drowsily as Emmy meekly offered her hand, biting her lips in pain. Vania didn’t even notice that Emmy was hurt, and she stared stupidly as Alanna’s purple Gift hovered around Emmy’s wrist. 

And then Alanna was shooing both of them off, ordering them both to rest and finish the food that she would send their way. 

“You should have told me you were hurt.” Vania muttered as soon as they were out of earshot, pulling Emmy just a little tighter. 

“It was nothing.”

“I want to know, Emmy. I just —” She shook her head, trying to swallow the sudden pressure on her throat that had nothing to do with her bruises, “— you mean the world to me, Emmy. I want you to be well, and happy.”

The squeeze of Emmy’s hands on Vania’s was the only reaction Emmy showed. Their physical closeness made it feel like it was just the two of them, but they were all too aware of the people rushing about around them. 

“I want the same for you, Vania.” Emmy said, so softly that Vania could barely hear it. “I’d do anything for you to be safe and happy.”

Vania smiled, leaning just a little closer. She was getting sleepier, and it was getting harder to stay on her feet. But Emmy was a solid presence by her side, and she could feel Emmy’s love in her heart. It ached to not to be able to kiss her, but for now, this was good. 

*

In the darkness of their shared tent, Emmy tried not to breathe too loudly where she lay next to Vania. Their hands were clasped together beneath the blanket, and Emmy could scarcely believe that this was happening.

After finishing a quick meal, Emmy had hastily set up a tent while Vania dozed beneath a tree. Alanna had taken one look at Emmy and ordered her to join Vania in resting. They collapsed next to each other in the tent, and slept until Clarissa came to ask them to get their dinner, winking as she closed the tent flap behind them.

Kel had waved them both to the commander’s tent after they grabbed their bowls, and they huddled next to each other as they listened to the commanders debrief over their own dinners. All the squires except for Vania had thought that they were meant to serve their knight masters, but Vania knew that Kel did not like to stick to protocols like this after a long battle. 

She explained to Emmy that Kel wanted everyone who had fought to get as much rest as possible, and Emmy marvelled again at how Kel seemed to blaze her own path. Knowing about Kel and Alanna gave Emmy hope that she could forge her own path in life as well, that she would one day be able to redeem the Tirragen name, and Xander could live a freer life.

But the debrief itself was grim. On hindsight, it was a deliberate ambush on a high profile target, and the simultaneous attack on the spidrens was no coincidence. If news that the Crown had ignored the spidrens’ call for help spread, the immortals alliance could be put at risk. But had Alanna not led the Rider Group to the Crown’s party, the Crown would surely have faced higher losses and the Contés be at more at risk. The Crown would lose some either way.

But if Emmy were honest with herself, she didn’t care as much about that. 

She had come so close to losing Vania, again. The image of Vania being violently dragged off her horse would haunt Emmy’s nightmares for years to come, she was sure. 

But now Vania’s hand was warm within her own, and Emmy could hear Vania breathing next to her. They could not do much beyond this, close as they were to other tents, but this was more than Emmy could have dreamed of when she had almost lost Vania earlier that day.

So she held Vania’s hand tightly, and listened to her breathe. 

“You should sleep, sweet.” Vania muttered suddenly, her voice slurred by sleep.

Emmy smiled in the dark. “How did you know I wasn’t sleeping?”

Vania gave her hand a squeeze. “Because I know you. I think I know you more than I know anyone else. I think you know me like no one else, either.”

Emmy felt her heart fill with warmth. “I do,” she whispered in awe, realising that it was true. She didn’t have to pretend to be anything in front of Vania, and she knew Vania let her guard down around her.

“Sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

Emmy smiled as she closed her eyes. She was not in Corus or Tirragen, but she was home.


	17. Consequences

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to The_Big_Wee_Hag for beta-reading it! Any remaining mistakes are my own.

Vania was holding Emmy when she woke up. It seemed that their bodies had drawn close to each other in their sleep, and Emmy’s head was now tucked between Vania’s chin and her chest, Vania’s arm wrapped loosely around her body. 

The moment Emmy twitched, she felt Vania kiss her lightly in the forehead. 

“Good morning.” Vania said softly, “We should share a tent more often.”

Emmy smiled as she turned her head up to catch Vania’s eyes. The sounds around the camp were muted, and the light was barely strong enough for her to see the Vania’s face. It must had been just after dawn. 

Knowing that they did not have much time together, Emmy caught Vania’s lips in a quick kiss. But the moment their lips met, both their bodies reacted, demanding reassurance after their long time apart and the near death in the battle on the previous day. Their kiss grew heated and desperate, and Emmy wanted badly to take a chance, wanted to feel for herself that Vania was here and alive and well and —

Someone cleared their throat loudly.

Emmy and Vania jumped apart, pushing themselves away hastily. The shadow in front of their tent was petite and familiar.

“Get ready, Emmy.” Alanna said through the tent, her voice gentle enough to be almost apologetic, “We’re heading out soon to deal with the spidrens.”

Emmy cleared her throat so that her voice doesn’t come out as a squeal. “Yes, my lady.”

After they both watched Alanna’s shadow walk away, they turned back to each other. Vania’s smile was as rueful as Emmy’s own. She reached out to take Emmy’s hand.

“I guess duty calls.” Vania said, bringing Emmy’s hand close to kiss her on the knuckles. 

Emmy tugged that hand away gently, and moved to tuck Vania’s hair behind her ear. She let her hand trail a line down from Vania’s ear to her jaw, memorising every curve on her face afresh. 

“Indeed.” She said. Reluctantly, she got out of her bedroll, and started pulling on her tunic as Vania watched.

When she was putting on her armour, she felt Vania’s hands behind her, helping her tie the straps together. 

“Are you my squire today, your highness?” Emmy grinned, turning her head a little to catch Vania’s eyes. 

Vania’s blue eyes twinkled with mischief as she leaned closer, her lips just brushing against Emmy’s ear and her voice husky. “You know I’m all yours, sweet.”

Emmy turned back to the front, heat flushing her cheeks and her body throbbing with want. She bit her lip and stayed as still as she could as Vania worked silently. 

When Vania was done she wrapped her arms around Emmy from behind, even though it must had been uncomfortable with the armour between them. “I’m sorry,” she murmured as she rested her head against Emmy’s, “I shouldn’t have teased.”

Emmy closed her hands around Vania’s, holding them close against her chest. “It’s all right. I’ll see you again soon. My lady must be heading back to Corus after this spidren matter is settled.”

Vania sighed. “I hope it gets settled quickly. I heard they’re vicious. Doubtless they’ll make a big deal out of this, and demand some sort of price to be paid.”

“We need them on our side,” Emmy said dejectedly, hating the fact that they need to align themselves with these dangerous and foul creatures that had killed many of Tortall’s people and had almost killed her and Alanna. “The alliance is too important. I don’t think there is a price that the Crown wouldn’t pay.”

Vania pulled back, and walked around Emmy so that she could face her. Vania’s face was grim as she rested both hands on Emmy’s shoulders. “There is always a line, Emmy. You know we’ve never agreed to slaves no matter how many times the centaurs asked. My father can be calculative and ruthless sometimes because he has to, but he would never agree to anything dishonourable.”

Emmy reached up to give Vania’s elbows a squeeze. “I know. I didn’t mean that.”

Vania gave her a tight smile, and Emmy wished she had time to talk more about this. To hear Vania call her father calculative and ruthless was shocking to Emmy. Even in all their talks in the past when Vania was trying to understand why she became Kel’s squire, Vania had never said these out loud, even if both of them had thought about it. What had changed for Vania? What had she seen that made her just a little harder around the edges? 

As Emmy stared at Vania, she became acutely aware of the nine months they had spent apart. There were so many things she had not told Vania, and doubtless she knew only a tiny fraction of what Vania had been through. She wished she had the time to tell Vania everything, and for Vania to do the same for her. 

Vania leaned down and gave her a quick kiss on the lips before she pulled away. “Come on, don’t keep Aunt Alanna waiting too long.”

Emmy murmured an agreement, resolving to talk more to Vania when she got back to Corus later. 

*

It was mid-morning by the time Sea Gale reached the coven of spidrens that they had let down. Other than Alanna and Emmy, the Rider group was also joined by Daine the Wildmage, who rode in from Corus that morning with Kit the dragonet on the back of her pony. 

Their party of twelve got off their horses and walked the rest of the way into the woods, because no animals would go near the spidrens’ cave. And as they got nearer and nearer to the clearing in front of the cave, Emmy could almost empathise, though not exactly for the same reasons. 

She could feel the eyes of the spidrens in the trees around them, but what stood out was the stench. The smell of burnt flesh is everywhere. It was a little more metallic, a little more jarring than the other types of burnt flesh that Emmy had encountered before. They smelled these way before they started seeing the burn marks and the charred bodies that were hauled to one side of the clearing. The attack was recent enough that the spidrens themselves had not done much with their dead. 

A group of four spidrens, two male and two female, stood in a line in front of the cave entrance, their silver claws glinting in the morning sun. 

The female to the left of the line snarled as they got closer, and it triggered a chorus of snarls and growls from the others and those hidden in the trees around them. The woods echoed with angry growls, and Emmy could almost feel the rest of the group shiver behind her. 

Alanna and Daine stood firm. Kit stood upright and puffed out her chest, her scales glowing a faint scarlet as she growled. 

“Kit!” Daine scolded. She held up her hands in a placating gesture. “We came to offer our aid.”

“Aid?” The male on the right scoffed. “How dare you traitors walk into our homes and talk of aid? Where were you when we sent out our call for help yesterday?”

The other spidrens growled and snarled in agreement.

“Your word means nothing!”

“No more lies!”

“Traitors!”

The spidrens jeered and stomped and clanged their claws, the cacophony growing echoing through the trees. 

“SILENCE!” Alanna called, her voice magically enhanced to carry. The spidrens stop making noises in surprise. 

Alanna took a few steps forward, her eyes sweeping across the four spidrens at the cave entrance. “I am Alanna of Pirate’s Swoop and Olau, the King’s Champion. I came to offer the Crown’s apologies for our delay in offering aid. A company containing a few princes and princesses came under attack at the same time, and our forces were too stretched to come to your aid. We did not and will not dishonour our agreement under the Immortals’ alliance, and we’ve come to aid you in your recovery from the attack.”

“Can you return our dead younglings?” A new female voice came from within the cave. The voice was tired but tight with anger, containing a depth that hinted at age. 

The four spidrens turned quickly, bowing to the side as they opened up a path. From the shadows, a large female spidren emerged. She was at least eight feet tall. Her face could have passed for a human female in her sixties, and her hair was spun into tight grey braids. Emmy knew that some of the other spidrens around them were hundreds of years old, and they looked like middle-aged humans. How old must this spidren be to look like an older human? 

Despite the spidren’s obvious age, she carried herself like a queen, walking nimbly to stand a few feet in front of Alanna, towering over her. Alanna didn’t even flinch, though Emmy could see her hand tightened around her sword hilt. 

“I am Skora, leader of my people. I trusted your King when he said he would offer us protection. When the mages you call rebels came to demand our cooperation, we refused, even when we knew we were no match to their Gifts. We counted on you.” She leaned her human head down, staring Alanna hard in the eyes. “Your people did not come, and the mages killed _sixty-three_ of our younglings and eggs.” 

Skora paused, raising her head to scan through Daine and the rest of the human party. Her eyes lingered briefly on Emmy, and when Emmy blinked in surprise, she looked away. 

“Sixty-three!” Skora hissed, and the other spidrens echoed her, some growling and snarling. Skora threw her head back and let out a strangled cry. 

Emmy could feel the pain and grief in that cry, and she felt her heart clench in sympathy. Monsters or not, losing sixty-three of their young must be unimaginably painful. 

Skora turned back to Alanna again, her eyes shining with rage and grief. “The alliance you offered was a lie! What good does it do when we cannot count on you? Why must we share information to help you when you will always protect your own first?”

“I am sorry for your loss.” Alanna said sincerely, “We want to honour our agreement, and we will offer aid to the best of our ability. Yesterday’s events were regrettable, but the royal party was ambushed, and we were caught by surprise.”

“And could you promise that you will _not_ be caught by surprise again?” Skora sneered, turning to the side as she started to pace angrily. Her eight spidren legs were a flurry of black blurs and silver claws, and it was scary to behold. 

“To think that _I_ was the one who convinced the other coven leaders to join the alliance,” Skora hissed as she continued pacing back and forth in front of the cave. 

Emmy exchanged a look with Miri next to her, and realised that this piece of information was news to her too. 

“Nobody wanted to trust the humans. They called me a fool! Said that I was wrong to choose not to prey on humans. Said that I was senile for thinking that an alliance would help us face these new enemies. I called in favours, offered treasures.” She stopped, turning back to the humans, her face a tight mask of rage. “And now you made me look like a fool. Nine hundred years I’ve lived, and not once had I been so humiliated,” She took a few steps forward, leaning her face down to show rows of sharp teeth. “Or so _furious_.”

“I understand why you’re furious, Skora.” Daine said, coming to stand beside Alanna. Kit scrambled after her. “What can we do to make things better?”

“I told you!” Skora snapped, causing Kit to growl, “Can you return our dead younglings?”

“You are wise, Skora.” Alanna said quietly but firmly, “You know as well as anyone that no good can come from raising the dead, even if it can be done. You are also wise in seeing that an alliance helps us both, and we appreciate that you changed the minds of the other covens to join us. Only monsters harm the young, Skora, and you know as well as I do that they are the real enemy. Threatening the alliance now will only make both of us weaker.

“We want to help. Tell us how.”

Skora glared at Alanna for a few long moments, and Alanna held her gaze firmly. 

“An example must be made.” Skora said finally, leaning back a little and regaining the sense of regality she had earlier. “Giving us supplies to rebuild is only the least of what is owed to us under the alliance. A price must be paid for ignoring our call for help, or else even I am not convinced that your King is serious about the alliance. I would not know how to convince the other covens to stay in the alliance.”

“And what price is that?” Alanna asked grimly. 

Skora scanned the human party. Her eyes rested on Emmy, and she raised one furry leg, the silver claw pointing straight at Emmy.

“Her.”

Everyone turned to stare at Emmy in shock. Emmy felt her mouth open slightly, stunned. 

“Absolutely not!” Alanna snapped as she turned back.

“She is the youngest among your party.” Skora said, her eyes focused unnervingly at her. “She wears your colours but carries weapons that no servants do, so she must be of noble blood.”

“She’s my squire!”

Skora nodded approvingly. “Squire to the King’s Champion. That will do. I lost _sixty-three_ younglings and eggs, King’s Champion,” She hissed when Alanna opened her mouth to speak, “I could have asked for _sixty-three_ of your young. Or one of your precious princes and princesses. Now I am asking only for one.”

“She’s not a bargaining chip!”

Skora snorted. Slowly, she leaned back and started laughing, her laughter harsh and bitter. “You call yourself the King’s Champion, yet how naive you are! _All_ of us are chips and pawns in any realms. You can deny it all you want, but your enemies seem far better at playing this game!”

Alanna drew her sword, pointing it at Skora.

The spidrens all took a step forward, growling and hissing. 

“This isn’t a game, Skora.” Alanna said, her voice dangerously quiet. 

Miri gave a silent signal, and the Riders drew their weapons. Emmy drew her sword. 

Skora regarded the sharp tip of the sword, not at all fazed. “You are upset. Understandable. But you have not given me time to explain myself.”

“Then do it quickly!” Alanna hissed.

“I do not intend to kill your squire.” Skora said, her eyes flicking briefly Emmy, who was trying to keep her hands from shaking. “I want her to spend the winter with my coven. I will release her in spring.”

Alanna did not back down. “What do you plan to do with her?”

“That is none of your business.”

“Of course it is! How would I know she wouldn’t be harmed?”

Skora tilted her head slightly, letting out a crooked smile. “I never said she wouldn’t.”

Alanna lowered her sword in a flick. “Forget this. Name another price.”

“There isn’t one,” Skora hissed, her eyes impatient again. “Do you not see? My younglings were harmed, I need to show the other covens that I could command a youngling of yours. That is the only equal price. No amount of treasure could compare. I could ask for sixty-three of your young, but because in _your_ laws some humans are worth more than others, I could argue that one youngling of noble blood and high status is enough.”

Skora drew her head back again, disgust on her face. “You choose. Have sixty-three commoner younglings or your squire spend the winter with my coven. Otherwise I am honour-bound to inform the other covens that your King does not take the alliance seriously, and there is no point for it.

“I can imagine that you have arrangements to make,” Skora continued while Alanna seethed, “You have one day. If I do not see your squire or sixty-three commoner younglings here by sunset tomorrow, I will start contacting the other covens and ask them to pull back from the alliance. There are some among the centaurs and the ogres that owe me favours. Make no mistake that they will hear of this too. 

“Now _leave_.”

Alanna turned back around and stalked to Emmy. Miri signalled the Riders to pull back. The spidrens looked on grimly as the humans withdrew, and Alanna kept a tight grip on Emmy’s arm the entire walk back to their horses. 

*

No one said anything during the ride back to the main camp. It gave Emmy time to think. By the time the party reached the main camp, Emmy had made up her mind.

It made her all the more sad to see that Vania and the majority of the royal party had left for Corus already. It was not surprising, however. With the additional guards from Corus, there was enough protection for the group, and it made no sense to stay further out in the open. It was likely only the injured and a small guard that had been left. 

Alanna, Daine and Miri walked hastily to the commander’s tent as the other Riders went to take care of their horses. Clarissa took Whisper’s reins silently, and nudged Emmy to go, offering her a grim smile. Emmy thanked her quickly and trotted to the commander’s tent.

Alanna was wiping her scrying mirror. “I’m going to open a link to Jon. Miri, how fast can the other Riders come to our aid? I’d rather not wait for Evin’s team to turn around.”

Miri shook her head. “There is no one that can reach us within a day. I can check the army outposts nearby, and see how much help we can get.” She said, going to the bin with rolls of map.

Daine was just opening her eyes from where she stood with her hands on the table. “Most of the People would not go anywhere near the spidrens. But I can sense some eagles and wolves nearby. I can convince them to help.”

Emmy stepped fully into the tent, and let the flap fall behind her. “My lady? What are we doing?”

“Finding a third option, what do you think?” Alanna snapped, setting down the mirror as she turned around to grab parchments and quills. “Fetch me whoever’s in charge of the guards who are left.”

Emmy took a deep breath. “I can join the spidrens.”

The other women froze. Then Alanna slammed the bottle of ink she held onto the desk, the ink spilling all over the desk.

“Out of the question!”

Emmy swallowed, trying not to look away from Alanna’s furious eyes. “There isn’t enough time for a third option, my lady. And we can’t attack them to force their silence when we’re the ones who owed them. Even if we can get enough help in time and we win the battle, if anyone else finds out about what we did, the immortals’ alliance will fall apart.”

Alanna leaned forward, her hands curled into tight fists. “I am your knight mistress, and I said no. Now, either make yourself useful, or get out.”

Emmy felt her eyes water, knowing that Alanna was trying to protect her. “Please, my lady. The alliance is too important —”

“Get out!” Alanna yelled. 

Emmy staggered back. Alanna had never yelled at her like that before. Daine took a step closer to Alanna and placed a hand on her shoulder. Miri shook her head at Emmy, and nodded at the exit. 

Maybe they both needed to calm down. 

Emmy turned around and fled. 

*

Some time later, Emmy stood next to Whisper as she stroked her mane. She buried her face into her mare’s neck as she tried not to listen to the yelling and swearing that came from the commanders’ tent. The whole camp had been on edge since Alanna started the mage link with the king and the yelling started soon after. 

Emmy had taken over grooming Whisper from Clarissa, finding herself needing something to do. She pulled Whisper closer to the commanders’ tent though, wanting to be near what was going on. 

After she was done, she found her hands shaking, and she hugged Whisper close, letting the warm and solid presence of her mare soothe her nerves. 

Emmy was terrified. She sometimes still had nightmares about the spidren attack last fall that had almost killed her. She could not imagine living with a coven full of them for a day, let alone for one whole winter. Skora had been clear that keeping her safe was not a priority. What exactly did she plan to do with Emmy? 

Yet shaky as she felt about the idea, Emmy felt in her gut that the right thing to do would be to give herself up. There was no way that she would let sixty-three commoner children take her place, nor would she sit back and watch as the Crown go back on its word and attack the wronged party just to keep her safe. Nothing good would come from having the alliance fall apart either, and the rebellion that had started since she was a page would doubtless drag on for more years to come, putting more people and Vania in danger. 

She knew she could very well die from this, or lose a limb or two as victims of spidrens often do. She did not know which she would prefer — dying or losing her limbs for the rest of her life. 

But she knew she had to do this. 

The yelling had finally stopped, and Alanna stormed out of the commander’s tent. 

Instead of heading towards her own tent, Alanna headed east, to where Emmy knew there was a stream. Her knight mistress must be wanting to clear her head and get some fresh air. 

Emmy waited another few moments, her hands patting Whisper’s neck and flank. She muttered praises to her mare, knowing that she might not see her again for a while. 

When it felt like enough time had passed, Emmy made her way towards the stream. 

Sure enough, her knight mistress sat by the bank with her legs spread out and her elbows resting on her knees. She looked exhausted. 

Emmy sat down a couple of feet away and crossed her legs in front of her. “I think that was the first time I hear you yell at the king.”

Alanna snorted in disbelief. “Was it? And here I thought we’d been traveling together for a while.”

Emmy turned to smile weakly at Alanna. “Was it because he told you the same thing I did?”

Alanna scowled immediately, turning away. 

“I want to do this, my lady.” She said slowly but surely, “I don’t want the lives of sixty-three children or a broken alliance on my name.”

“None of this should have been on you.” Alanna said quietly. “I shouldn’t have brought you there.”

“I am your squire. I have a right to be there.” Emmy said, and she shook her head. “Skora would have just asked for someone else anyway. Better it be me than someone else.”

“Why?” Alanna demanded, her eyes incredulous.

Emmy gave her a tight smile. “I thought about what she would do to me. She said she wouldn’t kill me, but she’d have to feed me. Most likely she’d give me work, work that servants do. Most nobles would never have done it before. But I did plenty of those in Tirragen.”

Alanna’s eyes softened in pity, and Emmy looked away. 

“And I’ve been wanting to redeem the Tirragen name,” She continued, her heart beating in her ears, “If I can help make sure the alliance doesn’t fall apart, this is something, isn’t it? I need this more than anyone else.”

Alanna reached out to grip her forearm. “No one ‘needs’ to offer themselves up for sacrifice, least of all you. You’ve been through enough.” 

Emmy shook her head. “But I haven’t done enough. I’ve been training for years. And it’d be years still before I’m a knight. I want to do something.”

Alanna released her grip with a huff. “Don’t be silly.”

Emmy sighed. She scrambled to kneel on one knee, facing her knight mistress. “I’m not, my lady. Please. Let me do this and keep the alliance from falling apart.”

Emmy bowed her head, though she could see as Alanna climbed to her feet. Alanna rested a hand on Emmy’s head. “Jon said it is my duty as King’s Champion to let you, and to save the alliance. I told him he can find himself another Champion.” 

Her hand tightened just a tad, and her voice got quieter, “You are like a daughter to me. And trading my own child is a line I will not cross.”

Emmy blinked quickly, and felt tears spill from her eyes. Her heart was flushed with warmth and torrents of confusing emotions. It was true that she had occasionally wished that Alanna could be her mother, but to know that Alanna did see her as a daughter was… it was unbelievable. It filled her heart with joy, but it crushed her to know that she could not stay and would cause Alanna worry.

And then Alanna’s hand was gone, and her legs was turning around to walk away. 

Emmy scrambled to turn around, planting both knees on the ground. “Please, my lady! If the alliance falls apart, many more lives could be lost!” 

Alanna didn’t stop.

“I’m not getting up until you say yes!”

Alanna kept walking, and Emmy watched until she disappeared into her tent. 

Emmy wiped her eyes and sniffed. She turned her eyes skyward. Sunset was in a few more bells. Would Alanna change her mind? Could Emmy out-stubborn the Lioness? 

She didn’t know. But she could try.

Riders and guards came and went, staring at Emmy’s kneeling form. Clarissa stopped by and tried to talk to her, but Emmy had only shaken her head and stayed silent until she left. 

By the time Miri came to check on her around sunset, Emmy’s knees were aching. Miri offered her a waterskin, and Emmy took a few sips eagerly. 

“There is a stream behind you, you know.”

“I told my lady I’m not getting up until she let me go to the spidrens.”

Miri shook her head. “And there I thought you were a sane one. Evin is right. All knights are crazy.”

“I’m not a knight yet.”

Miri gave her shoulder a squeeze. “You’ve done some knights’ work. And you’re braver than many knights I know.”

Miri let her be then, though she came back a while later with some food and refilled the waterskin. Daine came with her, and tried unsuccessfully to get Emmy to get up and try something else. She left Kit with Emmy, and the dragonet let Emmy lean on her, offering both warmth and support as night fell. Clarissa came back with a cloak that she draped around Emmy, making sure to tug the dozing dragonet under the cloak as well. 

Emmy started dozing as the camp slowly went to sleep, with only the night shift guards patrolling the perimeter. She fell face first into the grass at some point, and she quickly pushed herself up, wincing at the cramps in her hips and legs. 

The night grew colder as it went on. Emmy started shivering at some point, and she tried to pull the cloak stiffly around herself. She accidentally woke Kit up, and the dragonet started a small fire near her, making Emmy smile. Emmy kept herself warm as much as she could, but she was slowly losing feeling in her lower body, and exhaustion kept dragging her down. She fell forward two more times despite having Kit by her side, and each time it was harder to push herself back up. 

The forth time she fell forward, her arms shook, and she struggled to push herself upright. 

But a small but strong hand pulled her hand away to drape around a solid set of shoulders. 

“You idiot.” Alanna scolded quietly as she dragged Emmy to her feet. “If I’d known you’d have this little sense, I would have thought twice before taking you on as a squire.”

Emmy’s legs were useless as they folded, and Alanna cursed. There was a soft purple glow, and immediately Emmy felt some warmth and feeling return to her legs. 

“My lady,” Emmy panted, trying to get her stiff and numb body to obey her again, “does this mean I can go?”

The arms around Emmy tightened, and Alanna’s voice was tired and resigned. “If you’re going to kill yourself otherwise, I might as well let you do some good.”

Despite her exhaustion, Emmy smiled a little in relief. 

She didn’t quite remember how she ended up being tucked into a warm bedroll, but she remembered a warm and callused hand brushing her hair back gently from her forehead, and the motherly kiss that followed.


	18. The spidrens' lair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Much thanks to The_Big_Wee_Hag for beta-reading it and making it flow so much better! Any remaining mistakes are my own.

When the group reached the spot in the woods where they had to leave their horses and walk the rest of the way, they stopped in silence. Alanna sat still on her horse, her face grim as she eyed the path that would take them into the spidrens’ lair. 

Emmy’s heart was beating wildly, and she could barely keep her hands from shaking. She tried to draw strength from her knight mistress’ stoic demeanour, telling herself that she had to stay strong because she was the Lioness’ squire. She could do this. She could walk into a monsters’ lair and stay there through winter because that was what her realm needed. 

After a few more moments of silence, Alanna jumped off her horse abruptly. Others started following suit. 

Emmy slid off slowly, trying to keep her nerves from showing. She patted Whisper, hugging the neck of her faithful mare. 

“Stay good for my lady, you hear me?” She murmured. Whisper tossed her head a little, as if in agreement. 

When she turned around, Alanna was watching her, her eyes softer than before. Wordlessly, she opened her arms. 

Emmy threw herself into them, holding tightly. 

Alanna’s arms were just as tight around her. “Don’t you dare die without my permission.” She whispered fiercely, “I will drag you back from the Black God’s realm if I have to.”

Emmy chuckled softly. “By the ear, I bet.”

“You bet.”

After Alanna let go, Emmy turned around, and was surprised to see Miri and Daine standing in front of her. The whole Sea Gale fanned out loosely behind the two women.

Miri’s smile looked forced. “You are the craziest, bravest girl I know. And I knew Daine when she was young and silly.” 

Daine elbowed her friend, causing Miri to yelp. “I am right here!”

Some Riders laughed, although they sounded nervous, their laughter forced. When Emmy caught Clarissa’s eyes, she had only worry on her face. Emmy smiled at her, uncertainly. 

“We recognise your sacrifice for the people of Tortall, Emmy.” Miri continued, “We are forever in your debt.”

“Gods all bless, Emmy.” Daine said, and to Emmy’s shock, she bowed. 

Miri and the rest of the Riders followed suit, bowing deeply as if to a lord. 

Emmy stared, slack-jawed at the group of hardened warriors and the Wildmage — the Wildmage! — bowing to _her_. When they straightened up, Emmy was still frozen in shock. 

Miri shook her head, and came forward to grab Emmy into a quick embrace. She patted her back twice before letting go. Daine, Clarissa, and a few other Riders did the same, some whispering blessings or prayers when they did. 

Emmy tried to keep herself from tearing up, but she knew she had failed. The others were polite enough to look away when Emmy finally wiped her tears with her sleeves.

“We will be watching, Emmy.” Daine reassured her again, and Emmy nodded. 

They had gone over the plan twice before they set out, and Emmy knew that she would look towards the sky frequently for the animal spies that Daine would send her way every day. She also knew that, if she ever had to run, she would not have to go far to get help. Daine would get her People as close as they dared around the spidrens, and every bird or rabbit or other small animal would know to bring help if they ever saw Emmy running, or if she was injured. Miri, in turn, would work with Evin Larse to make sure that there would always be a Rider group close by, and that they would recognise the simple signals that Daine’s lookouts could show.

Alanna had wanted to stay close too, but with the King’s Council meeting over Midwinter to strategise about the rebellion, she could not stay. Emmy had also asked Alanna to deliver the news to Vania in person, dreading how her lover would take the news. It would be devastating for Emmy if Vania was the one staying with the spidrens over winter, and Emmy could only hope that having Alanna and Vania’s family close by would help.

Nevertheless, Alanna had vowed to come back as soon as she could, and that she would be here when Emmy walk out of the spidrens’ lair in the spring.

With all the farewells said and done, the group had no choice but to move forward. 

The spidrens were waiting when they came. The same four waited in a line outside of the main cave, though Skora was nowhere in sight. 

The one on the right, the same female who jeered at them the day before, hissed at the group when they got near. 

“Leave the girl, and be gone!”

Alanna stomped forward, scowling. “We’re doing this out of goodwill and respect for the alliance. Do not treat us like the enemy.”

The spidren hissed again. “Do not treat us like fools! You are doing this to save your own hide. Nothing you do will make me forget losing my own children!”

“Enough!” Skora’s deep voice echoed from within the cave, and she emerged gracefully on her eight legs. “Find something else to do, Fera.”

The spidren called Fera bared her rows of sharp teeth at the humans, hissing in disdain before she turned around and disappeared into the trees. 

Skora eyed the humans coolly. “I see you have made your choice. I will honour my end of the bargain, and will convince the other covens to stay in the alliance if the girl stays through winter.”

“You’d better.” Alanna said through gritted teeth.

Skora skittered forward a few steps, baring her rows of sharp teeth. “I’ve lived far longer than you can imagine, _human_. I keep my word, even if your King does not keep his.”

Alanna opened her mouth, but Emmy gripped her forearm to stop her. They were not here to start another argument. Emmy would not let them argue over her. 

Alanna took a step back, every line of her body tight with indignation. “You have said you will not kill my squire. If she dies on your watch, I swear I will kill every last one of your coven, alliance be damned.”

Skora took a few steps back. “I promise only not to kill her. But humans are weak. I cannot promise that she would live.”

Alanna growled. When she tried to lunge forward, Miri was holding her back on the other side. 

“I’ll be fine, my lady,” Emmy whispered urgently, “I promise to take care of myself. Please don’t do this.”

Alanna took a deep breath, and she stepped back. She gave Emmy’s shoulders one last squeeze, not meeting her eyes. Then, she turned around, and stormed away. Emmy caught Daine and Miri’s quick nods before they led the other Riders back down the path they came from.

Emmy made herself turn back before the others were out of sight, facing the rows of spidrens and their queen. She swallowed, and tried to remind herself that Skora had promised not to kill her outright. She just needed to take care of herself. 

She bowed. “Emmeline of Tirragen, at your service.”

“Leave your sword and belongings, human.” Skora said coldly. “And follow me.”

Emmy tightened her grip on the single bag she was carrying for a moment, before putting it down reluctantly. The bag held basic camping supplies, as well as all the dried food the others could stuff into it. She really hoped the spidrens wouldn’t destroy it. 

Next, she unhooked her sheathed sword from her belt, and set it on top of her bag. Her hand lingered briefly on the sword, which had been a gift from Alanna. 

She had to hurry to keep up with Skora, who had already disappeared into the cave. Emmy tried not to look at the other spidrens as she passed them, though she was keenly aware of their disdainful eyes on her. 

The moment she stepped into the cave, she realised how deceiving the small entrance was. This was no single cave, but a tunnel that ran deep, with a few odd-sized holes along the walls on both sides of the tunnel. The light from the entrance faded quickly, and it was almost impossible to see with normal human eyesight. But webbings that glowed green were scattered all across the cave walls, providing just enough light for Emmy to follow the path Skora took.

The old spidren took the main tunnel that led straight into the back, and Emmy trotted in order to keep up. She almost tripped once, and bit back a curse.

The air got chilly and damp quickly, and there was a strange smell that got stronger the deeper they went into the tunnel. It was bitter and metallic and smelled like ashes all at the same time, and it was almost like —

— Emmy halted at the entrance into a big cavern. Skora had slowed down, crawling through the single path among the spread of broken egg shells in the cavern. The whole chamber was lit by thick, overlapping green webbing on the roof, illuminating the scores of broken eggs and bodies of young spidrens with an eerie green sheen.

The broken eggs were burnt at the edges of the shell, and there were slimy shadows within them that told Emmy that the unborn spidrens had likely been left inside. The clusters of eggs took up more than half the cavern. Closer to the entrance, rows of young spidrens barely a foot tall lay charred or burnt beyond recognition. 

Emmy threw one hand over her mouth, suddenly feeling ill. Skora had said that there were sixty-three eggs and younglings that were killed, but the green-edged shadows filling the cavern felt like a lot more. 

“I have lived…” Skora said slowly, her voice carrying easily over the dead silence, “… through many wars, among humans or otherwise; in this realm, or that which you call the Divine Realms. There was but a handful of times someone had dared attack the young of my family.” 

The immortal turned around, taking up an empty spot near the back of the cavern. One could imagine that this was where she had watched over her young before the tragedy. 

“I killed those monsters,” Skora spat, her eyes shining a little under the glowing green light, “Every. Single. Time. But this time, this time the blame is split between your king and the mages who had broken our spells. This time, our fate is tied to that of all immortals, and I’d be a fool to be driven by vengeance.” She scanned the bodies of her young once. 

Her head snapped back to Emmy. “Come here, human!”

Emmy gulped, and started walking forward. Her boots squelched on the soft cave ground, and she couldn’t stop herself from wondering if it was mud or the blood of the dead littered across the floor. 

When Emmy came to a stop a few feet in front of her, Skora’s legs shot out without warning. Two silver claws grasped her shoulders, and Emmy let herself be turned around before the claws could sink into her flesh.

One solid knock to her upper back pushed her off her feet, and her knees squelched in the soft, damp ground. Her palms slapped the ground as she caught herself, sinking into something black and wet. 

A moment later she brought her hands up and brushed her palms quickly, the sting of spidren blood already starting to flare.

“Tomorrow morning, you will start cleaning out the cavern.” Skora said behind her, “There will be a spot in the woods where we gather the dead and burn the bodies. 

“Tonight, I want you to stay here and look at what your king has cost us. Do not get up until I come to get you.”

With that, the giant body of the spidren queen lifted itself up and over Emmy’s head, the eight furry legs skittering around her as Skora made her way out. 

As the sounds of the skittering died down, Emmy let out a shaky breath, falling back to sit on her heels. Her hands stung, and her knees and pant legs were damp with what was likely spidren blood. She knew that they would start to hurt as well all too soon.

But Emmy found that she did not care as much about that as she surveyed the cavern grimly. She had thought of spidrens as monsters. She had fought them, killed them, and doubted them even when they joined the alliance against the rebels. 

Yet, did anyone deserve to have their children killed like this? How much must it hurt to have sixty-three younglings, an entire generation, wiped out before they had a chance to grow? 

Emmy had heard of Rider groups and men of the Own who talked about past raids on spidren nests that had ended up with burnt nests like this. Every time that happened, it had been done as necessary clean up after the adults were killed, and none of those who talked about it did so in triumph. Most of them had found it distasteful, though they’d done their duty anyway.

Emmy was here because of duty, too. As she hugged herself and tried not to shiver at the chill and death around her, she tried to remind herself that she had owed these spidrens duty as well. She might have thought of them as monsters, but they were allies regardless. Allies, and as Emmy recalled the grief and pain in the eyes of the others she had seen, parents and elders too.

Skora was right. This was what the Crown had cost them. 

Yet even knowing this, Emmy knew that she would still ride to Vania’s side if given the choice again. She felt sorry for these sixty-three younglings for having never stood a chance. 

She let her hands fall, and bowed her head, letting the chill engulf her in penance. 

*

A sharp cold at her neck woke Emmy up with a gasp. 

A silver claw was resting on her bare neck, and as Emmy look up she saw the sneering face of Fera, glowing eerily green from the light of the webbing on the roof. “What are _you_ doing here?”

Emmy swallowed. “Skora. She wanted me to stay here for the night.”

Fera hissed, and one other claw reached forward to touch Emmy’s neck from the other side, the sharp cold tip tracing Emmy’s face from neck to temple. “You do not deserve to be here. Even if you do, it is only to have your blood spilled in payment for my dead children and kin.”

Emmy tried to hold still, though she could feel her hands shaking. She had no weapon on her, her hands stung and her lower body was numb from the kneeling. Fera could easily kill her before she had a chance to move.

But she wouldn’t, would she? 

“I am only doing what Skora told me to do.” Emmy said, barely keeping her voice steady.

“She told me not to kill you.” Fera bared her rows of sharp teeth. “So I won’t.”

Before Emmy could react, Fera lunged forward and closed her jaw around Emmy’s left arm. Emmy cried out at the sudden agony, her body jerking helplessly as Fera sucked a few mouthfuls of blood. 

And suddenly Emmy was tossed on her uninjured side, with Fera licking her lips above her. Emmy tried to close her hand around her wound, but one furry leg knocked her good arm aside. Fera shifted to aim her spinneret at Emmy.

Cold webbing closed around Emmy’s left arm, wrapping it tightly like a bandage. It dulled the pain a little. But the dim cave was starting to spin a little, and Emmy struggled to push herself up on one hand. 

“Skora is wise.” Fera said coldly, “But I do not understand why she thought you are worth sixty-three human younglings. You are not even as strong as some of humans we used to feast on.” She retreated a few steps, but she stopped just as she was starting to turn around. “She has plans for you. But make no mistake, once she is done with you, you are _mine_.”

The image of Fera blurred together with the darkness beyond the cavern, and Emmy blinked blearily at it. She had no idea how much time had passed. 

As she slowly pushed herself up, biting her lips at the throbbing on her arm and hands, she wondered how many more spidrens would come and taunt her like Fera did. How many mouthfuls of blood would it take before she was sucked dry?

No. She shook her head. She should not be thinking like this. She had to stay strong, and stay alive. There were people waiting for her to go back; Alanna, Vania, Xander. The Riders of Sea Gale like Miri and Clarissa who had become her friends. Myles and Eleni. Kel. Her year mates.

As Emmy thought about the people she cared about, and those who had come to care for her, she was surprised at what a long list it had become. Before she started her page training, she could have counted those on one hand, and with fingers to spare. 

She straightened up, taking a shuddering breath. She was terrified. But it didn’t matter. She just had to stay alive long enough to go home. 

*

“I see you had visitors.”

Emmy snapped her eyes open. The image of Skora and the cavern around her swayed a little, but settled down after a moment. Emmy straightened up from where she had been sitting on her heels, pushing herself upright with effort. 

Skora regarded her coldly, eyeing the webbing around her left arm. 

“I believe her name was Fera.” Emmy said, and shuddered in cold. She was freezing. She had no idea if it was because it was really that cold, or if it was the damp mud she had been kneeling in the whole night, or the blood loss. 

“Twelve of the eggs were Fera’s.” Skora said, and Emmy looked down, not knowing what to say to that. But Skora did not dwell. “I had your belongings brought here. You may eat.”

Emmy looked up to Skora in surprise. 

Skora raised an eyebrow. “What good would you be to me if you’re too starved to work? I do not care how long you take. But I want this cavern cleaned out before you have your next meal. My children will be watching. They will tell you where to bring the bodies once you are outside.”

And with that, the spidren queen turned around and left. Emmy’s eyes followed her out, until she saw her bag and sword by the cavern entrance. 

In her excitement and relief, she tried stupidly to stand straight away. Her palms slammed into the damp mud and black blood again as her numb legs dragged her down. She cursed, her hands stinging again at the fresh contact. She rubbed her hands quickly against her pants, and tried to massage some feelings back into her legs. 

It was awkward, and it took much longer than she would have liked, but eventually she managed to plant one leg down and push herself up. She wobbled for a moment, and the cavern swayed around her. When her surroundings finally settled, she took one painful step, and then the other, slowing limping towards the entrance. 

She sighed in relief when she finally reached her bag, and she half fell into the mud again — no black blood this time — as she crouched over it. She fished out the waterskin and drank greedily, downing half the contents at one go. With the food, she went slower, not quite feeling her appetite. She was relieved that she could no longer smell the bodies, but the sight of them were still chilling. But she forced a large chunk of bread and some cheese down her throat anyway, remembering what Skora said about her next meal.

After she was done, she took a few moments to stretch her stiff limbs. She dug through her bag, and almost cried in relief when she found a pair of gloves. Before she pulled them on, she found the small bag of ointments and bandages, and quickly treated and wrapped her hands before pulling on her gloves, silently thanking Alanna and the Riders for their foresight. Her legs could probably use some care, but they didn’t hurt as much, and Emmy wanted to be careful about how fast she used her precious medical supplies.

Then she got to work.

The spidren younglings near the entrance were barely a foot tall. If she grabbed one by one leg, she could carry two at one go without much trouble. However, carrying them like that, like hunted game, did not sit quite right with Emmy. So, she carried one respectfully with both arms instead, and ventured out of the tunnel. 

Mid-way through the tunnel, two spidrens skittered by, hissing at her. Emmy stopped in fear, wanting to keep them in her sight. But they left her alone well enough, and Emmy started forward again when she felt sure that they were not going to attack her from behind. 

The daylight at the cave entrance was startling. Emmy paused there, blinking for a few moments. It was close to mid-morning. 

A male with braids in his hair and beard approached Emmy. His face was grim, but held no hatred or contempt for Emmy, which was refreshing. 

“The site is that way. About thirty paces for you.” He said, pointing towards Emmy’s left. “Leave them next to their parents and kin.”

Emmy nodded. “Understood.”

Emmy walked over as directed, feeling eyes on her behind every tree. She was probably starting to get paranoid. 

When the clearing came into view, Emmy slowed down. The smell of burnt flesh was heavy again, and Emmy found a pile what looked to be twenty to thirty bodies. This was not the first time that she had seen piles of dead spidrens. But back then, they had been the enemies. It was the first time Emmy felt something like sadness for them as she carefully laid the spidren youngling next to the pile. 

So back and forth she went, carrying the bodies of the foot-tall spidrens one by one and creating a pile of her own. 

After what felt like about twenty bodies, she was panting on her way back, and she laid one hand on a tree as she rested. Her left arm throbbed where Fera bit her. Her knees were aching after the abuse she put them through the past two nights, and her skin stung when her dried pants chafe against skin burnt by spidren blood.

Without warning, something hard hit her back, and she went sprawling on the ground. 

“Did we say you could rest?” A male voice sneered from behind her. Emmy pushed herself up and turned. It was the one that stood next to Fera the day before. “Get going, human!”

Emmy trotted away. She dared not rest after that. 

She did, however, take a moment in the cavern when it was time to start with the broken eggs. The shells were fragile enough that Emmy accidentally snapped an edge off when she tried to carry one. It was covered in a grey slime that made the whole thing slippery. And the whole thing smelled foul, and Emmy wondered if it would be seen as disrespectful if she covered her nose with a cloth. She decided she couldn’t risk it. 

She crouched down and wrapped her arms around the bottom of the shell, gently carrying the large egg. It was heavier than a youngling, likely because of the slime and liquid inside. She walked more slowly this time. 

When she reached the entrance, she saw at least four spidrens stopping to stare at her. She ignored them as much as she could, and slowly made her way to the pile of bodies, and setting it down just as gently next to them. 

This made carrying the broken eggs much more tiring. Her left arm ached by the third egg, and it started shaking by the seventh. 

She dropped the eighth egg she was carrying, about ten paces away from the pile of bodies. 

The shell was shattered entirely as it hit the ground, and the slime splashed everywhere, leaving a small black spidren, with legs curled tightly around itself, lying in the open. The human head was smaller than a fist, but it was recognisable nevertheless. 

“How dare you!” 

Emmy was still staring at the ground dumbly when something hooked onto her tunic and sent her flying. Her left arm and leg hit the trunk of a tree painfully, and she yelped as she hit the ground. 

Fera was suddenly on top of her again, and two of her silver claws landed on either side of Emmy’s head. “How dare you show such disrespect!”

“I’m sorry!” Emmy croaked, both in fear and in apology. “I didn’t mean it!”

“Liar!”

The claw on Emmy’s left drew back, and Emmy flinched and looked away as it flicked downwards. 

A metallic clang rang just above her head. 

When Emmy turned back, another silver claw was blocking Fera’s. 

“The human was being honest.” It was the bearded spidren who had shown Emmy the way earlier, his face indifferent. “She had been working all morning. She is injured and tired.”

“Why do you care about her?” Fera snapped, baring her teeth at him.

“Skora has plans for her.” He said, and leaned forward almost threateningly, “Did you forget that she asked us not to kill the human?”

“That is the only reason she is still alive!” Fera turned back to Emmy, seething. “If you drop another egg again, I will make you pay until you beg me to kill you.”

With that, Fera pulled her claws back and walked away. Emmy let out a shuddering breath, blinking quickly at the sky so her tears would not fall. She was terrified, in pain, and exhausted. And she still had half a cavern full of eggs to carry. 

“You should take a break. Eat something.” The bearded spidren told her flatly. 

Suddenly reminded that she was not alone, Emmy turned to her right and pushed herself up to a sitting position. “Skora said I couldn’t eat until I cleaned out the cavern.”

“Then drink something.” He said, already turning away. “You will only drop more eggs if you do not take a break. Our younglings deserve better.”

Emmy watched him walk away, wondering if she had met another spidren that was this kind to her. But her gaze was drawn again to the curled up black thing in the middle of the path, still covered in grey slime. 

Suddenly, it was too much. 

Emmy scrambled to her knees, and crawled quickly past the trees. She threw up her breakfast, and kept retching until nothing else came up. She stayed crouched over her own sick, panting and letting a few tears slip. 

Then she pulled her tunic up to wipe her face — her sleeves were drenched in slime — and pushed herself to her feet. 

Strangely, she felt more settled than before, and she went back out to pick up the spidren carefully. After she laid it next to an egg by the pile, she came back for the shells, picking up the pieces as carefully as she could. 

Then she went back to the cavern for more. She walked very carefully and slowly, and she paused for a quick break whenever she felt her injured arm shaking. 

It was sunset by the time she set the last egg down by the pile. The spidrens had slowly gathered to watch during her last few trips, and now it felt like all of those left in the coven were here. There were about thirty adult spidrens gathered in a loose circle around the pile of bodies, with Skora towering them all on one side. 

“Step aside, human.” Skora said, and it was almost gentle. 

Emmy nodded, and retreated a few steps behind the circle, but not far enough to be out of their sight. 

“My children,” Skora began, taking a few steps towards the pile of bodies. In the fading light, Emmy could see something like tear tracks shining on the immortal’s face, but Skora’s voice remained strong and steady. “You were brave, and you fought well.” 

Skora moved forward to caress one of the broken eggs with a silver claw. “And you, you were robbed of the chance to see this realm. But you will find the Black God’s realm peaceful, and you will have your parents and kin to guide you. Do not be afraid.”

Skora took a few steps back. “I swear on the names of our ancestors, we will avenge you!”

At once, the spidrens howled and growled, stomping their feet in agreement.

“Kill the human!” Fera yelled above the din, three silver claws pointing at Emmy. 

“Silence!” Skora snapped, and the crowd stilled. Skora skittered in front of Fera, towering over her. “Did that human kill your children?”

Fera quivered, but still she was defiant. “She might as well have! If not for her king —”

“You’re a fool!” Skora hissed, and Fera staggered a few steps back. Skora turned back to address the circle once more. “Who else thinks it’s wise to declare war on a king with the Dominion Jewel and the Wildmage by his side?”

None of the spidren made a sound. 

“While the king is not without blame, it was mages led by the one called Silversmith who killed our kin!”

Emmy straightened in surprise. They had all known that the rebel mages staged the attack, but they had not known who, specifically, it had been. 

“That cursed mage has broken the spells that had protected our kind for centuries, and other immortals talk about a collar he could put on us to command us like slaves!”

Skora paused, scanning the faces of her coven. 

“Why didn’t he?” It was the bearded spidren from earlier who asked. His face was grim. “If he could really do that, why didn’t he do it? Why attack us, and leave us grieving over our dead younglings?”

Skora’s smile was crooked. “Good to see you are still using that head of yours, Gron. Yes, why didn’t he?” Skora turned around again, scanning the faces again, “What have we done since the tragedy?”

Gron’s eyes found Emmy’s. “We threatened to pull out of the alliance, and threatened to urge the centaurs and the ogres to do the same.”

The others turned to look at Emmy as well, and she felt her heartbeat quicken. 

“Yes, yes.” Skora said slowly, as if letting the facts sink in. “I know you are all grieving, my children. As am I. But taking vengeance on the king and his army would be falling right into the trap Silversmith has set. We’d be his pawns even without his collars on us! And I will _not_ play his game!”

This time, the spidrens howled and growled in agreement. 

“The king has wronged us, but not as much as Silversmith. And now, we have the winter to grieve and prepare so that we can fight back!” Skora walked around the circle, towering over every spidren. “Silversmith’s ability to see through our spells is the key to his advantage over us. I am going to spend this winter in the cavern studying how he did it, and how to counter it.”

Skora lifted one leg, pointing one silver claw at Emmy. “I told you not to kill the human, and that is not without reason. She will help me break the spell.”


	19. Experiments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay... life happened, work had been unexpectedly intense.

“Vania?”

Vania felt odd. She felt detached, like she was someone else watching her mother, Kel, and Alanna looking at her worriedly. She felt her mouth open, but she couldn’t quite control it. 

“Vania,” Alanna said again, taking both of Vania’s hands with her own, “Say something.”

It was like the pair of warm, callused hands she had known her whole life pulled her back to reality. She yanked her hands away like it burned.

_“You let her go?”_

Alanna flinched. Thayet took a step forward, her face stern. “Vania, I know you’re close to Emmy, but this is no way to talk to your Aunt Alanna.”

Vania ignored her mother. “How could you? She’s going to get killed! Spidrens are vicious! Everyone knows that! How could you leave her with — with a coven full of them!”

“Vania —”

Vania shrugged her mother’s arms away, tears spilling onto her cheeks. “You’re her knight mistress! You’re supposed to protect her!”

Vania sobbed. She felt like she couldn’t breathe. She and Emmy had made plans to catch up once they were both in Corus. They had wanted to make up for lost time. And yet, Emmy would be all by herself, living among _spidrens_ , among monsters who had almost killed her. Spidrens who blamed the Crown for letting them down, and who had not guaranteed Emmy’s safety. Even so, Emmy had offered herself up like some sort of sacrifice, as if she didn’t matter. 

_There is always a line, Emmy_. Her own words felt like a slap to the face. She hated herself for saying it, for believing that her father and the people she loved and respected would not cross that line. 

But it was too late now. Emmy was gone, and Vania did not know if she would ever see her again, or if she would be in one piece when the spidrens finally release her. Spidren victims were always missing a limb or two. What if Emmy…?

Vania felt the ground disappear beneath her, and she sobbed as she fell into someone’s steady arms. Someone was muttering reassurances in her ears, and someone was rubbing circles on her back. 

But none of it matter. All Vania could feel was the gaping hole in her heart, one that she knew would never be closed until Emmy was safely back in her arms. 

*

“Wake up.”

Emmy’s eyes snapped open. Seeing Skora looming over her, Emmy scrambled out of her bedroll and onto her feet. She blinked at the cavern around her. It felt much bigger now without the egg shells and the bodies. 

“Go eat. Clean up.” Skora said, turning around to survey the empty cavern. “Do whatever it is to get ready. I want to start work today.”

“Yes, Skora.” Emmy muttered. Her hands and left side ached from the day before, but she felt surprisingly rested. She could not tell what time it was in this cavern lit by green webbing, but she must had slept a long time to feel this rested. 

When Emmy stepped out into daylight she blinked in surprise. It was afternoon. Skora had let her sleep in for more than half a day. Why? 

She stopped herself from wondering for too long, and trotted to the stream that she had seen the day before. There were two spidrens upstream and Emmy halted. The spidrens, one male and one female, gazed steadily at her before finally nodding. Emmy sighed in relief, and nodded back. 

She cleaned herself up, sighing silently at the wet bandages around her hand before taking them off. Her half-healed burns stung in the cold water, but they quickly became numb, and Emmy was glad she could clean up somewhat. She had barely changed out of her slime-drenched clothes last night before she collapsed onto her bedroll in the cavern. It was a relief to get clean, even though a bath would be much better. 

She shook her head at her daydreams about baths, and trotted back into the cave. She attacked another piece of bread and cheese with gusto, though she reminded herself that she needed to plan about food soon. She had some dried noodles and oats and jerky, but they would not last a full month, let alone winter. 

Skora skittered back into the cavern just as Emmy was about to finish her breakfast, and Emmy stuffed the last of her bread into her mouth quickly. 

“Have you ever worked with mages, child?” Skora’s question was cold, but it was without contempt or hatred. 

“My knight mistress, the King’s Champion, is a mage.” Emmy said, standing with her hands behind her back. 

“But you study knight craft from her, don’t you? I do not smell the Gift on you.” 

Emmy nodded, wondering where this was going. “Yes, I do not have the Gift. My lady taught me some basics about mages so that I might have a chance if I stand against them.”

Skora snorted. “And what chance is that, child? A mage could kill you before you can blink!”

Emmy stuck her chin out. “Different magic have different tells. Some need a trigger, some need an object to channel the spell. Objects like glass or jewels have different effects. And mages get tired, if I learn the signs or how much of a toll a spell has on a mage, I can attack at the right time.”

Skora was quiet for a moment, her gaze steady and unfathomable. “Very well. You seem to have theoretical grasp on some magical concepts. That is… good. That is better than I’d hoped for.”

The spidren crawled towards the left side of the cavern, looking up at the green webbing. She pointed her own spinneret up, and shot a new cluster of webbing in the middle. Unlike the other webbing that glowed green, Skora’s web glowed a light blue, so bright that it was almost like daylight right underneath the webbing. 

Emmy watched in awe, wondering if anyone knew that spidrens could do this. She had learned about spidrens and their abilities from classes and from the Wildmage, and none had mentioned this. 

Noises behind her made her turn around, and she ducked to the side quickly as some spidrens filtered in, carrying short and thick logs that they stacked in two neat piles almost right below the blue webbing. Once deposited, they shot some webbing all over it, securing the pile of logs in their position. Another two spidrens followed with a large slab of wood, and they set it on top of the two piles of rocks, making a rough table of sorts, again sealing them with webbing.

“Come here, child.”

More spidrens had come in, carrying various other tools. Emmy had to peel her eyes away to trot towards Skora, who waited near the back of the cave, at the spot where she used to sit watching over her younglings.

“Why do you think you are here?” Skora asked casually, though her eyes were intent on Emmy. 

Emmy took a moment before she answered. “I am here to pay the price for the Crown’s failure in helping your coven. I was not sure how I might do so. Last night, you said I will help you break the rebel mages’ spell. But I am still not sure how I can help. I don’t have the Gift. But I will do what you ask.”

Skora sneered. “You say that as if you have a choice.”

Emmy ducked her head. Skora had a point. 

“You will help because there are some things that you will do better than any of my children.” Skora continued, and she pointed. Emmy followed her direction and saw fresh parchments and writing materials on the newly built desk. “Like taking notes, for example. I want to move fast and figure out a counter spell over winter, but if I don’t do this in a smart way I will not succeed. I need you to help me with tasks like this, do you understand?”

Emmy nodded, her picture of how her winter might go suddenly turned on its head. She had thought she would be doing menial labour much like the first day, and be at the beck and call of spidrens just for sport. But it seemed like Skora wanted her to do things only humans can do well. 

Something else dawned on her, too. “Did you want a noble because you know nobles can read and write?”

Skora chuckled, though it sounded tired. “Good, you can think. Yes, I wanted someone who could read and write, and someone who would not wet themselves when they are surrounded by monsters.”

Emmy ducked her head again, knowing that she had often called spidrens monsters herself. She wasn’t that sure about that part now, having witnessed a mass funeral for their dead, young or otherwise. Monsters would not have conducted a ritual like that, would they? 

Skora sighed. “There was a time when more of my kind devote their time to mage craft and scholarship. We had our own writing in code, and stone labyrinths the size of castles, carved full of hard earned knowledge. Those were the first things I looked for when we crossed back here from the Divine Realms after four hundred years.” 

Skora’s voice had gotten quieter, her eyes distant and downcast. Emmy could guess what she had found — or had not found. 

But Skora did not dwell. She turned her gaze back to Emmy again. “Your status as Squire to the King’s Champion helped, make no mistake. What I told your knight mistress about making an example holds true.” Skora continued, “But you would be much more useful to me than sixty-three commoner younglings who are illiterate or would wet themselves. 

“You will be my assistant over this winter. I swore on the names of my ancestors that I will avenge my dead children, and I will. I will break Silversmith’s spell!”

Emmy nodded, eagerly. She had thought that she would be just a bargaining chip, a pawn that would play into someone else’s plans. But she actually had a chance to help bring Silversmith down! 

“I will do my best, Skora. Just tell me what to do.”

*

“Vania,” Her mother’s voice was stern, though there was still an undercurrent of worry. “You can’t keep doing this. Get up.”

Vania buried her face in her pillow, wiping away fresh tears. She thought she would have cried herself dry by now. It had been a full day since she had found out what Emmy had done. She did not remember how that conversation with her mother, Kel and Alanna had ended, because at some point she had woken up on her bed. 

She had left her bed only once ever since, to visit the latrine. But otherwise she hid her face under the pillows, trying to cope with the constant ache in her heart. She had hardly slept, because her dreams were all about Emmy dying, or losing her limbs, or any number of other horrible things that could happen to her while Vania was here, safe and warm in the palace. 

“You have to eat, Vania.” Her mother’s tone was pleading, and she shook Vania’s shoulder gently. “Emmy wouldn’t want to see you like this.”

Vania turned and sat up angrily. “Don’t talk about her like this. Don’t use her to make me do things. Hasn’t she done enough already for _the Crown?_ ” She spat, contempt dripping into her last two words.

Her mother looked taken aback by her anger. But her face softened a moment later. “You are right. She has done many things for us. She saved your life, twice.” Her mother reached out and cupped Vania’s cheeks gently. 

It was as if the soft touch reminded Vania that her mother did not order Emmy to sacrifice herself. Vania shut her eyes, feeling a few tears fall down her cheeks. “I’m sorry.” She croaked. “It’s just… I’m scared.”

Her mother pulled her an embrace without a word, and Vania hugged back, letting a few sobs out. 

“You love her, don’t you?” Her mother asked softly. “You are more than just friends?”

At another time, Vania might have been surprised. She might have panicked. But now, she could only nod. 

“Oh, Vania. I wish you’d told me earlier. You must have fretted yourself silly when you realised you like women, haven’t you?” 

Vania nodded, sniffling. Her mother’s arms only tightened around her, and Vania felt her kissing the top of her head. 

“I will always love you, my little girl.” Her mother whispered, “Always. No matter who you turn out to be. Never doubt that.”

Vania nodded again, fresh tears spilling on her cheeks. Somewhere deep inside, a weight lifted. But Vania could scarcely register it, torn with worry as she was over Emmy.

“I know you’re worried about Emmy. Alanna is, too. Did you know that she’d almost quit as King’s Champion because she didn’t want to hand Emmy over?” 

Vania stiffened at the news. 

“You didn’t let anyone finish the story once you hear what Emmy did.” Her mother said, her tone mildly chiding, “Emmy was the one who insisted on going. She knelt in the open all night to beg Alanna to change her mind.”

Vania shut her eyes, tightening her arms around her mother. “That _dolt_.”

Her mother chuckled. “She is turning out to be just as stubborn as Alanna. Alanna didn’t find that funny when I told her, mind.”

Despite everything, Vania chuckled wetly.

“There, now. The Riders will patrol the perimeter as often as they can, and Daine had trained all the animals nearby to watch out for Emmy. Some eagles and owls will fly by every day to check on her. We are not giving up on her, Vania. We know how dangerous it is, and we know what she is doing for the realm. We will keep her safe as much as possible, you have to trust us.”

Vania could only nod, the ache in her heart subsiding just a little, now that she knew Emmy had people watching out for her still. 

But her mind wandered back to what her mother said earlier. “You said… you said Aunt Alanna almost quit as Champion because she didn’t want to hand Emmy over. Was… was father telling her to?”

Her mother sighed. “I talked to him about this. Alanna had told him that Emmy wanted to go. He wanted Alanna to let her.”

“Does it make a difference?” Vania asked bitterly. She pulled back, wiping her eyes. “He wanted to hand Emmy over. He would have sacrificed her.”

Her mother closed one hand over Vania’s. “It’s not that simple, dear. He has the rebellion to think about.”

“A rebellion based on talks that Tortall is losing its way!” Vania countered, looking away. “If we have stooped to offering human sacrifices, are we not losing our way?”

“Vania —”

“I told Emmy right before she left,” Vania continued, her voice broken, “She thinks that there is no price that the Crown wouldn’t pay for peace. But I told her that there are lines we will not cross. I told her that _there are lines_.” She wiped her eyes again. “But I was wrong. I’m an idiot.”

Her mother squeezed her hand. “You are not wrong. But these lines are drawn in sand, my child. Things have to be weighed against other decisions, other lines that we don’t want to cross. Breaking the Crown’s promise in the alliance is one. Failing to protect our people, which a prolonged rebellion would lead to, is another one. 

“You father did not have an easy choice to make, dear. Emmy offering to go had only tipped the scales.”

Vania turned to one side, keeping her gaze stubbornly on the window. She breathed deeply, mustering her courage for the words she had not dared say out loud before this. 

“I hate him sometimes.” She finally whispered, feeling her vision blur with the truth in those words. Once, she had thought that her father could do no wrong. 

“I hate the king sometimes.”

Her mother reached out to stroke Vania’s hair tenderly. Her eyes were shining too. “Many of us do. Sometimes I think even he does. I told him to stay away from you for a few days.”

Vania turned to her mother in surprise, her heart clenching in dread. “Does he know about…?”

Her mother shook her head, and Vania almost sagged in relief. “He knows the two of you are best friends. He knows you have a strong sense of right and wrong. That is enough.”

Vania nodded, and managed a small, sheepish smile. “Thank you.”

Her mother leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead. “You will have to tell him soon, before he starts planning your marriage. He loves you like I do, Vania. He will come around.”

Vania nodded a little. Logically, she understood what her mother said. It made sense. But right now she could only imagine the argument her father and Alanna must had, and how her father urged Alanna to let Emmy sacrifice herself. 

She wanted to cling on to the hope that her mother offered, but right now she felt only cold. 

*

The earthen pot exploded, spilling black blood everywhere. Emmy hissed when she felt some splashed on her forearm, though she was glad that she shielded her face just in time. 

Skora growled in frustration, and flicked the remains of the pot against the cave wall, where it smashed further into smaller pieces. “Cross out the idea! And clean this mess!”

Emmy nodded, hurrying to grab the rag that had once been her tunic. She bit back a remark how it _clearly_ did not work. 

It had been two weeks since Skora started her study of spells in hopes of coming up with a counter spell to Silversmith’s magic. Every single day was filled with experiments that did not succeed. Emmy was kept busy with fetching things, note-taking, and cleaning up. When Emmy found out that she would be playing assistant, she had breathed a sigh of relief, thinking that it would not be too bad. 

She was wrong. Skora was the most knowledgable spidren Emmy had ever known, but the immortal did not plan things in a human scale. Emmy had lost count of the number of times that she had been accidentally burned, cut, or thrown about; by burning pots, stray limbs or small explosions. She was full of small scrapes, and she had learned to be very cautious of the instructions Skora gave her, knowing that Skora did not care for humans’ reactions to things. Skora did patch her up occasionally, and Emmy had come to learn that spidren webbing were very useful in disinfecting wounds, even if it did not help in actual healing.

She kept an eye on Skora as the immortal skittered up and down the cavern — sometimes literally climbing onto the roof of the cave before coming back down from the other side. It was the equivalent of pacing in spidren terms, and it was still unnerving to watch, two weeks later. 

“Notes, human!” Skora snapped suddenly.

Emmy dropped the rag and ran to the desk, picking up a quill and quickly dipping it in ink.

“Enhancing a scrying mirror with a carnelian stone did not have the intended effect,” Skora began dictating, and Emmy tried to keep up as fast as she could with a shorthand she had developed in the past two weeks, “While carnelian stones have cleansing effects, especially for the blood, combining the effects with a scrying mirror does not break the usual spidren spells. Rather, the instability caused by the combined powers of the two artefacts is too high to be controlled.”

Skora stopped, and Emmy took a quick breather, thinking back on those words as Skora started thinking about something else. Emmy had learned lot from taking notes. The importance of spidren blood to their magic, for example, was something that Emmy did not think any humans had known. Spidren blood was special, not just in the fact that it was black and burn like acid, it was the key to their special magic around illusions and shields that made them so hard to track. 

But Silversmith had found a way to break those spells. Skora had been trying to figure out how, to no avail.

“You can finish the notes, human.” Skora said after a long silence. She knew how Emmy rewrote the notes afterwards to decode her shorthand and make it legible. “I will be back in a bell or two.”

“Yes, Skora.” Emmy said, “We need more parchments and ink as well.”

Skora spared a casual glance to the desk, now filled with neat stacks of notes and other writing materials. “Already?”

Emmy nodded. “At the rate of the experiments, we’re going to run out in two days if we don’t get new supplies.”

“I’ll ask Gron to fetch some.” Skora said. ‘Fetching’, as Emmy had come to know, basically meant ‘stealing’ from a town nearby. Without Silversmith’s interference, spidrens can hide themselves from humans very well. Their only tell was animals that flee or went crazy with fear. 

Skora was halfway through the cave entrance when she turned back around. “Do you need anything else? Any of those foods you humans eat? Once the snow sets in properly, it will be hard for them to fetch anything.”

“Ye —yes,” Emmy stuttered, surprised that Skora had asked, “More dried food for the winter would be great. And — and also, some bandages and ointments would help.” She finished, lowering her head in embarrassment. “I used up the ones I brought.”

Skora surveyed her critically, as if noticing the scrapes on her hands and legs for the first time. “Very well. You’ve been more hardy than most humans I know. But I wouldn’t want you to break before we’re done!”

Skora laughed a little as she left the cave, though Emmy didn’t find it quite that funny.

*

The days passed in a blur, filled with experiments and note-taking. Sometimes, Emmy would be fascinated by the breadth and depth of Skora’s knowledge of spells. But sometimes, she would be rudely reminded of the fact that Skora was an immortal, and that she cared about things differently than mortals do. 

One morning, Emmy was shivering as she walked the tunnel towards the outside with a pail. She pulled her only cloak tighter around herself, dreaming of hot baths and the palace’s well heated rooms. She almost slipped near the entrance, and as she straightened, she was greeted with about a foot of snow outside the cave. 

Emmy blinked at the white expanse, at the snow gathered at the tips of the tree branches. 

Had it started snowing in Corus? What had Vania and Alanna been up to? Were her year mates all back at the palace for midwinter? 

Emmy stepped outside slowly, looking upwards at the light blue sky. It was quiet. 

Had the eagles and the owls been relaying news about Emmy? Had Vania calm down and stop worrying about her? 

Emmy took a deep breath, and shook her head. It was no use getting sentimental like this. It would only get her miserable through the rest of the day. She had work to do, and she would do it. The sooner she finished her work, she sooner she could go back. She had to believe that, no matter how distant the prospect of home felt right now. 

The stream near the cave was thankfully not frozen, and Emmy eagerly hauled a pail of water to bring back to the cave to be heated up. Skora had allowed Emmy to keep a fire near one corner of the cavern after seeing Emmy shiver for a few days. The spidren queen had even dug away some of the webbing on the roof above that corner to reveal a natural hole where the smoke could go through. It made Emmy wonder how many holes there originally were, and if the webbing served more functions than providing lighting.

As Emmy walked back, she noticed some spruce trees near the river bank, the only trees that were still green at this time of the year due to their needle-like leaves. These trees had been unremarkable previously, but as the weather got colder, they had proven to be hardier and stronger than their leafier cousins. Emmy found that she liked them. Sometimes, strength lay in subtlety. 

…which was not the case for Skora. When Emmy reached the cavern, Skora was growling in frustration, and she had thrown Emmy’s latest stack of notes against the wall, scattering parchments everywhere. 

“Useless!” Skora scowled, pacing across the cavern, “All the gem stones and combinations were useless! Silversmith did not have a very strong Gift, he had to be augmenting his spells with something!” She climbed up the eastern wall and kept muttering as she walked across the roof, “What else… what else…”

Quietly, Emmy went to pick up the scattered notes. Her mind was still back in the snow-covered clearing, at the startling green of the spruce trees amid snow covered branches. 

“What about plants?” Emmy suddenly said, “And herbs?”

Skora paused, hanging upside down from the other corner of the cavern. “What about them?”

Emmy swallowed, hoping that she had not stepped too far. “Humans use them all the time. I’m not sure about the Gift, but plants and herbs are used for healing, for countering poison.”

Skora shot some webbing at the roof, lowering herself directly from the roof instead of climbing back down through the side wall. She skittered over to Emmy, her weathered face leaning closer, her eyes skeptical. 

“What do you know about herbs and poison?”

“I spent two summers with the Bazhir. They are known for their expertise in herbs and poison. When I was there, I learned from the herbswoman of the Sandrunners tribe. I helped her with chores, she told them about them.”

Skora raised an eyebrow. “Has this herbswoman countered poisons from spidrens?”

Emmy bit her lip. “Not that I know of. But humans have a special type of powder we use for… for victims of spidren attacks. The powder dissolves the webbing. They were made by the Bazhir.”

Skora drew back. “And where can I find these herbs at this time of the year?”

“Healers usually keep some stock of the basics, and there are herb merchants who supply them.” Emmy said with a sudden dread about how Skora plan to get the ingredients.

“Very well.” Skora said, her eyes glinting with excitement. “I will ask Gron to fetch some. You will help me test them.”

“Skora, please!” Emmy trotted a few steps to catch up as Skora turned to leave, “Please don’t hurt anyone!”

Skora ignored her.

*

“Vania, it’s your turn.”

“Vania!”

Vania snapped back to the present. She straightened up, blinking at the chessboard. All the pieces and positions looked new to her. 

She looked up to see Kel’s eyes, filled with kindness and understanding. She turned around, and saw Shinko and Yuki looking away, pretending to tend to their respective infants. Roald and Neal nursed their mulled wine, as if their conversation had come to a natural lull. 

Vania sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Kel said quietly, “You’re worried about her.”

“It’s been over a month,” Vania almost whispered, though she knew everyone in the room were listening, “I just — I wonder how she’s doing. Have we packed enough clothes for her? Is she warm?”

“Alanna wouldn’t have let her go unprepared.” Neal spoke up, “And you’ve heard from Daine. Her birdies see her every day, fetching water and things. She’s not hurt.”

“That’s the least I could have hoped for! I just wished —” Vania shut her eyes, taking a few deep breaths. “I’m sorry. I know she chose to do this. I know we’re doing what we can. I just — I still worry.”

“It is normal to worry, Vania.” Shinko said, gently patting the back of a sleeping Lianny, “Just remember that we have your back, and we have Emmy’s back, too.”

Someone knocked on the door. Neal, being closest to it, got up to get it. 

“Alanna, you’re back!” Neal exchanged a quick hug with his former knight mistress before letting Alanna slip in, followed by George. Both of them still had cloaks on their backs, and there were still specks of snow on them.

Vania scrambled out of her armchair and over to take Alanna’s gloved hands. “Aunt Alanna! Do you have news?”

Alanna had been riding out to the town closest to the coven every few days, despite how much she hated the snow.

Her god mother gave her a small smile, squeezing her hands. “Yes, some interesting ones.” 

“Let’s get you out of the wet things first.” Kel said, offering to take Alanna’s cloak for her. Neal did the same for George. 

As if sensing that a more serious conversation was about to happen, Shinko and Yuki picked up their sleeping infants and handed them to the waiting nannies, sending them to the nursery adjacent to the room.

Once everyone had finally settled down, Vania fidgeted impatiently on the couch next to Alanna as she took a few sips of mulled wine.

“Let my lass warm up, will ye?” George said with a twinkle in his eyes, making Vania blush. “I’ll take pity on you. It’s not direct news, mind, but we have an idea of what the spidrens might be doing. When we were in the town, I asked around. A few merchants’ homes had been broken into over the last month, but the only things stolen were writing materials and food.”

“Writing materials?” Roald asked, eyebrows raised. 

“Yes,” Alanna said, “inks, parchments, and quills, the likes. Just last week, the local healer’s stock of herbs were raided.”

“Cleaned out, more like.” George took a sip from his own mulled wine, “Said that almost everything was wiped clean.”

“Just the herbs?” Neal asked, leaning forward in his armchair. “Spidrens don’t use herbs.”

Alanna smirked a little. “No. But Emmy does. At least, she knows how too.”

“Her time with the Bazhir.” Vania muttered, clenching her fists, her heart beating fast. “Do you think she’s hurt?”

Alanna closed her hand over Vania’s and give it a reassuring squeeze. “If the stolen herbs were the only things that went missing, I might think so. But the writing materials were missing from the healer’s as well.”

“Why would the spidrens need writing materials?” Roald wondered out loud, “Emmy is the only one — she is the only one who can manage a quill.” He finished slowly, his eyes widening a little in realisation. 

Vania frowned. “What do you mean? The spidrens are making Emmy write things? Like what?”

Alanna sighed. “Right now I don’t care. If Skora had Emmy play scribe, that’s better than anything else we could have hoped for.”

Vania sighed, feeling some tension slip away. “You’re right. Writing should be safer than… than anything. Why would they steal herbs though?”

To everyone’s surprise, Yuki chuckled. When the others turned to her, she smirked. “Neal, what did you do after you settled down for the winter?”

“You stole any herbs lately, Queenscove?” George asked with a raised eyebrow.

“No,” Neal said quickly, though there was a hint of pink in his cheeks. “I simply replenished my stock of herbs and writing supplies, so that I could experiment with ideas I had while on the road!” 

“Experiment,” Kel said, nodding, “If the spidrens had needed the herbs to do something in particular, they wouldn’t have needed to clean out the whole stock. They did it because they didn’t know what they need.”

“And one needs to take copious of notes when experimenting.” Shinko finished, nodding as well in understanding. 

Vania blinked. “Experiment? With herbs? For what?”

Everyone looked at each other. 

After a moment, it was Kel who spoke. “We don’t know, Vania. But knowing this is better than knowing nothing at all.”

Alanna nodded with a grim smile. “And Emmy knows her way around herbs.”

Vania wanted to believe Alanna, she did. But she couldn’t shake a sense of unease. Emmy was no mage or healer, what kind of experiments was she involved in? What had she gotten herself into? 

*

On the first morning of Midwinter, Emmy woke up to screams. 

She scrambled off her bedroll, quickly pulling on her cloak and tying the knots roughly. She blinked, not quite believing what she was seeing. 

It was another human. The first that Emmy had seen in close to two months.

The middle-aged woman was bundled up in spidren webbing, and was screaming her head off. The webbing was tied to Fera, who had dragged her in. From the woman’s damp brown hair and the glistening on her chin, it seemed like there had been webbing around her head and it had just been sliced off. 

“The healer is here as you ordered, Skora.” Fera said smugly, licking her lips a little. Emmy had a feeling that the spidren had a quick snack on the way here. 

“Leave her beside the desk.” Skora said from her usual spot at the back of the cavern, where she had been napping, “And the herbs?”

Fera tossed a sack to the ground, and dragged the woman to the left side of the table. Skora nodded a dismissal, and Fera left without another word. 

Emmy trotted over to the woman and crouched down, placing both hands on her shoulders. 

“Help! Help me!” The woman begged, falling into Emmy’s arms and sobbing. “Please!”

“Skora,” Emmy called out, raising her voice above the woman’s pleading, “What is this? I thought you asked Fera to fetch more supplies!”

“I did.” Skora said, rising slowly onto her eight feet, “I also asked for someone to test our potion on.”

Emmy’s mouth fell in surprise, her heart twisting in guilt. 

After three weeks of working on plants and herbs, using Emmy’s knowledge of the ingredients and Skora’s understanding of spidren magic and poison, they finally had a breakthrough. The working theory was that spidren blood held the key to spidren magic, and Silversmith did not break the spells by force, but rather had taken a piece of it and made it his own. Skora had thought that the only way to do it was to ingest spidren blood itself, something that was usually fatal for humans. 

But what if ingesting spidren blood didn’t kill Silversmith? What if he had found a way to make drinking the blood harmless to him? He could then weave spidren magic into his own spells, and even traces of it was enough for him to see through spidrens’ illusions and shields, giving him the advantage that no humans in centuries had attained. 

It took Skora and Emmy weeks, but they had finally come up with a combination that turned some black spidren blood blue, something that Skora had never seen before. Skora said the magic was still in the blood, but it felt purer, gentler. The immortal had turned thoughtful, and allowed Emmy to turn in for the night. Emmy had been genuinely pleased for the first time since she came to the coven, feeling that she had done good work. 

Until she woke up to this. 

“Skora, you can’t.” Emmy said stiffly. The woman had quietened down, crying silently and shaking in Emmy’s arms. “You can’t test it on her. What if it doesn’t work? It could kill her!”

“What do you propose we do next, human?” Skora raised an eyebrow. “Did you think I was just going to take that little test on good faith, and bet the safety of my entire coven on it?”

“No, but…” Emmy looked down. She was an idiot. Why had she not thought of this earlier? And now, this woman might die because Emmy had led Skora down this path…

“Fetch me the rest of the potion from yesterday.” Skora continued matter-of-factly, “I want to test this quickly. Once we know this is how Silversmith does it, I can move on to counter spells.”

Emmy held the shaking woman, her mind whirring. Was there any way to save the woman? 

Skora paused, her eyes narrowed. “Do I need to repeat myself, human?”

“No.” Emmy said quietly. She pushed the woman away, leaning her gently against the side of the desk. The older woman shut her eyes and let her tears fall, shaking like a leaf.

Emmy got up to her feet, and made her way to the other side of the large desk, where a jar of black blood and some empty cups were sitting. A small earthen pot sat behind them. She picked up the cup and filled it up with the potion from the pot.

Skora had gone to stand in front of the woman, peering down at her excitedly. “Now, let’s start with half a cup. Mix the potion and the blood like we did yesterday.”

Emmy prepared the mixture accordingly, watching quietly as the liquid swirled into a bright blue, almost like sapphire. It reminded Emmy a little of Vania’s eyes, and Emmy felt a pang of longing for her. 

“Hurry up, child!” Skora urged from behind her, “I have a good feeling about this!”

Emmy picked up the cup, and closed her eyes. 

_Vania, forgive me._

She gulped it down. 

It _burned_. 

Emmy dropped the empty cup and staggered back, gasping. Her throat felt like fire had slithered down it, turning into knife in her gut. 

_“What have you done?”_

Emmy didn’t remember falling, but the cavern roof was suddenly above her as she gasped for air. Something heavy was pushing down on her chest, and her stomach felt like it was stabbed. She tried to suck air in, but her mouth and throat was red hot, and nothing was coming in. She couldn’t move. 

Her vision was narrowing, with darkness growing on the edges of her vision. Two blurred figures appeared above her, shouting something. But she couldn’t hear them. She couldn’t say anything. She couldn’t breathe. 

She couldn’t do anything but let the darkness take her.


	20. The lost order

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks a lot to The_Big_Wee_Hag for beta-reading this! Any remaining mistakes are mine alone.

When Emmy opened her eyes again, her world was blurry, but she could see the familiar green and blue patches on the roof. She tried to move, and whimpered. Her stomach throbbed painfully, and her throat felt like it had been burned from the inside out. 

A shadow fell over her as a warm hand slid under her head and propped her up gently. A cup was brought to her lips. 

“Drink this, child,” A woman’s voice said, “It’ll soothe your pain.”

Emmy obeyed. She felt some warm liquid slid down her throat, though she couldn’t taste anything at all.

She tried to speak. No sound came out, and she grimaced at the pain at her throat. 

“Easy,” the woman said, setting Emmy back down slowly, “You may not be able to speak for a few days. Do not try to. You’ll only slow the healing.”

The woman leaned back, finally allowing some of the glow from the webbing to fall on her. It was the healer from before. Emmy’s eyes widened in surprise, and she tried to push herself up again.

She fell back with her hand clutching her stomach, shutting her eyes in pain.

“Don’t move.” Emmy felt the healer’s warm hand on her forehead, “You’re lucky to be alive. You’ll need to rest for a few days, and take the brew I made twice a day.”

Emmy nodded with her eyes closed, panting. 

The healer took Emmy’s free hand. “I know why you did it, child.” She said, her voice cracking just a little, making Emmy open her eyes in surprise, “Thank you.” She whispered, her eyes shining with tears.

Emmy opened her mouth, and remembered that she couldn’t speak. She settled for a quick nod, and tried to smile. 

The healer smiled back, and wiped her cheek with her free hand. She let go of Emmy’s hands and stood. “I’ll find some food for you. That big — big spidren said I’m to take care of you.”

Emmy watched her leave. The healer, who had been terrified of the spidrens earlier, walked right past Skora without flinching. Emmy frowned, and saw that Skora was staring right back at her. 

Something didn’t look quite right. Skora looked… blurry around the edges, the blur glowing a faint pale green reminiscent of the glow that spidren webbing gave off. Emmy kept staring, wondering if something was wrong with her eyes. 

Skora tilted her head, and skittered forward. The immortal walked a half circle around Emmy’s feet, a strange anticipation in her eyes. Emmy kept wary eyes on her. 

Unexpectedly, Skora smiled. “You can see me.”

Emmy nodded with a frown. Why wouldn’t she? 

Skora laughed, slowly. “You can see me. I am using my illusion spell, human!”

It took Emmy a moment to realise what Skora meant, and her own eyes widened in shock. 

“You were right.” Skora continued, turning back up to stare at the cavern wall. “Silversmith did use our blood magic against us. _This_ is how he managed to track and attack us like no humans could.” 

Skora was silent for a few moments, and Emmy felt her eyes drooping closed.

“We have work to do, human.” Skora said, and Emmy snapped her eyes open. The immortal leaned close, and Emmy blinked quickly at the strange green-edge face above her. 

“What you did was foolish. You could have died, and brought the wrath of the King’s Champion on my coven. The alliance wouldn’t matter after that, and you would have wasted your time here.”

Emmy shook her head, and tried to push herself up. She tried to argue, but her dry rasp only hurt her throat, making her cough.

“And now you’re useless for a few days.” Skora said as she pulled back in disdain. “The life of a commoner is not worth what you’re betting, human. You will do well to learn your own place in the scheme of things.” 

She sighed. “But what is done is done. I want you to get better quickly. You are not much use to me like this. Rest. I will leave you alone with the healer, she is useless when anyone of my kind is around.”

Emmy watched Skora leave before closing her eyes tiredly. She knew she got lucky. She knew that the potion could have killed her, and that was precisely the reason why she could not let the healer test it in good conscience. 

But was Skora right? What if Emmy had died trying to save the healer? Alanna, Vania, and many of those who cared about Emmy would be mad with grief, and it was true that the alliance would be jeopardised once more. 

Yet, was she supposed to let the healer die? What kind of knight would she become if she did not save someone she could have? 

Skora said Emmy would do well to learn her place in the scheme of things — what _was_ Emmy’s place? 

Emmy really wished she could talk to Alanna. Instead, she let these questions chase her to her dreams. 

*

Vania stared into the mirror blankly, her fingers caressing the blue teardrop pendant Emmy had given her on this day exactly one year ago.

It was the fourth day of Midwinter. Vania had woken up at dawn as usual, and she had been planning to go to morning glaive practice with Kel when she stopped by her dresser to braid her hair. When she caught the reflection of the pendant on her mirror, the realisation of what day it was hit her hard. 

It was bright outside now. Vania was beyond late. But she couldn’t bring herself to move. 

It wasn’t just the day she had received the pendant from Emmy, of course. It was the day they made love for the first time. It was one of the happiest days of Vania’s life. She had been giddy with love and hope, and she had looked forward to getting closer to Emmy than ever before. 

For the most part of last year, this was the day Vania had been looking forward to reliving. She had dreamed about how she could celebrate with Emmy. 

And yet.

Here she was, alone. Emmy was far away, living amongst monsters by herself. And there was nothing that Vania could do to help. 

Vania felt pressure build behind her eyes, and she squeezed her eyes shut, trying to stop tears from escaping. Emmy must be trying to stay strong out there. Vania had vowed to do the same. 

Someone knocked on the door.

“Vania?” It was Kel’s voice. 

Vania checked her reflection one more time before getting the door. When she opened it, she paused in surprise. “Aunt Alanna. Kel.”

They nodded at her as Vania let them in. 

“You missed practice,” Kel begun after they sat down on the chairs in front of the fireplace, concern in her eyes, “I wanted to see if you’re all right.”

Vania felt her cheeks flush with embarrassment. “I am. I’m sorry for missing practice, my lady. I was… I was just…”

“Don’t worry.” Kel said with a small smile, “These were additional practice anyway. We didn’t need to do this.”

“Goddess knows no one else is at morning practice this time of the year,” Alanna grumbled, “Except for Kel here, of course.”

“I seem to recall you coming to me for a practice bout just now.” Kel said, amused.

“I thought she would be there.” Alanna nodded at Vania. 

“You were looking for me?”

Alanna nodded again, though her face was all business now. “I wanted you to hear this from me. Last night, we got word that a healer had been taken from Hardersfield, along with the rest of her supplies.”

Vania stiffened, her fists clenching on the armrest. She had long since memorised the map of the area around the coven, and the town nearest to it.

Alanna reached out to give Vania’s shoulder a squeeze. “The supplies stolen were the same as last time, so the spidrens might be just preparing for more experiments.”

“But they took the healer this time.” Vania said slowly, trying to stop her mind from jumping to horrible conclusions, “Why would they need one?”

“That’s what I’m going to find out.” Alanna said grimly. “I’m riding out right after this. Our agreement with the spidrens doesn’t give them permission to abduct whoever they want. I have a cause to see them, and I’ll ask to see Emmy at the same time, make sure she’s all right.”

Vania half-jumped out of her seat, clutching Alanna’s hands. “Take me with you!”

Alanna pulled one hand out to wrap around Vania’s own, “Vania, I can’t. It’s too dangerous.”

“They can’t do anything to us,” Vania argued, “Not now. We gave them Emmy, and they abducted a human when they shouldn’t have. They have no grounds.”

Alanna exchanged a look with Kel. “It’s your squire.”

Kel raised an eyebrow. “Don’t tell me you expected anything else. We’d have to tie her up now if we don’t want her to come with us.”

Alanna sighed. “Fine.”

Vania threw her arms around Alanna. “Thank you.”

Alanna patted her back. “Get ready. It’s going to be a hard ride.”

*

‘Hard ride’ was an understatement. The snow was three feet thick, though the Own’s plough horses managed to clear out a path for the rest of the squad to pass through. Vania suddenly understood why Alanna had sought Kel out at the same time. The Riders had similar equipment, though their ponies would have taken much longer to clear a path like this. 

Still, snow was falling as the group of bundled up humans made their way slowly down south. 

It was past noon when Alanna raised her hand to halt the group, stopping them in the middle of the woods. Snow covered pine trees were everywhere. 

“No more horses beyond this. They’ll be able to sense the spidrens soon enough.”

Vania patted Thunder soothingly, understanding why her gelding had been getting more twitchy in the last mile. 

“Stand guard here,” Kel told the men, “Lady Alanna, Vania and I will proceed alone.”

“Are you sure, Kel?” Sergeant Lerant asked as he reached out for Kel’s horse, “These are spidrens we’re talking about.”

Kel nodded. “They are our allies. They have no reason to harm us at this point. And besides,” Kel nodded at Alanna, who was staring at the road ahead intently, “we’ll have the Lioness with us. She can throw a shield large enough for all three of us if necessary.”

“I can shield myself.” Vania said, smiling nervously. Her heart was beating so wildly in her rib cage that she half wondered if it would jump right out. For the first time in over a month, she would see Emmy for herself. 

“I know.” Kel smiled reassuringly. 

None of them said anything as they walked the rest of the way. Neither did the spidrens Vania saw standing watch in the trees. One caused snow to fall as it climbed from tree to tree down the path, no doubt warning the others of their arrival. 

After what felt like half a mile of stomping through snow, they reached a clearing bordered by a cave entrance. Two sentries stood waiting in front of it. 

“King’s Champion.” The bearded male to the left greeted with a nod. “What brings you here in this weather?” 

“Some questions.” Alanna said calmly. 

Vania saw Kel assessing their surroundings, and she forced herself to do the same. If something did go wrong, she would need to be able to react quickly. 

She counted at least eight spidrens in the trees closest to them, making ten in total.

“And what questions might they be?”

“A healer went missing three days ago in Hardersfield, the town three miles east of here.” Alanna said, “Do you know anything about that?”

The spidren tilted his head to one side. “People go missing all the time.”

“This one had her stash of herbs stolen a few weeks ago. Her herbs were stolen again this time as well, along with her person.” Alanna continued, her face void of emotion, “We found marks on the house that could only be made by silver claws alone.”

The second spidren by the cave, a female, licked her lips. “We are not the only immortals with silver claws.”

“Are there others with webbing too?” Alanna snapped. Vania turned to her quickly, and wondered if she had some history with this particular female spidren. 

“None.” A new, deep female voice said. 

The two guards retreated to the side, letting a giant spidren emerge from the cave. Vania felt her eyes widen as she traced the form of the eight-foot tall female. She had never seen a spidren this big, or this old. 

“Skora.” Alanna gave a quick nod.

“King’s Champion.” The leader of spidren coven greeted with a small nod of her own. “I apologise for my children’s mischief. I will not waste your time with games. Yes, we have taken the healer from the town.”

“Why?”

“Why does anyone need a healer?” Skora said, glancing at Kel and Vania curiously before turning back to Alanna. “Your squire had taken ill. She is weak, like any other human. I got her a healer out of goodwill.”

Vania clenched her fists in worry. She glanced at the cave entrance, wondering if she could run in and find Emmy herself.

“You could have sent for me.” Alanna’s voice was a dangerous kind of quiet. “I _am_ a healer.”

“And risk your temper? Draw attention to ourselves?” 

“Let me see her.” Alanna demanded.

“This was not part of our agreement.” Skora said coolly. 

“Abducting another human from town wasn’t, either.”

“I wouldn’t have needed to do that if your squire hadn’t been so weak.”

“I know my squire. She isn’t weak. It must be how you’re treating her.” Alanna said, her fists shaking in anger. “Will you let me see her, or do I have to fight my way in?”

Skora stared her down, but Alanna held her gaze. 

Finally, Skora scoffed. “Fine. I’ll send for her, and you can have a quick chat.” Skora turned back towards the cave entrance, “If you don’t leave immediately after, I won’t stop my children from doing what they’ve been wanting to.”

With that, the spidren queen disappeared back into the cave. The two guards at the entrance followed her, though Vania noticed that none of those in the trees had moved.

Vania watched the cave anxiously. “What do you think they did to her?”

Kel placed a reassuring hand on Vania’s shoulder. “We’ll find out soon enough. And Alanna is here. She can fix Emmy up if needed.”

Vania turned to see Alanna nodding at her. 

Vania turned back to the cave. Everything was still as the three of them waited. The silence around them, even with all the watchers in the trees, was eerie.

What was taking so long? How big was the cave? Why was it —

Footsteps. Vania held her breath, straining her ears to listen to the distinctive sound of boots on the wet ground. At last, a pale hand emerged from the cave, pushing against the cave mouth as if in support. Then, Emmy stepped forward, blinking at the sunlight.

Vania gasped. Emmy was paler than Vania had ever seen her. Her braid was messy and her face and clothes dirty. Her clothes hung loosely about her under a thin cloak.

“Emmy!”

“Vania?” Emmy’s eyes were wide, and then she was stumbling forward as Vania ran towards her. 

They met each other halfway. Vania caught Emmy in her arms, holding her tightly. Emmy was hugging her back just as tightly, her hand wandering up Vania’s back to cup the back of her head. Her hands were cold, and she felt thinner than Vania remembered.

“Vania,” Emmy repeated, her voice hoarse. “It really is you. How?”

Vania chuckled wetly, rubbing her eyes quickly. “It’s a long story. I am so glad to see you!”

“Me too.” Emmy tightened her hug. Vania closed her eyes, just soaking in the feeling of having Emmy in her arms. 

“I hate to break this up,” Alanna said quietly, “But Emmy, you don’t look so well. Let me take a look at you.”

Embarrassed, Vania let go, gently pushing Emmy upright. 

Emmy took one look at Alanna, and threw her arms around her. “My lady.”

Alanna’s eyes were a little too bright, and she was blinking hard even as she hugged back. “Emmy.”

Alanna was silent for another moment as she patted Emmy’s back. Then, she pulled away, the healer in her taking over as she looked Emmy up and down. “What happened? Didn’t you get enough to eat?” She asked even as her hands glowed purple with her Gift.

Emmy seemed to have noticed Kel standing behind Alanna for the first time. She grinned. “Lady Kel.”

Kel smiled. “Good to see you, Emmy.”

“Good to see you too —”

Alanna gripped Emmy’s shoulder. “What did they do to you?”

Vania turned to Alanna in alarm at her tone. Alanna looked furious. 

Emmy shook her head, avoiding their eyes. “Nothing. I got sick, and I couldn’t eat properly for a few days. They got me a healer to take care of me —”

Alanna dropped her voice. “Your body can’t lie, Emmy. You were poisoned.”

Vania gasped. She saw Kel glancing at the trees, knowing that they had many pairs of ears listening to their conversation. 

“I’m fine now.” Emmy said in a normal voice, as if wanting to be heard. “I’m up and about, aren’t I? I can take care of myself, you taught me how to.” She said, and continued with an odd look in her eyes, “You taught me to do the right thing, too. You know I’ll do it. I’ll always do the right thing.”

Alanna held her gaze. There was an almost pleading look in Emmy’s eyes. Vania bit her tongue, knowing that they were things they could not say out loud. 

Emmy was clearly lying. But why would she? Was she being threatened? 

Alanna shifted so that she could grip both of Emmy’s shoulders. “How will I know you’ll be safe?”

Emmy smiled, though it was crooked. “They need me. And they want this alliance to hold more than they let on. Skora knows it’s in their best interest to make sure I live.”

Alanna’s grip tightened. “That was true before. But you still got… got sick.”

“Everyone gets sick now and then.” Emmy tried to smile. “What matters is I lived, and I get to do the right thing.”

“I want —” Vania started, catching Emmy’s eyes, “We want more for you than that, Emmy. You deserve so much more than that.”

Emmy looked away. 

Slowly, the spidrens emerged from the trees, forming a half circle behind them. 

“You have to leave now, my lady.” Emmy said, forcing a smile. “There won’t be daylight for much longer, and it’ll get much colder. You’ve always hated the cold.”

“No more than you.” Alanna said. She let go and untied the knot for her cloak. She took it off, and draped it around Emmy’s thin shoulders instead. 

“My lady, you can’t —”

“We came with a squad of the Own. They’ll have spares. You can use this more than I.” Alanna tied the knot firmly, and leaned forward to plant a firm kiss on Emmy’s forehead. “Take care of yourself, Emmy. I’m proud of you.”

Emmy blinked hard as she nodded silently. As Alanna stepped aside, Kel gave Emmy a quick hug. 

And then it was Vania’s turn. She and Emmy stared at each other, and Vania hated that they had to leave. 

She threw her arms around Emmy, feeling her do the same. 

“I can throw a shield around us both,” Vania whispered, “Aunt Alanna can shield Kel. We can make a run for it.”

Vania felt Emmy shake her head. “I am needed here, Vania.”

“But I need _you!_ ” Vania whispered fiercely. 

“Two more months, love.” Emmy whispered back, and Vania felt her heart skip at what Emmy called her. She had never done that before. “Two more months, and I’m all yours.”

Emmy pushed Vania away slowly. Vania kissed her on the forehead, the most she could do right now under all these watchful eyes. 

Emmy gave them all one last look. She looked tired. “Stay safe.”

And then, she turned around and walked back to the cave, disappearing into it without a backward glance. 

*

As soon as the sunlight from the entrance gave way to the dim glow of the webbing, Emmy paused, resting one hand against the cave wall for support. She took a shuddering breath, her free hand covering her stomach. It ached a little still, even if she had gotten her voice back and she was strong enough to stand. Her walk to the entrance had tired her out, but seeing Vania and Alanna again had given her a burst of energy. 

But now, she was exhausted. 

She made herself move, pushing against the wall at every step to hold herself upright. By the time she got back to the cavern, she couldn’t walk further. 

She leaned against the cavern entrance, panting. 

“They have left?” Skora asked casually, as if two of her claws were not holding Jenny the healer against the wall, with a third at her throat. 

Emmy nodded. 

Skora let go, and Jenny fell forward to her knees, shaking and crying softly. 

“Good work.” Skora said, walking towards her. “Now go get some rest. I want you to start work again tomorrow.”

Skora brushed past her as she left. Emmy tried to walk, but stumbled and fell on her knees. A moment later, Jenny was by her side, helping her up. 

“Come here. Let’s get you back to bed.”

“Did she…” Emmy asked as she stumbled along, leaning on Jenny heavily, “… did she hurt you?”

Jenny shivered in fear. “No. But don’t worry about me, child. Worry about yourself. You’re not strong enough to start work tomorrow.”

Emmy sat down heavily onto her bedroll, falling back on to her back in relief. Jenny tightened Alanna’s cloak around Emmy, and she felt wonderfully warm. 

“I’ll be fine.” Emmy whispered, thinking about the people she loved. They were waiting for her. “I’ll be fine.”

*

As soon as they reached the main road back to Corus, Vania couldn’t stand the silence anymore, spidrens be damned. 

She guided Thunder as close as she could to Alanna, her fingers tight on the reins, “Aunt Alanna, what do you mean, Emmy was poisoned?”

Ahead of them, Kel and Lerant turned back for a quick look, though they left them alone well enough. No doubt they, and likely the few men behind them, were listening. 

Alanna sighed heavily. “Her body showed signs of damage by some sort of poison. Those were subtle signs, and not all healers can tell them apart from a heavy bout of sickness. Skora must have bet that I was one of those. Maybe she thinks I’m more of a knight than a healer. She’s hiding something.”

“How bad was it?” Vania asked with bated breath, not sure if she really wanted to know, “The poisoning? Is Emmy going to be all right?”

“She’s healing.” Alanna said grimly, “But she should be having proper meals. I don’t know what kind of food she’s having, now that the stuff we sent her have run out.”

“Can’t we send her more?”

“We tried. After the first two weeks, Miri went back with her group. They were stopped long before they reached the cave. When I went after that, they threatened to dissolve the agreement. I couldn’t do a single thing.” Vania saw that Alanna’s hands, too, were holding her reins so tight that they were shaking. 

“I know that feeling.” Vania said quietly. She hated how things turned out. She hated how helpless she felt. 

Yet Emmy had always done everything she could to help. Vania straightened as she remembered what Emmy was saying. “The healer — do you think Skora was holding her hostage? That Emmy was lying to protect her?”

Alanna gave a curt nod. “It has to be. Emmy wouldn’t lie to us otherwise.”

Vania took a deep, calming breath, looking up at the greying sky. It looked a lot like how she felt. “What are they _doing_ in that cave? Why do they need to do experiments? Why did they poison Emmy and abduct a healer to fix her?”

Kel turned back briefly, catching Alanna’s eyes. “The poison — could it have killed Emmy?”

Alanna nodded, her face grim. “Less dangerous poisons wouldn’t have left the signs it did on her body.”

“Maybe it was an accident.” Kel said, guiding her gelding to the side so that she could fall in line with Vania and Alanna. “The spidrens said outright that they wouldn’t kill Emmy. Maybe Emmy was poisoned by accident, the spidrens panicked, and found a healer to try and fix it. They don’t want to tell us that they were responsible for fear of incurring your wrath, Alanna.”

“My wrath’s been incurred just fine.” Alanna muttered darkly.

Kel exchanged a glance with Vania. 

“What do we do now?” Vania asked. She turned back to take another look at the gloomy path their party had left in the snow, wishing that she could go back in and drag Emmy back home. 

“We’ll keep a closer watch.” Alanna said grimly. “I’ll stay in Hardersfield after the cursed Council meetings are done.”

“I’ll come with you!” Vania blurted. Then she shot a guilty look at Kel, suddenly realising what she had done. “Kel… I…”

Kel’s face was impassive, but her eyes were full of sympathy. “I know how much you want too, Vania. But Third Company has to go where it’s needed.”

Vania hung her head. “I know. I’m sorry for asking.”

“However, the spidrens have resorted to theft and abduction.” Vania snapped up at Kel’s voice, catching her small smile. “I’m sure there’s a case to be made for a squad or two of the Own to be stationed at Hardersfield to keep order until we’re called out for other missions.”

Vania broke into a grin. If they were not atop their horses, Vania would have thrown her arms around Kel. “Thank you, Kel!” 

She had the best knight mistress ever. 

*

Two days later, Kel was with Vania on a special errand that had nothing to do with the Own or with Vania’s knighthood. The two of them were riding beside Alanna, from whom Vania had asked this special favour. 

Alanna slowed to a stop before they reached the gates to the main Temple of the Great Mother Goddess in Corus. 

“Are you sure about this, Vania?” Alanna asked. “There’s no coming back from this.”

Vania took a deep breath, gripping her reins tightly so that her nerves would not show. She had talked to Shinko again last night, and both of them had agreed that it was now time to set this into motion. Beyond that, her thoughts lingered on Emmy, cold and alone and recovering from poison in a cave full of monsters, doing her duty. Vania loved Emmy fiercely, and like Emmy, she would do her duty. Today, she might just find a way for her to do both in the long run. 

“I am sure.”

Alanna led them forward again, and they dismounted as they reached the gates. 

The female guard on the left of the gate stepped forward. Like other female guards in the temple district, she wore full armour with moon-stamped breastplates under her cloak, and carried both a sword and a double-headed axe on her hip. 

She bowed to Alanna. “King’s Champion. What can we do for you today?”

Alanna nodded back in greeting. “I have Princess Vania of Conté and her knight mistress, Lady Knight Keladry of Mindelan with me today. We seek an audience with the First Daughter.”

“Very well. Please come with me while we notify the First Daughter.”

A female hostler was on the other the of the gate, and took the reins of their horses with a bow. The three of them were led quietly through the massive temple. Vania had been here a few times, though never in this part of the building. Under normal circumstances, she might have studied her surroundings more closely, wondering about the generations of priestesses who had walked these halls. But today, she was too busy controlling her breathing, both eager and afraid of what this meeting might hold for her future. 

They were brought to a large private chamber with a long dining table next to a fireplace. The three of them were offered seats on one side of the table, and refreshments were quickly laid out. 

“The First Daughter will be with you shortly.” The guard said with a bow, and exited the room. 

The door clicked shut, and Vania let out a breath in relief. 

Alanna chuckled. “Don’t worry. I’ve known Serenity for years. She doesn’t bite.”

“I can’t imagine anyone who’d bite _you_ , Aunt Alanna,” Vania muttered, “All the girls I know from court told me First Daughters are scary.”

“We’re only scary when they have something to hide.” An amused voice came from the other side of the room, and Vania was startled to find another door that she had missed. 

The First Daughter wore a cloth-of-gold habit befitting her rank, and her face bore a warm smile as she strode towards them. Underneath grey-streaked hair tied in a neat bun, she had a kind, open face with twinkling green eyes — not at all what Vania had been expecting. 

Alanna stood and greeted her with a warm hug. “Serenity, you look well!”

“And you as well, Alanna. How long has it been since your last visit? More than a year now?”

“Thereabouts. You know I’m seldom in Corus.”

“Yes, yes, that silly rule about not seeing female pages.” Serenity shook her head, and turned her attention to the newcomers. “I see you’ve brought guests today.”

Alanna nodded. “This is Princess Vania of Conté, and her knight mistress, Lady Knight Keladry of Mindelan.”

Both of them bowed, and Serenity nodded in return. As a First Daughter of the Great Mother Goddess, Serenity bowed only to the monarchs, the Goddess-on-Earth and the Eldest Daughter in the City of the Gods. 

“Please, have a seat.” Serenity ushered, and they settled back down on their chairs. 

Serenity sat at the head of the table, crossing her hands on the table. “I sense that this is not just a social visit. What can I do for you?”

Alanna leaned forward. “Vania, as you might have gathered, is undergoing knight training. She is interested in serving the Goddess after she gets her shield. But becoming a priestess or a temple guard would be a waste of her talents. We’d like to see if there are other ways for her to serve.”

Serenity’s green eyes were sharp on Vania, and Vania felt herself sitting straighter as she held her gaze. 

“Is that true?” The First Daughter directed her question at Vania. “Why did you choose knight training in the first place, your highness?”

That was a question that was never far from Vania’s mind. “I want to serve the realm, not as a healer or a lady but as a warrior. I want to fight and protect the weak. I want to show girls everywhere that they can walk their own path.”

Serenity’s gaze was even. “And why do you want to serve the Goddess?”

That was a far more complicated question, and Vania chose her words carefully. “The Great Mother Goddess has always been a patron god of women. Her guidance had led Aunt Alanna to do great things for the realm and inspire changes that improved the lives of women. I am only in knight training today because of these changes. It would be an honour to serve.”

“Why not be a priestess?” Serenity asked, unimpressed.

“A priestess does important work, but I have combat training, and will serve better as a warrior.”

“Why not be a temple guard?” Serenity cocked her head at the walls, beyond which female warrior priestesses guarded the whole Temple district. 

“I think I can do more.” Vania swallowed nervously. She had a feeling that the First Daughter saw right through her. “I am a Conté, and people watch my every move. If I can serve while roaming the land as a knight, it will make more people think and change their minds.”

Serenity hummed, and leaned back on her chair, her gaze never leaving Vania’s. Vania swallowed again, feeling her heartbeat in her ears. 

Serenity leaned forward. “Forgive my bluntness, I don’t think you want to serve.”

Vania froze.

“You want to change hearts and minds,” Serenity continued, “that is different from service. Service is doing work that needs to be done, whether it be scribe work or guard work or even sweeping the streets. You can serve as a knight roaming the land without ever needing to come to me. You want something else.”

Serenity smiled tightly. “Tell me, are you here to escape a marriage?”

Vania gasped. 

“Serenity —”

“Yes.” Vania said softly. Alanna turned to her sharply, and Kel squeezed her knee under the table in support. Vania took a deep breath, and looked into Serenity’s knowing eyes. “Marriage to a man.”

Serenity’s eyes widened a little in surprise. 

Under the table, Vania’s fists were shaking with nerves. But her heart knew that she could not lie, not to this wise woman, and certainly not to the Goddess. “I am a honeylove.”

Serenity took a deep breath, falling back to her chair as she stared at the tabletop silently. 

“I want to change hearts and minds, yes,” Vania said in a rush, “because this is the way that I’m built. I was born this way. I can’t marry a man. The laws of the land do not allow me to marry a woman, but these laws were written by men only hundreds of years ago. I want to change them, because I don’t believe the Goddess would build me and others like me this way and not intend for us to love another like everyone else.”

Serenity watched her sharply. 

The room was silent save for Vania’s breathing, which was short and shallow and too loud in Vania’s mind. Kel squeezed Vania’s knee again, and Alanna gripped her shoulder in support. 

Serenity turned to stare at her own fingers for a moment. 

Finally, she took a deep breath. “Firstly, I would be careful about claiming to know what the gods intend. This is hubris that has led many men — and women — down the wrong path.”

Vania bit her lips, knowing what Serenity meant. She had heard stories about how some wars were started because of claims like this. 

“Secondly,” Serenity said with a small but warm smile, “I appreciate the honesty, child. Now we can all be clear about what we discuss.” She straightened, and looked at the other women in the room. “I assume you are both supportive of this?”

Alanna nodded, finally letting go of Vania’s shoulder. “You are wise to remind us that we will never know what the gods are planning, Serenity. But I believe what we are born with are gifts from the Goddess, and not to be disrespected. Loving men or women is part of this.”

Serenity nodded, and turned to Kel expectantly. 

“I spent years in the Yamani Islands, where people who take lovers of the same sex are not uncommon.” Kel said, “I see that they are no different from the rest of us — they do good work, they want the best for their families. I don’t see why they should be treated any differently.”

“Very well.” Serenity said. She took a moment before she spoke again, “I agree with you, Alanna. Some of my peers may point to scriptures that say honeylove or bardash are unnatural, but they forget that those scriptures were written by humans too, old as they may be.

“But let’s be clear about what you want to achieve here, your highness.” Serenity focused on Vania again, and Vania blinked, still in disbelief that Serenity had agreed with Alanna and was fine with honeylove and bardash, “You claim to want to serve the Goddess, but you’re buying time, aren’t you?”

Vania blushed and ducked her head. Serenity seemed to see through everything. 

“She’s already eighteen.” Alanna chimed in, taking pity on Vania. “Even without all the talks of rebellion, a political marriage is likely on the cards. And those take years to arrange.”

“I see.” Serenity said. Her face was pensive, and she seemed to stare into the distance for a moment. “Becoming a priestess is the most common way for a princess to serve, but I see now that this will not do for you.”

“There is…” Serenity hesitated for the first time since Vania had met her, “there is potentially another way. It is far more dangerous and untested, but it may give you what you need.”

Vania leaned forward, holding her breath. “What is it?”

“Hundreds of years ago, when lady knights were common across the Eastern Lands, there was a special order of knights who served the Goddess. These were lady knights from across different lands. They were still loyal to their kings, but they were honour-bound to protect the temples of the Goddess no matter which kingdom they were in. And if their kings gave them orders that conflicted with the Goddess’ teachings, they were duty-bound to uphold the Goddess’ teachings above all else. 

“They also had the final say in their marriage. They could marry whomever they desire, men and women alike. And if they did not want to marry someone, no priest or priestess could perform the hand-fasting, even with orders from the king. 

“They were the Knights of the Crescent Moon.”

Vania stared openly, stunned. 

“What happened to them?” Alanna asked softly, awe in her eyes like everyone else. “Why haven’t we heard of them before?”

Serenity sighed. “Same as everything else. The cult of the Gentle Mother, the erasure of records, deliberate rewriting of history. It did not help that the Crescent Moon Order grew very powerful at its peak, with the knights forming alliances across lands that were strong enough to make their own kings wary, and they discouraged it. It is also dangerous to become one, mind you. It takes at least half of year of training on top of normal knight training, and more than a few have perished during the final test.”

“What’s the final test?” Kel asked. 

Serenity shrugged. “I do not know the details. I learned of all this during my advanced training in the City of the Gods, and I expect that is where you will find answers.”

They were all quiet for a moment, contemplating what they had just learned. 

“This could be about more than just my marriage,” Vania said excitedly, her mind whirring with ideas, “This could show girls that there is a long history of lady knights. This can be a way for us to forge more alliances across lands without political marriages.” She finished, thinking about her brothers and sisters, and baby Lianokami. What if there were more tools of diplomacy beyond marriages?

Alanna chuckled. “One thing at a time, youngster.”

Kel nodded. “We need to visit the City of the Gods, and find out what it takes. And if you do want to change hearts and minds and the laws after that,” Kel reminded her gently, “this won’t be enough. This will only work for you.”

Vania ducked her head in embarrassment, chiding herself for her selfishness. 

“It would be a start.” Serenity said, surprisingly. Vania looked up to see her looking pensive. “It won’t be easy changing the laws. You’d need support from court, from my peers, from the streets. But having an example would be important. You said it yourself, you are a Conté, and people watch your every move. You must know your influence. But learn the limits of it, and figure out what it takes to change things.”

“It’d take _years_ of work.” Alanna added, looking at Vania expectantly. 

Vania nodded determinedly. “I know. I know it won’t be easy. But I believe this is the right thing to do. And I’ll do it.”

Serenity reached out across the table with her hand, and Vania mirrored her, letting the older woman take her hand. “I will do what I can to change the minds of my peers. You will have a hard road ahead of you, child. But you’d have the chance to right a wrong for many others in Tortall.

“Gods all bless, Vania of Conté.”


	21. Tests

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to The_Big_Wee_Hag for beta-reading this! All remaining mistakes are mine.

Vania paced in her room. She ran a hand through her hair, knowing that her braid was halfway undone. She growled in frustration, and pulled her hair loose. 

As she did, she looked out the window, and paused in surprise.

It was getting dark outside. She had been pacing for several bells since returning from the trip to the temple this morning. 

She took a deep breath, and imagined the calm surface of a lake like Kel taught her. 

It had to be done. There was no turning back now. She had told the First Daughter at the temple, for goodness’ sake. She had to tell her father. 

She didn’t quite remember the walk to her father’s study. Her mind warred between calm lakes and fierce storms of disapproval and rage. What would she do if her father disapproved? Would he pull her out of knight training? Would he keep her away from Emmy? Her mother wouldn’t let him do that, would she? 

But what else could she do? Could she wait further, when she was planning to tell the court that she planned to serve the Goddess after she got her shield? Could she keep lying to her father? 

“Your highness.” The servant at the door to his study bowed deeply. “Please wait a moment.”

Vania nodded, her throat too tight to speak. 

Soon enough, the servant emerged again, and held the door open for her. Vania strode through it, trying to stand as tall as she could. 

“Vania!” Her father smiled warmly, walking out from behind his desk. “What a lovely surprise! Come, have a seat!”

He reached out to put his arm around her, but Vania ducked not too subtly out of reach. His face fell. 

“Father,” Vania said, barely keeping her voice from shaking, “there’s something I have to tell you.”

He mustered a smile, one tinged with wary. “I figured as much. We’ve barely talked in the past two months.” He gestured at the two armchairs in front of the fireplace, separated by a small round table between them. “Let’s sit down.”

Vania avoided his eyes as she followed him to the armchair. They sat down without another word. To Vania’s surprise, he started pouring tea for the both of them from a pot on the round table. Vania had always been the one to do this, though she suspected that her hands would shake if she were to attempt it now. 

She took a few more deep breaths.

He set down the pot, and watched her expectantly. 

She tried to look her father in the eye, but her mouth would not work. So, she looked down at her cup of tea, wrapping her hands around it. 

“I know you would be thinking about my marriage soon,” she began, “but there’s something you need to know.”

“I’m listening.” Her father said quietly. 

“I… I can’t marry a man.” She blurted. “I don’t like men. I like women.”

She heard a sharp intake of breath, but she kept her eyes resolutely on her cup of tea. She could see her hands shaking, causing ripples in the tea. 

The silence seemed to stretch on.

“Vania…” Her father finally said. Vania had never hear him so hesitant. “Are you sure?”

Vania finally looked up, her eyes shining with tears. “Yes. I’m sure.”

Her father’s face was lined with shock and sadness. It was the same face that had beamed with pride for her on the night she made squire, the same face that was always open and kind for her no matter what they talked about, even when he had to be stern. Vania had never seen this look on her father’s face before, and she felt a little as if the ground was unsteady beneath her feet.

Her father looked away. Vania blinked and wiped her tears quickly. There was no turning back now. 

“Do you know what this means?” Her father said, staring into the fireplace.

Vania took a ragged breath. “Yes,” She said firmly, making her father turn to face her, “I’ve spent nights, _months_ , thinking about what this means. It means at best, I would be a scandal, bringing shame to the family. At worst, I lend fuel to our enemies, giving them more excuses to rally people to rebel against the Crown.” 

She thought about the temple visit this morning, and felt a little more steady. “But I figured a way out. Aunt Alanna brought me to the temple of the Goddess this morning—”

“Alanna knows?” He asked sharply.

“Ye—yes. She — she found out.”

He scowled. “When? Who else knows?”

Vania saw the anger in his eyes, and knew that she had to steer the conversation back. “It doesn’t matter. The point is, there is a way for me to marry a woman without causing a scandal. There is this ancient order of knights called the Crescent Moon, they serve the Goddess above all else —”

“— Even above the orders of the king?” He said with narrowed eyes, and Vania knew that she was speaking to the king now.

She kept her eyes on the king’s. “Yes, only when the orders conflict with the Goddess’ teachings. They were a highly respected order, father. And they can marry whomever they want to, men or women alike. If I can join this order —”

“What happened to them?” He cut in, his fingers drumming on the table in impatience, “If they are as powerful and respected as you say, why haven’t I, or anyone else heard about them?”

Vania swallowed. “The First Daughter said it’s due to the same reasons as why female warriors died out. The cult of the Gentle Mother, the changing laws, selective records of history, the likes. It doesn’t matter. Aunt Alanna has already changed many of these things, I can revive this order. 

“Think of all the good I can do! I wanted to be a knight to serve the realm and show that girls can walk their own path. If I can revive this order, I can show them that it’s part of something bigger, that it’s part of the Goddess’ will —”

“Be _very_ careful about what you think is the Goddess’ will,” He said firmly. He stood up, and walked towards the fireplace, resting his hand on the mantelpiece. “Alanna should have taught you that.”

“She did.” Vania said quickly, and he turned his head a little to indicate that he was listening. “The First Daughter said that too, and Alanna agreed. But what I meant was, not everyone can join the order. There is additional training to be done, and there is a final test at the end. The test is strict, so if I pass the test, I can claim some form of credibility —”

“Do you know what this test is?”

Vania clenched her fists. “No. I have to visit the temple in the City of the Gods to find out.”

“Is it dangerous?” He asked, his grip on the mantelpiece tightening. 

“I guess. First Daughter Serenity said people have perished during the test. But so have people who attempted the Ordeal of Knighthood! I’m sure I can —”

Her father whipped around, and strode forward to grip her by the shoulders. “You’re _sure_? You don’t even know what the test is!” 

He let go, and started pacing in front of her. “All I’ve ever wanted for you was for you to be safe and happy. First, you wanted to train for knighthood. Now, you want to sign up for another Ordeal that sounds just as dangerous!”

Vania stood up, standing as tall as she could. “I’m signing up so that I can fight for my own happiness! I want to marry a woman, father. And I’m not the only woman in Tortall who wants to do so. I’ve been —” 

Her father’s face had softened, and Vania stumbled on her words, “I’ve been struggling for so _long_ to find a way out of this. I don’t want to bring shame to the family, but I don’t want to give up my own happiness either! I’ve finally found this! I just need you to let me —”

Her father strode forward and wrapped his arms around her, and Vania let out a sob. 

He tightened his embrace, and it was as if the floodgates had been opened. For the first time in years, she could be completely open in front of her father, and she let go. 

She cried for all those nights she had spent worrying about what her parents would think; she cried for those first few months when she had resented this part of herself; but most of all, she cried for her younger self, who would have done anything to please her father. 

“I’m — I’m sorry,” she gasped between sobs, “I’m not like Kally, or Lianne.”

“Vania, sweetheart,” His father’s voice was a little choked, and she felt him press a kiss on top of her head, “You don’t have to be like them. You’re my Vania. Just be Vania.”

Vania nodded fiercely into her father’s shirt, hugging back just as tightly. 

She didn’t know how long they stayed like that, but when she had finally calmed down, her father pulled away gently. He produced a handkerchief from somewhere, and Vania giggled as she took it from him, wiping her cheeks quickly. 

He nudged her to sit back down before following suit. “We have a lot to talk about. But first, tell me, is Emmeline your lover?”

Vania snapped up, eyes wide. 

He chuckled softly. “Don’t look so surprised. I’m not blind. And your cold shoulder in the past month made me wonder how close you two really are.”

Familiar hints of anger bubbled back up, and Vania looked away. 

“Do you blame me for what happened to her?” He asked carefully. 

When Vania first found out, she had had so many words for her father. But right now, the feeling of his love and acceptance was still fresh, and she couldn’t summon them. 

“Alanna told me she volunteered.”

“It doesn’t mean you should have let her.” Vania said, her voice quieter than before. 

“The alternative was to let the alliance fall. You’re smart, Vania. I don’t need to explain the consequences to you. I made the best decision I could. I am sorry that it put Emmeline at risk. I’ll reward her appropriately when she comes back.”

“If she does,” Vania said with a hint of bitterness, finally turning back to look at her father. “It’s not just about her, father. Handing over a person like that, like some sort of bargaining chip — isn’t it against what we stand for? We’ve never allowed centaurs to keep slaves. Why did we hand over Emmy so quickly?”

He leaned back with a sigh, turning to look briefly at the fire. “It was either her, or sixty-three commoner children, or the countless others who might fall if the alliance fails. Emmeline — Emmy was brave to volunteer. She understood what was at stake.”

Vania stuck out her chin. “Are you saying that I don’t?”

Her father stared her down. “No, you don’t. You’re clouded by your love for her. It may sound callous to you to weigh one life against others like arithmetic, but that is what I have to do every day. One day, you’ll have to lead men into battle, and you’ll appreciate what I mean better.”

Vania bit her lip, trying to hold back her hurt. She felt young and foolish. Had her mind really been clouded by her feelings? Would she be able to make the right decision when the time comes? _Was_ there a right decision to be made? 

The silence stretched on for a few more moments, heavy with a gap that she could not bridge.

“Well… do you want some cake?” Her father finally asked, snapping Vania out of her thoughts. “I’m feeling peckish, and I’ll need some food in me if we’re going to discuss this plan of yours about reviving the Crescent Moon order.”

Vania noted his slightly uncertain smile, and knew that he was trying. Despite her confusing thoughts, he had taken the news quite well, and had surprised Vania by wanting to talk more about her plan. 

In the past few months, her impression of him had been changing — from the great king and father who could do no wrong of her childhood, to a ruthless and manipulative king who would offer up a human life without flinching to protect an alliance. But after their talk today, Vania realised that he was both, and that he truly wanted her to be happy. She still did not quite know what to think of the king in him, but she knew in her heart that she loved her father, and she hung on to that.

She smiled back. “Cake would be nice.”

*

Between her recovery and the endless note taking, Emmy had lost track of time. She no longer knew what day it was, until one day she walked into a very solid pole. 

She yelped, touching her throbbing forehead. 

As she frowned into thin air, Skora’s materialised right in front of her. She took a few steps back in surprise.

“And so the potion wears off.” Skora declared, frowning at Emmy. “It had been four weeks since you took the potion. Did you notice any changes in the past few days? Could you see me clearly, still, or had the spell started to fade?”

Startled, Emmy tried to think about the past few days. It felt like any of the days in the past month, and Skora did have that green tinge around her the whole day. She shook her head. “It was exactly the same, I could still see you clearly.”

Skora hummed a little, her face pensive. “Interesting. Either way, it’s safe to assume that Silversmith managed to brew a better potion than we did. Our potion incapacitated you for almost a week. If he had to do this every month, he must have developed a version that is less damaging to his body, unless he could afford to be bed-ridden for a few days every month. Add that to the notes.”

“Yes, Skora.” Emmy said, dreading the answer to her next question, “Do you want to figure out what exactly he did?”

Skora scoffed. “No need. Just knowing his starting point is enough — you took the notes yesterday. You know we have a good way to counter his spells. We no longer have to fear him. Now all we need is practice.”

Emmy nodded as Skora studied the notes spread out in front of her, wondering what the immortal had in mind for practice now that the potion had worn off in Emmy. Skora had been using Emmy for testing by simply performing different spells and checking if Emmy could still see her. The results were uneven — some spells changed the colour that Emmy saw around her, some spells made Skora blink in and out, some made Emmy’s eyes hurt. 

But a few days ago, Skora had finally come up with one that would consistently cloak herself from Emmy, achieving the same level of effect that their normal spells did. It had something to do with the orientation of the spells, Emmy barely understood half of it as she took the notes. Nonetheless, she was as excited as Skora had been, wondering if this meant that she could finally go home.

It did not. Skora had continued to test different version of the spells, and teaching her children how to perform them with Emmy as a guide. The sudden crowd of spidrens into the cavern had scared the wits out of Jenny, unfortunately, just as the healer was starting to get used to living around Skora. 

But at least Jenny was still alive to be scared. Over the past month, Emmy had learned that Skora did not want the Crown to find out what she had been up to until she perfected her spells, and she had no plans to share them with the Crown. With both Emmy and Jenny knowing so much, Emmy dreaded what the spidrens had in store for both of them. Emmy would likely get away because she was needed, but Jenny was a widow who lived by herself…

“Brew me another batch of the potion.” Skora suddenly said, flipping another page of notes to the side with the tip of her silver claw, “I want the healer to take it this time.”

Jenny, who had been sitting by the side of the cavern and preparing some herbs, gasped in surprise. 

Emmy stared at Jenny’s shaking frame, and turned back to Skora. “I can take it again.”

Skora raised an eyebrow as she regarded her. “You know it won’t kill her.”

“It’s not a fun experience.” Emmy said grimly. “I know what to expect now. I can take it.”

“This is not Silversmith’s potion,” Skora reminded her casually, going back to her notes, “we don’t know if it will kill _you_ the second time. And I’m in no hurry to explain to the Lioness why her squire had become weak and sickly.”

Emmy opened her mouth to argue, but to her surprise, Jenny stood up. 

“Emmy,” Jenny’s voice was shaky, but her eyes were firm, “it’s all right. Let me do it this time.”

Emmy shook her head quickly. Jenny might not be thinking about how this would end for her, or how Skora had no reason to keep her alive. “You’re the healer here. You’ll know what to do after I take the potion.”

“I can give you instructions and prepare the herbs beforehand.”

“But—”

“Skora,” Fera appeared at the cavern entrance, and skittered inside quickly, her eyes glinting in excitement, “our scouts have found a rebel mage at a town to the south. She has only a small band of hurroks with her.”

Skora rose to her full height, excitement and hunger in her eyes. “It is time for the ultimate test. Gather the coven. We’ll head out and meet her.”

“Yes, Skora!” Fera said, and skittered back out, almost gleefully. 

As Skora turned to leave, Emmy quickly stood in front of the immortal. “Skora, do you plan to confront her at the town? There will be people there, and a mage battle with spidrens and hurroks will be dangerous. People could get hurt.”

“This is my chance at avenging my dead children!” Skora hissed, “You’ll do well to get out of my way!”

“She’s not Silversmith —”

“But she is his ally, one who took the same potion. We need to test these spells with a real mage before we confront Silversmith! I like that you have your values and you have the spine to stand up for them, but I have mine! I vowed to avenge my children, and I will _not_ break my word!”

Emmy trotted after Skora, wrecking her brain for ways to keep this from becoming a disaster for the townsfolk. “What if she could lead you to Silversmith?” 

Skora slowed. “Then I will make her talk.”

“Just let me listen in first,” Emmy said, a plan quickly forming in her mind, “I can blend in with the townsfolk. I’ll watch her and see what she’s doing, see if we can get any information to find Silversmith. I’ll lead the townsfolk away when you confront her. We all get what we want.”

Skora eyed her for a moment, then turned back out. “Fine. Find someone who’s willing to take you. I will not slow down for you.”

“Yes, Skora!” Emmy ran over to her bedroll and bag as Skora exited the cavern. 

“Emmy, are you sure this is wise?” Jenny asked worriedly. 

“It’s my best chance at making sure the townsfolk are not caught in the middle.” Emmy said, grabbing her sword and digging around her backpack for her short knife. 

She was just about to run out when she paused, looking back at Jenny. She grabbed Jenny close, whispering urgently in her ears. “When we’re gone, run. Don’t go back home. You know too much. Skora wouldn’t want you to live.”

“But —”

“I have to go.” Emmy turned and ran, praying that Jenny would have enough sense to heed her words.

Skora was addressing her entire coven of thirty-odd spidrens when Emmy reached the entrance. 

“… use only the new spells I taught you. Now is the time to show these mages that we are not to be toyed with!”

The spidrens growled and snarled in agreement. 

Skora turned to Emmy briefly. “The human will scout ahead. She will watch the mage and gather information about Silversmith. Now move out!”

Skora led the way, and Emmy quickly looked around to see how she could tag along. Gron, who had been the kindest to her so far, caught her eyes, and came towards her.

He turned his back to her, and bent as low as he could. “Get on!”

Emmy eyed the giant black furry body, finding no visible footholds. She muttered a quick apology, and stepped on one of his legs to push herself up. His furs were surprisingly smooth, and she struggled to find some place to grab on. 

Gron grunted when she grabbed a fistful of fur and held on. 

“Sorry!”

“It’s fine.” Gron grumbled. “Hang on tight!”

Emmy had no choice but to obey. Gron had fallen behind, and he made a big leap forward, climbing halfway up a tree. Emmy almost lost her grip, and she squeezed her arms and legs around Gron just in time. He moved forward quickly, his eight legs a blur around Emmy as he leaped from tree to tree.

Harsh, cold air hit Emmy smack in the face, and between that and the shifting sunlight and skyline as Gron leaped about, Emmy had to squint. She wanted to close her eyes, but the after a stray branch cut her cheek she kept her eyes open, leaning as close as possible to Gron’s body. 

Before long, her limbs had gone numb, and she barely had any idea which way was up. But she clung on for dear life, and prayed that she would not fall to her death before they reached the town. 

In what felt like a lifetime later, Gron finally slowed down, and the world settled around her. 

It took her a few moments to register the snickers around her. 

“Is the human still alive?” 

“We should have eaten her before her blood was frozen.”

Gron shrugged pointedly, and Emmy pushed herself shakily up by her arms. Her teeth was chattering in cold, and she slipped and fell onto all fours into the snow. Miraculously, her cloak and weapons were still on her. 

“Fera has taken a quick look while you took your time to get here.” Skora’s voice said, and her large shadow appeared in front of Emmy. Emmy looked up to see her looking down at her impatiently. “There are two expensive looking horses in front of the inn down this road, one of them likely the mage’s. Her hurroks are in the woods on the other side of this town. We will stay away for half a bell, or until when we see her leaving the inn. When we move in, you won’t see us, but the horses will know. Do what you must.”

Emmy had pushed herself to her feet, testing her numb legs as she listened. She nodded, knowing that this was the most that she could have bargained for. 

She pushed herself forward, limping slightly due to the numbness in her legs. As she looked down, she realised that her cloak and sleeves were torn in more places than she had realised. She touched her face gently, and her gloves came away with a few more streaks of blood than she was expecting. It must had been too cold for her to feel the cuts. What a sight she must look. 

But she mustn’t draw attention. She pulled her cloak more tightly around her, and pulled her hood over to cover her hair. 

The inn was at the end of a street going down the other way, and Emmy approached it from behind. She peeked around the building, and saw a street that was bustling with people trading their wares. It was no Corus market, but there were easily twenty or so shops down the road, with a scattering of stalls propped up against some of the shopfronts. It was close to noon, and there might be more people coming out for their noon meal soon. 

To the left of the building was a makeshift stable. The inn itself was a modest two-storey wooden structure, and the two expensive horses with their beautiful saddles looked completely out of place. 

The backdoor opened several feet away from her, and Emmy almost jumped in surprise. A man holding a pail in each hand walked out towards the opposite direction, and she breathed a sigh of relief. She quickly snuck into the inn before the door closed fully.

The inn was spacious, with about twenty tables or so, most of them occupied. Emmy scanned the room, and saw a table near the fireplace to the right that was occupied by two well-dressed people. Luckily for Emmy, the table behind them was empty. She quickly strode over and sat down as casually as she could, with her back facing their table. 

“…miss Corus?” One of them, a man, scoffed, “Only snobs who can’t think for themselves would miss that place. I’m done.”

Emmy frowned. There was something familiar about that voice. 

“Oh? I am flattered.” Rowan Nightingale’s voice was unmistakable, even though it was strange to hear her sound coy and not murderous. “You came all this way just for me, then?”

Someone stopped in front of Emmy’s table. “Can I get you something?”

Emmy remembered to use a deeper voice just in time. “An ale, please.” She muttered, and held her breath until the innkeeper walked away. She couldn’t tell if he had not seen her face or the state of her clothes, or if he just did not care.

“…glad to hear of your work in the fall.” The man was saying. 

“Is he now? I am glad he did, even if we did not succeed.”

“You rattled them, and forced them to abandon their immortal allies.” The man said, and Emmy realised with a start that they were talking about the attack the royal party, the one that led to her stay with the spidrens. “We’re expecting the alliance to fall apart once spring breaks and word gets around.”

Emmy smiled in grim satisfaction. They did not know about her paying the price, and keeping the alliance intact. 

“Once it does, it will be chaos. They’ll be so busy running around trying to keep the alliance together that they won’t see us building an army under their feet.”

“Hush!” Nightingale whispered fiercely, “Did you want everyone to hear what we’re doing?”

The man laughed. “Here? These townsfolk couldn’t care less about things like this. All they care about is having enough to feed their families —”

A tankard of ale was place unceremoniously in front of Emmy, and she nodded her thanks distractedly. 

“— Even if they find out, it’s easy enough to keep them quiet.” The man dropped his voice, even though he couldn’t keep his smugness out of it. “If you know what I mean.”

Emmy frowned. The man’s speech and arrogance hinted that he was nobility, and Emmy was sure she had met him before. But who?

“Indeed, I do know.” Nightingale’s said coolly, and Emmy wondered if the man had enough sense to realise that his companion was not a noble like him. “Anyway, let’s get down to business. I’m told you have more funds for me?”

“You’re no fun. Yes, yes, another shipment is coming in from Legann in two weeks. They’ll be distributed across the usual spots in the city. It should be enough for you to hire another five hundred men.”

Emmy clenched her fists as Nightingale sighed. “Sometimes I wish you could just give me coin.”

“Well, it’s not me you should be blaming. These men don’t take anything other than jewellery. It’s a pain for me to get all this sorted, mind. I’d give you coin if I could.”

“I know. I do appreciate your support.”

“I’ll tell the old man that. I think you’re doing the right thing. It’s time someone set things right in this land.”

Nightingale sighed, almost in exasperation. A moment later, there was a sound of something being placed onto the table. “Pleasure doing business with you. But I have to get going.”

“What is this? I do have coin, you know. I can’t let a pretty lady like you foot the bill. Here, keep it.”

“Get…” Nightingale said slowly, her voice dangerously low, “your hands off me.”

“All right, all right. I apologise, Rowan. I didn’t mean anything by it.”

“I’m sure you didn’t.”

A moment later, Nightingale’s brown cloak brushed past Emmy’s table as she moved towards the entrance. 

The man tapped his tankard against the table loudly. “I want more ale!”

Emmy was torn. Skora would move in now that Nightingale was leaving, and it was time for Emmy to warn the townsfolk away. But she really, really wanted to know who the man behind her was. 

All of a sudden, the horses went crazy outside. Someone started cursing, and the horses, chickens and dogs around the area all started making a racket, and people soon started screaming. 

There was no time. 

As people started standing up and looking out the shop front, Emmy stood up. “Everyone, leave through the back door! There’s going to be a mage battle up front.”

People turned to her, stunned. 

Emmy pulled off her hood in exasperation. “Move if you want to live!”

Something exploded outside. At once, the people started scrambling towards the back door. 

Emmy turned to her right, and saw that it was too late to hide. 

“Well, well, look what the cat dragged in?” 

Tibout of Runnerspring stood waiting, his sword at the ready.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Regarding Jon's reaction to Vania's confession, I'm not sure if it's what you are expecting. But if you're curious about how he thinks about his children now, you can see a glimpse of it in the companion fic, 'Duty is an old man'. That short story is about Kally finding out that Vania was given permission to pursue knighthood, and it may add more context to the way he thinks now.


	22. Return

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Much thanks to The_Big_Wee_Hag for beta-reading this! Any remaining mistakes are my own.

“Runnerspring.” Emmy said with disdain, drawing her sword.

“Tirragen. What happened to _you?_ ” He sneered, staring at her dirty and torn clothes. Emmy knew that she must look quite a sight. “Had the Lioness finally come to her senses and thrown you to the wolves?”

“Have you lost your mind?” Emmy snapped, “You’re committing treason!”

He titled his head slightly to the side. “It’s something you should be familiar with, isn’t it? In fact, I heard from Rowan that they’re courting your brother. Figured that it’s something that runs in the family, you know?”

Emmy gritted her teeth. “I’m arresting you, in the name of the king!”

She lunged. He blocked her strike and struck back. They fought in between the tables, and Emmy felt her alarm grow with each block. He was stronger than she remembered.

Suddenly, the back of her legs hit a chair as she dodged. He pressed his advantage, landing a kick to her ribs. She grunted, jumping away in time to avoid his sword.

She was panting, realising with dismay that it was not him who had become stronger. She had grown weaker. She had not been training all winter, and her bout of sickness with the potion had wrecked her strength and stamina. He was not as good with a sword as she was, but he was much stronger. 

All too soon he had her pinned to the wall, his muscular forearm pressing down on her windpipe and his sword tip pointing towards her cheek. “How odd. I’ve heard stories about you saving the Lioness’ life from spidrens. How did those fools come up with stories like that about someone like _you?”_

Emmy gritted her teeth and held her breath, then slammed her knee into his groin as hard as she could. 

He cried out in pain and let go, bending over. Emmy aimed another knee strike to his jaw, and he dropped like a stone. 

She slumped back against the wall, panting hard as she held her throbbing ribs. Thank the gods that Runnerspring was as arrogant as ever. Still, she needed to get herself back into shape. Almost losing to someone like him was unacceptable. 

The noise outside continued, and she pushed herself up quickly. 

When she got out in front of the inn, she found the street a strange sight. Most townsfolk and animals had fled, leaving behind a mess of goods and overturned stalls. 

Nightingale stood seemingly alone in the middle of the street, wrapped in her own protective orange orb. She was looking around frantically as random streams of webbing shot out from thin air, clinging to the orb surrounding her.

Her hurroks battled invisible enemies down the street, being cut up by invisible claws. 

As more and more webbing covered her shield, she yelled, causing random explosions around her. 

Emmy watched, carefully like Alanna had taught her. After a few moments, she realised that there was always just a dot of orange light right before each explosion. That was Nightingale’s tell — she could not cause explosions directly, but had to focus on one point and heating it up quickly. 

A few of these explosions hit their marks, and spidrens appeared out of thin air as they cried in pain, black blood squirting from where limbs were missing. 

The streams of webbing slowed, likely as the spidrens got out of the way, and Nightingale quickly burned through the webbing around her orb as she ran down the street towards her hurroks. She extended her hand, sending a stream of fire forward to carve a path for herself. 

Suddenly, she stumbled, thrown to her knees as her orange orb bent inwards, as if pressed by something from above. The orb flickered for a moment, and the spidren landed right on top of her back, spinneret pointing directly at her torso. 

Within moments, she was snugly wrapped entirely in webbing, and dragged back up the street. 

Skora materialised on Emmy’s right, making her jump. Her faced held grim satisfaction. 

“I’d say the test has gone well, wouldn’t you?” 

“Yes, it has.” Emmy said quietly. 

One by one, the spidrens materialised along the street. Four of them had webbing tied to the bundled up mage, and was dragging her towards Skora and Emmy. Emmy recognised at once the spidren who had dared jump on top of Nightingale, and who was now among the four — it was Fera. Despite the burn marks on her torso, Fera’s grin was triumphant. 

“Well done, my children.” Skora said as her coven stopped in front of her. “Let me look her in the eyes before we deliver justice for our fallen children.”

Fera and the other spidren adjusted their grip, hanging Nightingale upright between them. Then, Fera used a claw to pulled away just a strip of webbing near the mage’s eyes, not caring that she had drawn blood on the mage’s temple. 

Nightingale let out a muffled groan. Her eyes darting frantically around. 

“Do you see us now, mage?” Skora hissed, “Your friend Silversmith stole our magic, and killed our children! Sixty-three of them!”

The coven growled and snarled and stamped their silver claws on the cobbled street, sending chills down Emmy’s spine. 

Nightingale’s eyes hardened, and she focused on Skora. 

“Today, you will pay the price!”

The racket around Emmy intensified, and Emmy looked away from Nightingale for a moment. 

Her eyes caught a strangely familiar dot of orange light, barely one foot in front of Skora’s torso. Her eyes widened. 

“SKORA, MOVE BACK!”

Emmy lunged and reached with her sword. The flat of her sword caught something, and Emmy flung it forward as hard as she could. 

It exploded right in the middle between Skora and Nightingale, and Emmy was thrown back by the force of it. Her back slammed into something hard, and agony shot out from her left side. 

“Cover her eyes!” Skora was ordering above the sudden chaos. 

Emmy looked down, and saw a piece of broken wood covered in her blood. Her palm traced the wood down clumsily, and she saw that it had scored a deep cut down her left side. A few more inches to the right, and it would have pierced through her gut, and she would have been done for. 

She cursed half-heartedly, not knowing if she should curse her rotten luck at falling on broken wood, or thank her luck that she had not fallen directly onto it. 

She pushed the piece of wood out of the way, groaning as she put pressure on her wound. Still, blood seeped through her fingers. 

“You saved my life.” 

Emmy looked up shakily at Skora towering over her with an unreadable expression on her face. Emmy tried to summon the strength to get up. It was harder than she expected. 

“Allow me.” Skora said. Two of her claws went under Emmy’s arms and pulled her up. When Emmy whimpered as she let go of her wound, one more claw held her steady as Skora shot webbing around Emmy’s waist, wrapping it so snugly that Emmy struggled a little to breathe. 

“This should do for now.” Skora said, and gently set Emmy on her feet. 

Emmy turned slightly to lean on the wooden beam she had slammed her back into, placing her bloody hand over her wound. It was still throbbing painfully, but at least the bleeding seemed to have stopped. “Thank you.” Emmy said through gritted teeth.

“No,” Skora said quietly, and Emmy noticed that her coven was behind her, watching the exchange silently. “Thank _you_. In all my centuries, I have never been saved by a human.”

“You are…” Emmy panted, “…the Crown’s ally.” 

Skora scoffed, and laughed a little. “That alliance is what got us both into this mess in the first place.”

“You are wise, Skora.” Emmy grunted as she shifted to leaned more heavily on the beam. Her legs were starting to feel unsteady, and she was starting to shiver. “We need you.”

Skora hummed. 

She stared at Emmy for another moment, before she reached out with a silver claw, guiding Emmy’s bloody hand away from her side. Skora directed a drip of Emmy’s blood down her claw, and Emmy watched in confusion as Skora used another to make a small cut on her own cheek. The immortal brought both claws together as a third brought webbing from her spinneret. The webbing was wrapped around the combined blood on one end, and was stretched into a loop. Skora muttered something under her breath, and the whole thing glowed in light blue.

When it light faded, a necklace remained. A dull red stone hung on an elegant black chain, looking like nothing out of the ordinary. 

“I don’t like owing debts to others, especially humans. Consider this payment for my debt to you.” Skora used two claws to hold the necklace above Emmy’s head, and Emmy bowed her head slightly to let Skora put the necklace on her.

The stone glowed red briefly. 

“It is a bloodstone, one spelled to dispel illusions. From now on, you will no longer be fooled by any spells that would not fool me, and any spidren will recognise my mark on you. If they are my allies, they will not harm you.”

Emmy almost touched the stone with her bloody hand before she stopped herself. “I— thank you. I don’t know what to say.”

Skora scoffed. “That is my thanks to _you_ , child. Do not thank me. As I have told you, you will do well to learn your place in the scheme of things. Do not think so lowly of your own worth.”

“I’ll try.” Emmy said distractedly, mostly because she could feel herself slipping. She was freezing, and she could feel darkness at the corners of her eyes. “I don’t know… how I’m going to follow you back.”

“You don’t have to.”

It startled Emmy enough that she struggled to focus on Skora again. 

“Winter is not yet over, but you have more than fulfilled what I’ve asked you to do. You’ve helped me develop successful counter spells for Silversmith’s magic, and I see now that you are sincere in wanting to be our ally. You are free to go.”

Emmy grinned weakly, elated. She was going home!

“You are in no shape to travel. I will bring you back.”

Emmy was struggling to keep her eyes open, and she felt herself slip to the ground. “To Corus?”

Skora snorted. “No. Your knight mistress had been staying in Hardersfield for the past week. That is but a short trip from here.”

The last thing Emmy saw before her vision faded was Skora lifting her spinneret.

*

Vania pushed food around her plate dejectedly, wondering what she should be doing in the afternoon. Waiting by Hardersfield to be close to Emmy had sounded like a great idea at the time, but in truth it felt like an even worse form of torture than waiting in the palace. To be so much closer to Emmy and yet not being able to do anything was driving her crazy. And it had only been a week. 

“You need to eat properly.” Alanna said sternly from the other side of the table. It was not the first time she had told Vania this. “You don’t need me to tell you why.”

Vania snuck at a look at Kel, who was watching her with a raised eyebrow. Vania ducked her head, embarrassed to be told off like this in front of her knight mistress. She felt like a child. 

“I’m sorry.” 

She put more effort into it, though she didn’t enjoy the food at all. 

Tensions had been running a little high in the past day or two. Just as Vania grew frustrated with her helplessness, Alanna had grew cross with worry. They had joined patrols around the perimeter twice a day, but there was only that much that they could do while they waited. 

It looked to be another long day ahead, and Vania dreaded it. 

Suddenly, there was a commotion outside. The three of them exchanged a quick glance before they grabbed their weapons and cloaks and rushed out. 

Sergeant Lerant and two other men of the Own stood panting in front of the townhouse they were staying in, as if they had been running. “Spidrens spotted coming our way. At least twenty of them, including the eight-foot-tall leader.”

“That’s Skora.” Alanna grimaced. “They’re coming towards us in the open?”

Lerant nodded. “They’re not worried about being seen. But they’re moving quickly, and they’re carrying two wrapped bundles with them.”

Vania felt a spike of worry. Spidrens often wrapped their victims in bundles of webbing. What if this was…? But there were two of them. Was the other one the healer that had gone missing? 

“Let’s go.” Alanna said, trotting out of the courtyard.

Vania saw Kel signal the rest of the squad to follow.

They met the spidrens at the clearing just outside the edge of the town. 

“Lioness,” Skora said without preamble, laying a wrapped bundle down gently onto the snow between them, “your squire needs a healer.”

Vania gasped when she recognised the head poking out at one end of the bundle. Alanna cursed, and both of them rushed to crouch down next to Emmy. Emmy was pale and unconscious, and her face was marked with small cuts. 

“What have you done to her?” Alanna snapped, her hands glowing violet as they hovered over Emmy. 

“She helped us capture a rebel mage, and was injured in the process.” Skora explained, “I can share the details with one of you, but I suggest you focus on her treatment for now. You are a healer, are you not?”

“Yes!” Alanna stood up and whipped around, pointing at two of the men of the Own. “You two —help me get her inside, and get a fire and hot water boiling. I want clean bandages and cloths.” She turned back to point an accusing finger at Skora, “If anything happens to her, know that _I_ keep my word.”

Vania didn’t listen to whatever reply the spidrens gave. One of the men picked Emmy up carefully in his arms, and started walking back towards the townhouse. Vania followed right next to him, one hand extended as she sent her own Gift into Emmy to check her injuries.

She grimaced, sensing a deep wound by Emmy’s side. But that was not the only thing — her ribs were bruised, and there were large patches of bruises on her back. Her body was too cold. What was worrying was the way her body felt — instead of strong like a warrior’s body should, it felt weak and spent, as if she had been sick for a while. 

Vania clenched her fists tightly, trying to focus on the tasks at hand instead of how much her heart ached. There would be time to be Emmy’s lover later; now Vania needed to be her healer.

Alanna was close on their heels, and continued barking instructions as the man laid Emmy down onto a bed in the guest room. Vania moved quickly, following Alanna’s every word. She tried not to flinch when the webbing was peeled back to reveal a bloody wound that started gushing as soon as the webbing was removed. It was not Vania’s first time seeing gruesome wounds, but knowing that this was Emmy scared her like nothing else had.

Alanna was frowning, and she withdrew her hand from Emmy’s wound much faster than Vania had expected, and asked for a cloth. 

“But you’ve barely healed her!” Vania protested, reluctant to hand the cloth to Alanna.

Alanna looked like she was about to snap something, but one look at Vania shut her up. Alanna took a breath, “Her body’s not strong enough. She needs rest, and some food in her before I can complete her healing.”

“But…” Vania turned to look at Emmy properly. Her skin was pale under the blood and dirt, and cold where Vania touched her hand. She was much thinner than Vania remembered, and even in her sleep she shivered every now and then. 

Alanna leaned forward to take the cloth gently out of Vania’s hands. “She’s going to get cold, Vania. Wait outside if you can’t watch this.”

Vania shook her head, taking a deep breath. “I can help.”

They patched Emmy up quietly and quickly. After her wounds were stitched and bandaged, Alanna dampened a cloth in the hot water, and started cleaning away the blood and dirt from Emmy’s body. Vania helped. They cut away Emmy’s ruined shirt and breeches, but when Vania wanted to pull a fresh shirt over her, Alanna grabbed Vania’s arm. 

“She’s still too cold.” Alanna said quietly as Emmy shivered again, “I’ll get the fire going, but you know the fastest way to get someone warmed up. I’ll make sure you’re not disturbed.”

Vania turned to Emmy as Alanna left the room. She stripped down to her underwear, and climbed into the bed, pulling the blankets over them both. 

Emmy’s skin was chilled to the touch, and Vania shivered herself. Taking care not to disturb any wounds, Vania lowered herself slowly onto Emmy, pulling her close. 

She had dreamed about holding Emmy again for so long, but she had never thought that this would be how she did it. She shuddered, partly from the cold, and partly from the feelings she had been trying to ignore.

“I’m here, Emmy.” She muttered, planting a kiss to Emmy’s cheek as her tears slip out. “You’re safe now. I’m here.”

*

Warmth. Emmy soaked in that sensation. It like she was floating. She was lying on something soft, and there was a gentle warmth over her whole body, and it felt amazing. She had not felt this comfortable in ages. She didn’t want to move. 

But she could hear someone speaking softly near her. 

“… you need to eat something. You skipped dinner last night.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“I know you’re worried about her, but this is not helping.”

“Please,” Emmy realised with a start that it was Vania’s voice, and she sounded distraught, “I’ll get something soon. I promise. Just not — not now.”

“I thought,” Emmy tried to say, though her voice came out much weaker than she had expected, “you were always nagging me about eating.” 

Emmy opened her eyes, blinking repeatedly until Vania’s hopeful face came into focus. Alanna was on the other side of her bed, but Emmy had eyes only for Vania. “You should take your own advice.”

Vania’s clothes were disheveled, and she had dark circles under her eyes. But she was still beautiful as she chuckled in relief, and leaned forward to kiss Emmy quickly on the cheek. 

“I was waiting for you to join me, you dolt,” she said. “You sure took your own sweet time.” Her voice broke a little towards the end, and her eyes were shining with unshed tears.

Emmy’s heart went out to her. “Vania —”

She made the mistake of trying to move. Agony erupted from her left side and she cried in pain, squeezing her eyes shut. 

“Emmy!”

“Don’t move, Emmy,” Alanna’s voice ordered, and Emmy felt familiar hands pressing her shoulders down gently but firmly, “You have a deep cut at your side, and it’s going to need another two rounds of healing before it’s done.”

Emmy nodded, taking a few quick shallow breaths. Her ribs throbbed too, though they were nowhere as painful as her side. 

When she finally opened her eyes again, both Alanna and Vania were peering down at her worriedly. 

She tried to smile. “How long… was I asleep?”

“Just over a day.” Alanna said. She gave Emmy’s shoulder a gentle squeeze. “You were quite a sight when Skora dropped you off.”

Skora. The inn. Nightingale and Runnerspring. 

“My lady —” Emmy grunted, biting back a cry.

“I told you not to move!”

“No, it’s —” Emmy gripped Alanna’s forearm, looking her in the eyes. “Nightingale.”

Alanna grinned, pride in her eyes. “I heard you helped with her capture. I’ve told Jon about this. I’ll make sure he rewards you properly.”

Emmy shook her head, wishing that she could show them what she saw. “It’s not that — I saw her. She was with Tibout of Runnerspring.”

Alanna’s eyes widened. She exchanged alarmed glances with Vania. 

“We don’t have time to waste,” Emmy said urgently, “He said another shipment of funds was going to come for the rebels through Legann in two weeks. Less than two weeks, now that I’d slept —” her voice gave out, and she coughed. 

Each cough felt like a fresh stab to her side, and she gritted her teeth, trying to breathe through her pain. 

“Calm down, Emmy,” Alanna was saying, her hand on Emmy’s forehand, “Breathe. I can open a mage link with Corus. We have time. Just breathe, and start from the beginning.”

“Drink this.” Vania said, and Emmy opened her eyes to see her holding a cup to Emmy’s lips. 

Emmy drank slowly, letting the warm tea soothe her throat.

When she was done, she realised that she was still gripping Alanna’s forearm. She let go, though she felt Vania taking her other hand into her own, squeezing it in support. 

“Skora got wind that Nightingale was in town, and wanted to attack.” Emmy began, “I was worried that the townsfolk would be caught in the middle, so I convinced her to let me scout ahead…”

Slowly, she told them what she heard from Nightingale and Runnerspring, sharing every single detail that she could remember. 

“…then I left the inn to check on the battle outside.” Emmy said, and suddenly realised that something wasn’t right if both Alanna and Vania looked so surprised. “What happened to Runnerspring? Wasn’t he captured?”

Alanna and Vania exchanged a frown. 

“Skora didn’t say anything about him.” Vania said.

Emmy closed her eyes, sighing in frustration as she realised her own mistake. “How could she? I didn’t get to tell her. I got hurt, and she brought me here. He must be long gone by now.”

“Don’t blame yourself,” Alanna said, and when Emmy opened her eyes she saw her knight mistress looking at her, her eyes soft but filled with pride, “You’ve done well, Emmy. The Council’s been talking about the increasingly brazen attacks. We know some of the houses have been involved, but we had no proof, and Jon couldn’t justify pulling more resources. The meetings over Midwinter basically boiled down to the need to find more proof about who’s behind the rebellion. Now we know that Runnerspring is involved, and they don’t know about the price you paid to the spidrens.”

“It’s very important news, Emmy.” Vania added, smiling at her, the same pride in her eyes, “My father can use this against them. You did a great job.”

Slowly, Emmy let the knowledge sink in. They had not captured Runnerspring. But it was not a complete loss, because she brought back important news. 

She mustered a small smile. 

Alanna patted her hand, and stood up. “I’m going to start a mage link with Jon now. He’ll be elated. You — both of you —” She eyed Vania pointedly, “need to eat.”

“Yes, Aunt Alanna.” Vania said meekly, though she was smiling. 

“My lady,” Emmy called just as Alanna turned to leave. As Alanna looked at her expectantly, Emmy felt her heart beating a little faster. She didn’t quite know the words for what she wanted to say. 

“My… what Runnerspring said, about my brother,” Emmy began, her mind torn between duty and her love for Xander, “Can you… I mean, I trust Xander. He can’t be… even if he’s having a hard time…”

Alanna reached for her hand again, giving it a quick squeeze. “I know. I don’t think he’ll turn against the Crown, either. I’ll vouch for him. Jon will want to be sure, but I’ll make sure the investigation is discreet. We’ll do right by him, Emmy. 

“You’ve done enough. Now let me take care of this.”

Emmy nodded silently, feeling tears well in her eyes. 

It was like a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders for the first time in months. 

After Alanna left the room, Emmy let her tears fall. 

Vania leaned close, and Emmy saw that she was crying too. Crying, and smiling at the same time as their foreheads touched. 

“You’ve made it, Emmy.” Vania said as she cradled Emmy’s cheeks, “You did a crazy, stupid, impossibly brave thing. I was so scared that I wouldn’t see you again, but you made it, and you helped capture our first rebel mage, and you brought back important news. I’m so proud of you, but I can’t believe you!”

Emmy chuckled wetly, staring into the sapphire eyes that she had been dreaming about. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too. So much.” Vania smiled through her tears. She closed the distance between them with a kiss, soft and lingering. 

“Welcome home, Emmy.”


End file.
